https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 13:05:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779590 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 20:53:38 +0000 travellingbee 2779590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m just really in awe of all the people with h three kids. We could never do it. We feel like we are just barely holding it together with two. Life feels so chaotic and exhausting. I can NOT imagine having another. Maybe it’s because we are old. Maybe we would have had more energy if we had babies in our twenties. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779587 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 20:32:06 +0000 gingerbebe 2779587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yeah I figure esp since it's two boys who are so close in age, they can entertain each other (or get into trouble together) while I tend to the baby. It's possible we will adopt the third too, in which case it may not be an itty baby, so that might also work a bit in our favor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779586 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 20:29:45 +0000 misolee 2779586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your heart wants another, I think you will always have that "what if?" down the line. I get the stretched time and finances but once you have a third, I don't think you will regret having another one vs the regret that comes if you didn't.</p> <p>Mine is 5 and 20 months and I am currently pregnant with my 3rd. It's going to be crazy, finances are going to be thinner, but I think it will be okay. There is a new normal and you make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779576 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 19:40:19 +0000 bhbee 2779576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written a lot of what you did at the top. Dh has never been fully into it but willing to try. We got pregnant with #3 and lost it at 11w and now have been trying for 6 months since the d&amp;c and nothing yet. I’m not sure when to quit. My heart still wants another but when my newborn nephew is here, I can see how hard it would be to have a new baby (which should be due right now, but my kids will be at least 3.5 and 6.5 now if we succeed). I try to remember that the really hard newborn times would be short and think about the big picture and I still want to try a bit longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779570 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 19:12:26 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2779570@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: we have a three year gap and a two year gap. Although the two that are closer play really well together the three year gap was SO much easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779543 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 16:19:04 +0000 gingerbebe 2779543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say wait a 6 months to a year and reassess. It's easy to think you want another when the baby is 8-9 months - they are at peak cute and squishy. I think once u have a toddler it's a little easier to make that assessment because you're dealing with the realities of having another feisty crazy person and your eldest will have adjusted to having a sibling just fine. </p> <p>We have two boys 20 months apart and our youngest is now 16 months old. I'm 36 and I felt a lot of pressure when our baby turned 1 to make a decision on a third because I'm old and that's the spacing our two boys had. But then I realized I could wait a few months and reassess because it wasn't going to make or break anything. </p> <p>I do not deal with pregnancy well and I'm sick almost all the time. I loathe the newborn period. I hate breastfeeding. I hate pumping. I'd have to have another C-section. The cost to go to 3 kids would be astronomical for us bc of where we live and the factors we have at play. We have no family around. DH and I are tired. </p> <p>But. I still don't feel done 16 months later. And DH doesn't either, as much anxiety as it gives him to say so (he makes most of the money). So we have decided we will have a 3rd most likely, but we will wait another year before we try and just enjoy the family we have now. That way the spacing between our youngest and the baby will be more like 3 years and he will be potty trained and a bit more independent and our eldest will be about 5. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779542 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 16:16:18 +0000 birdofafeather 2779542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we always knew we were having 3. until DH switched jobs and had training and we were very very stressed. he and i had a serious conversation about not having a third and i was devastated. but i realized that i did not want to force him into something and have resentment, so i said, this is a big deal, i want to respect your opinion, so let's get out of the weeds a bit and we'll discuss later because this is something i really want and always planned on. a few weeks later, he was nearing the end of training, we were communicating better and he wasn't so stressed and he said, let's do it. so here i am pregnant with #3. that being said, i also totally get why people stop. even though this baby is VERY much wanted and planned for, there are moments where i'm like, what did we do?! 1 and 2 are 2y9m apart and 2 and 3 will be 2.5 years apart, so i say you have time to adjust, catch your breathe and talk with your DH more to see where you're at before TTC #3! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779533 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 16:01:12 +0000 oskarsmommy 2779533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>same boat here... but I have two factors to add to it.. One against, my age. I am 40, I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old. I could have hung with the first to being close in age, but having, say a 4 year old, 16 month old and a newborn scares me!<br /> BUT, we have two boys. I find people who have both, or people who have 2 girls often feel ok to stop. 2 boys leaves me longing for that daughter I have seen in my dreams my whole life! I know there are no guarantees, but if I had it my way, yes, we would go for it, and just see where the chips fall.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779527 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 15:50:46 +0000 snowjewelz 2779527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Money and time and energy are huge considerations for us too. DH is 7 years older than me, I think energy wise, he's done. I personally can probably handle another pregnancy and another newborn phase; but then the money/time kicks in. We keep saying we can't wait to take the girls on vacation, do this, do that and it's all "once DD2 gets older" so if we have a 3rd, it's like the clock resets. We make okay money and just getting by since where we live is pretty expensive, but we also won't really relocate since our families are close by. There is no way I can't not work b/c I'm the breadwinner, but prolonging 2 in daycare will be really tough for us.</p> <p>So I'm pretty sure we're done! I don't have as much of a burning desire to have another one, but seeing how big DD2 is getting def makes me miss a little newborn snuggle bug! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779517 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 15:22:51 +0000 josina 2779517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maggierose: Same here, I'd like to be done by 36, so time's ticking. And yes to worrying about something going wrong with a 3rd. That is actually one of DH's main concerns. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779496 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 14:31:23 +0000 Becky 2779496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh I am also in this boat! I was so firmly 3, and now that they are 4 and 18 months things are starting to seem easy and I don't know if I want to rock the boat. I think about getting to spend more time with my husband, how many more things we could do, and the HUGE financial savings of having two, and I just can't decide if that's worth sacrificing big family celebrations. We have a lot of family and friends close by so there will be cousins around no matter what which helps, but there are so many big families where we live so I sort of feel like the odd ones out. I also hate to be catastrophic but I think about, what if something happened to one of them?</p> <p>Do you work full-time/part-time? That would be a big factor in my decision. If I could work part time we would be much more likely to have a third. I have to work full time for another 6.5 years though. Also while I'm on the fence the spacing between #2 and potential #3 keeps getting bigger and bigger in my future plans. Originally I wanted about 2.5 because that's what our first two are, then 3, and now I'm saying 4 at the very minimum and thinking maybe 5 so #2 would be in school. The spacing feels less important to me now, and that makes things seem more manageable. The 2.5 year gap between #1 and #2 was bad for us because that was a VERY tough age, but now that she's 4 she loves babies and is so independent. #2 also loves babies even more than #1 and I'd love to be able to give her one when she's a little older. I'm young (29) so I have the ability to do that. Is waiting a few years something you could take into consideration? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779493 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 14:25:34 +0000 maggierose 2779493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMini: That's actually my thinking. We are already in the thick of it; diapers, sleeplessness, tantrums, kids activities galore...so really we would just be extending the "kid" part of life for another few years, which in the grand scheme of things is not a long time. </p> <p>@petitenoisette: @josina: @bubblegum: All really good points. And we have some time to decide, too; I think we'll talk more seriously about it next summer. But I'll be 35 then, so while time isn't necessary "running out", it should probably be sooner rather than later! I do worry about something going wrong a third time because I was so lucky to have two healthy pregnancies, deliveries, and kiddos! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779492 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 14:18:53 +0000 pinkb 2779492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did not vote because we are in this same predicament. DD is almost 5 and DS is 2. I always wanted 3, it's what I know, I have 2 sisters and most of my extended family is all sets of 3 kids. But 2 kids is hard while we both work full time out side of our home. And DH and I have opposite days off and practically no time for us together as a couple or for each of us independently. Finances would be stretched of course. We already bought a bigger car. My heart says one more! But life would be easier with just the 2, I get it. My pregnancies were not easy, labors were great. I was not a happy pregnant lady but I find myself wanting to experience it all and just have a chance to take it in, which I feel like I didn't get to with the last 2 due to other issues. DH is on board if we do it soon, he rather we be done but I just can't close the door. DD was asking daily for a baby sister but DS is very attached to me and I think would have a hard time. Ugh I just can't decide lol. I figure we have more time to make up our minds. And a larger age gap for the last one sounds appealing to me. On top of it all I just got diagnosed with pcos and have been having a lot of bad symptoms from that now. Good luck, I hope you heart and head can come together and make the best decision for your family :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779483 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:52:19 +0000 cyndistar3 2779483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's sort of how we felt after #2 and now here we are going on #4! You find ways to make it work, you find a new normal. I've personally known way more people that regret not having more. Perhaps just because maybe people are too embarrassed to admit they regret having another. I hope you can come to peace with a decision either way :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779480 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:46:01 +0000 petitenoisette 2779480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not going to vote because no one can really answer this for you!</p> <p>But I will say, I came from a big family (4 kids) and that always made me want a bigger family - the idea of 2 kids just seemed weird and "small" to me. Now we just have 1 with the 2nd en route and I have realized that our life is plenty full and busy even with just the one. I am hoping to stop at 2 because now I know myself as a mom and that I cannot handle what our life would be like with a 3rd. </p> <p>So you just have to know yourself, it sounds like you do want that 3rd but it is important to take into account the external factors. Number 1 is really how much your DH is on board - I wouldn't personally want to have a 3rd without my DH fully on the yes side. Money is an issue so you have to decide if you are ok with a future with potentially fewer vacations and luxuries (that maybe you are already accustomed to). That is another thing making me want to stop at 2, we did not have enough money growing up and we did not go on vacations other than to visit family. I want to have a more comfortable life and be able to travel and pay for college without taking out massive loans like my parents did. So 2 makes more sense for us. But maybe for you, you'll still be able to do that even with 3. </p> <p>I don't think you can have another child based on their potential future relationships with each other (just like you can't predict how the relationship between your two kids now will turn out). So I don't feel like I'd factor that into my decision making process. </p> <p>Good luck with making a decision that leaves you at peace. Sounds like you have some time to figure it out :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779479 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:45:42 +0000 Mae 2779479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have 2 and I am d-o-n-e. That being said-- I think you should go for it *if* your husband gets fully on board. Your concerns are valid but I think not a big deal to outweigh that feeling you have of wanting another. But I also firmly believe both parents have to be really IN on having more kids and if you push him into it, there might be resentment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779477 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:43:50 +0000 Meowkers 2779477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Stop now! Haha. I think kids are great and who wouldn't want more hugs and laughs and. Any cuddles? But the responsible thing to do is to give your children, yourself, and your spouse the best life possible and sometimes that means not adding more expenses and time constraints. I do know people who regret having more children as they pin point that as the turning point in their marriage or finances. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779474 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:42:08 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2779474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, your intro had me sealed and thats how we decided. I knew I wanted huge family gatherings and kids running everywhere etc. Yes the baby stage is hard and there are adjustments (for adults and kids) but in the end, having that extra person is forever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779473 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:41:56 +0000 josina 2779473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this post also! I have an almost 3 year old boy, and an almost 8 month old girl. My 14 year old step daughter also lives with us.<br /> I would love to have another, I just don't feel done, I want that big family, pregnancy was so easy with both kids, DD is the easiest baby and DS is a great big brother.<br /> We have all the same reasons for being done, financially it's better, we'd have to add a bedroom, It'd also be hard with our oldest in high school, sports games, and all the running that comes with that. DH wants to be done. </p> <p>Its such a hard decision, for now we are putting it off. Financially we can't afford 3 in daycare period, so we have another 2 years before DS will be in kindergarten, and another year before we will make a decision either way. </p> <p>Just typing this, the idea of saying we're done, makes me want to cry, so maybe that's answer enough for me if I can get DH on board. I've been trying to convince myself 2 is good, but apparently I'm not doing so well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779470 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:31:52 +0000 bubblegum 2779470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did I write this post? I've always wanted a min of 3 children because I came from a small family. But after having my two, we decided it just couldn't hang. For all the reasons you listed; childcare is rough for 3 under 5, I miss my husband!, my oldest would not appreciate another baby taking the spotlight, anddddd DH and I would be outnumbered! </p> <p>We thought long and hard about it and came to the decision that two is plenty. The thought of just two eases my mind as far as expenses and time goes.</p> <p>I think give yourself a few years and then think about it again. And if you really still can't shake the feeling, go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779468 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:26:43 +0000 MsMini 2779468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I might be biased, considering I am 36 weeks pregnant with my third, but I am of the mind that you would never regret having that last baby. Yes, there are good, logical reasons to stop, but those are the same good, logical reasons why you should have no kids, or one kid! I feel like once you have stepped into parenthood you have already made up your mind to sacrifice, and that one more baby isn't going to break you if you really in your heart feel like you will have an empty spot in your family without it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-heart-wants-a-3rd-my-brain-is-trying-to-convince-me-otherwise#post-2779465 Fri, 13 Oct 2017 13:15:01 +0000 maggierose 2779465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Coming from a small family, I always dreamed about having a big family with lots of kids running around, big family holiday get-togethers, family vacations, etc. Right now, I have a 3 y/o son and an 8 m/o daughter. I loved being pregnant and had two easy pregnancies and deliveries. I always knew I wanted a third (or more!), but agreed to wait and see how we felt once number two arrived. I definitely don’t have that feeling of being “done” that so many people talk about; even though we have one of each so everyone tells us “oh great, now you can be done!”. Despite re-living the exhaustion of the newborn phase, and the complete chaos that is life with two, my heart still feels compelled to have another. </p> <p>However, the logical part of my brain is telling me to think long and hard: two kids in daycare is expensive; kindergarten is not that far off for my first, but do we want to extend that cost with a third? Would I just stay home at that point? Either way, money would be a factor – not to mention financing three kids’ college degrees, needing to buy a bigger car, family vacations for three. I feel like we would find a way to make it work, but no doubt things would be tighter.</p> <p>Time is another issue: my husband and I barely have time to connect as is and are both so exhausted at the end of the day. I don’t have much “me” time. In fact, I’m just now getting to the point where I can squeeze in a workout occasionally or get out for a girls night every so often; I know having a third would probably make those things impossible at least for a few years.</p> <p>Between both working, our time with the kids is sacred. As my husband says “why do you want another kid? We barely spend time with the ones we have.” While I see his point, the time we spend with them is quality time, and if I could stay home that would be a moot point. </p> <p>One more thing I consider is how my current kids would feel about expanding our family, primarily my son. He is an introvert and extremely attached to me; the adjustment to having a sibling wasn’t easy at first, although it’s better now that the baby can interact more and he is more independent. He does like to make her laugh, which is so heartwarming, but he also does occasionally get jealous for my attention. How would he do with another sibling? The baby is shaping up to be more of a social butterfly who loves watching her brother and other kids and I think it would be nice for her to have another sibling. I also think either way it would be great for one of them to have a sibling of the same sex. I always just had a brother, and I dreamed of having a sister for the longest time. </p> <p>My husband is not really inclined to have a third, but he knows I want one and has indicated that he would maybe be open to trying if it’s what I really want; but tends to more remind me of all the “down sides” of a third and I think he’s trying to convince me not to go for it.</p> <p>What do you guys think? What would you do in my situation? </p>