https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 11:15:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605888 Thu, 18 Aug 2016 08:21:16 +0000 Anagram 2605888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: since she's been with you since January, is this type of behavior relatively new? In our situation, the nanny was doing these things in the first two weeks of her job.....and usually ppl are on their BEST behavior at the beginning, so we decided she had to go. Because the lying/not caring about your child's nap would infuriate me.</p> <p>The good news is, we found another way way better nanny. Every time I check our cameras, she is actively doing stuff with the kids, the tv has never once been on, etc. My oldest is a terrible sleeper and sometimes I see our nanny sitting on LOs bed rubbing her head while she falls asleep---which is exactly what I would doing if I were there...and the first nanny would have been like, oh she doesn't want to sleep and would not even try. </p> <p>So just because this one doesn't work out doesnt mean another one won't. Good luck! I've been exactly where you are and it's so stressful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605881 Thu, 18 Aug 2016 08:15:58 +0000 pachamama 2605881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: god. I'm sorry. I hate the feeling of being at work and worry about your baby. When it comes down to it, how can we be 100% happy with anyone else watching our kids!?<br /> Fwiw, I wouldn't worry about him not talking or walking at this point. Boys develop so much slower! My friends have 2 year olds and they have very few words. All walked around 13-16 months and are perfectly normal.<br /> Go with your gut. Tell the nanny you are watching her and to get her shit together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605876 Thu, 18 Aug 2016 08:10:45 +0000 MrsADS 2605876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Small update: I talked to the nanny about making sure that she is with my LO all the time - don't leave him unattended in rooms, etc. She said okay, but not sure if it made an impact.</p> <p>And she said some other things that now raise some red flags. Like she told me she tried to put him down for a nap at 1:30 and he wasn't tired so she put him down at 2 and he slept from 2 to 3pm. Which is FINE. But I was watching them on the camera during that time period and THAT ISN'T WHAT HAPPENED! LO was playing and she was ignoring him until she took him upstairs about 2:15 for his nap and he was still asleep at 3:30 when I left work (or at least I could not see him on the camera). </p> <p>I also typed up a "1 year update" sheet of basic instructions - I included stuff like "suggestions of activities to do" and also put in there something like "Please have the TV off while LO is awake and try to minimize cell phone use." I also wrote that we're a little concerned that he's not walking, waving, or clapping and doesn't really have any real words (just mamamama whenever he's upset) and we really want to focus on his development. So I gave her suggestions about songs to sing, games to play, etc. </p> <p>And DH and I are going to watch today (she is with him today) and if it continues today, this afternoon sit down and tell her we saw it and we are concerned.</p> <p>In the meantime we are also looking for interim care. Regardless of whether this is a reason to fire her or not, it is enough that we are not comfortable. My stomach is in knots at work today, but I have a hearing (I'm a lawyer) so I have to be here. My DH said that she's been with him since January and he is safe and fed so it will probably be okay.</p> <p>There are not a ton of facilities where we live that accept babies/young toddlers (1's). We toured one yesterday where our friend's daughter attends. It was HORRIBLE! Dirty, chaotic, just a mess. We both had a very bad gut feeling about it. Very different from the daycare where we are on the waiting list - we toured and immediately loved it. Unfortunately this crappy daycare is the only one with immediate availability. Everywhere else has a waiting list. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605222 Wed, 17 Aug 2016 07:57:18 +0000 KayKay 2605222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsads: that's a really tough one! on the one hand, i SAH and definitely let my kids play out of sight for small periods of time (longer for the older one...), and our house isn't 100%, everything-tacked-to-the-floor-or-walls childproofed. and i don't expect myself (or anyone really) to entertain my kids 100% of the day. so I get that, in the course of a day, this could/might/does happen (at least at my house!).</p> <p>on the other hand, you're paying her to take care of your kid. and there has to be some amount of trust that she is doing what you'd like/she should. </p> <p>honestly, that was one reason i decided against doing the nanny thing with my LO1 -- even though i know there isn't necessarily a way to guarantee someone is watching my kid 100% of the time at a daycare center, i know that they have/enforce rules about phones, the rooms are 99% child-proofed, etc.</p> <p>as much as it sucks, i think i'd look for alternative interim care, especially since you don't know how long it would be. even with talking to her, i wouldn't be able to stay off that damn nanny cam and monitoring all. the. time bc i have trust issues ;) if you end up interviewing other nannies, i think it's an easy way to have some "scenarios" to ask them about, as well as make it very clear that you do not want/expect them to be on their phones/watching tv/whatever while LO is awake. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605118 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 22:00:46 +0000 tlcbaby 2605118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: Laughter is the best medicine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605113 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 21:55:54 +0000 agold 2605113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tlcbaby: I truly was just trying to be funny!!! :silly: But it is a serious situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605108 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 21:44:02 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2605108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OP, sorry I didn't mean to thread jack. I agree, @agold: a text or phone call these days is the same. I gotcha @tlcbaby: @IRunForFun: ladies- it was the texting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605088 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 21:15:39 +0000 tlcbaby 2605088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Totally reasonable--I probably would have done the same thing. I think it was more the approach @agold: was suggesting that I found so entertaining. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605080 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:53:28 +0000 agold 2605080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: The phone call sounds great! I was really just sort of being funny since the girl was looking at her phone already, it would be funny to send a text. But text to the cell phone, or phone call to the cell phone seem to be the same in my mind. And for sure it's awkward to call someone out!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605078 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:52:06 +0000 agold 2605078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tlcbaby: Thanks for laughing and not making me feel like a creep! I don't have my baby here yet so I really can't know what I would do in that situation. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Wow. I probably would have called for sure in that situation. And its perfectly reasonable given that the day care you use probably promotes the fact that they have cameras installed for parents to check in on their kids. </p> <p>if you have a nanny cam, then I see no problem with letting the nanny know you are watching them. If the nanny doesn't like it, she can find a job without a nanny cam. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605077 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:47:29 +0000 IRunForFun 2605077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think calling is more reasonable though. Especially because you had a health concern already. I would even say if OP had wanted to call the nanny and say "I happened to glance at the camera and notice LO was playing unsupervised and got into the pantry, could you just make sure to xyz?" that would have been reasonable! </p> <p>A text like the one suggested would just make things awkward, in my opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605074 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:35:01 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2605074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tlcbaby: @IRunForFun: @agold: um, I did something very similar last week with LO's daycare. Yep, I became that mom. :meh: We chose the DCP because of the cameras. In my situation I was concerned that LO was having difficulty breathing in his crib due to being congested. Daycare teachers have a high tolerance for crying and noises kids make and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I watched the teacher walk by my flailing baby for 7-8 minutes tending to other peaceful babies before calling. Without sound you just don't know the full situation, so sometimes in the moment you just have to call and ask. At the end of the day every mother wants to pick up/ come home to a live baby.</p> <p>@MrsADS: it's hard sometimes not to feel like you would do things better if only you didn't work. Hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605061 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:10:59 +0000 tlcbaby 2605061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: Ha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605058 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:03:02 +0000 agold 2605058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: @tlcbaby: I was laughing to myself as I typed that. But its something that I may not have even thought twice about doing! Maybe I would say, "hi, just checked the nanny cam. can you please get my baby out of the nasty recycle bin?" And maybe I'm creepy and aggressive! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605057 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 20:00:13 +0000 IRunForFun 2605057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: Oh man I hope that's sarcasm. Otherwise that would be super aggressive and creepy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605056 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 19:59:29 +0000 tlcbaby 2605056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I know this situation isn't funny, but I'm trying to imagine how that one would have gone over! :)</p> <p>@MrsADS: I don't have a ton of advice, but I agree that I would not be okay with this. And it would be really hard for me not to check all the time now until you get something else worked out. Sorry you are having to deal with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605042 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 19:42:05 +0000 MrsADS 2605042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee yeah. My husband feels the same way as you and I am coming around to that as well. I am calling 3 daycares tomorrow to set up tours and hopefully find a place. </p> <p>I am just so torn up about this whole thing. Major mommy guilt for working. Feel like this would all be better if I was just at home with him. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605035 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 19:32:38 +0000 Anagram 2605035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I had a similar situation with our first nanny--on the phone too much, once I checked our cameras and my older one was playing alone in her room while the nanny talked on her phone in the living room. The nanny didn't once check on our daughter in a span of 15-20 minutes AND it was past LOs nap time. And none of that was okay with me. Yes, sometimes I let LO play in her room by herself, but I'm constantly checking in on her and if I have a long phone call to make where I know I'll be on hold, I wait till nap time.</p> <p>That day, plus some other red flags, were enough for us to let her go. I know that wouldn't be acceptable in a daycare, so it's not okay for a nanny either. I am a teacher and cannot in a million years fathom me making a personal phone call for 15 minutes in the middle of class while I ignored my students. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2605016 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 19:10:40 +0000 mrbee 2605016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be really upset, because you're paying for her time. She's obviously not taking it seriously, and is dropping the ball on two levels: first, basic safety (which is inexcusable, I think) and second, interactivity (which isn't essential, but is a big reason why we hired a nanny in our kids' early years).</p> <p>The safety stuff is huge to me. I would immediately start looking for replacement childcare, and then give her notice as soon as you've found one. In the meantime, I would watch her carefully and if her behavior continues, I would consider ending things earlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604995 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 18:42:18 +0000 agold 2604995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Maybe you should have sent her a text to her phone saying, "Hi, I'm watching you. Can you please interact with my baby?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604992 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 18:39:35 +0000 MrsADS 2604992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all. Thank you everyone for your feedback and different perspectives. It is really helpful.</p> <p>Agree we should secure the TV. But some of the stuff we can't really secure. Like if the pantry door is CLOSED, the baby can't get into it. She left it open and left him playing in there for 5 minutes while she was in an entirely different room, she couldn't see him at all. He could have very easily had something fall on him or cut himself on a can in the recycling. We also have 2 little steps and a landing (carpeted) right by a window where he loves to play and climb. Which is fine, SUPERVISED. She was in the other room not watching him. He will be a year next week, not yet walking.</p> <p>The safety issues are more of a concern to me than the phone thing, although I'm not happy about that either. </p> <p>We are not firing her. I chickened out on the big confrontation this afternoon when I got home. But I did make it a point to tell her that she needs to FOLLOW HIM into rooms and not leave him unattended and keep the pantry doors closed. </p> <p>My husband is afraid that if we have a "talk" with her she will take it out on our son - although I think that's unlikely, it's hard to shake the worry when it's your baby, even though she's not given us reason to worry in the past.</p> <p>I am as some of you suggested going to clarify expectations. I am going to type up some instructions/suggestions and give them to her the next time she's here (Thursday) and include activity suggestions, safety things, etc. and see if that helps.</p> <p>Edit: I definitely realize it could be worse and I'm trying to keep it in perspective. Maybe it was an off day for her or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604967 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 17:11:36 +0000 winniebee 2604967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You don't want a new nanny since you're waiting for daycare spot. I would be pissed. But, Trust me it could be worse and it's really annoying to find someone new. </p> <p>But, I would be honest and say you were missing your baby so checked in on the video and just say that you noticed the tv was on and she was on her phone quite a bit. Tell her no tv while she's on duty and she should only be checking her phone for limited time or nap time. Those are the rules in my house, with my nanny that I'm very generous win. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604959 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:42:31 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2604959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough because I would be pissed. You are paying her to interact with your son and do all the mundane things that come along with that. Sure, it gets boring, but dammit pull the phone out at naptime.</p> <p>I would have a conversation with her because otherwise you like her and these are simple behavior changes you are asking of her. Come armed with an action plan of how she can better use their time together. When I had a babysitter to supplement care when my mom watched him recently I gave her at least four things to do with the baby. She was only there for three hours at a time. The main thing that was stressed was keep your eyes glued to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604943 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:21:52 +0000 Bluebonnet 2604943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others have said, if you are concerned about safety, consider babyproofing the things you are concerned about.</p> <p>I'm assuming your nanny has a contract with the nanny agency. I'd call the nanny agency and let them know you have concerns about the nanny's usage of the phone while on the job and see how they suggest you handle it. You can also ask them what your options are if you discuss expectations with the nanny and things don't change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604931 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:05:16 +0000 snowjewelz 2604931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm. I'd maybe watch for another day or two (probably really hard to do, but I'd think I want to make sure whether this is a daily occurrence, or she isn't like this every day). Then I'd have talk with her, just b/c I feel like it's so hard to find a good/great nanny, that it could be even worse next time, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604922 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:54:49 +0000 coopsmama 2604922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a former nanny, this isn't something you fire over. It's something you have a conversation over. Frankly, I SAH with my two kids and I have no problem leaving them out of sight for a few minutes while I duck into the bathroom or what have you. Our home is baby proofed so that I don't have to worry about my kids hurting themselves on every day (the TV would count for me with this, I baby proof everything) items around the home. </p> <p>I would, however, outline your expectations a little more clearly and would also mention you noticed via the camera (sense she is aware she is on camera) that she uses her phone more than you appreciate. If the phone use doesn't change I would then let her go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604921 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:54:24 +0000 Trailmix 2604921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have had a nanny for 3 years now so I can only speak from my perspective in that way-<br /> The things you are describing are certainly not ideal but I don't think they are worth firing over, personally.<br /> But I do think a conversation is warranted about expectations in terms of what you would like her to be doing with your son and how closely you would like him supervised.<br /> I think it's rare to find childcare that is perfect, so if you like other aspects about her, than to me that would be worth attempting to continue the working relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604910 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:41:08 +0000 Andrea 2604910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think firing her would be over reacting. You were just going to up her days and give her a birthday present so she must be doing lots of good things, too. I would tell her to do x, y, z activities with your son and see how it goes via the camera. </p> <p>And if you're concerned about anything safety-wise, I would secure the TV and lock up the pantry. An accident could happen there even if a nanny was watching him like a hawk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604906 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:28:41 +0000 travelingnanny 2604906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you're worried about the tv falling then you should have that tied down. </p> <p>Is the nanny able to leave the house at all? </p> <p>Edit- I guess I don't think theses are worth firing over. I would talk to her first about safety and limiting the phone use but that is just me. I am also a very laid back person and don't feel like children need to have eyes on them 24/7. Like my nanny kids play in their playroom while I cook in the kitchen. </p> <p>I asked about being about to get out of the house because it can be so important to get out of the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nanny-problems#post-2604887 Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:52:42 +0000 MamaG 2604887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any specific advise on the nanny, but I wouldn't necessarily expect better "supervision" at daycare. The care at daycare for under 1 is typically 1 care giver to 4 kids. And it's often 8 kids and 2 care givers in the room. While it is one room (not a living and kitchen), if one caregiver is changing a diaper that means 7 are with the other. And there wouldn't be things like recycling bins or tv's to get into, but you will certainly not have 1:1 care.</p> <p>But, generally I'm more comfortable with the checks and balances with a daycare situation. Multiple people in the room, parents coming and going at different times, other teachers covering restroom and lunch breaks, etc. </p>