https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 00:07:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1874174 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 11:05:36 +0000 gingerbebe 1874174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: we've talked about this but what's helped DH and I is that at least one of us is getting sleep. I do most of the baby care right now bc DH has a long commute and long hours but it helps in that he's always well rested and can see things really objectively while I may not. He makes a real effort to hug and kiss me whenever he can and he tells me I look beautiful every day - in short he still tries to pursue me and tell me I'm even more attractive to him because I'm a good wife AND a good mother. I try to love back by telling him he's been a wonderful support for me, that I'm so grateful he works so hard to support us right now, and try to do small things to show him he's still a priority, like run a load of his laundry and fold it, or remind him his baseball team is playing that night. DH also has chosen to sleep in the same room with me and baby so far - he just wears ear plugs and an eye mask. He wants to be around so I can sleep well when I do get a chance to sleep and I feel so thankful for that. Just keep courting each other in small ways - leave notes, send texts, kiss as you walk past each other down the hall. It's worth the small investments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1874113 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 10:43:09 +0000 Smurfette 1874113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It didn't get back to normal. It is 100% different but not in a bad way. How can it not be different when you have a little one to look after? You aren't able to go to dinner or out with friends last minute. For us things got better when she settled down and we felt like we could at least go out to lunch together. Getting out of the house was key for us. </p> <p>Things are still a work in progress but we are great. </p> <p>My Mom came to babysit when she was 3 weeks and DH and I went to dinner by ourselves. It was great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1874098 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 10:32:22 +0000 Maysprout 1874098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I changed after having a baby no doubt. There were little things though that bothered him that I was unwilling to compromise on. Things that weren't a big deal but caused irritation. He likes it dark when he sleeps and getting up with a baby I wanted night lights on,.....it took a bit of tired snipping but now he wears a blindfold. The kids don't sleep in our room anymore but the 3 year old wanders in so night lights are everywhere upstairs. It's silly little things like that that mess up the routine that caused a bit of stress for us. But we just did a lot of talking in those early days about how neat and lovely baby was but also what the challenges were. My first looks just like him so I did a lot of gushing about what cuties they were, helps to balance out the sleeplessness. And I asked for back rubs instead of sexy time so there was still some sort of intimacy.</p> <p>Also at 2 weeks I started leaving him with baby for a half hour - hour for a walk or run with the pups. I needed the time to myself and he needed to have baby time without someone looking over his shoulder. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1874025 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 10:05:45 +0000 SweetiePie 1874025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boheme: @mrs. wagon: @lovelyplum:<br /> Phew, ok good. I was afraid I was crazy for going out that early!<br /> I also don't trust my MIL alone with him just yet. She has a hard time even holding him! But she's coming over twice this week for practice so I/we can start getting out sans bebe. I think that'll help. </p> <p>@autumn865: thank you! I like that, the new normal. I should stop mourning my old life and start embracing the new one. Different doesn't mean bad! Just different. </p> <p>I can't tell you all how much this is helping to calm me down! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1874017 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 10:00:43 +0000 autumn865 1874017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the bottom line for my husband and I was getting to a point where we accepted our "new normal" life. It was something that happened gradually and wasn't based on milestones (although sleeping always helps!) In those early days there is no light at the end of the tunnel and you are simply in a survival mode. This phase slowly turns into getting into a groove and I think then one day you stop and realize "wow this is my life now and it's pretty great". Relationships and people change and there was no greater change than a baby for us! Are my husband and I the newlyweds we once were? No way... But having a baby and creating our "new normal" has created a new kind of love that is just as good and maybe even better. Hang in there you're still in survival mode and things will get better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873997 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:51:13 +0000 LovelyPlum 1873997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: great idea! We had a mini date about then for DH's birthday. Getting out is good!</p> <p>And because I don't think I ever told you...congratulations!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873984 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:45:50 +0000 mrs. wagon 1873984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: WOW for the babysitting!!! I think setting that relationship-centric tone early is an AMAZING thing. High five!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873982 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:44:38 +0000 Boheme 1873982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: We did our first dinner 3 weeks PP and it was AWESOME! Have fun! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873979 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:40:24 +0000 SweetiePie 1873979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my gosh guys, too many to reply to individually but this is incredibly helpful and gives me hope! It's so hard to be a couple that only focused on eachother for so long to parents. Don't need to tell any of you that!<br /> I had fears and anxiety about our relationship dynamic changing before baby was even here. It's just so precious to me. So of course as soon as I saw these changes I started to panic.<br /> My husband said yesterday that he's not scared he knows we'll be fine. I think I just need to take that approach too! We'll get through this!</p> <p>On a positive note, I reached out to a friend who has a nanny she adores and has been through 2 newborns with. She is going to babysit for us next weekend so that I can take DH out for his birthday! I may be crazy for doing a date night 3 weeks pp, but I want to set the tone early that we can still be us. It's his birthday, I want him to know I care and am grateful for the help he has given me so far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873920 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:06:24 +0000 fairy 1873920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Things have gotten better, but it is really an adjustment that we are still making 15 months out. It got the worst about 4-6 months pp and then improved since then, but it is hard work and you both have to be on board. I think we have come out stronger overall, though! There is a great book called "Babyproofing your Marriage" that was incredibly helpful for both of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873914 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:04:15 +0000 skipper2010 1873914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Our relationship wasn't too bad in the newborn days, probably because we were too busy trying to work together and figure it all out, but it did hit a rough spot once DS got mobile. It was stressful running after him all day, trying to keep him safe, and trying to find time to get stuff done like housework and other life crap. DH and I started snapping at each other and arguing more when we hardly ever used to fight. Things are so much better now ( at 13 months) and what helped us was acknowledging each others feelings, maintaining an open line of communication, and working as a team. Date nights thrown in there never hurt either. Of course I know we'll continue to have our ups and downs, and trust me I never expected those downs because our relationship was so strong pre-baby, but it really does get better. I love my little family more than anything! Hang in there and feel free to message me if you need to talk. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873911 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:03:58 +0000 sweetooth 1873911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my goodness, those early days are insane. I think that we returned to a "normal" state around 4 months. We were finally back in the bedroom together, sleeping at the same time, and I was done with breastfeeding and through the craziness that made me feel. I do echo what others say about talking openly to your SO, having date nights, etc. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7, and this is our first LO. We know each other well, but the newborn stage and all of the days that follow, have shown us new sides of one another.</p> <p>You'll return to normal - you will. Until then, just be kind to one another, and know that you have a solid relationship behind the insanity you might feel during these newborn days/weeks/months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873910 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 09:03:49 +0000 Anagram 1873910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: For me, it got much, much better when our baby starting sleeping better. That didn't happen until 11.5 months but we made it through those first 11.5 months and now DH and I go to bed at the same time every night, we sleep in the same bed, we both get a decent amount of sleep.</p> <p>and eventually when your LO is older, you can bring back Date nights--those ALWAYS help us feel more connected. Getting out of the house is key for us. When we try to have a "date night" at home after LO is in bed, we almost always end up doing stuff around the house (cleaning dishes, packing day care stuff) and it's not relaxing at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873906 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:59:48 +0000 erwoo 1873906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with @mrs. wagon: on this! Your hormones are all out of whack right after you have a baby. I cried every day for three months (seriously! and no PPD either) every time someone mentioned the word breast feeding in front of me b/c I struggled for that long to get my supply up to exclusively BF. Sometimes I felt like my husband was afraid to hug me b/c he was afraid I'd start leaking BM onto my shirt or something! Haha! I think having kids definitely changes your marriage and it is important to find time for yourselves and be together without the kids. It'll feel weird but will be necessary to keep your relationship going strong. I also think both sides has to work on it as well. Hang in there and keep on communicating with each other and talk. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873899 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:54:06 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1873899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I remember in the early days that we wanted to try to get things done and we didn't know how to get out the door or just get some wash done. There was a point where I was complaining to my husband about how we never sleep in our bed at the same time anymore and how sad that made me. He assured me that we'd get back there after a while, and of course we had.</p> <p>I think it's all about survival mode in the beginning. We had a horribly colicky baby and were so sleep deprived that we were shells of ourselves for the first few months. Reminding him that you just pushed a baby out and have hormones that are all over the place might also have him back off of you being "weird." Of course you aren't going to be yourself for a little while longer.</p> <p>But...it will pass and you will get back to where you were a little bit at a time. Your relationship will grow into a different type of love, but you'll be in a much better place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873898 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:53:52 +0000 blackbird 1873898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The newborn days are really tough--you have hormones going bonkers crazy, your DH is just now becoming a dad (it's not the same when you're pregnant!!!!) and you're both exhausted. Once we both caught up on sleep--month 7 or so--we started feeling like ourselves. I don't remember when it got better, but i feel like we are back to being ourselves (she's 18 m). When E started having a set bedtime of 730/7/645 (i've moved it up as she's gotten older...girlfriend is tired), we've had the evenings to ourselves to be adults again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873862 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:35:07 +0000 LuLu Mom 1873862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're still in the "thick" of it, hormones are still crazy so you aren't yourself, that's completely normal and it will pass. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship and I'm sure it will come back soon, I wouldn't worry. It's a new chapter and there's nothing wrong with focusing on being a mother first for awhile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873859 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:31:04 +0000 Tanjowen 1873859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those newborn weeks are so very hard! I told my husband I felt we were just roommates sharing a roof :(. At 9 months, we still have those moments, and I have to say the hardest thing to realize is that it now takes an effort. We've been together 10 years, married 7 before LO came along, and it didn't take any effort to be together or do things together. When you are tired and worn out, snuggling or having in depth conversations is not what you want...it's sleep!</p> <p>Things that have helped a lot were the baby getting on a schedule (and, an early bedtime is awesome because it gives you time together!) and him getting a little older to leave with grandma a few hours during the day so we could go on a lunch date or catch a movie. Our favorite thing now is that after LO goes to bed, we sit outside with our dogs and a glass of wine and talk. </p> <p>You'll get there for sure - it will be different than before, but hopefully even better for you guys! Congrats on the baby :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873858 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:30:29 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1873858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: it gets better. It takes time and patience but it does.</p> <p>We've been together right years, married for five, and have been parents for three. We have two kids. </p> <p>With our first, I had a tough time seeing either of us outside our role as parent for a long time. I didnt feel sexy. I didn't feel attractive. I didn't see myself as me, as wife, as friend. I felt trapped as "mom" and only identified as that for quite some time. </p> <p>It negatively impacted our relationship. He was ready for dates and intimacy far sooner than I was! And once I did go on dates with him &amp; we were intimate, I realized how much I missed me time &amp; us time and how much I craved our emotional connection!</p> <p>I didn't realize I was acting like a mom-robot! I felt pretty great once I snapped out of it. </p> <p>Right now we have a three week old. It's been a much easier transition for us, since we knew what to expect, but by no means has it been flawless. We are still tired and still bicker over really stupid things that should roll off our backs. </p> <p>The one advantage we have this time is having an older kid. It forces us to keep our routine, which forces is to live our lives normally-- so no newborn hibernating for us! I imagine we will have date night much sooner this time too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873852 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:27:16 +0000 looch 1873852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My experience is that it will never be the same, it will be different, and that difference takes some getting used to. You have a new person in your life that has scheduling needs and frankly, you have the same number of hours, so something has to give, and it's either you or your relationship that suffers, because your mommy instincts aren't going to let your child suffer.</p> <p>Whatever you need, I am here. Even if it's a coffee break! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873849 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:26:24 +0000 Boheme 1873849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its early days! We gradually fell back into a rhythm, but it took some time and effort. Once we had adjusted to having a baby in our lives, and once we were getting some sleep again, we found our way back :happy: Its a new normal, definitely not exactly the same, but that's ok too. Be kind to yourselves and hang in there! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873848 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:25:56 +0000 mrs. wagon 1873848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: oh oops I also forgot to mention, me personally, I was like a dark gloomy cloud until the first baby smiles and giggles around 6 weeks. Then I changed quite a bit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873843 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:25:04 +0000 mamimami 1873843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think sleeping is huge! in those hectic early days I remember feeling like my husband and I didn't even look at each other. Sad. Honestly my kids are growing up (almost 2 and almost 4) and sleep/discipline/chaos can still bring back the tension, but in general we are our normal affectionate selves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873841 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:24:02 +0000 mrs. wagon 1873841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: hehe nice, early morning HBers unite! ;)</p> <p>But seriously, people still constantly comment on how Wagon Sr. and I haven't changed, that we're still the same silly cute couple totally crazy about each other as we were back in college. Little do they know, we've worked hard to keep it that way and to keep coming back to it. It's difficult, but as I'm sure you know, sooooo worth it because that kind of relationship is so amazing and makes us so happy day to day. Plus, despite our silliness, our relationship has really evolved to include so much more depth like respect, admiration, and so much more understanding and grace than before, which makes it even more amazing to us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873838 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:20:45 +0000 SweetiePie 1873838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: So funny, I just replied to your wedding outfit post at the same time as you replied to mine :-)<br /> Thank you!!! This is the kind of stuff I need to hear. I know we can be normal again it's just so hard to see past the weeds right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873835 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:14:33 +0000 mrs. wagon 1873835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nothing will impact your relationship more than these early newborn days. Because your husband is right- you're different. You're still the same wife as before but you are now his baby's mom. It's new and different and requires some adjustment. For some people, not so much, but for some, a lot! You should definitely keep talking openly about it and how you feel, but take some of the pressure off by giving yourselves some slack and expectation that you need some time before things seem normal again. My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 9, parents for almost 5. And we've been where you are right now, several times. One thing that has worked well for us is forcing the issue, going on dates, being intimate emotionally and physically, even if we don't feel like it. Sometimes you need a little jumpstart to snap yourselves out of parent mode and back into relationship mode. Hang in there sweetie, this is the toughest time!! I will say that STTN is an absolute game changer for all!!! So aim and work towards that!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-some-positive-stories-when-did-your-relationship-get-back-to-normal#post-1873830 Tue, 23 Sep 2014 08:08:40 +0000 SweetiePie 1873830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi Ladies,<br /> Looking for positive stories only. I could really use some reassurance right now.<br /> My husband and I have (had?) the most amazing relationship pre-newborn. Head over heels in love. He's only 2 weeks old today so it's still early days. In the typical newborn madness it feels like we've lost each other. We're not fighting or anything. (Well the occasional exhaustion induced bickering ;-) ). But it's just kind of...awkward. Like he doesn't see me as his wife anymore. Just our sons mom. I mentioned this yesterday and he said its because I'm not me right now. I'm being "weird". Which I was surprised to hear at first but I can see what he means when I think about it. But of course I think I'm being weird because he's being weird. Haha. We used to just hug and kiss and dance and be affectionate and silly all the time. And since we've brought him home we've been very distant. Only brief glimpses of who we were before.<br /> We've been together for 15 years, married for 2, and nothing has ever impacted us like this before.<br /> Can someone tell me that this will get better? If you had a solid and affectionate relationship pre-baby, when did it return that way? I'm not even talking sex. Just day-to-day relationship. Was it sttn that did the trick? Baby milestones like smiling that make this all seem worth it? Just snapping out of the baby blues (which I am definitely experiencing)?</p> <p>I just need some reassurance that we will be "us" again. Maybe a slightly different version of us, because we will never be exactly the same people. But still "us". </p>