https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 04:39:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2590323 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 21:19:38 +0000 hilsy85 2590323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I would not make him sit at the table--that would never work for us. But if he wants to throw a tantrum because he doesn't want to sit at the table and doesn't want to eat, then that's ok. I would just continue my meal. And let him know that when dinner is over the food is going away. I don't think tantrums are a problem though--they're a pretty normal way for kids that age to respond to frustration, anger, etc etc. I would just try to nip the behavior (i.e. the back and forth with you) in the bud. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2590214 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 18:42:39 +0000 ShootingStar 2590214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: @BabyBoecksMom: @Mrs. J: The dinner thing started a while ago because it was becoming a huge fight every day. So finally we gave up and it was a lot more peaceful to not force him to come to the table. And he would usually decide on his is that he wanted to eat without an argument. It might be time though to start taking the choice out of it. </p> <p>But I still struggle with all the other things he does this about. It could be anything - coloring, playing outside, etc. He does this flip flop thing. Some of it could be attributed to him being tired or hungry. But sometimes it's a total surprise and catches me off guard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2590181 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 17:41:38 +0000 coopsmama 2590181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Our sons are the same age. Dinner time is non negotiable if both parents are home. We all (my two toddlers, 3 and 2, and mom and dad) sit down to eat and they have to drop whatever activity they are doing when we are ready to eat. I do give them a few warnings like "hey guys, dinner will be ready in ten mins, come inside" if they are in the back yard and then "okay, I'm dishing up the plates" so that no one feels caught off guard and they are able to transition mentally) but dinner time is non-negotiable. So is bath time, and bed time and other basic things throughout the day. These are things that are built into the day that provide routine and truth be told - children crave and need it! My kids don't need to eat or finish their plate but I do encourage them to try everything and some nights they are quite hungry and some nights they pick and I'm okay with that. The point is more that they are in a good routine. I would never expect a toddler to decide whether or not they want to sit down for a meal time - actually, I never expect a toddler to make a great decision because they are children and that's why I'm the parent. To lead and show the way! That's how they will learn to know what is right and, in this case, the best thing for your son is to sit down for family time around the dinner table so I would make it an expectation rather than an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2590138 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 16:29:07 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2590138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Same as what @Mrs. J: said. We all sit at the table when we eat. We tell her that if she gets down, that means she is done and will not get anything else to eat (she likes to get a snack before bed, but we cut that out to enforce this rule). We used to strap her in her high chair to make her sit, but now we just remind her that if she gets down, then she's done. </p> <p>There will probably be a few more days of meltdowns when he realizes that you mean what you say, but it really starts to even out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2590068 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 15:23:07 +0000 Mrs. J 2590068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: even if DS says he doesn't want to eat, we say dinner is family time and we all have to sit at the table even if not eating. He will usually decide to eat once sitting, but we don't let him go play instead; he has to sit with us. We are just firm about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589965 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:19:31 +0000 ShootingStar 2589965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So in this situation, how do I give him more boundaries? Make him sit at the table or refuse to feed him? also, right now there's only so much *I* can make him do if I'm on my own since he's a 30# toddler and I'm almost 36 weeks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589917 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:56:40 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2589917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Modern Daisy: . I think he is at the stage where he's craving boundaries. Most adults would enjoy having the choice to do what they want, but children need to know that there are limitations and they actually are happier and better behaved when they have someone to tell them how they need to behave. </p> <p>We spent over 9 months with a child psychologist working out these same types of issues with our oldest (but hers was much more involved). It was amazing what a difference she had in a short time when we actually set those boundaries... consistently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589858 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:12:39 +0000 catlady 2589858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My almost 3 year old sometimes does this, and it's usually when she's overtired or overwhelmed. I don't know if we're spoiling her but when she gets into a state like this, I usually pick her up and let her sit on my lap while I just hold her and she usually calms down. Then we try to chat about something totally different for awhile and she'll cheer up. If I suspect she is overtired, I then try to get her into nap/bed quickly at that point. </p> <p>When she is testing boundaries, I can usually tell (more like acting out instead of acting overwhelmed) so we're more firm about discipline in those cases. If she tantrums during those instances, I try to just give her some space and let it out, while keeping the discipline (like, if she is mad because I won't let her jump on the couch, I let her cry for awhile but I still won't let her jump). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589854 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:09:33 +0000 imbali 2589854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm usually not patient enough for the whole back and forth! I just tell DD, okay you have three seconds to decide yes or no...or I say, the next decision you make is final, what's it gonna be? And try make it a bit fun...and she usually decides. Sometimes we get a meltdown after when she has to make peace with her choice but I figure that's a life lesson anyway :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589842 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:02:09 +0000 Foodnerd81 2589842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: in those cases, when I just need to get things done, usually I just do it myself and if she flips out I put her in her room alone. Honestly, that's the best way to keep ME from losing my temper, and if I lose it then she is sure to lose it. So basically my parenting strategy is do what it takes to not lose your temper and yell... But if she's going to flip out either way I just go about my business and let her. </p> <p>This doesn't work as well if we are out or if I actually need her cooperation (teeth brushing, getting shoes on to leave the house, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589835 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:59:10 +0000 hilsy85 2589835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: so I would just go ahead and do it once you tell him you are going to. If you let him say he wants to do it and it becomes a back and forth, that is not good. You may still have a tantrum, but that's kind of par for the course at that age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589827 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:55:51 +0000 ShootingStar 2589827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ustechie: He's a little over 2.5.</p> <p>@Mamaof2: @magnoliamama42: So usually it goes like this -</p> <p>Me: D it's time to [feed dog, eat dinner, etc]<br /> D: No want to ______<br /> Me: Ok. Mommy is going to do _______ now<br /> D: No want to do it<br /> Me: OK<br /> D: I want to!<br /> Me: OK</p> <p>This repeats a few times. If it's something short like feeding the dog and I do it instead, he melts down, screaming that he wanted to do it. So I feel like it's a difficult situation - I can't make him freed the dog (for example) but no matter how many warnings that I'm going to do it, he flips out and insists he wanted to. </p> <p>@Foodnerd81: For the dinner thing last night removing him probably would've worked the best. But other times I just need to get whatever it is done, like feeding the dog or throwing away his banana peel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589810 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:46:53 +0000 ustechie 2589810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old is your son? </p> <p>I'll echo everyone else and say that he needs some boundaries and consistency. Some things should be non-negotiable. For us, dinner is one of them. We sit down and eat as a family...that's a strict rule for my DH. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589801 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:40:47 +0000 yoursilverlining 2589801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my LO does things like this, I find that she responds best when the same rules/reinforcement are set out each time, versus giving her the full control to make decisions. Many kids don’t want to be in control or have that amount of license. In the dinner situation, you can still give him the choice on whether or not he will come and eat but still set some boundaries (for example say, “if you are not going to eat, you may only do X activity instead and then eat” instead of giving free range). Also kids don’t make the best choices when they are hungry or tired, and I find with my LO just letting her loose to do whatever she wants / make her own decisions when she is hangry is going to result in a meltdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589800 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:39:54 +0000 hilsy85 2589800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went throught a terrible phase of this. It was awful and confusing and just so frustrating--like, really kid you're screaming because I'm agreeing with what you wanted to do?! I think it is just a phase unfortunately, an I would just handle the tantrums as you would any other. I also think that choices are sometimes too much and it's better just to say "Ok you don't want to throw out that banana peel, I will help you" and take it from his hand. might still cause a tantrm but less frustrating for you with no back and forth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589797 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:34:25 +0000 Mamaof2 2589797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: maybe you are giving him too many choices - instead of asking if he wants to eat dinner - just say "come in the kitchen its dinner time"</p> <p>or instead of asking if he wants to feed the dog just say 'lets feed the dog" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589790 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:29:24 +0000 Foodnerd81 2589790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 year old does this, though most of the time it doesn't get to a full meltdown (maybe that's what the threes have in store for me). When she does start melting down like that, those go, usually we bring her into her room and make her calm down sitting on her bed. It's like she just keeps getting more worked up until we remove her from the situation. Sometimes one of us sits with her while she calms down, sometimes We are too frustrated to be a calming presence and we leave her in there alone while we calm down too. </p> <p>It's not perfect but it does usually break the downward spiral. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589788 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:27:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 2589788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It kind of sounds to me like he wants you guys to take charge and that is where his frustration lies. I would maybe bring him to a cool-down spot when he starts to tantrum, but before it gets to that point tell him that if he tantrums then he will get a time out. Try it a few times and see if it works, good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589784 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:20:40 +0000 magnoliamama42 2589784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you sometimes allow him to do those things, and then sometimes not? Like sometimes you let him feed the dog, but then other times you tell him he can't. </p> <p>If he's testing boundaries, and instead of staying firm on those boundaries, you're sometimes letting him win, he could be responding to the stress of that. As crazy as it sounds! In order for some kids to feel safe/stable, they need to know that boundaries are there and when they test them, you won't budge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-help-with-behaviortantrum-issue#post-2589779 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:11:17 +0000 ShootingStar 2589779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lately DS has been having some really frustrating behavior. First he'll say he wants to do something, then he'll say he doesn't want to do it. We agree with him and say OK either way, and it still ends up in a melt down. </p> <p>Here's an example from last night - DS was hanging out on the couch and I told him it was dinner time. He said he didn't want dinner and I said ok (usually he wanders over halfway through and decides to eat). Then he started getting upset as we were eating saying, "I no want to eat. I want to eat! I no want to eat. I want to eat!"</p> <p>Every time he said he wanted to eat we said ok, come on over. Every time he said he didn't want dinner we said, ok stay there. Still, a huge meltdown ensued. And it's not just over dinner, we've had fights over pottying or not, whether to throw away a banana peel, whether he wants to feed the dog, and on and on. He just gets in this state where it's like he doesn't know what he wants.</p> <p>Again, we generally agree with him and don't force him to do anything. But he still does this back and forth thing and has a huge meltdown. I have no idea how to handle this. DH finally got him to stop melting down yesterday by talking to him and distracting him, but I don't know how to prevent the downward spiral.</p> <p>Does anyone else's kid do this? Any advice or things to try? Oh, and we've tried making the decision for him, and a meltdown still happens. The only benefit is that it ends the "I want to, I don't want to" loop. </p>