https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 01:33:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924913 Mon, 13 Sep 2021 12:21:32 +0000 Corduroy 2924913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: Thanks for the detailing the steps. It's helpful to see them all spelled out like that. They seem natural and obvious, steps he was doing in preschool and last year in Kindergarten. I think my son replaced all these steps with 'the teacher is my weapon' when they can be used in conjunction. Or maybe he did those steps but skipped them when telling me the story and I got caught in the apparent dichotomy. He can retain some agency following the steps and use adults as the backup. It's not all or nothing. Maybe it's just me that needed the reminder but I'll remind him too.</p> <p>I always appreciate the perspective of the group, thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924912 Mon, 13 Sep 2021 12:03:58 +0000 periwinklebee 2924912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really sorry this happened. My DH and I were talking about something similar recently, not exactly in the context of this sort of physical altercation but more generally. My one year old has been going through an aggressive stage, and we have taught our three year old to use his words to say stop and to be really tolerant of her, not doing anything beyond that. He's very good about it. </p> <p>A few times we've seen him be literally shoved aside by some aggressive kid at the playground - i.e. this weekend he was so happy steering the toy wheel on one of the structures, this other aggressive kid comes up and shoves him down to use it (no parents supervising), and he just walks off looking so sad. I definitely don't want him getting in physical fights at the playground, no matter how aggressive the other kid is, but I wonder how you also teach your kid that they have to stick up for themselves in some scenarios because there's lots of people out there who will just trample all over you. I was taught to be pretty submissive and non-confrontational as a kid, and sometimes it can really come back to bite me as an adult trying to overcome those habits when someone is trying to take advantage of me. I suggested to my husband maybe this is something best taught when a kid is older and more able to distinguish how to pick your battles, but he thought by then the habit of how you respond is already deeply ingrained... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924909 Mon, 13 Sep 2021 09:02:51 +0000 ElbieKay 2924909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't tell my son to never hit back. I say you only hit in self defense. I want him to be a good, kind-hearted kid, but I don't want him to get pushed around either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924908 Mon, 13 Sep 2021 08:12:24 +0000 catgirl 2924908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is in first grade but last year in kindergarten there was an aggressive kid that she was around a lot. The kid eventually had an adult shadow them at all times. We had a lot of conversations on protecting yourself without "fighting back." We also ended up having a conversation with the school guidance counselor on how to handle a situation because DD was really nervous after she saw a friend get hurt. The counselor had steps that we practiced with DD:</p> <p>It starts with always loudly saying "STOP! Do not "x"! (hit me, kick me, call me that, etc.) To always let the other person know you do not like what is happening and to (hopefully) alert a teacher or adult nearby. Also, if there are other kids nearby try to tell someone to go get help. </p> <p>Next, would be to remove yourself from the situation, if possible. Walk or run to the adult currently in charge. If this is not possible and the kid is attacking you physically - protect yourself. Arms up, open palms, and block. (If it's verbal but not physical she knows to just not engage at this point) </p> <p>Then, if it's physical, and blocking is not enough and an adult has not shown up, they can push the other kid away. This would be if a kid is seriously hitting, kicking, or causing pain - not for poking or other small physical things. The goal would be to push and run. Not start a back and forth, not try to "win" a fight, it's just enough to get away. </p> <p>DD was only the target once and it was quickly handled by a staff member, so she didn't have to push back. I think it's really important to focus less on fighting back or winning the fight, and more on protecting yourself. I don't think it's ever too early to talk about it. </p> <p>I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt, and I do think it's good he knows his teacher should be the one to handle the situation - ideally an adult will be close by, see what is happening, and stop it quickly. But I would maybe talk through what you would like him to do in the future if the teacher isn't there immediately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924906 Sun, 12 Sep 2021 20:22:32 +0000 Grace 2924906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wonder if the issue is that people need to learn the difference between retaliation and getting someone to stop (essentially, deescalation). Some of the anecdotes that previous posters have and stories in the news show that this is probably a really hard thing to master. So, I think your son may have done right. He is probably far too young to have defused the situation and you probably don’t want him hitting back in retaliation any more than you do at home. </p> <p>Other thing I wonder, is how long was he attacked for? Since he has little injuries and doesn’t seem too phased, it might have happened very quickly with not much need for defense (over soon after it started)? That’s just speculation on my part, though.</p> <p>I’m glad he’s ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924889 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 20:48:54 +0000 DesertDreams88 2924889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a middle school teacher in kind of a rougher area, please, please do not teach your kids to fight back. Please. It morphs SO quickly into them "standing up for themselves" when insulted, etc., bravado, saving face when being threatened, etc. They see a fight as an issue of honor, they see "self-defense" as honorable but really it's just an excuse to fight back **just as hard if not harder**. We have parents come to pick up students who get suspended, and in front of school administrators they criticize their own kids for not fighting back harder and being more prepared (hair tied back, earrings out, backpack off, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924887 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 20:11:59 +0000 lady baltimore 2924887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, in this scenario, it would never have occurred to me to be upset or concerned that my child had not joined in the violent altercation. As a teacher, I am also stressing to my students that there is nothing to be gained by engaging when someone else is clearly in the wrong. The adults won't always see the inciting incident (whether it is verbal or physical), so retaliating/joining in could easily have resulted in your child also getting in trouble for inappropriate behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924880 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 12:02:50 +0000 agold 2924880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not think 1st grade is too young to talk about protecting ones self. Look into local karate classes. You can start your kid as young as 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924878 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 10:23:57 +0000 karenbme 2924878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry your son had to deal with that! I’m with the other commenter in thinking 6 is too young for self defense. But I will say my MIL taught my husband if his older brother kicked him to say no once and then kick back in preschool and DH is totally normal and well adjusted now. So I don’t necessarily think there’s a wrong answer, just what works for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924877 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 08:48:16 +0000 Mommy Finger 2924877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, first of all, sorry your son had to go through this. I know my son has had a few instances where a child in his class has had an incident but thankfully it really amounted to throwing things in the class and no one was hurt.</p> <p>But you have brought up something that I hadn't really thought about. We have also been teaching our kids that if someone, namely their brother, hits you, it doesn't give you the right to hit back. The first person who hits you is the one who is wrong and retaliation is not ok. And in those instances where it's between siblings, I still believe that's the right thing to teach. But now we're in the real world where people don't always play by those same rules.</p> <p>When they're thing young, I tend to think that maybe your son was right and his teacher is his best weapon. That is genius by the way. But what is the right age or right situation when we start teaching our kids that if someone is hitting you, that you should fight back b/c of self defense? I don't know the answer to that yet and will need to think more about that. </p> <p>Going back to my first comment above about the kid(s) who have lost it in my kid's classroom, I have tended to cut them a little bit of slack b/c I know that some of them have a hard home life. That isn't to excuse the behavior by any means but more to give a little grace b/c they're children and don't know any better right now.</p> <p>Sorry I don't have any real advice for you but I look forward to hearing what others have to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/my-teacher-is-my-weapon#post-2924876 Fri, 10 Sep 2021 01:14:04 +0000 Corduroy 2924876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Today my son's 1st grade teacher emailed me to let me know that a 2nd grader lost his temper at recess and started hitting, punching, and kicking boys in his class. My son was pushed down on the cement and punched and kicked in the face. My son wasn't particularly upset about it. His nose is red and he mentioned once while we were discussing it that maybe his eye hurts but he's acting fine and seemed fine about the whole thing when we discussed it. School is dealing with the 2nd grader.</p> <p>One thing my son said to me that's replaying in my head is "I didn't hit back, my teacher is my weapon." I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand it's kind of genius. We've been working all summer on making sure he doesn't 'hit back' when his sister says something sassy. And just this morning he got in trouble for shoving me in the back for not driving him to school (we always walk!). So I'm glad he didn't hit. But on the other hand it sounds like he got trounced pretty hard. I'm shocked my very physical son just laid there and took it, fully believing his teachers wrath was the best defense. Does self defense play zero role? </p>