https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 21:47:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801754 Fri, 02 Feb 2018 20:17:55 +0000 LCTBQE 2801754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>update tonight he actually ate (!!) a slice of veggie pizza that was super loaded with spinach, olives, tomato, ricotta and fresh mozz and it had thin crust, so I am counting that as a big win. the meltdown came when he wanted to hold it himself and I hesitated for about 2 seconds, but we recovered from the crying and ate more, and the bar demand was only at the end and I was able to divert attention with toys. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: hahahahaha, okay, I can wait 2 more years for it to register with him. yes agree on least favorite phases, although newborn sleep deprivation torture chamber days are the leader for me by miles. I just noticed tonight that dude cut two new teeth on the bottom, so that is certainly why we were all losing our minds with sleep and why eating was especially bad for the past 4 days.</p> <p>@Mama Bird: you are a better woman than I to offer the whole fridge! I know, I know about the floor. I think I spend 20 minutes a day trying to clean the 6-foot radius around the high chair... luckily it's up against a wall so it's only a semi-circle :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801733 Fri, 02 Feb 2018 18:25:03 +0000 Mama Bird 2801733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a tough age, I still shudder a little when I remember feeding the kids at 18ish months. DS went through a phase of eating just bread and cheese. DD would eat anything, but in very small helpings, and the second she'd had enough it would go on the floor. I couldn't clean fast enough, and the kitchen was totally disgusting. The good thing is, they ate very well in day care, so they wouldn't starve no matter what they did at home. Actually, they probably weren't even hungry when they got home... the afternoon snack at day care was at 4:30, and it was more like a full dinner.</p> <p>Also I totally gave them a list of everything in the fridge, except candy! If the adults can pick what they want, so can the kids :silly: As long as it was already made, it was an option. I drew the line at short-order cooking.</p> <p>One more thing that worked - favorite snacks were allowed, but only after eating "a little" of the main course. Eventually they grew out of the picky phase, and "a little" slowly went from a spoonful, to a small plate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801710 Fri, 02 Feb 2018 16:40:40 +0000 gingerbebe 2801710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: 16-18 months is my second least favorite period after the newborn phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801703 Fri, 02 Feb 2018 16:22:52 +0000 Pollywog 2801703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: we normally start cooking around 540, eat at 620, and pouch around 730. Our ideal snack window is 4-530, but I'm normally working and DH forgets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801537 Fri, 02 Feb 2018 03:20:07 +0000 gingerbebe 2801537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: oh my kids aren’t sorry, I just make them say sorry. I want to reinforce there are behaviors that suck and I just make them say it. DS1 is 3.5 and I think just getting what it means. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801530 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 23:09:26 +0000 LCTBQE 2801530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maddyz: @SweetiePie: we don't really snack but I know he gets an afternoon snack at daycare--not sure when it is but maybe that's contributing to this. sounds like a good habit to structure and try to avoid if possible this as they get older. thank you for the schedule, it is always so helpful to see how other people do it!<br /> @Pollywog: the helping mommy thing is so cute! I can see how this would work for us too since my boy just seems so bored and impatient during meals. curious, when do you guys do dinner and then when does he get his bedtime pouch?</p> <p>@bhbee: @MrsADS: this is so good to know that it's possible not to freak out over dinner :) I was really thinking about this as 1) I'M hungriest for dinner so he must be, and 2) if he doesn't eat well he won't STTN--this thread is totally illuminating that those things aren't necessarily true. </p> <p>@gotkimchi: I missed your response yesterday but this is awesome, or at least it sounds like how my husband and I always said we'd be before we had kids, haha. did you start this around the 18-month age, or later? </p> <p>@gingerbebe: I swear I am going to start a binder of your advice, if you could just write a book and have a blog and a talk show you'd be rich, lady. we're going through all the crap you described--I think he just started the 18 month sleep regression too based on sudden hours of waking/crying when he was a great sleeper like two weeks ago. plus tantrums over diaper changes and all that. thank you for affirming that this age is just tough... I feel like people say that about all the stages, but this feels much more pronounced. good idea with the two bland emergency sub foods--that feels like a good middle ground between me cooking something different mid-stream and pulling out every damn thing in the fridge and german nanny hardline "this or nothing". I will try the cheese grater!<br /> also seriously when did you kids start to get the concept of "sorry"? mine is not even sorrynotsorry. he is not sorry. and I am 11 weeks pregnant and exhausted and working FT and nauseated and I'm sorry he's not sorry for pulling out strands of my hair and clawing my face to the point that co-workers want to know what happened. mom club. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801506 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 20:55:04 +0000 LCTBQE 2801506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: the problem is that it got to the point where that was ALL he wanted--finish one pouch, screaming for another, repeat--like I can't sate him with nothing but applesauce every night, ya know? If he also accepted cheese fruit and crackers I wouldn't be so desperate:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801490 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 19:41:47 +0000 Pollywog 2801490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, one thing I forgot to mention. My DH will eat everything. He's traveled the world and there's nothing he won't try and few things he doesn't care for. He's also 6/3 and perfectly healthy. However, for four years as a kid he only are 7 foods. His parents didn't battle and let him eat those few foods. He outgrew it and is perfectly fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801483 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 19:36:41 +0000 wrkbrk 2801483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: This is probably not the right answer but I would just let him, haha. There are worse things than one meal of a cereal bar and a pouch! Especially if he is eating a good lunch at school. Our DS used to eat everything/anything and now it's like fruit, cheese, and crackers for most dinners. Shrug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801461 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 18:05:29 +0000 LCTBQE 2801461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a busy day at work and just now seeing this but I am so grateful for all of these responses, thank you! I really thought this was not typical, glad to hear I was wrong. </p> <p>@mrsjd: what up 17-month mama 🙄👋🏻<br /> @petitenoisette: I think our kid might have inherited an addictive personality because the bar situation wouldn't work if we did moderation like you guys can do, haha. I like the apple or nothing approach because it's totally an easy and not polarizing food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801424 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:45:00 +0000 mrsjd 2801424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maddyz: @Pollywog: Almost crying reading these responses. THANK YOU for telling me this is normal. It is rough lately and I am so tired. I'm going to try the things that you two suggest. Hopefully that will help. My kid is 75th percentile height (which I actually think is inaccurate because she's the tallest kid in class) and 90th percentile weight so she's enormous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801410 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 14:13:50 +0000 maddyz 2801410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pollywog: OMG the 3am crying for food. Thats where our Kiefer in a straw cup comes in. We have now with my almost 3 year old gotten that snack to be closer to 5am and then he goes back to sleep.</p> <p>There have also been growth spurts where that kid eats whole meals worth of food in the middle of the night. And it's just whatever my half asleep nursing a baby self can grab out of the fridge and feed him. But those are phases... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801404 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 13:59:29 +0000 SweetiePie 2801404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@maddyz: Yes, having snacks scheduled is key. Instead of letting them graze all day. That’s what we’ve always done as my ped recommended it, but it’s the last snack of the day that I know he needs (he eats lunch 12:30/1 and naps till 4, dinner isn’t till 5:30/6) but it can wreck dinner. I’ve started only giving him a snack after nap/before dinner if he asks. I don’t offer. If he asks after 5pm I try to do a veggie and make dinner earlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801395 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 13:17:51 +0000 Pollywog 2801395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjd: My toddler is this way (he has my super fast metabolism). I give him a hearty pouch (normally the happy tot yogurt) right before bed. Like in his PJs, about ready to brush his teeth, before bed. It really helps. Then DH places another yogurt pouch and a cup of juice near my bed when he wakes up because LO needs to eat as soon as he wakes up. That has stopped the 3am sobs for food </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801391 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 13:12:50 +0000 Pollywog 2801391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another vote of it being totally normal. My kid eats great at daycare. He eats every last thing. At home he eats 10 things at age 2. At age 17 months it was like 5 things. A few tips we got were: 1) He won't starve, 2) it is our job to offer, his job to eat, 3) Try to find compromises. Ours was yogurt pouches. Happy tot makes them with no added sugar and he eat them like crack. It is fat and protein, so I am happy, 4) Give him a snack drawer of acceptable options and let him pick out his meal. For months LO refused to touch his dinner, but would grab a fruit cup and peanut butter bar from the snack drawer (the same fruit was on his plate, but he wanted control). 5) Have him help you cook. Buy a learning tower off of etsy and have him snack on ingredients as you cook. My vegetarian son will eat an entire sausage link if it is on my cutting board, along with a serving of peas and fruit. The same meal will not go in his mouth at dinner. So he gets his calories from his "helping mommy" snack and eats like 3 bites for dinner. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801383 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 12:50:06 +0000 maddyz 2801383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have found that snack food and snacking ruins meals. My 17 month old and almost 3 year olds food day looks like this.</p> <p>6am keifer in a straw cup (3 year old) and baby nurses.<br /> 7:30-8am breakfast<br /> 9:30 or 10 - morning snack almost a second breakfast, they eat so much in the am.<br /> 12 Lunch<br /> milk and naps<br /> 3pm After nap snack<br /> 5:45 6 Dinner</p> <p>Not letting them eat all day has really helped. If they say they are hungry outside of these times (totally happens) they can either finish what they have left over from the meal before, have a fruit or veggie or cheese stick. All things they will eat if they are hungry but wont spoil their next meal. I also think it helps that we dont drink a lot of milk or any juice (other things that totally kill meals for us and they eat so much yogurt/keifer and the little one still nurses so i am not worried about dairy needs).</p> <p>When we started doing this and when I have to come back to the structure of it (it's so easy to get slack) it's always a struggle, but SO worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801367 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 12:27:50 +0000 petitenoisette 2801367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Oh man you are describing my life with the request for snacks. My almost 3 year old is always asking for snacks instead of her meal. I agree too that I've found no correlation between how much she eats at dinner and sleep. Thank you for the reminder to not back down at meal time but make sure to have something they will eat like applesauce. Last night she barely glanced at what she was served and later I broke down and made her a PB sandwich followed up by applesauce. Of course she also had basically been snacking all prior to dinner before we got home. And then there's the whole other issue of if we should be making her stay at the table regardless of whether she is eating... It's hard enforcing boundaries when you're tired and super pregnant! </p> <p>And @LCTBQE: I feel you on the obsession with bars! What I've been doing for snack times is deciding what healthy options I am willing to serve and giving her that. If she hasn't had a bar in a while then maybe she gets one, but otherwise it's like no to the bar but here's an apple. She can decide if she wants to eat it or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801338 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 11:32:07 +0000 gingerbebe 2801338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That age in general is a sh*tstorm. LIke 16-18 months was rough for both kids. Lots of separation anxiety, sleep regression, nap regression, howling for 30 minutes before every sleep, crappy short naps, tantrums - the worst. Not eating is also part of that. </p> <p>DS2 has always been a good eater but around 16 months he was like ALL I WANT IS CARBS BAI. He's 20 months now and still is anti-veg for the most part but has come around to some fruits. He also eats better at daycare for the most part.</p> <p>The cheese grater has been my friend for this season with both kids. I grate zucchini or yellow squash or carrots into things like pasta or soups or fried rice and I can feel like my kid is getting SOME vegetable matter in his diet. I also add pureed veggies or spinach to smoothies and spaghetti sauce or chili (tomatoes are veg!) I've also added zoodles to our spaghetti and he kinda shovels it all in together. He's become a master at picking out peas and corn, however.</p> <p>ANYWAYS, its normal and they wont starve themselves. Its just that they suddenly realize there are CHOICES and they have OPINIONS and they want to be HEARD. And all we can do by our actions as parents is say I HEAR YOU BUDDY, BUT HERE ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES. </p> <p>When our kids have the food tantrums, DH and I just push them, still sitting in their high chair, 3-4 feet away from the table and continue eating through their screaming and ask them periodically "are you ready to be a nice boy?" And then when they are calm enough they can re-join. If they try to huck food, we take it away and act like we're going to eat it. They scream NOOOO and we say "would you like it back?" Then we make them say sorry and please and give it back. We will do this dance multiple times and its exhausting (see above where I say these few months suck) but that's just how it has to go. </p> <p>We have 2 pretty bland things the kids are allowed to add/sub for their meals if they really just hate what we are serving and we're all tired of fighting - a banana and string cheese. I figure with milk its a decent number of calories and protein and they can start anew in the morning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801285 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 10:15:03 +0000 mrsjd 2801285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following this thread. We are facing these dinnertime struggles too, and it's been tough. Added to our difficulties are that if she doesn't eat sufficiently at dinner, she will wake up HANGRY at 2-3am and be inconsolable. And that is no fun for any of us. We think partly that she's in the middle of a growth spurt. We are trying to make sure she gets a big glass of milk with dinner. And I also tend to always offer her a piece of whole wheat bread to help fill her up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801271 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 10:05:44 +0000 SweetiePie 2801271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: yes, true about snacks. I’ve also realized that the last snack of the day between nap and dinner can make or break dinner time. I really really try to make it a smaller healthy one (carrot sticks, apple slices, cheese or even chips and salsa) so that I sort of view it as an appetizer/part of the dinner 😂 but if for some reason we are out and about or I’m being lazy and he just gets a bunch of pretzels or goldfish, (34 weeks pregnant over here) I prepare myself that dinner might not be a great experience that night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801267 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 10:00:37 +0000 snowjewelz 2801267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Normal, my 3 year old goes through phases, some worse than others. I find that limiting snacking really helps. And if I was lax with snacks for whatever reason then I just set low expectation for the meal that follows. I 100% agree to not make it into a fight, and not giving in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801260 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 09:39:58 +0000 looch 2801260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you have to look at the entire day of eating to start. It reads like normal behavior, if that makes you feel any better (I have a problem eater, not a picky eater). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801259 Thu, 01 Feb 2018 09:34:48 +0000 MrsADS 2801259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree w/others the picky eating has gotten progressively worse (my son is 2.5 now) and he eats better at daycare. I just don't stress too much about dinner, I try to offer at least something he will eat with the main meal (i.e., I made a spicy soup with rice, so I gave him a little soup - he didn't touch it - rice and fruit - he ate rice and fruit). </p> <p>He is usually very tired and cranky by dinner time so it is just not a great time for him, frequently he's crying or melting down because I cut his food the wrong way or he wants to sit somewhere else or it's the wrong spoon...etc. Last night it was "I don't want to eat!" (cry cry) "I want to eat!" (cry cry) all the while not eating... etc. I think we'll have better luck when he's a little older and not so exhausted at dinner time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801219 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 23:33:32 +0000 tlynne 2801219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very, very normal behavior for many kids. Something that may help you feel better or give you some ideas of attacking the issue is a visit to Doctor Yum's website (doctoryum.org). She's a feeding therapist with some GREAT ideas for getting through times like these with toddlers AND with kids who have feeding/eating issues. I found out about her recently and I really wish I'd known a lot of this info when DS1 was a toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801218 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 22:54:47 +0000 bhbee 2801218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with above, it came later for my son but he just isn’t a dinner guy. He regularly eats nothing or just fruit and goes to bed fine. I let him get down to play and he knows that’s it until morning and doesn’t care. I am so not willing to fight it. My older one finally eats better at dinner so I know there’s hope. </p> <p>But on the funny side - one of his favorites is yogurt. Today he broke a bowl and while I was cleaning up the shards he got out and ate 3 whole yogurts. And I just had to tell myself it could be worse!! Thank goodness he doesn’t know how to open packaged snacks :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801205 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 22:05:11 +0000 SweetiePie 2801205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Just remembered this article I read a few days ago. Really found it reassuring for a lot of food stuff.<br /> <a href="https://www.parents.com/kids/nutrition/healthy-eating/get-your-kids-to-eat-better/?utm_campaign=pmm_trueanthem_evergreen&#038;utm_content=5a6e5cfd00bd470007c53b02&#038;utm_medium=social&#038;utm_source=facebook" rel="nofollow">https://www.parents.com/kids/nutrition/healthy-eating/get-your-kids-to-eat-better/?utm_campaign=pmm_trueanthem_evergreen&#038;utm_content=5a6e5cfd00bd470007c53b02&#038;utm_medium=social&#038;utm_source=facebook</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801202 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 22:00:16 +0000 lamariniere 2801202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: it probably depends on the kid, but rationalizing information has always worked fairly well with my two LOs, even when they were little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801201 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 22:00:06 +0000 SweetiePie 2801201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Yes, this is loosely what we do too. I probably find myself cajoling a bit more than I should “just try a bite” or “3 more bites” - I want to be more chill and “meh” about it but I’m not a chill/meh kind of person. Haha.<br /> But I do stick to my guns in terms of this is what you’re getting and when - and if you don’t eat it you won’t get anything later. If you ask my 3.5yo what Il say if he doesnt eat dinner and says he’s hungry later he’ll say verbatim “too bad. You should have eaten your dinner”. 😂 my MIL is a little horrified by it, she thinks I’m starving him. But one thing I don’t want is for him to make demands about what is served or holding out till I cave and give him something else.<br /> So anyway, It’s during the actual meal that I need to loosen up a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801196 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 21:51:18 +0000 LCTBQE 2801196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BadgerMom: good to know I am not the only one! at least they eat at daycare, sheesh. </p> <p>@lamariniere: do you think at around 17-18 months they understand that? I've lifted him up to show him there's nothing of interest in there anymore and I think he just won't believe it, or if he does, he still thinks it's my fault, haha. Oddly the one time something like this worked was when we went cold turkey I took the applesauce pouch box out of the recycling bin and gave him the empty box to show him there wasn't anything left, and just holding the box was enough to calm him down! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/negotiating-with-terrorists-17-month-version#post-2801195 Wed, 31 Jan 2018 21:45:45 +0000 lamariniere 2801195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's normal. Something that might work is opening the cabinets and saying there are no snacks and that the grocery store ran out so you couldn't buy any. That trick worked a few times when my LOs were toddlers. </p>