https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 19:33:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688255 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:34:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1688255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After making sure my husband researched all of the pros and cons and knew all the facts I would defer to him on this one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688224 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:26:22 +0000 snowjewelz 1688224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't found out the gender of our baby yet but we're disagreeing to! DH wants circumcision, but his reasoning is that he isn't, and he thinks a man's life is more convenient if he is. My reasoning against is that DH is fine without it so why bother?! You just need to be a little better w/ the hygiene aspect, which you should anyway! So we will continue the debate once we find out gender for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688179 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 08:12:51 +0000 caitlanc 1688179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@meganmp - Thanks. It took awhile to get there!</p> <p>@hotchildinthecity - Ooh. That does make it more interesting! I might have had a harder time letting go if the child was older. L's was done in the hospital at a little less than a day old. Before-baby I would have said my husband didn't feel THAT strongly about it that he would want to put his older child through it but now I wouldn't swear on it. Good luck coming to an agreement if that's the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688066 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 07:11:57 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1688066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caitlanc: agree. My husband has the exact same reasons the OP's husband does. I feel like men have very few vanity-type arguments for things, but this is one of them. </p> <p>We'll have quite the interesting case with this as we're adopting and I have absolutely no idea if our future son is circumcised. Doing it at an older age would definitely be an additional discussuon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688030 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 06:47:25 +0000 LovelyPlum 1688030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: I really like everything you wrote, especially on your 1 week, 1 year, 5 years process! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1688023 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 06:39:23 +0000 looch 1688023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I also kind of disagreed, in the sense that I had thought it was more important to him than it turned out to be. He is circed and I thought he would want his son to be as well. We were team green as well and my husband was insistent on not finding out the sex.</p> <p>When we were in the hospital and we asked about it, we were told that the procedure required general anesthesia, and they will not administer that to newborns. So, there really was no decision to be made and our son is not circed. He's 3.5 and it has caused him no issue so far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687977 Mon, 09 Jun 2014 02:24:27 +0000 Raindrop 1687977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also let my husband decide but I wanted to say I also did not care. It is a very low risk thing to have done as a baby and having it done vs not having it done health wise isn't that different now. So honestly it didn't bother me anyway what my husband wanted when it came down to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687943 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:49:38 +0000 loveisstrange 1687943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im not going to touch the circ vs un-circ issue. However, when we have disagreements, we normally debate about it. Normally, if we find we cant agree then whoever has the bigger stake/it effects the most gets their way.</p> <p>For instance, my husband paid off my student loans, so he wanted me to finish my degree at my same university rather than transferring and risk losing credits. I didn't want to go back. In the end, he shelled out a lot of money to get me out of debt, so I conceded. In the end, I realized he was right and it's the responsible thing to do.</p> <p>And for the record, I would have let him decide on circumcision if we had had a boy. He has a penis, I don't. Im not saying that's for everyone, but that's what I would have done since I have no strong feelings either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687935 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:34:23 +0000 regberadaisy 1687935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@night cheese: since you are both at a stand still. Is finding the gender an option? It might nullify the necessity of this argument. For now. ;) </p> <p>Fwiw I have to agree with pp that it's a dangerous road to start on disregarding his opinion just because it's not the same as yours.<br /> I wouldn't presume to assume that he has not done his research or that he's not informed either. (just a general statement. Not directed at OP) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687926 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 23:18:10 +0000 meganmp 1687926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caitlanc: I love your reasoning! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687902 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 22:46:44 +0000 caitlanc 1687902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I had the same disagreement. (Same sides, same arguments) We circumcised our son because I decided that when it came down to it, he's the one with a penis. I don't want men making decisions about my body, I know DH has our son's health and welfare in mind and only wants the best for him, same as me, so I agreed to it. (No regrets and we're 18 months in.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687741 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:22:50 +0000 beesknees 1687741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were team green on #2.</p> <p>In the event of a boy we did our research ahead of time. at the beginning husband was pro. I told him I would give his side more weight in the matter but my only thing was we wouldn't do it unless he had some strong reasoning for it. And not his original reason of "well isn't that what you do". We read up - talked to OB and Pediatrician and ultimately did not do it. We did have a boy and I am so glad we had those discussions before hand and were able to enjoy new baby instead of intense research and discussions those first few days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687727 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 20:10:20 +0000 ladybee 1687727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687577 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 17:46:56 +0000 mediagirl 1687577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I go with the idea that the person in the relationship with a penis gets final word on penis decisions for our child. :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687561 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 17:30:10 +0000 Skadi 1687561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here's how we handle disagreements in our relationship. If the decision involves doing something that cannot be un-done, then both parents have to agree to it. If one parent doesn't feel comfortable doing it, then by default, we don't do it. It's kind of a fail safe.</p> <p>You can always choose to circumcise later. Your son may himself decide to do it in his teens or as an adult. But if you circumcise him now, it's something that can never be changed--and as you've probably already found in your research, circumcision carries with it the risk of infection or even (in rare cases) death if his blood doesn't clot properly. With something that major, I think it's always safer to err on the side of caution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687542 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 17:06:07 +0000 wonderstruck 1687542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: For what it's worth I completely agree, I also felt it was phrased in a way that made it all too easy for people to jump on OP's DH's reasons when clearly the issue here isn't whether he is right or wrong (really, there's no such thing when it comes to this debate, it's a personal choice/opinion), the issue is how to come to an agreement. Bashing her DH's reasons will do nothing but make him feel defensive, they've clearly already discussed these points and it's not getting them anywhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687482 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 15:08:58 +0000 lemondrop 1687482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: This!!</p> <p>My husband had so few things he felt strongly about during the pregnancy but this was one of them. I had no preference, so after his research about it, I was fine with his decision. </p> <p>We each watched the procedure with one of our sons, it really wasn't a big deal and we have no regrets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687477 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 14:54:04 +0000 anandam 1687477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't circumcise, and agreed about it, so that's where I'm coming from. </p> <p>In general I think if one partner wants to take a permanent, non-urgent action and the other isn't comfortable with it, we shouldn't do it, or should at least postpone it. To me circumcision fits that category.</p> <p>Beyond that, our kids will all be teased for one thing or another, guaranteed. If the worst he faces is some taunting from culturally illiterate locker room kids, he'll be lucky. And pretty sure he'll be able to handle it.</p> <p>Also pretty much guaranteed that your son will have a different penis than his father, foreskin or not.</p> <p>So basically I think DH's arguments don't hold water. For something so painful and permanent, there should be some compelling reason, in my opinion. "Because I wanna" doesn't cut it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687466 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 14:35:12 +0000 keepcalmcarrie 1687466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @lawbee11:, I don't think this will be a big deal for your son in the end, either way. We were in a similar situation - team green, I was opposed (though not strongly), he was very much in favor. In the end, I did defer to him because it wasn't something I wanted to fight over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687449 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 14:03:24 +0000 bushelandapeck 1687449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We disagreed about this but I ended up deferring to him for similar reasons to others. He felt very strongly about it and I felt like it was an decision that I just couldn't completely understand but trusted him. If it were 100% my call I wouldn't have done it but it wasn't and I don't regret it either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687434 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 13:28:36 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1687434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so hard. I allowed my husband to make this decision for us because I didn't really know what it truly entailed or how i felt about it and he chose to have him curcumscised for the same reasons you mentioned. I do not judge anyone who chooses to curcumscise but I personally regret it. I was in the room because I felt I couldn't leave my baby and it was horrible in my experience. I seriously hope we do not have an issue if we have another boy because. I will dig my heels in against it. Good luck and remember no matter what you do you are wonderful parents who are trying to make a hard choice and do what is best for your child. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687413 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 13:02:25 +0000 MrsRcCar 1687413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good luck! I deferred to Dh for both boys as he has the equipment and I don't. Also like other posters have noted Dh leaves a lot of decisions to me. I should note that I didn't have a strong opinion either way. </p> <p>I hope you both come a decision soon. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687408 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 13:00:02 +0000 Mrs. Oyster 1687408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was also strongly for it (similar reasons as to what you stated) and I was strongly against. After hearing his reasoning and explaining my own (mostly information that has already been mentioned here or can easily be found doing research online), I asked him to look into some research about it and then see how he felt.<br /> After doing his own research and "soul-searching," I guess, he decided he was no longer interested in the procedure.<br /> Is there a chance, down the line, that we'll regret making the decision we made? Sure. I guess that could go either way though. I'm very happy with our decision and I'm glad we were able to come to a decision we both felt good about, in the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687397 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:41:43 +0000 Applesandbananas 1687397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH felt strongly and I felt like I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't understand since I don't have a penis so I deferred to him. It didn't feel fair to me to override DH's decision on something I really would never experience. I could research until I was blue in the face, but no amount of research would ever grow me a penis. </p> <p>We are both happy with the outcome. It may not be the best way to resolve the disagreement, but it worked well for our family. </p> <p>Good luck &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687393 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:40:40 +0000 mrbee 1687393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: definitely not singling anyone out - sorry! It's just a general concern I've been having lately. I will post about it soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687388 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:34:45 +0000 swedishfish 1687388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I don't think there's anything wrong with that either usually but circ vs. anti circ is a hugely controversial issue. I'm not really sure what you mean by changing tones on the boards....I feel like I'm being singled out by that. Did I do something wrong? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687378 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:19:06 +0000 MsLipGloss 1687378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: exactly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687376 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:18:24 +0000 mrbee 1687376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: it seems ok to me to describe a disagreement when asking how to resolve it.</p> <p>I have some growing concerns around what I've been feeling is the changing tone of the boards. I'll address this in a separate thread... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687374 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:15:01 +0000 Dandelion 1687374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH felt very strongly for his side of it and I did not feel strongly either way. I felt like I wasn't going to do it if he didn't care either way, but I didn't feel strongly against it. Since it mattered to DH so much, I went along with him.</p> <p>I make/made so many choices for my kids. Once in a while I don't mind letting DH make a big decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-husband-and-i-cant-agree-on-circumcision/page/2#post-1687368 Sun, 08 Jun 2014 12:12:11 +0000 swedishfish 1687368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think the OP laid out the reasons why her husband is for circumcision and she is against and it paved the way for posters to give their opinions on the matter instead of explaining how they resolved the debate in their household. An example would be calling the OP's husband's reasons ridiculous. </p>