https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 22:56:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1663332 Wed, 28 May 2014 15:34:10 +0000 bookwormmama 1663332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written your post almost word for word (except we have introduced a bottle). My DH has kinda been forced to work out DS's crying at night because I work an evening shift once a week and DH watches LO. I think their time together without me is starting to help their bonding. My DH isn't very confident in himself as a dad (although it is getting better) and I really think that makes a difference...I think babies can smell fear :wink: </p> <p>One suggestion I've heard is to get a lovey and have it cuddled with you both while nursing...then your DH can use it to help soothe your LO because it is a comforting smell. I do think pumping once a day and having your DH give a bottle once a day is a good solution as well. I think if anything it will make your DH feel good and gain more confidence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1663082 Wed, 28 May 2014 14:17:30 +0000 Lozza 1663082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest didn't have much of a mommy preference (at least not till later) but my youngest has a HUGE mommy preference that my DH has often found really frustrating. Just waiting it out has made a big difference- as your LO gets older and more interactive it's naturally easier for other people to bond, I think, since you can start making them smile and playing with them and having a lot more interaction than with a child of only a couple months.<br /> I agree w/ previous posters whose partners wore the baby in a carrier while out and about. (If my DH has the kids and the younger is fussing for him, he'll often put him in a carrier and take both kids and the dog on a walk- a walk outside is calming to everyone, and it gets LO used to being next to daddy). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662675 Wed, 28 May 2014 12:36:30 +0000 nana87 1662675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>dd is 8 weeks old and dh only just started getting into the groove of things and being able to comfort her. we're also ebf, and it's only in the last few days that she's gone to sleep with one of us rocking her rather than me nursing her to sleep, and that's made all the difference in their relationship. being able to put her down to sleep makes dh feel more confident in his parenting so he doesn't give up super fast and hand her back to me, and he's able to soothe her. if she gets SUPER cranky i take her back to nurse, but then he takes her back and rocks her if she doesn't fall asleep nursing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662528 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:52:10 +0000 ElbieKay 1662528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know you said you don't want to use a bottle, but I really recommend considering adding one pumping session and one bottle. Maybe your husband can give him a bottle before bedtime? That just seems like the obvious way to help them bond.</p> <p>I'm not trying to challenge your preference, and I don't know why you feel that way, so please don't take this the wrong way. Before I had my baby, I think I would have expected to feel the same way as you. But then I wasn't able to exclusively nurse, and it still worked out in the long run. Giving a bottle of pumped milk didn't turn out to be a big deal.</p> <p>I had a hard time with nursing because it really hurt for about 8 weeks. So, I did a ton of pumping at first including three days of exclusively pumping (and hating every minute of it). Then for several weeks I nursed during the day and pumped overnight to give my nipples a break. My husband got up to give the baby a bottle so I wouldn't have to deal with both and be up all night.</p> <p>I didn't plan on having to do that, and I was upset by it at the time. But now that I am back at work, I'm glad that I'm so used to pumping. It made that part of the transition much less of a big deal.</p> <p>I was also really worried about nipple confusion, but my son could not care less where his food comes from. (I do think he likes to comfort suck when we nurse, too, though. And, lately he's been a little annoying and demanding of my boob even when he's not hungry.) He also loved a pacifier during his first three weeks and then completely lost interest. I learned a lot from those two experiences because I was anticipating problems that did not materialize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662455 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:26:53 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1662455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH used to do the same thing - handing LO off to me when she started crying because he "couldn't" soothe her. A few things that helped us:<br /> - setting a minimum time for him trying to sooth her<br /> - me leaving for a few hours (I would feed her and leave, but come back in 2 hours since she was eating every 3.)<br /> - me explaining to DH that the reason he "couldn't" sooth her is because he never did it, that it would be hard for a few days, but she would learn and then it would be easier. </p> <p>We came to an agreement for him to try to get her back to sleep if she woke up before midnight for a certain time period every night for a long weekend (4 days). If she still was fussing after the time limit, I came to help, but she never went over the time limit and by day 3, would go back down within a few minutes. </p> <p>It also got a lot easier when she got a bit older and didn't really have the witching hour and DH started doing more with her in the morning because she wakes up between 5-6, so there is an hour or two before he goes to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662334 Wed, 28 May 2014 11:00:55 +0000 Weagle 1662334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely give him more opportunities to "own" childcare. That helps quite a bit. Otherwise, your LO is only 2 months old. They have very basic needs at this point, most of which you meet most of the time. As your LO gets older, they will bond more. Towards the end of the first year it will be much more natural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662134 Wed, 28 May 2014 10:06:03 +0000 knittylady 1662134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH wearing him on weekends when were out and about was a huge part of their bonding! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662102 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:50:13 +0000 Cherrybee 1662102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh I remember the evening fussy days so well. DH would get home from work about 1 hour after it began and then DD would scream until 11pm, every single night. It was really hard on my DH, even though he had a good bond with DD. </p> <p>The bath solution is a great one. Our DD loves her baths, always has, and it quickly became their daddy/daughter thing. I loved it because it gave me a little bit of time to myself, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662069 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:39:51 +0000 wonderstruck 1662069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: I'm so jealous you have a happy baby during baths! For us, DH doing baths on his own was never an option because even now at a year old my son sobs through bathtime. So it's a 2 person job so that we can get it over with as quickly as possible! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1662018 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:22:45 +0000 MoonMoon 1662018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just want to offer support! Your baby and husband will bond, sometimes it takes longer for whatever reason, and your reasons of ebf and long work hours are very valid.</p> <p>My DH and baby spent a lot of skin to skin time in the early days, and my DH often wore him in a carrier, or bounced with him on the yoga ball when he was fussy. We had to start using bottles around 6 weeks because I was returning to work, and we decided only daddy would do bottles. Plus, when your baby gets a little older/bigger, they can do a bit more bonding like tickle fights, carrying on shoulders, etc.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661997 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:15:27 +0000 merbaby14 1661997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for your comments and ideas so far. I completely agree with you all about not stepping in quickly and letting DH figure it out. It's more that DH hands him off to me out of frustration than me choosing to step in so I think we need to have DH commit to not giving up soothing him and perhaps the best way would be for me to leave the house so he has no choice. </p> <p>I'll also try to have him do all if bath time. I never asked why he doesn't want to do it himself but my guess is nerves/why rock the boat. I do agree though that it would probably be a good bonding time since DS is generally very happy during baths. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661980 Wed, 28 May 2014 09:06:23 +0000 wonderstruck 1661980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've gotten great advice above, and I'd second pretty much all of it! Another thing that helped my DH was doing skin to skin with him - may seem silly since he's not breastfeeding obviously, but it really is just a bonding thing. Although by two months I was occasionally leaving to go to the store or whatever and leaving DH alone with LO, so he really had no choice but to figure it out and I think that was a good thing as well (of course this did require pumping and LO taking a bottle - but it was MUCH easier for DH to accomplish that when I wasn't home as the obvious alternative for baby.) don't get in the all too common mindset of him as a babysitter, he's a full parent just like you are. It did get MUCH easier when they 'witching hour' finally comes to an end though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661930 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:50:13 +0000 kiddosc 1661930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everyone above. It sounds like you're pretty quick to jump in when your LO starts crying. Your DH needs to figure out what works for HIM to soothe the baby. I know a lot of moms have trouble because Dad doesn't do it your way, but he will figure out his own ways and that is the beginning of his relationship with LO. I also agree he can do the bath, is there a reason he's not? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661925 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:48:32 +0000 MrsKoala 1661925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let DH do the bath. And if baby starts to cry, don't take him back. DS needs to get used to being with dad and dad needs to get used to learning how to settle him. It will help immensely with the bond. Trust that your DH can do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661914 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:45:40 +0000 blackbird 1661914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Give DH the baby. Walk away. Go outside. Let him figure it out! The bonding will happen as he soothes the baby and the baby figures out that someone besides mommy can settle him down. All I can recommend is more time. </p> <p>Have DH give the bath, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661913 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:45:28 +0000 looch 1661913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I go back and forth on solutions, because on one side, I feel like you have to let things happen naturally and on the other hand, I feel like if you're constantly stepping in, you're a roadblock. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661912 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:45:23 +0000 Smurfette 1661912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have DH do the bath fully by himself. </p> <p>When LO cries when DH holds him, let DH figure it out. Don't step in right away and take over. Maybe even leave the house. </p> <p>I know that it is hard, I would see my DH trying to get R asleep for naps and wouldn't do it the way I would but I let him figure it out. She would fall asleep for him in ways that would never work for me. But she figured out we did it differently and it worked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661904 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:41:36 +0000 yoursilverlining 1661904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you take him (LO) back pretty quickly when he starts crying? Are you there the entire time he's playing with dad? If so, I would let your husband work out the crying, even if it's frustrating. I would also leave the room; if you're there, naturally your LO will want to be with the parent he's most comfortable with.</p> <p>Can your husband do the bath itself; not just the prep?</p> <p>If you don't want to let your husband take a feeding, can he sit with you while you feed LO and interact with LO during a feeding - make and hold eye contact, hold his hand, stroke his cheek, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-getting-lo-to-bond-with-dh#post-1661888 Wed, 28 May 2014 08:36:57 +0000 merbaby14 1661888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel so bad for DH because I'm starting to sense his frustration and disappointment that DS doesn't have the same attachment and comfort level with him as he does with me. </p> <p>DS is only 2 months and we EBF. I take all the night shifts since we never use a bottle and I'm the one who has to feed him. I also stay at home while DH works from 7:30 to 7pm most days so it certainly makes sense that DS is very attached to me. </p> <p>When DH comes home, unfortunately it's during DS's evening cranky time and will usually just cry when DH tries to hold him when he gets home from work. He just won't calm down unless he passes him back to me. It's hard on both of us. </p> <p>Even on the weekends, DS pretty much just treats DH as any other visitor and will be ok when he's in a good mood but doesn't show any extra level of comfort/ preference for daddy. </p> <p>Here's what DH does do: prepares DS for bath time every night (I do the bath) and takes him after bath to dry, diaper, clothe. On weekends he usually takes the morning shift which is me handing him off after feeding until his next feeding (though I'm the one that gets DS out of bed to eat). Then, as much as he can, will hold, play with him on the weekends but again, he begins to cry petty quickly. </p> <p>Does anyone have any suggestions on ways we can help facilitate their bonding? My husband working less is not an option and (for now) substituting a feeding with a bottle is not ideal. </p> <p>I started wearing around one of DH's shirts on my should hoping that it will help him learn daddy's smell - I have no idea if that will do anything but in willing to give anything a try. </p>