https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 18:21:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264859 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 15:04:42 +0000 enjollah 264859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: my MIL does this too!!! Ive jokingly told her with a smile and fake laughter... "Hahaha nooooo MY baby". He has a name for a reason! You can call him by that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264790 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 14:22:44 +0000 ladyfingers 264790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: Oh. My God. She did not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264578 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 12:01:38 +0000 mrstilly 264578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Every weekend is definitely taking it's toll. I'm surprised DH doesn't see it, or if he does maybe he just doesn't know what to do. He hates to be away from DS, and I try to be understanding of that. But he's also not seeing that I'm not happy. Even though I know my inlaws love me and they love DS, my relationship with them and my insecurities as a mother have been the center of my life for months. It's the focus of my therapy sessions right now. I hate packing and unpacking, I hate not having time on the weekends to clean and tidy my home, I hate that it's August and I haven't made it to the farmer's market in my home town once this entire year! </p> <p>This weekend I had set our bag by my car because I left my keys in the house. When I came back out 20 minutes later, I didn't see it. I put DS in his carseat and backed up over our stuff! I smashed our sound machine to bits and nearly destroyed my macbook, which thankfully fell out of the way since it was on top. I had to just leave or I was going to have a blowup about having to pack everything every weekend and living out of bags, etc... </p> <p>Going to therapy has been awesome. I'm learning to keep things in perspective, set boundaries, and figure out what my limits and needs are, so that I can prioritize those. To change what I can about my time at my inlaws, and to listen to myself when I need a break or time away. </p> <p>I think the hardest thing is that my in-laws don't seem to understand that the weekends are my time with my son too. I work out of the home during the week, so I only get a couple of hours with him each day. So when they take over playing with him, I get pushed aside. And when they give in to his every wish, and I have to set limits with him while we are there, he starts to reach for them over me. It is just getting worse as he gets older. Before he turned one year it didn't make much difference and he always reached for me. But I'm finally strong enough to do what I can to change it and not just suffer in silence and explode at DH later. Which isn't fair to him, regardless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264574 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 11:58:44 +0000 Clementine 264574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think it could have been an innocent slip but from your post it sounds like she's stepped over the line before. i dunno, it's a tough situation esp. for you since she's your MIL and not some random person you can avoid. what did DH think? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264555 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 11:47:25 +0000 blackbird 264555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It might be easier if you don't go to their house every single weekend. Your DH can go without you...maybe you can have "things to do" ya know? It's just not healthy if there aren't sound boundaries in place. </p> <p>The last time my mother cooed and ooed and aaahed excessively over a baby, and cared for one....it was me, so it could just be one of those habitual sort of things. If it keeps up, i'd politely correct her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264504 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:57:02 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 264504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: My mom wants to be called Oma, too! I don't like it for the same reason... because it sounds too similar to Momma. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264501 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:50:49 +0000 mrstilly 264501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: It is so hard. I try to be understanding of my inlaws that they are just so excited and happy to have DS in their lives, and that he is their first grandchild. At least I know that I've paved the way for my SIL, so hopefully it will be easier for her. It makes it hard for me to want to be around them that much though, and it's exhausting and mentally rough to constantly feel like every thing I do is being watched and critiqued when we are there. I'm really looking forward to this weekend and staying home with DS Fri and Sat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264456 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:14:22 +0000 sorrycharlie 264456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: ugh..might have been a slip but i would be annoyed too! I have some family members (mine &amp; IL) that always call her "our baby". It rubs me the wrong way. I get that people are excited, but no, she is not your baby! It just makes me not want to be around those people at ALL when she's born! (5 more weeks!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264437 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:06:32 +0000 mrstilly 264437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LivsMama: @winniebee: I am trying to set boundaries. It gets hard because they have a family farm, and DH works for them on weekends. For DH, it's home, and he doesn't get how hard it is for me. DH got cut from his teaching job this year, so right now I can't refuse to go, since it is a source of income. But I am trying to set boundaries while we are there, and I'm getting out of the house when I can so I can have some alone time or mommy-son play time without others around. And next weekend DS and I aren't going there until Saturday night, which is only because I'm running in a race Sunday, so MIL/SIL can watch him while I race. </p> <p>@mrs. wagon: my stepmom (who's like my mom) called DS "her baby" while I was pregnant as she was introducing me to some friends who were over for a party. I quickly said "my baby!" and that was that. She is much more respectful of my role as mommy though, so I don't have beef with her!</p> <p>@mrsjyw: @Rubies: There are no names for family members that sound like mama or mommy. We should figure something out, since DS has three grandmas and 2 grandpas, but I figure that we'll let DS call them what he wants. I didn't have nicknames for my grandparents - Grandma Lynn and Helen (grandma made her feel old, lol). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264381 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 09:22:25 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 264381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even if it was an honest mistake, I would still be mad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264377 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 09:19:00 +0000 mrs. wagon 264377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mil refers to wagon jr. As "my baby"... Drives me crazy. I don't recall you laboring for 24 hours and pushing for 3 hours to bear him!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264364 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 09:05:45 +0000 Rubies 264364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MIL call herself "mama", which in Cantonese means 'grandma' - but hello, usually "mama" is what babies call their moms, right? Well, when LO started babbling "mamamamamama" my MIL squealed that LO knows how to say "mama" before "mommy". :S </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264347 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 08:49:26 +0000 winniebee 264347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: I'm sure it was an honest slip of the tongue! But, agree you probably need to set boundaries and/or have more alone family time on the weekend. FWIW I got very annoyed when we were spending lots of weekends away this summer (because DH's family has a lakehouse we naturally like to go there this summer). I felt like we had no family time alone and things were getting on my nerves. It's much better now that we have had more time alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264319 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 08:21:46 +0000 LivsMama 264319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh dear god no. Maybe it was a slip of the tongue...but as for the rest of it, you guys need to set some boundaries now, otherwise it will get even more out of hand, and FAST. Staying with them on weekends? You guys NEED your own family time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264305 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 08:11:25 +0000 mrsjyw 264305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OH HELL NO. this would not be okay.</p> <p>LO isnt even here yet and MIL is insisting she wants to be called OMA (german for grandma), we've told her no, because it's too similar to mom in korean (UMMA) and we don't want to confuse the baby. And it irks me because she still says it, about how that's what she'll be called. </p> <p>I can't even imagine what I'd do if she called herself mommy to LO. OMG!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264300 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 08:02:18 +0000 mrstilly 264300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it was purposeful. I really don't think she does anything to spite me or even to be passive aggressive. But that doesn't make it much better, since she's constantly trying to step in. Thankfully it was the first time and I've been talking about this stuff in therapy for a while, so I could handle it without blowing up. </p> <p>And DS is her first grandchild. Had I known how it would be, we would have waiting for my BIL/SIL to have the first grandkid! Seriously, they are out of control, over the top. With us staying with them most weekends, it's just too much for me to handle most of the time, but there isn't much I can do about it! I don't think DH heard her and I didn't say anything to him, because he's already pretty defensive of them. DH doesn't know how to handle my feelings and emotions about spending so much time at my inlaws, so I think he tries to avoid it and explain it away, which just comes across as defending them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264266 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 07:35:39 +0000 Mrsbells 264266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I think this could be an honest mistake, rather than something intentional to spite you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264257 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 07:26:37 +0000 heffalump 264257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom has done that A LOT! Especially when LO was a newborn, she is just so used to being the Mommy and that might be the case for your MIL so try not to let it get to you that much. This is my mom's first grandchild, she's really just not used to being called grandma. I just correct her and call her grandma in front of my LO a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264254 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 07:24:36 +0000 T.H.O.U. 264254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes...... I don't think you slip like that TWICE! </p> <p>I would be having a talk with DH so that next time it happens, one of you are prepared to step in and say something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264229 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 06:46:07 +0000 oliviaoblivia 264229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yuck! I would totally lose it if my MIL did that! What did your DH say about it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264221 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 06:18:03 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 264221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh no! Did she act like it was a slip? My MIL treats me the same way so I can totally understand how mad that would make you.<br /> HUGS!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-mil-called-herself-mommy-to-my-lo#post-264220 Mon, 20 Aug 2012 06:09:47 +0000 mrstilly 264220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I'm pretty sure it was a slip of the tongue, but twice this past weekend my MIL called herself mommy to my son. </p> <p>I was livid and had to leave the room to avoid making a scene. My inlaws are great people and love us, but they don't respect my role as DH's wife and DS's mother, so this sent me over the edge for a few hours this weekend. </p>