https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 12:57:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1955335 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 19:07:31 +0000 cait 1955335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't say that I'm in the same boat, for me it's been opposite, but I do want to say that I think parental "preference" is completely normal and in no way a result of anything you've done wrong. I think that the idea that kids are always more attached to their mother is not completely instinctual, but also comes from years and years of moms and dads being in more defined roles, and that's not so much the case now because many dads are much more hands on. </p> <p>We mostly tolerate the insistence that only I can kiss booboos, etc., but not any hurtful comments or rude tone. We don't really punish it though, either, because I think it might just make her view her dad more negatively if he's also the perceived source of tension between me and her. Instead, I have a very calm talk about how feelings get hurt and how to avoid that. When he's not around, I talk about him and the nice things he does for us, how much I love our whole family, etc. During those talks, I have heard her say that she loves him and what she likes doing with him. The feelings ARE there. It is getting better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1955301 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 18:28:53 +0000 NurseDMB 1955301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And I totally know what you mean about thinking you did something wrong (even though logically you didn't). All you hear about is toddlers and kids preferring their mom, so I feel like the only one sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1955299 Fri, 21 Nov 2014 18:27:38 +0000 NurseDMB 1955299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice but I sympathize even though my son is only 15 months old. I feel like we're headed this way eventually :( he has always been a daddy's boy.. Even when he's sick or hurt, he chooses DH over me. When it's just him and I or when we're other people, he is my best friend, but when DH is around I basically don't exist. It really hurts sometimes. Sorry you're going through this :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1940245 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 22:01:50 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1940245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: you're so right. Deep down I know this is what needs to happen but, being so emotionally and physically drained already, this seems so daunting... especially with the fact that she will resist the change. Ugh! </p> <p>@yellowbird: :-( I know. I mean, it really took a toll on me the first year of her life, because I felt like I did something wrong as a mother... I thought all kids preferred mom </p> <p>@Raindrop: @looch: I really hope that's the case for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1940080 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 19:53:08 +0000 smores 1940080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: love this advice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939856 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 16:24:06 +0000 Raindrop 1939856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Similar to @looch: LO had a strong daddy preference from birth to about 2 years old and some months. Something switched ... I want to say it's because I got pregnant because a month or so after we found out... it was suddenly all mommy all the time. </p> <p>He didn't want DH to be near him. I was having a pretty bad early pregnancy... (bleeding) so I couldn't lift LO or walk that much or go up and down our stairs so DH still had to follow LO around and LO would get so upset that he would push DH away and gab my hand but I simply couldn't go with him or lift him to where he wanted.</p> <p>He has now evened out in the last 4 months or so. He doesn't seem to dislike DH anymore but he doesn't seem as into DH as he was 7 months ago.</p> <p>I talked to some coworker about this and most of them agree that kids will go through phases. So I think soonish your LO will want mommy more than daddy. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939375 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:54:45 +0000 Weagle 1939375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dd1 (2.5) totally has a daddy preference, and especially when he is at home. He makes it a point to correct her behavior when she's rude to me and to generally speak highly of me and how she should treat me throughout their normal conversations. It really has helped! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939359 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:50:31 +0000 yellowbird 1939359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: :((( that breaks my heart. My dd is the same way but her preference is for me. She is so mean to dh that it really hurts his feelings and we have tried just about everything. I'm not sure what the answer is but I really really hope it gets better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939346 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:45:32 +0000 autumnlove 1939346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO 1 has a Daddy preference too. It has gotten better lately and she actually lets me put her to sleep when he is home! Big hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939272 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:23:17 +0000 Canoli 1939272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am dealing with the same thing. my son has always had a strong daddy preference and just turned 3. i wish I had advice. I am trying to do more with him one on one but we also have a baby so it makes it challenging.</p> <p>Sorry I have no advice but I feel for you and offering commiseration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939267 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:22:07 +0000 looch 1939267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my son had a really strong daddy preference from birth to about 2 years of age, then all of a sudden, he changed and now he won't let my husband do anything if I am also home. When I am out, they can accomplish the bath just fine, but if I happen to be there, I have to do the bath.</p> <p>I personally tried not to make too big a deal of it and I would much rather take the path of least resistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939229 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:05:14 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1939229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the Bees wrote a blog post about this and one of the things they did was have both parents complete tasks together. This way, the child was calm and willing while the undesirable (for lack of a better term) was participating in routines. Then, when the desired parent wasn't there at all the child was used to having their needs met by the other parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939219 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 12:00:30 +0000 Skadi 1939219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried making your DH the sole disciplinarian when he's around?</p> <p>I actually think toddlers understand a lot more than we give them credit for, and this kind of behavior is about being defiant and pushing your buttons because she senses that it causes strife.</p> <p>When a toddler ramps up bad behavior to such a high degree (spitting, hitting, etc.) it's easy to sort of normalize other bad behavior that leads up to it, and only try to discipline when it's <i>really</i> bad. I mean, you don't want to be a "mean mommy" who punishes her kid all the time, right? And other bad behavior seems insignificant compared to her tantrums. But I think that actually makes it worse. You're trying to do damage control when she's ramped up to a 7 or 8 or 9. Disciplining her at the first sign of trouble nips it in the bud.</p> <p>I think it might help if you ask yourself honestly while observing her very closely, when do you first <i>start</i> to see signs of defiance in a given situation? It all starts with attitude and escalates from there. Don't wait for her to actually do something wrong to correct her, because by the time she takes an action (and disrespectful words count as actions!), you've already missed a key teachable moment that could have prevented it in the first place. I don't mean to make it sound like this is easy...you almost have to re-train yourself (and your DH) to raise the bar and pay close attention to her non-verbal cues.</p> <p>As soon as you see it, your DH (or you, if DH is absent) needs to treat it just as seriously as if she had tried to hit you or said something mean. </p> <p><b>"Your attitude is disrespectful to your Mommy and I. You need to go to Time Out for a few minutes to have some alone time so you can adjust your attitude and be pleasant to be around. We want to play with you, but we can't do that until your heart is loving and kind." </b></p> <p>Or however you want to say it. Be warned that at first, this will definitely start a meltdown because she is so unused to this kind of reaction to behavior that previously went unchecked, and she will want to see if you'll actually follow through with this new rule. So ignore the meltdowns, force her to go to Time Out, and leave her there until you can see a visible change in her demeanor. If you let her leave Time Out still angry or rebellious, it defeats the point! The purpose of Time Out is not for her to "do her time" regardless of her mindset. It's to give her a breather <i>until</i> she can collect herself and leave Time Out in a different attitude than when she came in.</p> <p>It might take a while for this to take full effect. She might ramp up her efforts to lash out in a last ditch effort to buck the new regime that is clamping down on her bad behavior. But hopefully, with some consistency (and getting your DH totally on board with this), she will learn that it is not in her best interest to treat your disrespectfully. Doing so only makes her spend eternity in Time Outs and get reprimands from Dad, neither of which are fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-advice-re-strong-daddy-preference#post-1939125 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 11:29:56 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1939125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm embarrassed to talk about this, but I need some help, and I'm hoping I'm not the only one dealing with it. </p> <p>My oldest (she'll be 3 in January) has always had a strong preference for my husband, even when she was just 6 weeks old. But now, it's getting to the point where it's ridiculous. I'm not sure if it's the age/stage, or if it's something I'm doing wrong, but she wants nothing to do with me. She will always tell me "No! I want Daddy to do it!". She refuses to let me answer questions and will only respond when my husband asks her something (but ignores me if I ask the same thing) She throws a huge tantrum (including screaming/hitting/spitting/running away) if I try to hug her, give her food/drink, etc and will only stop once my husband does it. </p> <p>I have tried adjusting my behavior and how I talk to her (like keeping a calm voice, getting down to her eye level, etc) since I'm more of the disciplinarian. I've tried spending more one on one time with her. But the moment we get back around my husband, it starts all over again. </p> <p>I've also tried the reverse and been firm/given her timeouts/yelled. The only time she will show remorse is when my husband tells her that she needs to apologize to me for her actions/being mean. </p> <p>Every now and then, she'll have a good day or two and she'll want to be around me, but it never lasts long.</p> <p>Please, Bees, I need some help to turn this around! Is this a normal phase?? </p>