https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 14:12:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740746 Fri, 26 May 2017 11:16:05 +0000 snowjewelz 2740746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: It doesn't and I know it's tough and you can't really tell them not to take it personally! I just hope that it's short lived! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740738 Fri, 26 May 2017 11:12:19 +0000 IRunForFun 2740738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Run2shore: It's so weird! I am really hoping it's just a phase. </p> <p>@snowjewelz: Yeah, I keep telling him it's common, it's a phase, but I'm not sure how much it helps in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740707 Fri, 26 May 2017 10:43:33 +0000 snowjewelz 2740707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I have no advice, but tell your DH that he is not alone in feeling bad! Even tho my DH has always spent more time with DD1 since birth (I WOH FT and he used to have 1 weekday off where he took care of her the whole day, plus he did all drop offs/pick ups), but her mommy preference was strong so I think it def hurt that even though he spends alllll this time with her she still wants me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740681 Fri, 26 May 2017 10:07:16 +0000 Run2shore 2740681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this at the exact same age. When my daughter was 4mo all of a sudden she would go through crying spells, upset, etc., with my husband. My husband called it "challenging." :) </p> <p>I was nursing and working full time. He was her primary caretaker for two full days. We tried everything, switching bottles, giving her a shirt that smelled like me, facetiming, etc. Like your situation, she was fine with grandparents. My only advise is to ride it out. It was a phase that she eventually grew out of around 6 months, and now she runs to his arms when he walks in the door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740673 Fri, 26 May 2017 09:58:28 +0000 IRunForFun 2740673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SproutBee: This is a good point, and I didn't even really think of that. I will make an effort to just have DH be interacting with her too while I'm around. </p> <p>@Mrs. Blue: Yeah that's pretty much how DH feels, I think. He's like why doesn't she like me?? It's so sad. I know he'll be the "fun" parent in terms of activities and such as she grows up so I'm really hoping they'll bond better the older she gets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740662 Fri, 26 May 2017 09:44:05 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2740662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our youngest was like that. He would go to DH, but only as a last resort if I was around. He would even go to my dad anytime over DH. It was so sad because DH is a great dad and would always say, "Why does our kid hate me??" I thought it was just because he was exclusively BF and refused bottles, so he was just like to be with me because of that. At 2 1/2, he's still has a strong mommy preference, but most of the time he'll let DH hold him, put him to bed, etc. after his first initial fussing about wanting mama. And he's slowly getting to the age where he appreciates some of the things DH will do, like rough housing, playing soccer, taking them for a bike ride, etc. I could do some of that with them, but I try to mostly let those be DH's thing so he has a better way to connect with them that is "all his." So if G wants to go play with the ball outside, I say, "Oh, Daddy loves to play ball. Go ask Daddy to play soccer with you." and he'll run off to DH. At this point, I have no idea if he'll ever have equal preference or if his preference will ever do a 180, but at least he's building a relationship with DH and he's starting to understand that it's okay to let daddy do something for him, too. It will be interesting to see what happens when our baby is born and DH is far more easily available to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740649 Fri, 26 May 2017 09:35:39 +0000 sauerkraut 2740649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My initial guess was the same as @sproutbee: Since you two are switching off a lot of the time, little baby know that when daddy picks her up, mommy's going away, and she's now old enough to tell you she does NOT like that. </p> <p>My LO is currently going through something similar with my nanny (whom she's always really loved). But lately, nanny shows up and she's instantly clinging to me and screaming if I put her down - she knows seeing the nanny means I'm leaving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740538 Fri, 26 May 2017 03:07:53 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2740538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think my LO may be sensing (smelling) @Littlebit7: something similar with my mom. She's a smoker. Didn't quit before the baby came like my dad. She's the only grand that he freaks out around. She went home early from a visit because of it. :bummed: </p> <p>If all the baby knows is your husband with a beard then that's probably not it. @IRunForFun: one of DH's friends told him to shave his before LO arrived @lepamplemousse: b/c of the thought baby's don't like it. He didn't. When LO is in his lap he sometimes plays with DH's beard similar to how he plays (pulls) my hair. </p> <p>That sounds like a good idea @SproutBee: mommy doesn't always leave if daddy enters the room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740512 Thu, 25 May 2017 22:25:26 +0000 SproutBee 2740512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just my interpretation of baby feelings - but I bet she's aware that Daddy sometimes takes her completely away from Mommy, hence her screaming bloody murder whenever he comes close - she's probably freaking out that his presence means you are going to leave. With your parents, she was probably relaxed bc she figured they weren't there to take her away from Mommy. So she could be smiley and cute - she didn't feel like they were a threat. At least that's how I would think if I were a mommy loving baby. :) </p> <p>Given that, I might suggest some more time w all 3 of you together so she learns that Daddy doesn't automatically mean Mommys leaving. </p> <p>Edit to add: of course that doesn't mean the mommy preference will go away completely. My younger son, 20 months, still refuses to let Daddy get him up in the morning or put him to sleep at night. And I often shower w both my two boys in the bathroom w me - even when Daddy is home bc they come a knocking down that door anyway. :) sigh... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740509 Thu, 25 May 2017 22:13:16 +0000 lepamplemousse 2740509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740466 Thu, 25 May 2017 20:37:17 +0000 IRunForFun 2740466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: Oh dear! I'm sorry you're dealing with that, I can imagine how hurtful it would be when they're older and can verbalize. </p> <p>It probably is a good idea to try and get DH involved in whatever DD and I are doing rather than it being us switching off all the time. I mean we interact with her together sometimes, but could definitely make more of an effort. It's hard to not want to just "take turns" when we are so tired and there's so much to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740417 Thu, 25 May 2017 19:11:51 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2740417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Strangely enough DS just started doing this at 2.5 yrs and he strongly prefers my wife all of a sudden. On my side it is hurtful because he pushes me away and screams at me when I come close but what has worked is DW leaving him with me and I try to engage him and distract him with fun things until he stops being upset. Slowly he is coming around. She also verbalizes 'oh mama come here! We want you to be with us!' Etc. I know your baby isn't old enough to get it but showing affection and talking to your husband around her and encouraging him to take over even if she is upset likely will eventually help. Trying to make her laugh with funny faces, reading a book even<br /> If she's upset, etc. has also worked for us.</p> <p>ETA: it was hard for me to not be upset about this and take it personally and it seemed easier at first to just leave him alone. I had to really suck it up and realize kids are weird and there's no reason for these things. Leaving him alone made his presence stronger! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740415 Thu, 25 May 2017 19:01:35 +0000 IRunForFun 2740415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gilmoregirl: Gotcha. Yeah, sometimes that's just easier. But other times when he's home I gotta get stuff done, like shower, and it's so stressful to hear her scream the whole time, knowing he's with her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740394 Thu, 25 May 2017 18:27:29 +0000 gilmoregirl 2740394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: oh I meant that I just did most baby care, at least when I was home. My husband did what he could but if the baby was freaking out and I was there, I just took him. For us, it felt right because everyone was so stressed. It was super hard to deal with, so I hope you guys are past it soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740393 Thu, 25 May 2017 18:27:04 +0000 IRunForFun 2740393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: Interesting! I wish it could be something as simple as a scent but it seems to happen when he's freshly showered, too, and we use the same soap. I keep telling him maybe it's his beard...but she's only known him with a beard, so really it's just me trying to get him to shave it. </p> <p>@azjax: I am hoping it's a short-lived phase! I don't know if DH is quite at the place of finding joy in how much DD adores me...I mean he does, but he's also so sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740389 Thu, 25 May 2017 18:18:03 +0000 azjax 2740389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you guys are experiencing this!</p> <p>Recently DS has been rocking a major daddy preference, which is hard for us both. Right now I am making the most of the times when my son seems to like me again, and giving myself the emotional space to allow the joy DH and DS share to fill my heart. I've also tried to pick up slack on the supportive behind the scenes aspects of parenting (dishes, laundry, etc) to help DH out. I think that these phases come and go and it's just up to us to ride it out. DH was in my shoes when DS had a mommy preference as an infant. One thing that DH and I have focused on is complimenting each other and showing affection to each other in front of DS to model loving behavior toward BOTH parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740388 Thu, 25 May 2017 18:15:27 +0000 IRunForFun 2740388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gilmoregirl: What was the opposite? To just go with it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740387 Thu, 25 May 2017 18:13:44 +0000 Littlebit7 2740387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You might think this is crazy but this happened with my MIL. Turns out she was wearing crazy perfume that my daughter obviously had an aversion to. Granted my experience is limited to this one relationship, but once she stopped wearing perfume, baby was fine<br /> Maybe he could trying draping one of your shirts over his shoulders?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740380 Thu, 25 May 2017 17:59:39 +0000 gilmoregirl 2740380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man my first did this and it was such a blow to my husband. It felt awful on both sides because I was frustrated at doing all baby wrangling and my husband was pretty upset about it. He just grew out of it honestly but I have no memory of how long it took. Maybe a month or two?</p> <p>ETA: just checked because I remember starting a thread about it. My kid was a bit younger than yours when this happened but I know we took the opposite of the usual advice to push through it. And it did go away and my kid loooooves his dad now even though he still has mommy preference phases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-daughter-hates-my-husband#post-2740372 Thu, 25 May 2017 17:44:53 +0000 IRunForFun 2740372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is only 4 months so the title is an exaggeration, but recently she seems to have an aversion to DH. When he looks at her, tries to engage her, holds her, etc, she immediately starts crying, and nothing he does calms her down or comforts her. At first I thought it was an obvious mommy preference, since I stay home with her and I've got the boobs. </p> <p>But, then I was at my parent's house, and she happily hung out with my mom and with my dad, no crying, smiling at them, the works. </p> <p>DH and DD spend a fair amount of time alone together, usually at least 30 minutes to an hour weekdays and a few 2 to 3 hour stretches on weekends. He's done night duty, he does a lot of baths, he changes plenty of diapers. So the whole, they need to spend more time together/he needs to be more of a caretaker doesn't seem to ring true here. </p> <p>It's to the point where she'll be screaming inconsolably in his arms, but the minute I take her she's all smiles. He's soooo frustrated and sad about this, and I'm frustrated for his sake and because I never get a break! </p> <p>Anyone else experience this? Advice? Tips? </p>