https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 01:14:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-24091 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:06:03 +0000 eeh 24091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No problem. Hope it at least helps come up with some ideas that will work for her daughter. I can assure you this is typical kindergarten behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-24027 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 22:01:08 +0000 tejbee 24027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: Ah! Great response! Thank you! I will pass this along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-24012 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:28:28 +0000 eeh 24012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tejbee: if the teacher is legitimately worried then she should be more than willing to sit down with the mother and talk things through to solve the problem. Even if the teacher isn't worried but the mother is, she should still agree to listen or at the very least correspond via e-mail. Your friend could easily suggest some of these methods as long as she's somewhat careful to not make it seem like the teacher doesn't know what she's doing and therefore needs help. Stupid sounding, I know. But it's reality. I'm a teacher and work with them every day...it would be a really good idea for your friend and the teacher to develop some kind of strategy that can be used both places, home and school. The sticker chart behavior sheet or behavior mats should work at either place. Making mats is easy..we have special ones from a "teacher company" but they don't have to be anything fancy. Even just masking tape colored dots placed on the floor. Ours have faces on them to help them visualize. Red=:(, yellow=:I, green=:). </p> <p>Honestly, I feel like half the battle is already won. Once the parents start to realize there's an issue and that the world doesn't revolve around their child they tend to get on board with solving the problem and it goes away quickly. I would also encourage your friend to not let her daughter interrupt her when she's talking to her husband or other people. Make sure that she sees that mommy prioritizes other things sometimes. Like if she's coloring and wants to show you a picture is is 100% okay to not drop what you're doing right that very second and go look. Explain that mommy needs to finish xyz and then she will come look. Of course, I think there also needs to be a good deal of time where she IS the center of attention. Make sure you're friend is showering her with a lot of praise for good reports and stopping and spending 30 minutes or so of uninterrupted time so she can learn that she won't always be ignored but that she has to wait her turn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-24011 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:21:37 +0000 tejbee 24011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UPDATE:</p> <p>She didn't have this issue prior to this year. But all of her previous school experiences have been with small groups, not a group of 25 kids. She has some of the same issues at home, but between the teacher, the principal and my friend, they have come up with a plan. For her bad behavior she will either be sent to time out or to her room for a period of time (15 minutes). There will be no warnings, (which provides attention), and we will not make a big deal out of it. Hopefully she will learn that bad behavior will earn her exactly what she doesn't want: being denied the pleasure of people's company. They will give that a try, and we will just have to see what happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-24010 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:16:59 +0000 tejbee 24010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: Wow, thank you so much for your thorough reply! I realize I wasn't very clear in the original post. The girl is my friend's daughter, so I think my friend is trying to figure out how to ingrain the idea of proper behavior in her daughter for when she is at school. I'm not fully aware of the exact situation, but it seems the teacher may have told my friend about how the girl is behaving in class and my friend is trying to figure out how to address the misbehavior after the fact. I like a lot of your suggestions. I don't know how the teacher is handling her when she acts out, but I wonder if the teacher wouldn't be open to suggestion of how to handle her class...it's a pickle!</p> <p>@AmeliaBedelia: My friend is in her early forties and DD is her first and only child, so there are no siblings. I don't believe she has had much interaction with other children until now... Like your sister, I have a feeling she is just going to have to learn the hard way, too... Thank you so much for your reply! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-23989 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:12:24 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 23989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was my youngest sister. Still is really (she is much younger.) My Mom basically would say this: It has to be addressed in every situation she is in. It can't just be at school or she'll only begin to dislike school. It needs to be a part of her life. If she's an only, it'll be a lot harder to grasp as a concept. Sharing comes a lot from interaction with other children - sharing attention counts in that. Some children are not born with as much capacity for compassion, so saying "Sarah needs to have her turn" only gets you a look and a scowl (or other attention seeking effort). </p> <p>I do think positive reinforcement is KEY in this. We compliment her when she does really well in different situations. She gets rewarded for her good behavior just like any other child, only that aspect plays a larger role than it might for others. </p> <p>I do have a question - is she an only child or what is her birth placement? My sister had to learn "the hard way" so to speak that the world indeed did not revolve around her. She learned this mainly through my brothers and I. In retrospect, we may have been a bit harsh ("The world does NOT revolve around you.") But it has curbed her attention grabbiness a bit. Not a lot... But she's learned how to be around other children a bit better. Our thought is that she'll thank us one day when she actually has friends. </p> <p>ETA: My sister is adopted. Her attention grabbiness stems from that and the "competitive" atmosphere of an orphanage. It's a constant struggle in my family. She is almost 8. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-23987 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 20:10:26 +0000 eeh 23987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about using the positive power of peer pressure? Can you talk about how sad it makes little Timmy that he is being interrupted by her? </p> <p>What about having a journal where she can draw pictures of things she'd like to tell the teacher along with a conversation about how Mrs. whateverhername needs to make sure she gets to help and talk to all the boys and girls and this way as soon as something pops into her head she can go write it down and then at set appropriate times she can share it with the teacher?</p> <p>This might be controversial but I'm also a fan of ignoring. Have clear expectations and perhaps even a picture chart of those expectations (raising hand, waiting her turn, working quietly, etc.). They would need to be pictures since she probably isn't a super reader yet since she's in kinder. After reviewing the expectations many, many times explain that not meeting those expectations will result in time on the mats. (In my classroom we use a red mat, yellow mat, and green mat which indicate thinking about actions, improving actions and attitudes, and ready to rejoin the group after talking with teacher.) If she's not meeting the expectations even after an appropriate amount of warnings calmly walk her over to the mat and explain that she will need to review the expectations until she's ready to rejoin the class. It's important to ignore whatever she does on that mats at this point. She's testing you to see if you will give into her power struggle. Make sure she can see what is going on in the rest of the room so she understands she's missing out on the fun. She might cry, scream, etc. but just do your best to ignore her and her actions. Refocus the kids with a fun, somewhat loud song or something they absolutely love so they won't be distracted by her. She will struggle the first few times but she will eventually realize that if her behavior meets expectations she gets to participate in the fun.</p> <p>Or, how about a behavior sheet? Keep it very simple with just 3 or so categories at a time. Raising hand, using kind words, waiting her turn, etc. then use happy faces and sad faces and break the day into chunks: math, story, calendar, writing, etc. and circle either face depending on her actions. Tell her that if she gets ___ number of smiley faces she gets a reward (sticker, candy, hug, special chair for 5 minutes, whatever). Send the paper home each day for parent review. Start with an easily obtainable goal like 3 smiley faces. Stay there for a couple days until she sees the joy in the reward then gradually increase the expectation over time. </p> <p>Hope your friend gets something figured out. Kindergarten can be a trying time for some but she'll get the hang of it. Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-5-year-old-girl-misbehaves-if-not-center-of-attention-in-kindergarten#post-23931 Tue, 29 Nov 2011 18:26:17 +0000 tejbee 23931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am forwarding this question for a friend. I'm hoping some of you bees can help out. I don't have any LOs of my own yet, so maybe someone who has gone through this has some insight?</p> <p>My friend would like to know:</p> <p>Does anybody have any suggestions on how to teach a bright, beautiful, 5 year old that she can't be the center of attention at kindergarten in a logical and thoughtful manner?</p> <p>When she isn't the center of attention she misbehaves, throws crayons, doesn't listen, sasses the teacher.</p> <p>Thoughts? </p>