https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 14:18:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168906 Fri, 25 May 2012 08:33:50 +0000 jennylynn 168906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: Her and my mom talk when they are at the same place, but I don't think it's really possible for them to become "close". They are just too different. They get along though, I just think his mom is slightly jealous that I go to my mom first.</p> <p>@Crumbs: "considering her "feelings" outweighs yours. It's not supposed to be like that at all!" "if she's ever thought about YOU?"&lt;-----THIS! That is exactly how I feel. Thank you. I need to start putting my needs above hers and quit trying to be the peace keeper. It's just a hard situation since her and my husband are so close. I don't want to cause any hard feelings between her and I because like I said, aside from this, she is wonderful. But you are so right! It's time to think about myself, and what's best for OUR family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168755 Fri, 25 May 2012 04:17:41 +0000 SugarplumsMom 168755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think she needs to get over it as well. You and your husband have your own family and little one to think about! Priorities shift and if you continue to allow yourself to always think of your MIL above doing what you need to do, then something's gotta give! You will be tired and eventually resentful. </p> <p>She has to realize she isn't the center of attention anymore. You husband has to realize that as well and be fine with it - because from what you've written, considering her "feelings" outweighs yours. It's not supposed to be like that at all! I know how hard it is to adjust, my MIL has been queen bee for years and never had to consider anyone else but herself (since everyone complied to her every whim). But once a baby is born, you don't need to justify to her why you're busy and why you have to do things a certain way.</p> <p>She can complain all her wants - and when she does, ask her (or have your husband ask her) if she's ever thought about YOU? About how hard it is for first time parents to cope with all the changes without having to hear all her complaints. Perhaps only then she'll step back and realize what a inconsiderate, selfish human being she's been. </p> <p>(Sorry for being so harsh, these kinds of stories always triggers something in me ... =P) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168754 Fri, 25 May 2012 04:09:19 +0000 Rosie Girl 168754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just say that your mom said she would watch your LO the first couple of days because she is going to bring her up to you at work so you can nurse and such and then you wanted to know if she could do next week. That way you are still kind of asking her to babysit.</p> <p>Tough situation though! I worry about this too because my mom watches our kids on Thursdays and Fridays, and MIL never does! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168701 Thu, 24 May 2012 22:37:05 +0000 deannab1 168701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dray be a brat for saying this, but I think your mil just needs to get over it. As long as you make an effort and give her opportunities to see her grandchild then you have nothing to worry/feel bad about. My mil is WONDERFUL, but the family culture she is used to is very different from what I'm comfortable with. After tiptoeing around her for the first few weeks, I finally just came out and told her what was going to work for me and my little family. It made things so much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168681 Thu, 24 May 2012 21:35:19 +0000 eeh 168681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's easy to gravitate towards our own moms for advice, help, etc. which sometimes makes MIL feel left out. Is there something you could come up with that could be special for just you and her and the baby or even her and the baby? Maybe an activity that she always gets to babysit for or even call her first when something happens and ask her advice, even if you call your mom as soon as you hang up and ask her advice. Perhaps including her in the little things will help her feel like she has a place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168637 Thu, 24 May 2012 21:17:34 +0000 mrs. wagon 168637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tough situation, especially seeing your DH is an only child and close with his mom. So anything but 100% attention is not ever going to be enough for her. :T Honestly I think only time and situations like this where her feelings will be hurt over and over again will help her to ease into her new role as MIL and one of TWO grandmas. Also, would it help if she were to be able to talk to and become close to your mom? I know that helped our situation quite a bit, when the grandmas were able to bond and my mom could talk my MIL down from situations sometimes, since my mom (already being a grandma and knowing me much better than my MIL did) was much more understanding of situations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-mil-situation#post-168621 Thu, 24 May 2012 21:07:53 +0000 jennylynn 168621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to start this post out by saying : I have a wonderful MIL. I really do. She's very generous, sweet, caring, and generally easy to get along with. But, I feel like she's making things into a competition with my mom regarding the LO, and I wind up in uncomfortable situations because of it.</p> <p>Here's some examples (you can skip this part if you don't want to ready the whole post):<br /> when I was in labor, it was very obvious my husband was not going to be able to coach me or be much support because he was a nervous wreck. So, we both agreed my mom should stay too. His mom told him she'd "be pissed" if my mom got to stay in there and she didn't. What?! That pretty much set me off. It's my body, and I'm the one giving birth. Having your mother in there is totally different than having your MIL in there IMO. But I ended up asking her to stay anyways because he needed her to support him (he was an absolute mess). Not what I had envisioned but whatever. After the baby was born, she got a little offended because my mom was here helping out with housework and cooking for the first few days and I didn't ask her to come over and do anything. Granted, I never asked my mom to either, she just did. My husband works 2nd shift, and so does my dad, so one night I took LO over to my moms house so we could chat and hang out for a few because I was feeling lonely. No biggy. Well for Mothers Day, my mom thought it might be nice to have 1 large cookout with my parents and his at my parents house so that we wouldn't have to rush off from one get together to head to the other. She got a little huffy about it and said "Well Mya's never been to MY house". (Their house is too small to have all of us there or I would have suggested that) And my husband then told me she had been complaining about that for some time at that point. Oh, and I should probably mention my husband is an only child and him and his mom are very close.</p> <p>Now. I have been trying very hard to make sure she feels included, and not leave her out. She comes by pretty much whenever she feels like it, and I asked her to babysit for a bit for our anniversary this Monday. But, I return to work after next week, and I work 12 hour shifts. 10 am to 10 pm. Babysitting will alternate between our parents by day, or week, whatever they decide. I really want my mom to babysit my first 2 days back at work. I'm just more comfortable with that and I won't feel bad if I call her a thousand times to check on LO. She offered to take those days off, so that she can be available to help get my husband adjusted to his new sleep schedule and let him nap if he needs to before work, and so that when my husband goes to work, she can bring LO to me for an evening feed and much needed snuggle (I'm going to be a mess). And I know I'm really going to want that, and it's important to me. His mom wouldn't be able to do that (we'll just leave it at that) I know it's going to hurt her feelings that my mom gets "to babysit first", but I'm tired of worrying about what's going to hurt who's feelings. What about this mommas feelings?! I don't want her to make it about whos the "favorite". I just want going back to work those first few days to be made as easy as possible on me. I don't want to deal with drama. How do I even go about telling her that I want my mom to babysit first? Ugh. My husband does try to smooth things over, but he worries about his mom's feelings as well. I just want to handle it the best way possible.</p> <p>Sorry for the novel.... </p>