https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 06:53:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313521 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 15:55:22 +0000 Boogs 313521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennylynn: That's great your MIL would be willing. If your mom continues to not listen it sounds like it may unfortunately be a last resort option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313480 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 15:43:21 +0000 jennylynn 313480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boogs: our MIL would definitely do it if we asked her to. But, I hate to put her in the middle of it, or cause trouble between her and my mom. I was hoping to resolve it myself, but looks like that may be a challenge. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313452 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 15:35:24 +0000 Boogs 313452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would it be too awkward for your MIL if she didn't let your LO leave with anyone but your mom? Maybe after your sister tried a time or two and couldn't leave with your LO she and your mom would finally hear you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313433 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 15:25:21 +0000 jennylynn 313433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you all for your responses! It feels nice to know that I'm not crazy for being upset with her!</p> <p>@mrstilly: our MIL would absolutely have let me know my sister picked her up. She knows how we feel and is very respectful. I do want my sister to have a relationship with LO, and I've even encouraged her to come over to visit when she wants to. And I'm 100% okay with her going over to my moms when she has her to spend time with her, and they both know that. My mom is a very difficult person to talk to. She's used to getting her way unfortunately, so she has an extremely hard time seeing anyone else's point of view if it has to mean she's in the wrong.</p> <p>@tororojo: thanks. I hope it doesn't get to that point. :(</p> <p>@MamaMoose: I agree. But, it's not just about the childcare. It's about her attitude towards me in general. I feel like she has zero respect for me as a parent, and she's causing fights between me and DH and hurting my feelings in the process. And she doesn't even care. I let the little things go because she is giving us free childcare, but I don't feel like deliberately going behind our backs and hiding things is acceptable, paid or not. </p> <p>@TurtleDoves: thanks. :) I think she's having a hard time not being the boss? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313176 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:33:42 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 313176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this post about my own aunt. I don't like her for great reasons and my mom will still try to under mind the fact that we don't get along and push us on to each other and what not...and even invited her to my baby shower. SO, I think I get it.<br /> It get WAY MORE sticky when dealing with a baby though! I do think you're DH has every right to think things are a big deal .<br /> "she said "Well he doesn't have to know. That's just ridiculous" &lt;&lt;&lt; that is not ridiculous. In fact, imagine the tables were turned. Would it be OK for your MIL to encourage your DH to not tell you stuff? No....so your mom has to understand that you and your dh are raising this child, not her. And the fact that you said your MIL wouldn't have minded keeping baby an extra 30 mins means your mom could have easily avoided even asking your sister.<br /> I don't have any advice; some things are just "the way it is" and it sucks....all I do advise for you is to not let it happen again and maybe if it does to find a new sitter for future children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313157 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:27:42 +0000 MamaMoose 313157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree your mom's actions weren't cool, but I think you're in a weird spot. Your mother is giving you free child care. So it's a little tough for you to complain. If I were you I would really try to find a way to pay for outside care. When you have family members care for your children (particularly when they do it for free) it can get very awkward for you to voice displeasure in what they do. When you are paying someone to care for your child there is no hesitation in being firm about the way you want things done... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-313135 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:18:57 +0000 tororojo 313135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds like a crappy situation. One thing your mom needs to realize is that your LO is YOUR LO, meaning you get to make the decisions and she doesn't have authority. If she is okaying things that you/DH find to be safety concerns, I think that merits a serious discussion and a laying down of the law (with potential consequences--what if she still doesn't listen?). That could be a hard thing to do with your mom, though! I hope she listens to you and understands your concerns and I hope this gets resolved soon and well! Sorry you have to deal with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-312830 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 11:23:05 +0000 mrstilly 312830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel for you. That is a tough situation. I get your mom wanting to encourage your sister to have time with your LO, but she is totally in the wrong. She should NEVER have asked your sister to pick up your LO without getting your okay first. And if she knows you don't want your LO in the car with your sister, then she should never have asked at all and respected your wishes. This is YOUR child. And encouraging you not to tell your DH is just not okay. She could have had your sister over or taken your LO to see your sister after she was off from work. Would your MIL have called you to see if it was okay? I would let her know your sister can't pick up your LO. Only you, DH or your mother. </p> <p>I think you should sit down with your mom and have a (calm) talk with her. Let her know that you are incredibly grateful to her for her help watching your LO. Also let her know that you want your sister to have a relationship with your LO, and ask her for suggestions. But make it clear that there are boundaries and that you need to know where your LO is and with whom at ALL times! No exceptions! </p> <p>I hope it goes well. As someone with in law issues, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I was very concerned about the carseat getting installed properly, and didn't want DS riding in any vehicle that I had not installed the carseat in myself. My MIL took DS in her car one day (out of necessity) but DH never told me until it slipped out later. I was fuming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/need-to-vent-about-my-mother-long#post-312793 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 11:10:42 +0000 jennylynn 312793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is probably going to be long. I need to blow off some major steam, even if no one reads this. Sorry in advace :/</p> <p>(You can skip this part if you just want the short version)A little backstory... I work 3 days a week 10a-10p. DH works 3rd, so on the days I work, he watches LO until his mom gets off of work at 3. She watches LO the remainder of the day on her nights. No problems there for the most part. The problem falls when it's my moms days to watch LO. She gets off later, so she goes to pick LO up from MIL on her days usually around 5ish (still following?). All good. The problem lies with her not keeping me informed. More backstory...Me and my sister don't get along, no big secret there. That's a whole seperate, dramatic post we won't get into. But, she is LO only aunt, and my only sibling, and I'd never keep LO away from her. As rude and inconsiderate as she is to me, she's a good aunt. My husband can't stand her. They are total opposites and in his defense, she is a total snob to him. I do defend my sisters right to have a relationship with her neice, and he's cool with it also. </p> <p>So, back to my mom. I feel like she is totally disrespectful of us (particularly me) as parents. I've always let a lot slide in terms as the way I let her treat me, and push me around, but I'm reaching my breaking point. I'm at work today, and I called her to see what time she would be picking LO up from MIL today. And she told me she wouldn't be home until around 530 so my sister would be picking her up about 4. I wouldn't have a problem with that except 1. She didn't bother to ok that with me. If I wouldn't have called I wouldn't have known where LO was. 2. She knows my husband isn't comfortable with my sister driving with LO in the car and we've told her that many times 3. When I told her I didn't like that idea and that it would make DH mad she said "Well he doesn't have to know. That's just ridiculous" Maybe it is a little ridiculous, idk, but it's how he feels and it's what he wants. 4. My MIL would be more than willing to keep LO until my mom got off of work, so it's not a problem on that end. My mom just goes out of her way to push LO on my sister bc she knows she won't come to my house to see her, and that she won't ask to see her on her own. I just feel like my mom has no respect for what we say, or how we feel. If she disagrees with it, she ignores it, and that isn't right. I'm constantly being put in the middle, and it's getting hard to defend my mom and my sister, while still being on my husbands side. I'm tired of being the peacekeeper! I can't talk to my mom about it without her getting offended and mad at me, but it's getting exhausting. Part of me feels guilty for getting irritated with her because she does play a huge part in us not having to hire outside childcare (it would be extremely difficult financially, and we're both uncomfortable with sending LO to the daycares around here) and has been a huge help. But the other part of me feels totally disrespected and I guess hurt by the whole thing. I don't know what to do. :/ Thanks for the vent! </p>