https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 17:15:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547449 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 17:42:45 +0000 sarac 547449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Exactly this. I believe that everyone has the right to set the rules in their own home. I also have the right to stop going somewhere where I felt uncomfortable and disrespected.</p> <p>Also, it's bs that he can't tell you himself. But that's an entire other issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547359 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 16:18:24 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 547359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long has your step dad been in your life?</p> <p>From my experience my mom's long term boyfriend would be very uncomfotable in this situation. Eventhough he is a father figure and treats me well, I am not his daughter. Any chance this is the case, where your "kinship" is tested?</p> <p>I would move to another room with a door that closes off the room. Who knows people who are not uncomfortable with you breastfeeding might just follow you into the room to continue the conversation and your step dad will be all by his lonesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547347 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 16:09:58 +0000 DigAPony 547347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ditto to what @birdofafeather said. I would continue to breastfeed with a cover around him regardless of whose house you're at. I also suggest talking to your mom about how you feel--maybe she can talk to your stepdad, and/or shed some light on the situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547327 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 15:45:51 +0000 birdofafeather 547327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am surprised that so many PPs feel its a respect thing. If it were a different issue, maybe but BFing your kid in your parents house (covered no less!) isn't being disrespectful. It may be awkward, but I feel like the more he sees it, he'll be okay or he can leave until you're done. I love my parents and maybe it's just our relationship but I know they wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable in their house either! </p> <p>I had friends over at my parents and I was BFing in the living room and my friends husband was there. I feel like if he felt weird (which he probably did!) he could have left. But most people just don't look at me directly if they feel weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547159 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 13:21:23 +0000 shopaholic 547159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Ditto! I'm pro-BFing and been around a few women who do it w/ or w/out covers, and I always feel awkward but try to make them uncomfortable. </p> <p>But honestly, my Dad would probably be really uncomfortable and be more outspoken about it, and I would be uncomfortable, especially if someone already made it know that they felt uncomfortable too. I would just go use a private room in someone else's home. Even if it were my parents house. Just my personal feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do/page/2#post-547137 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 13:09:39 +0000 mrskc 547137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ree723: I appreciate your comment. I am thinking that maybe he is just working out his own issues and that's why he's never said something to me directly. </p> <p>@Maysprout: thank you for your reply. I'm sorry your sis and dad said rude things to you. I'm glad it's better now! I do think he will get used to it the more he's around it. I think I may casually mention it to my mom. I'm pretty sure she'd tell me to nurse him wherever I want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-546694 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 08:41:33 +0000 Maysprout 546694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Normally I'd say if it's someone else's house then whatever makes them comfortable but this is your parents.</p> <p>My dad seemed awk about it at first and my youngest sister made some plain mean comments initially. But no one cares anymore, they're def desensitized, and that happened gradually. I used to leave the room initially which I think made them see how it's much more convenient to stay put. With my sister I told her what I thought of her comments, with my dad I never said anything I just would be in a common space that he wasnt in but wasn't like upstairs in a locked room so he'd be around it but didn't have to stay and now he's fine. I think some of it is just getting used to the idea that your kid is a parent now.</p> <p>Do you think talking to your mom about it would help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-546608 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 01:38:12 +0000 Ree723 546608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: Ugh, what a tricky situation to be in. I'm going to go against the grain here and say keep feeding your LO in front of your stepdad, with a cover, and let him work his own issues out. If he's uncomfortable, he can leave the room, but you're not doing anything wrong - you are providing nourishment to your child! - and it doesn't inconvenience anyone else so this is something he just needs to get over. I understand respecting someone's house but this isn't like smoking in the house where it's going to leave a lingering smell; this is you feeding your child.</p> <p>Can you talk to your mom and tell her that you'd love to keep coming over but not if you're going to be banished to another room every time your baby needs to eat? Maybe she can talk some sense into your stepdad and make him realize how ridiculous he's being. Otherwise, I'd just keep doing what you're doing, with a cover, and if he says something about it to you, challenge him on why it makes him uncomfortable. I know you don't want to bring it up, which is why I'd leave it and if it bothers him so much,he can bring it up to you, not your DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-546590 Sun, 03 Feb 2013 01:06:15 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 546590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: the op can respect his wishes but, as Mr. Bee says.....it will end in her not visiting as often as the grandparents will likely want (well, if they are like my parents). So they will end up shooting themselves in the foot if they don't learn to be flexible! </p> <p>That being said, 80% of the time I nurse in private when I visit family. I just leave early if I get tired of nursing in private...I simply don't want to spend perfectly good afternoons sequestered in a guest bedroom. Plus my baby always eats better at home. That's just reality. Fortunately, he is on a schedule now so it is much easier for me to work visits around our routine. But months 1-4 I had very little control over when he ate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-544763 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:40:28 +0000 Foodnerd81 544763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Oh, ok, then, I think you are right then. Oh well! It was a nice thought, right? I will make sure when I offer anyone a more private place that I'm not unsubtly telling them to move it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-544755 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:36:42 +0000 runsyellowlites 544755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: If my MIL was anyone else then maybe, but no. She's implied the same thing when at our house... "Oh are you going to go UP (where our bedroom is) to feed her?" Mind you she knows I nurse around DS &amp; wherever when I'm home. :-/</p> <p>She's in the "supportive as long as I'm not inconvenienced" camp. So she just don't wanna see it really. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-544739 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:31:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 544739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: I was thinking about this more last night (so random, I know)-- if your MIL is supportive of BFing and offering you privacy, could it be that she is really just offering you a place more private just in case you prefer it but don't feel comfortable asking? I'm just thinking, if I had a friend over who was BFing, I would offer her the bedroom too. I wouldn't mean, yeah go in there, that's gross. I would mean, feel free to feed your baby where ever it is easiest for you both. So is there a chance that that's what your MIL is trying to say too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540962 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:31:24 +0000 SAHM0811 540962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: I totally agree with you on this. In the original post, it doesn't say at all that she's being asked to move rooms. It sounds like her stepdad was just confiding in her DH about how he feels and it doesn't sound like he was even bothered to leave the room. Since he's expressing how he feels too, I think it's a good thing because it's as if he's aware he's the one with the problem and it's just something he's gotta try to overcome. I think it can become a non-issue if he's around it more... He'll start to realize it's not a big deal. She's using a cover... Baby eats... Baby is content afterwards... What's the problem? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540954 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:28:27 +0000 Penny Lane 540954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would keep doing it. My first thought was that he needs to get over it and get used to it. You're wearing a cover, so it's not like he can see anything.</p> <p>Having a private chat with him about it would probably be ideal, but if you can't do that maybe try talking to your Mum, with the intention of having her pass it on to him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540879 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 18:01:42 +0000 Grace 540879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What does your mom say? Perhaps she can give some perspective, or alternatively can talk to your step-dad and find out what's going on? And maybe, your stepdad was just talking to your hubby "man-to-man" about his uncomfortableness? Maybe he knows that he's being silly? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540852 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:55:40 +0000 Anagram 540852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is one that (at this point, pre-LO) is very uncomfortable with the idea of me nursing--even with a cover-- in front of his parents or SILs family.</p> <p>But their culture is generally more conservative. They don't date (pfff, they date but don't tell parents), they don't wear shorts or exposed anything, and even though he's very close to his older sister, he claims she was always in another room when BFing her two kids.</p> <p>So..we'll see, but I may very well find myself in the same position, which is kinda okay with me. I like having an excuse to have some alone time occasionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540825 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:49:04 +0000 mamimami 540825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he didn't say anything directly to you, I'd pretend you have no clue. Play dumb and keep doing what you're doing. I hate when people get all weird about breastfeeding! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540382 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:11:24 +0000 mrskc 540382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: I never thought of it like that before. He has never asked me not to do it in front of him. I guess I thought he was trying to tell me in another ways. But maybe he is trying to get over his uneasiness with it. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-540140 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:38:13 +0000 T.H.O.U. 540140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has he specifically asked you to go to another room to feed? If not, then I would keep doing it respectfully like you are (with a cover, sitting to the side). </p> <p>It sounds like he may be a good guy and he may be trying to get over it. I understand that it may be hard to talk face to face with someone while nursing, but maybe you can sit there and not engage him in conversation for that bit of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539898 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 14:48:37 +0000 mrskc 539898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: that's sweet what you say about your dad and another way to look at it. </p> <p>I probably will end going to another room. Sigh. Maybe I should talk to him. </p> <p>I know a lot of you talk about his comfort, but what about mine? Whether at his house or not, I'm still going to feel weird about nursing my son around him. I just don't like the way he's gone about letting me know he's not comfortable. He's made it really awkward and it doesn't have to be. </p> <p>And What about when he's at my house or another family members house or anywhere that we're out and about with him? I'm going to feel uncomfortable nursing in front of him and that just sucks. And he's the one that has made it that way. Anyways, thanks for the feedback and letting me vent on here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539615 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:53:11 +0000 photojane 539615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like my dad will be the same way. Totally weird. Honestly, though, I think I would just excuse myself. I wouldn't feel comfortable forcing him to be uncomfortable - I respect him too much. It's super lame, and I imagine it will be annoying to have to leave the room, but he's sacrificed a lot for me, so I can make a few sacrifices. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539580 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:47:40 +0000 mrskc 539580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What baffles me is that this is the man who grew up with a bunch of hippy sisters. Who are still hippies living up in Nor Cal. The man listens to reggae! He was the only one who didn't think I was crazy for wanting an all natural childbirth. He even didn't think it was crazy to want a home birth. His sister had a home birth. So of all people I thought would be ok with breastfeeding, it was him. My FIL I thought would be weird about it, but he's totally cool with it! He doesn't even bat an eye when I feed my son in front of him. Go figure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539579 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:47:19 +0000 loveisstrange 539579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, his house... respect his wishes. Let him know that in your own home, he needs to respect yours though.</p> <p>I'm definitely not a fan of doing something that you are well aware makes someone uncomfortable in their home. It's like a smack in the face. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539568 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:44:14 +0000 mrskc 539568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@KissMeCait: This is true and I do feel that way. It's just that it's my parents! They are usually always having some family function there and I thought of all places that I could breastfeed, it would be there. I grew up in that house! In some ways I still feel like it's still my house too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539560 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:42:14 +0000 mrskc 539560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: That would be hard to visit less. My parents are always throwing family gatherings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539557 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:41:02 +0000 mrskc 539557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: That's a good idea of just trying to make it not seem like a big deal. I feel like the more he sees me do it, the less awkward it will become. </p> <p>@pelikila: I do feel like at his house, maybe I should go into another room. I just hate that it has to be that way. I will definitely continue to nurse in front of him outside of his house. </p> <p>@Bao: We don't really have that kind of relationship to talk it out, but maybe I should just suck it up and try. That's awesome you are able to nurse in front of so many male family members. I was nursing in front of a lot of family at Thanksgiving. He just seems to be the only one uncomfortable about it.</p> <p>@TurtleDoves: I do use a cover! Seriously about the getting real old thing. I plan to nurse for at least a year and we're going to have more kids, so he has to get used to it eventually.</p> <p>@SAHM0811: I'm with you. I think the more people are exposed to it the more comfortable they get. </p> <p>@Minnie_Girl: "feeding your baby &gt; a man's Victorian sensibilities" LOL! </p> <p>@rachiecakes: that's horrible about your friend. My DH is very supportive of me breastfeeding our son. </p> <p>@Foodnerd81: Yes, I totally get the other side. As I too used to be a little uncomfortable being around a BFing woman for the same reasons. But now that I'm BFing I can totally see that it's not a big deal at all and people should get used to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539549 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:37:44 +0000 rachiecakes 539549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: exactly! I've always been very pro breastfeeding but felt weird with breastfeeding friends and then felt bad that I felt this way. After being the one that's breastfeeding, that's all gone out the window. I've even breastfed with a friend breastfeeding her baby beside me! No longer an issue, haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539544 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:36:11 +0000 littlek 539544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was BF my LO, I would usually go to another room. Some people may feel uncomfortable and honestly I was more comfortable being in a separate room, plus LO gets distracted, so less distractions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539523 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:30:57 +0000 KissMeCait 539523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a parent (yet) but I'd say that you probably should respect his wishes in his home. At your house, you get to call the shots but when you're in someone else's home, it's not exactly fair for them to just have to deal with something that makes them uncomfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-stepdad-is-uncomfortable-with-my-breastfeeding-what-do-i-do#post-539513 Thu, 31 Jan 2013 13:28:13 +0000 Foodnerd81 539513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would respect his wishes in his house, but probably not come over as much. If your mom asks why, just tell her. I bet at that point she would force the issue with him and make him get over it. </p> <p>BUT, I will say, even as someone who is very pro BFing, but hasn't actually done it yet, sometimes I'm not sure where to look when a friend is BFing. It's not that I'm uncomfortable, it's that I don't know where to look that would make her the most comfortable, if that makes sense. </p>