https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 18:30:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-801300 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:50:19 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 801300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Glad to know I'm not the only one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-801278 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:41:17 +0000 Raindrop 801278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: took the words out of my mouth </p> <p>"Easy pregnancy or no, the whole thing just kinda sucks. Sucks energy, sucks money, sucks nine months of your otherwise normal life... It just sucks. Love my children, love my family, hate being pregnant. "</p> <p>: ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-801178 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:08:49 +0000 daniellemybelle 801178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its great that you are reframing this for yourself and realizing the many upsides of adoption (besides growing your family of course)! Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-800051 Wed, 22 May 2013 09:24:13 +0000 Modern Daisy 800051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to feel this way, so I definitley don't think there's anything wrong with that line of thinking lol! And I was actually remembering it again last night in my prenatal yoga class, I was reflecting on how I used to not want to be pregnant and here I am, only 25 weeks and already looking like I'm about to pop not knowing how I'll make it through the remaining 15 weeks. I've obviously come to terms with it, it's a sacrifice that I am making in order to reach my goal of having a family with biological children, but at the same time I haven't become jaded and lost sight of the fact that there are other just as good ways to go about having a family. </p> <p>There are so many benefits to not going through pregnancy I don't see how anyone could argue with your opinion. It's not for everyone, but as long as you feel that way - rock on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-799938 Wed, 22 May 2013 08:41:35 +0000 fert 799938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was randomly walking down my workplace hallway when I heard a friend having a phone conversation. Now this friend having a phone conversation has a shaved head, massive tattoo-covered muscles, and wore clothing that Goodwill would use as rags. So it was a little out of place that he would be spouting some nuanced pregnancy wisdom. He was talking to his insurance agent about something and said, "It's like wanting a second child. You have to forget how shitty it was the first time or gloss over it in your memories. Hormones help." </p> <p>I know for myself, I wasn't sure I wanted (or would be able to have kids) until I hit thirty. Then my darn hormones kicked in and all of a sudden I'm baby crazy. It's not as if I had a lot of friends who had kids at the time (they're all having them now) so it wasn't really peer pressure. But all of a sudden, there was this biological imperative that I reproduce. And for a while, I was a little disturbed and resentful that some hormone in my head got triggered that would change my mind so easily. Darn you (you know those aren't the words I'd normally choose), hormones in my brain! So if your hormones aren't holding you hostage, I envy you. </p> <p>Also, when good family friends adopted their first child in China, I happened to have been traveling nearby and visited them the day after they picked up their little girl. I was the first to meet her. To this day, though I've not seen them often, that little girl has a special place in my heart. So I'm all for adoption and can heartily say that even tangentially being part of the the adoption process was moving and memorable. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant/page/2#post-796893 Tue, 21 May 2013 01:18:32 +0000 ChattyCathy 796893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: thank you! I absolutely love all your blog updates and pics of your cute kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-796866 Mon, 20 May 2013 23:52:06 +0000 Mrs. Train 796866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There's nothing wrong with it. We adopted after failed treatments. I just couldn't do it any more. I started looking at the positives of not being pregnant too.</p> <p>A first my husband wanted a biological child as well and he had to mourn the loss of that idea. We were so blessed by adoption and when I look at all four of my kids there s no difference between those that I gave birth to and the one that I didn't. Good luck to you of you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794163 Sun, 19 May 2013 16:12:53 +0000 brownie 794163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had to do IVF to have a baby, my best friend adopted hers after failed IVF. My sister adopted both of her kids. I don't see anything wrong with any way that you come to your family. But one way is not necessarily easier than another. I have a friend who refuses to get pregnant again and had a terrible pregnancy. I had a great pregnancy and would love to pregnant all the time. But she was convinced that foster adoption was easier. A baby would just drop into her lap as soon as she was certified. That was very hurtful because it makes the ways that we went through bad because we could just do it the "easy" way. So attitude made it a bad situation. You do not have that attitude which is fantastic.</p> <p>Adoption can be just as difficult as carrying a baby but in many different ways. There are great stories of great adoptions. But there are also stories of failed adoptions where you have your heart set on a baby and it falls through. Or waiting many many years to get a baby or never getting one at all. The costs may be equal to or even more expensive that pursuing all the treatments. And most definitely more expensive that the "natural" way. </p> <p>I think it is great that you are looking into different ways and I am so sad to hear that you are struggling. That is most definitely the hardest part. Waiting to fulfill your mother role. Keep a good attitude and don't rule anything out. You will find your family in the way that works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794159 Sun, 19 May 2013 16:05:23 +0000 ChattyCathy 794159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for weighing in :) the good thing is that I really won't make any final decisions without my husband and I being totally on board. I talked to my husband this morning again and we actually had a great conversation. And we have both had extensive testing and I've been on every ovulation med made for men and nothing has worked at this point. And as of right now I don't want to put my body through any other invasive infertility treatments. The cool thing is I could adopt a child or two and then decide down the road I want A baby. I'm not going to get permanent BC anytime. </p> <p>And I really did not mean to sound harsh about not wanting my body to suck. Just from personal experience, as someone who has lost nearly a hundred pounds and worked very hard to lose it and maintain, I just know how hard it takes me to lose weight and the damage it did to my body :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794154 Sun, 19 May 2013 15:53:29 +0000 mrsmenow 794154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like you are being called a different way, I have heard friends say that they felt that way and it lead them to THEIR bay weither they carried it or not. Just because your path to becoming a mother might be changing doesn't make you any less of a mom or a great person. Good luck with whatever you choose! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794058 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:52:59 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 794058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shopaholic: sorry if I misunderstood! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794050 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:41:41 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 794050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shopaholic: I know...it's hard to be 100% articulate and expressive from an iPhone. *waves hand* I need my laptop for some subjects! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794049 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:40:47 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 794049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How I it selfish to adopt!? And not want your body goin through the ringer?? I don't blame you. I really don't.<br /> I hated being pregnant and I know I'm crazy for wanton to do it again. It is NOT easy. Not that adoption is: but it takes a different toll. Maybe more emotional and obviously less physical, where pregnancy basically hits you with all of it at once. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794043 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:37:17 +0000 shopaholic 794043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Sorry if I didn't sound understanding (on my phone). I understand she has tried. And adoption is so wonderful! My point was, even if anyone tries to adopt even for so-called-selfish reasons, my opinion is that it shouldn't matter. In fact, my DH always told me that it's rather selfish of us to have our own LO when there are so many kids out there needing to be adopted. Sorry if I came off any other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794030 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:23:31 +0000 SugarplumsMom 794030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're selfish. You're honest and it takes a lot to realize what really matters to you, even if it goes against the norm. You want a baby, that's all the matters. I wish you all the luck in your adoption process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-794021 Sun, 19 May 2013 13:16:12 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 794021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shopaholic: she's tried and has been unsuccessful and is now reframing the issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793996 Sun, 19 May 2013 12:47:32 +0000 googly-eyes 793996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChattyCathy: Omg your coworker is ridiculous. Birthing a child alone doesn't make you a parent...it's loving a child, raising a child, sacrificing for a child, etc. Yes, birthing can be part of that, but there are other paths to parenthood and no path is the "correct" one. What a stupid, stupid comment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793991 Sun, 19 May 2013 12:46:01 +0000 googly-eyes 793991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChattyCathy: It doesn't make you selfish. What would be selfish is if you decided after the fact, whoops, I want my body not my baby, and had an abortion for that reason. That would be pretty darn vain, imo. But if adoption or surrogacy is what you want, go for it.</p> <p>I do think, though, that this may be a fleeting feeling. Just make sure this is what you want. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793979 Sun, 19 May 2013 12:37:34 +0000 shopaholic 793979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It doesn't sound that selfish. I think @PrincessBaby: hit the nail on the head with the "fear of the unknown." I'll admit I have said in the past so many things regarding pregnancy and childbirth - I didn't want to deal with, I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want to lose my body, etc.... And even as we were driving to the hospital for delivery, I burst into tears. I was so scared of the pain, didn't think I could do it, scared what my va-jayjay would look like. But in the end - ALL of my fears were really mostly unfounded. And NO ONE could have convinced me before that it would be okay. </p> <p>I totally understand women that choose to adopt for whatever reasons, even if it's so they don't put their own bodies through all the hoops. To each their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793971 Sun, 19 May 2013 12:27:20 +0000 Pink Champagne 793971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's awesome that you want to adopt- it doesn't matter how they get to you, once you have that child, they are your child.<br /> I do understand your husband wanting his "own" child... I think biologically, there is something in men that makes then want to pass their genetics on through a child.<br /> I know that here is a safe space to be honest, but I would probably not share the comments about your body and your fears about it not bouncing back in public. You'll just come off as selfish and a little silly, and it clouds how strong you're being by looking on the bright side of things after your struggle to get pregnant. I think it's fine to share those thoughts here, but I wouldn't want you to open yourself up so easily to comments and criticism by vocalizing them to less empathetic ears... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793894 Sun, 19 May 2013 11:28:45 +0000 BSB 793894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChattyCathy: Ugh! I'm sorry about what your coworker's comment. Some people just don't understand. </p> <p>I don't know how many months you've been trying for and what medical treatments you've done but if you are like me, going through months of BFNs and failed IUIs makes you go through things other fertile people sometimes don't understand. It's definitely frustrating seeing everyone get pregnant.</p> <p>I am considering adoption because it to me seems more achievable than fertility treatments.<br /> Plus, I'm convinced that this time next year, I will be a mommy. Through adoption or pregnancy. </p> <p>I think for us having gone through infertilty, having a plan or a goal in sight can do wonders with our need to be a mother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793884 Sun, 19 May 2013 11:23:34 +0000 BSB 793884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think going through so many failed cycles, it definitely changes you. I don't think you are selfish. </p> <p>We are considering adopting our first child and I heard so many great stories from families that have adopted.</p> <p>For me, I would like to have my own biological kids but if we can't get pregnant, I'm fine with adopting to complete my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793840 Sun, 19 May 2013 11:01:16 +0000 Bookish 793840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nah, you aren't selfish or crazy. I was very lucky to get pregnant easily, but to be honest, the whole experience has turned me off being pregnant ever again. It just has not been enjoyable or pleasant at all for me, and I definitely feel guilty about that, given the issues others have. But yeah.. If we have another kid, we are adopting, because I just don't want to do pregnancy again. Ever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793767 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:37:21 +0000 yoursilverlining 793767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think this makes you a bad/crazy/selfish/weird person at all! Women have different priorities. Some women seem to prioritize pregnancy and a specific type of delivery over almost everything else. I personally didn't care what type of delivery I had, and would have happily skipped pregnancy if I could have. We're pretty firmly decided to be one and done, but when I think about a second; my first thoughts are always that I don't want to be pregnant ever again. </p> <p>I don't think any set of priorities is more selfish than the other.</p> <p>My only concern would be that you are feeling this way as a sort of temporary reaction to having trouble conceiving and your husband being in denial about your (or maybe his?) infertility. Is he willing to do further testing (not sure what you guys have already done, or are willing to do). </p> <p>But no, feeling this way doesn't make you crazy or selfish! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793765 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:35:31 +0000 Pirouette 793765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChattyCathy: wow, that couldn't be farther from the truth!! To even imply that adoption makes it any less your kid...wow. I completely understand how you feel because I was told by doctors my whole life I likely wouldn't be able to have kids on my own, so I always suspected I'd adopt, and I loved the idea for a lot of reasons! Of course, that advice turned out to be wrong and I'm also thrilled to be having a kid on my own when I never thought that would be possible. So I can see both sides! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793763 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:31:49 +0000 Grace 793763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think pregnancy is all that great. There are moments that are great, but generally I find it annoying to not be able to do what I normally can (like run up a flight of stairs), or stressful (why hasn't the baby kicked lately?). To me, it's a means to an end (I'm super excited to be getting a baby), not something exciting in itself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793757 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:29:10 +0000 ChattyCathy 793757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pirouette: that's how my husband sort of is. I mean after all these failed cycles and infertility he obviously is wanting to adopt more but I think in the back of his head he still wants to have his "own" kid. I obviously would make sure he is 200% on board before we move forward with anything :)</p> <p>I had a coworker who told me after I told her we plan to adopt that she hates the idea of adoption because they would never really be your kid. Umm thanks coworker. Like Dr. Laura said, at 2am when the baby is crying you don't remember where they came from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793754 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:24:43 +0000 Pirouette 793754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChattyCathy: I never wanted to be pregnant - the whole thing has always scared the heck out of me start to finish, and still does (I'm in my first tri). But whenever we discussed adoption my dh would get really sad, because he really wants to bring OUR kid into the world (a different kind of selfish I guess you could say!) And as I thought about it, I realized how rewarding pregnancy could be, if we were able to have kids of our own. And we are fortunate that we can. If we couldn't, I would definitely have rejoiced in not having to grow the fetus on my own, but I think it would be tough on dh. There are pros and cons to both sides, and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793747 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:15:04 +0000 aprk 793747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I gotta be honest, being pregnant was no walk in the park. It's TOUGH on your body and on your mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/never-want-to-be-pregnant#post-793741 Sun, 19 May 2013 09:06:41 +0000 ChattyCathy 793741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: :) </p>