https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 04:08:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416559 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 10:27:39 +0000 Modern Daisy 416559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's very considerate of you to reach out to BIL and SIL first before the big announcement. I wouldn't do it in person though, I think that's going a little too far. It's almost like apologizing for your pregnancy in a way. Plus I agree with a PP that it is easier news to take over the phone. </p> <p>If I were you, I would call them the night before your big announcement and let them know that you're pregnant and you plan to announce it to everyone the next day. I woudln't go overboard with explaining how I was trying to spare their feelings. I would just say that you wanted to call them first to be considerate of their feelings just in case the news was at all upsetting due to their loss and leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416543 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 10:18:04 +0000 sorrycharlie 416543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think letting her know ahead of time is probably best, so if she wants to have a good mad/cry session in private before showing her excitement she can :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416538 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 10:16:00 +0000 prettylizy 416538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP's, I think telling SIL ahead of time is the best bet. You're a good SIL to her for thinking of her that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416522 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 10:09:16 +0000 Mrs. Blue 416522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I love the idea and your thoughtfulness to your SIL &amp; BIL. I agree with PPs and your new plan. Maybe you could have a NYE celebration with some close friends if you plan on telling any of them by that point and use the cracker idea then! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416437 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:36:17 +0000 Cherrybee 416437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@glimmersnaps: That's a great idea!!!!! Mind, we weren't going to tell friends until we were past 12 weeks..... hmm.....!! My mind's ticking away now!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416425 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:29:49 +0000 glimmersnaps 416425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How will you announce to your friends? I invited my closest friends to dinner and left the scan photo on the table. There was confusion for a second and then lots of screaming :) You could still do something similar but with a different group. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416373 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:07:57 +0000 Cherrybee 416373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@knittylady: Yeah, it was pretty cool, huh?!! Maybe we'll get to use it next time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416370 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:06:57 +0000 Cherrybee 416370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You know, I'm not sure I would have thought about it if I hadn't had my experience - I would have thought that they would be "over it" by now. But I know that I'm not - even with a new pregnancy to enjoy, I can still recall those feelings of despair at the drop of a hat and a tiny thing can send me right back to that day. I like to think that that's one good thing to come out of the loss - I'm more sensitive to people's feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416363 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 09:03:28 +0000 knittylady 416363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would give her the news privately and over the phone. My SIL had a mc and hasn't fallen pg since (a little over a year) and it seems like she appreciates this sort of news over the phone so she can have her own private reaction after we hang up.</p> <p>Just my experience! Good luck and congrats again.</p> <p>p.s. otherwise I think the Christmas cracker idea is so awesome :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416333 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 08:22:57 +0000 T.H.O.U. 416333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Good plan! I had a friend that was struggling with PCOS and had been married and trying much longer than us. When we got our surprise BFP, I waited as long as I could and then sent her an email with the news so that she could absorb it privately. I didn't hear from her for a few weeks but when I did she seemed genuinely happy for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416328 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 08:21:31 +0000 blackbird 416328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just tell them all separately. You can definitely surprise MIL and FIL without SIL and BIL being there and it being awkward. It's just insensitive and awkward. Had it been me, I would've thought, "wow....tacky...." like they were inadvertently rubbing it in my face. Even though I KNOW that's not the case. It would've totally rubbed me the wrong way. </p> <p>BUT i think you are awesome and sweet for thinking of this beforehand and being flexible. It's just a very sensitive thing and it can dredge up a lot of jealousy/envy and bad feelings, even though you've also had a loss. </p> <p>I think once they've had a few days to process it, they will be MUCH better about it. It's that initial reaction that is the toughest.</p> <p>PS ditto what shutterbug said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416321 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 08:17:16 +0000 Shutterbug 416321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the pp and I like you're new plan. I also think its ok to mention your loss, if it comes up naturally - your SIL would probably find hope in the fact that you're pregnant again after a loss, and it also might make her less upset (as bad as that sounds, but to know that it didn't come so easy for you?) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416252 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 05:20:47 +0000 Cherrybee 416252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all. It's good to hear, unanimously, that I'm not just being over sensitive on SIL's behalf. I'm a super-sensitive person and spend my life worrying what other people might feel - it's good to know that on this occasion I've got good reason to be and it's not weird to tell SIL separately (I didn't want to single her out and make a big deal of it if it was just me being crazy!!). </p> <p>We can still have our "moment" with MIL and FIL - we'll just do something a few days before Christmas, then we can all recognise the need to be sensitive and agree not to go on and on about it on Christmas day when we're all together. If we call SIL and BIL earlier that day, they can process the news before they travel up for Christmas. </p> <p>Yes, this is starting to sound like a plan! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416251 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 05:12:00 +0000 sea_bass 416251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I would tell them first, in private. Personally I'd prefer to hear it at a distance so I could compose myself (over the phone). </p> <p>Also, given they've recently had a miscarriage I don't really think its appropriate to do the whole Christmas cracker thing. Just seems pretty insensitive. By all means announce at Christmas, but there's a big difference telling people (all of whom have recently suffered sadness at this couples loss) and doing a twee "reveal". </p> <p>I know you probably love the idea of it, but sometimes with pregnancy things just don't go your way, and it's really not important. I had all these cool ideas about how I would tell my parents. You know how they found out? In the waiting room of A&amp;E after the doc told them I could die. Do I care? Not at all, because I'm still pregnant. </p> <p>You never know, next pregnancy all might be great in your family and it might be the right time for big announcements. Personally, given a recent miscarriage that everyone at the table knows about, I don't think the christmas cracker thing would be viewed well (at least not in my family!). </p> <p>Good luck and hope your not feeling too sick today! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416248 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 05:07:13 +0000 SugarplumsMom 416248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Such a tough situation, but it's so nice of you to think of them. Personally, I would email her and explain everything, first about your loss and now about the great news you intend to surprise everyone about during Christmas. That way she can process everything on her own, and you give her the time she needs to respond. </p> <p>I was part of an online support group with women that was struggling with fertility. I've read a lot of stories about surprises and how painful it is to react properly. Even if she says she's fine, something like that can trigger her emotions. </p> <p>But having said that, CONGRATULATIONS! You deserve to celebrate! Plan your surprise and let her know beforehand so she's not thrown off guard during dinner. It'll be great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416245 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 04:59:09 +0000 London Mama 416245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! I think you're doing the right thing by being considerate of your SIL's loss and showing respect for her feelings, it will go along way towards your future relationship. </p> <p>I think you should tell your SIL in private before making a public announcement, either in person or over the phone. If you go in person, go with your DH and go with the purpose of spending a weekend together and not with the sole purpose of telling them your news. Obviously it's a huge deal for you but putting too much focus on it may make it more difficult for SIL to deal with. </p> <p>As for the crackers, would people know whose baby it was when opening the crackers? If you don't put your name on there everyone may assume SIL is expecting again rather than you, and that would make for an awkard moment...</p> <p>Good luck and let us know how it goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416244 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 04:54:47 +0000 Mrs squirreld 416244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: thats a hard one... but if it was me and I replaced all those people with the people in my life I would tell SIL first...but thats just me. :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-sils-feelings-re-our-news-what-to-do-for-the-best#post-416238 Tue, 27 Nov 2012 04:32:22 +0000 Cherrybee 416238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right, let me tell you the back story first: </p> <p>My BIL and his long term girlfriend announced that they were 5 weeks pg back in mid-August. I have no idea if they were trying or not - but they sounded delighted! Just one day later, they very sadly lost the baby. They didn't want to talk about it - and swore they were okay - but I've been where they were and I know how devastating it is. Two weeks later, they got engaged and initially announced their wedding would be at the end of April - I think I'm the only one who noticed that their chosen date would have been the baby's due date..... :-( </p> <p>They've since moved the wedding day to June 2013. I have no idea if they are trying for babies now or waiting until after the wedding. I do know that SIL's super excited about the wedding and seems in great spirits - but you never know how people are really coping, do you?</p> <p>It was only a month after their loss that the same thing happened to us. We hadn't told family about the pregnancy - so we didn't tell them about the loss. As time went on, I found it harder and harder to find the words....</p> <p>So, cut to now - we're pregnant again!! It's still very, very early days but I'm trying to think positively and I'm looking forward to announcing at Christmas (I'll be 9 weeks) after our early scan (if all goes well). Around the table on Christmas day will be me and DH, MIL and FIL, my mum (who already knows!) and SIL + BIL. I'd initially planned to slide the scan pics into Christmas crackers and have them discover them! How fun is that idea?!!</p> <p>BUT I'm worried about my SIL and BIL. Christmas will mark just over 4 months since their very early loss. Digging deep, if it were the other way around, I think I'd want a heads up before the public announcement, so I could compose myself. But if we tell BIL and SIL - and my mum already knows - there's no point doing the big surprise announcement!!! </p> <p>Now I'm not desperately precious about my big moment - I'd rather my SIL be okay - but am I worrying over nothing? I mean, not everyone is as sensitive as I am, right? But I keep coming back to how upset I'd feel to have to watch my inlaws go crazy over the happy news they're going to be grandparents - when their first grandchild should be 5 months along in my tummy. </p> <p>What would you do? </p> <p>I thought I might make a trip to see my SIL (she lives 100 miles away) in person and tell her first. Do I see her alone? Or do me and DH go and see them both? Is that just as bad as a big announcement? If I go alone and see just SIL, will BIL feel bad that DH didn't tell him in person? DH was the first person BIL called when they were expecting. Should we just call them? Do we tell them about our loss - or not mention it?? Maybe mentioning loss will cause them to be upset when they'd be happy otherwise???</p> <p>ARGH! I don't know what to do for the best. I just want to do the right thing by them - because that's what I'd want if the shoe were on the other foot and because I love them both so much. </p> <p>What do you think, Bees? </p>