https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 02 Jun 2026 16:31:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968493 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 03:56:25 +0000 sotofamilia 968493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: like PP, amen!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968492 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 03:55:41 +0000 sotofamilia 968492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@evansjamie: mind officially blown. How anyone could in this day and age believe it's ok to smoke around a pregnant lady, let alone around a small baby is just beyond me. I cannot stand when I'm out and I see parents smoking around their young children - like I'm all for smoking when it's just you if you want, but that stuff stinks to non-smokers and little babies can't just walk away, they have to take it. I always fight with myself whether to say something, but I figure it's not my place or good for my LO to see me fighting with a random person lol. Anyway, off topic, sorry! I hope your DH steps up (and im sure he will), it's so hard when it's the in laws!</p> <p>@septemberlove: you are doing such a kick-ass job. Like others said, you're the grown-up now - your primary responsibility is to care for your child in the best way you see fit. Keep on keeping mama, you're doing awesome!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968488 Sat, 27 Jul 2013 03:14:17 +0000 googly-eyes 968488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It gets old fast but I don't think unsolicited advice and opinions ever ends... I try to just hear people out, validate them, and then I just do as I see fit. Or I just skip to that last step. ;) I agree with @zippylef though, why bother caring? It's not helping anyone. Your DH needs to stick up for you though!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968243 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 21:38:31 +0000 luckypenny 968243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: amen! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968209 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 21:29:17 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 968209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: "You are an adult." Yes! I always say, "I'm a grown-ass women." and then I proceed to do whatever the hell I feel is best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968185 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 21:16:32 +0000 yoursilverlining 968185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Zippylef. Even if you don't have a thick skin, you can have a thick spine. Having a thick skin comes from making one. </p> <p>No one has really questioned my parenting, which is probably somewhat family dynamics (i.e., a respectful set of parents and spouse), and also my adent practice of the "bitch face". </p> <p>Seriously, do not entertain these people girlfriend! You are an adult. You are a mother. You are not a child who needs to be lectured about everything. When people start to run their mouths, throw your bitch face on and just flat out stop the conversation. End it for them, and after a few times even the most thick-headed get the message that starting crap with you won't fly...and they will go elsewhere to bully. </p> <p>You're obviously up against overbearing, controlling and bullying personalities. You can continue to be submissive and bottle up your anger, or you can stand your ground and give it back. You know you're not spoiling your son or ruining him for the future - you're an adult, you've got an education and a great career - you don't need constant questioning. Tell them so! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-968151 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 21:01:24 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 968151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gaining confidence as a new mother can be super hard! I don't think I've been as heavily questioned as you have (my family is farther away), but it is annoying to hear negative comments. The approach that's worked for me is to ask myself: Do I care about this person's opinion/do I feel really strongly that they not judge me? Most often, the answer is "not really" and I let it slide with a non-committal response. </p> <p>But if I DO care, I've found being frank works the best. Mom says "You need him to sleep in his own bed and then he'll sleep better." I say "That may be true, but I like our time together at night and being in the same bed helps *me* sleep better. He'll sleep in his bed alone someday." I love using "That may be true" because then I'm not engaging in a who's-right debate :) </p> <p>P.S. You're mom and everyone else who brings up that you are "spoiling" him is full of crapola. Infants are not manipulative demons who con us into giving them things they don't need (aka. being "spoiled"). Next time she mentions "eating his feelings", tell her not to worry because he's not going to remember any of this when he's older!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967895 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 18:40:18 +0000 Navy_Mommy 967895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally get where you're coming from. Someone referred to me as a Dr Sears Groupie because my instincts as a mother lead me to be more of an attachment parent. I've never read any of Dr Sears books so to call me a groupie is just rude. </p> <p>My sister does nothing but complain about how I parent and it's exhausting to have to continuously explain yourself. </p> <p>Just remind yourself that you're doing what you think is right for your children. Most people can't help but butt in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967878 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 18:30:33 +0000 Kemma 967878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get it and I understand!! It can be really hard to feel confident in your choices when the people that you should be relying on for support are telling you "you're doing it wrong". It can also be really hard to tune out all the background noise about what you should be doing (I think "should" is the worst word in parenting!).</p> <p>And as far as the generational thing goes, I think that sometimes mothers and mil's can take "alternative" parenting as a direct attack on the way they chose to parent so it's not really about you :-)</p> <p>But at the end of the day you do have to grow a thicker skin and trust yourself and your parenting so that you can advocate for your family and your son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967855 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 18:01:05 +0000 sarac 967855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"I'm pretty confident in my choices and I'm not afraid to say that I'll do what works best for us. "</p> <p>THE END. This is all you need. Attachment parents raise healthy, secure, strong children. Non attachment parents do the same. Any way of parenting that is loving, responsive, and in tune with a child's needs (even if they conflict with adult needs) will raise healthy, strong children. The end. </p> <p>You know you're being the best parent in the world to your child. Everyone else in the world is welcome to step off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967795 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:36:47 +0000 lomom 967795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@zippylef: I try very hard not to care but I haven't developed thick skin yet. The unsolicited advice is so pervasive I feel like I'm constantly defending myself while trying to maintain confidence in what I believe to be right. I've tried shutting them down, ignoring them, trying not to care, but its hard when it feels like every move I make gets criticized. Even my own mother and sometimes even DH, gives me crap. My mom is the one who said I was teaching LO to eat his feelings! It just feels like every. single. conversation turns into a lecture. It's exhausting and sometimes just venting and hearing that I'm not alone is nice. And getting some reassurance that I'm not turning him into a spoiled brat is nice too because hearing it too much almost makes me start to question myself even though at the core, I believe my choices are the best for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967767 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:25:43 +0000 Mrs. Twine 967767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we all want to shout from the rooftops when we feel like we've found something that has worked for us. And also sometimes when we think we've figured out something that doesn't work. Trouble is, there are so many different variables at play that the same things don't work for every family. I love babywearing, for example, and I probably can come across as an overbearing ass about it to someone who isn't interested. Usually if it is a person I don't have to interact with much I will listen to the opinion, thank the person for sharing and being helpful, and then just ignore the advice I don't like. If it is a person I am close to, I will still listen, and then will tell them how I feel. Usually something like, "I appreciate so much that you care about us and want to help. Right now I feel like 'x' is working really well for us." It helps to try to remember that pretty much everyone who does this is coming from a really good and loving place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967747 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 17:15:37 +0000 loveisstrange 967747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think maybe you should stop caring what people think so much. Ive seen a lot of your posts talking about peoples opinions on how you're choosing to do things and I guess my question is... Why do you CARE that they dont agree with/like it?</p> <p>I know a lot of AP people dont agree with the way I do things but I really could care less. Other peoples opinions on how we raise C dont affect my life or my choices. Stop dwelling on it so much, tell them that they already had their chance to raise their kids (ie. STFU) and keep on doing what you think works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967701 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:51:01 +0000 Pepper 967701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're doing a great job! I get flack for nursing on demand too, family gets annoyed that I have to take him back from them to feed him (instead of giving a bottle). My mom doesn't care if I'm nursing anymore, however. She's gotten used to it, which is nice because in the beginning she was weirded out by it. When any other family members are over, I leave the room, like you. Just ignore them! Baby needs to eat and you know what's best. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967682 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:43:16 +0000 immabeetoo 967682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@evansjamie: Yikes. I can't even wrap my head around that - I am so sensitive to smoke myself I can barely stand next to someone who smells like smoke without watery eyes. I hope DH goes to bat for you, that seems like sort of a no-brainer with all the research done on second and third hand smoke!</p> <p>@septemberlove: trust your gut :) If I'm given unsolicited advice I usually respond "Thanks, I've heard that before!" with a pleasant tone - it isn't rude, doesn't really solicit further conversation, and usually people just switch topics. Hope people either butt out or support you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967679 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:41:32 +0000 Koolbreeze 967679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're pretty much attachment parents (which I had no idea what AP was until way later, just doing what feels natural/right to us). We'be gotten a lot of crap for it because no one else we know parents the way we do, but we ignore it. And I remind people I don't tell them how to parent so they need to stop telling me how to. I don't let it bother me anymore though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967623 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:14:31 +0000 mrbee 967623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Ah ok. I guess we don't have family nearby, so it's a bit different for us.... there's nobody around when we're making our decisions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967615 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:10:00 +0000 2PeasinaPod 967615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@evansjamie: It's hard to believe that someone would actually have an issue with not smoking around a baby, but my FIL seems to think it's fine too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967601 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:04:44 +0000 ALV91711 967601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 4 months I've started just giving people the answer they want to hear and go about doing it how we have decided is best for our family. </p> <p>I think lots of people don't understand breastfeeding and feeding on demand. When I say he nurses every 2 hours it is like I have 3 heads. Well, sometimes it is longer and sometimes shorter but that is what demand means. We have a healthy happy baby and that is what matters. </p> <p>Keep doing what your doing and your baby is going to turn out great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967588 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:59:30 +0000 lomom 967588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@evansjamie: that's a tough one, especially since its your MIL and her house. My ILs smoke but luckily SIL paved the way for no smoking around baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967584 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:58:16 +0000 lomom 967584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: love it! I struggle with finding the right balance of 'eff off' and 'I should be nice'.</p> <p>I usually respond that he's only a baby for a brief, fleeting moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967575 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:52:34 +0000 Lindsay05 967575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My goodness your LO is 3 months old. People need to back off and let you parent. Those first few months are about surviving. You do what works best for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967565 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:46:06 +0000 avivoca 967565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: My MIL smokes like a chimney and would have no problem doing it around the baby, especially at her house. She knows that at our house, she has to go outside, but considering that she didn't even step outside when I visited at 16 weeks pregnant, I doubt she would go outside when the baby is there at Christmas. My husband really doesn't want to get involved, but it's his mom and he's got to be the one to put his foot down. I already told him that we will have to get a hotel room if he can't make her see reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967563 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:45:46 +0000 lomom 967563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: most of the time it comes up when I excuse us to go nurse. Nursing on demand is something my family and friends don't understand. The sleep thing seems to be everyone's favorite question, right after "how much does he weigh?" Lol I admit I will lie/stretch the truth on the sleep stuff to avoid a lecture! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967562 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:45:21 +0000 blackbird 967562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Actually, I'm not asking for your opinions or thoughts on the matter"</p> <p>It's quite effective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967559 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:44:43 +0000 LuLu Mom 967559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone has an opinion, but the only one that matters is yours and your husbands. I got a TON of flack for switching to formula, constant comments of "well your sister went 16 months, SIL went 12 months, ect." I get it but it didn't work for us &amp; it was a decision that we had to make for our sanity and our child's. It's all about choices, they may not seem right to someone else but you have to go with your gut! You are doing great momma don't let anyone tell you different! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967557 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:42:18 +0000 runsyellowlites 967557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I just put that more on people really not having proper or enough knowledge on breastfeeding! That's what that is. They don't realize it's about more than nutrition &amp; believe it or not it's a great soother... when he's ready to take those steps of independent steps away from you he'll step away from that too, instead of taking "it" with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967554 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:41:51 +0000 MrsMccarthy 967554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i know exactly how you feel. i didnt plan to be an attachment parent either. I thought i would sleep train and nap train and the whole 9 yards but it turns out that didnt feel right for me. I agree you are not spoiling or ruining your baby. what ruins a kid is allowing them to be mean or rude to others and not letting them learn to be self reliant much later in life. Super nanny doesnt recommend discipline till age 2 the earliest. I also think it helps to point out to people that i see PLENTY or kids acting like spoiled terrible two brats even when they ahve been sleeping in a crib and napping their whole lives. It's a phase all children go through. Some are more difficult than others but that is luck of the draw if you ask me. So long as you are a LOVING parent no one should bug you. Keep at it. People always judge ALL parent styles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967552 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:41:06 +0000 immabeetoo 967552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@evansjamie: whatt who would be pro smoking when it involves littles?!</p> <p>We get a few comments and unsolicited advice but nothing too awful.thankfully! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-parenting-choices-are-a-problem-for-everyone#post-967548 Fri, 26 Jul 2013 15:40:09 +0000 lomom 967548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: thanks :) I just get so annoyed with hearing that I'm spoiling him and stuff like that! He's a maaaaajor comfort nurser. If he gets tired, is overstimulated, feels uncomfortable, anything, he wants to nurse. And I catch so much flak for nursing him so much. It's almost instantaneous that he calms down but I get the most ridiculous reactions. I'm teaching him to eat his feelings, I'm spoiling him, I'm not letting him self-soothe, I'm over feeding him, I'm just stuffing my boob in his face instead of fixing the real problem (uh, what?) it's so frustrating! </p>