https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 11:43:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486748 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 17:40:34 +0000 Dahlia 2486748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went back after 7 weeks. I didn't have a choice in the matter, but I wasn't very sad about it. I'm a much better Mom when I'm working. I have so much more energy for her when I'm not with her all day. Daycare was really rough for the first week or two but now she loves it and wiggles out of my arms as soon as we get to her room so she can play with her little friends.<br /> I'm actually finding it harder to go to work now at 8 months than I did at 7 weeks, because she's so much easier and more fun now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486671 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 16:29:27 +0000 Finfan 2486671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have gone back to work after having babies twice and have yet to cry about it. I miss them, of course, but I don't feel guilty about earning a paycheck. My work is very fufilling for me, just as parenting is as well. Also I am a better mom for not being around my kids 24/7. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486110 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 09:36:16 +0000 snowjewelz 2486110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was really sad to go back to work but I did not cry! I knew DD was in good hands with DH/my mom. </p> <p>As much as it sucks to not be with DD during the day, and as much as I don't love my job, I do appreciate the "alone" time that I have! </p> <p>Don't feel guilty! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486062 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 08:55:10 +0000 pachamama 2486062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@samsmama: please please do not feel guilty about this! I feel like our society tells you you should feel bad about it but you shouldn't. Down the road, Don't you think your little one would be so proud of having a working mom? I also am looking forward to going back to work. I think we need more in our lives than just children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486023 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 08:11:05 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2486023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@samsmama: I think this was one of the best pieces of advice my mom gave me. You will feel guilty for leaving your baby. But then you will relax and enjoy being back at work, and you will feel guilty for enjoying being away from him. Its a total catch and there is nothing you can do about it. </p> <p>In my circle of friends, most of which are working mothers, are all free to admit now that we just aren't cut out to be SAHM. We love working and its great to have a group of friends that understand that. But yes, I think the general public is still stuck on the 1950's reaction of a mother going back to work as a terrible thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2486015 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 08:00:29 +0000 Mama Bird 2486015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, don't feel guilty! Everyone parents differently. Some moms are happier when they can throw themselves into child care, some are better moms when they feel fulfilled at work. Your son will know that you're happy, and it will be good for him. It helps that you know he'll be in good hands, I think some people assume you must be sad because they recall their worries about leaving their child with someone they don't know well, but that's not the case for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485986 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 07:28:38 +0000 blackbird 2485986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fuck guilt. Guilt is stupid. I didn't mind going back after my first but I hated my job the second time and dreaded going back. Lemme tell ya-having a job you don't hate is infinitely better than the alternative. You get to have more things than "mom" going for you-don't feel bad about having a career you enjoy to add to your fulfillment. I think there's just a subset of the population who still has archaic beliefs that all moms should be attached to their children 24/7 and enjoy it (and want to be. No thanks!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485923 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 23:33:04 +0000 gingerbebe 2485923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I took a much longer maternity leave and officially work 3 days a week (although I go in more when its busy). When I went back to work I felt ready and it was great. It really did help to totally disengage from work when I was on leave because it created this partition in my mind. When I'm home, I'm mom and a wife and when I'm at the office, I'm an attorney and I like to keep those things really separate. </p> <p>Obviously things bleed into work here and there since my son is in daycare and gets sick and what not, but my husband and I have both worked hard to keep our professional and private lives compartmentalized in a way that lets us really stay focused on our work when we're at work and be really present at home when we're home. </p> <p>It helps to have caretakers you trust - we started off with grandma care for the first 4 months I was back at work and then we transitioned to an in-home daycare provider that is very warm and loving. It also helps tremendously that I have a supportive work environment with lots of colleagues and bosses who are all working parents in the trenches, but its great to have that adult interaction and brain stimulation doing something you're good at then coming home to your little person and just be so glad to see them. </p> <p>It sounds like you have a similar situation with caretakers and a work environment that encouraged you to take your full leave, so you're off on the right foot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485901 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 22:23:20 +0000 SweetiePie 2485901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@samsmama: I'm so glad my response helped :-)<br /> And if you want to talk more about the "bonding", or lack there of, feel free to wall me. I'm sure that our experiences aren't exactly the same, but I know it can make you question yourself over and over when you don't feel that "omg this is my baby and I'm so in love and this is the best thing ever" feeling. I'm happy to share my experience even further.<br /> Lots of hugs - you're still really in the thick of the newborn stage. It's HARD! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485891 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 22:05:01 +0000 sapphire 2485891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mourned it but also was looking forward to work too at the same time, if that makes everything sense. I had a shirt leave and that made it harder, but in your situation, I'd feel similar. There's enough in life to feel guilty about in life. I wouldn't get too hung up on this one. Congrats on your adoption :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485889 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 22:04:53 +0000 samsmama 2485889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: Thank you! It's great that your mom was able to care for your son when you went to the office. I think the transition (at least for me) is a lot easier because I know and trust my son's caretakers as well. </p> <p>@jape14: Thanks for replying! If I go back and do in fact enjoy using my brain, talking with other adults, etc. it's good to know that I'm not the only one and I that I won't *have* to feel guilty about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485886 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 21:52:31 +0000 samsmama 2485886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@YouGotMe: I'm glad to hear it's not just me. Like you I love the work I do and it's a big part of "who I am", so to speak. Nice to hear from other moms who felt similarly - thanks for your reply!</p> <p>@Blueberry: Thanks for replying! I think I'll definitely struggle with missing milestones (crawling, walking, etc.), especially as he becomes more and more interactive.</p> <p>@catomd00: Thank you! I've been reading into and over-analyzing my feelings a ton, even going so far as to question whether I felt different because I'm an adoptive mom. I really needed to hear that it's within the realm of normal to feel this way. I can relate to what you said about not being *as* career oriented while still valuing your career. I'm eager to go back and regain some balance but I know that I won't be working late nights or busting my a** to the degree I had in the past pre-baby.</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: Thank you! I agree, it's sucky feedback. Even if I was on the other end of the spectrum and felt distraught about going back, I don't think it would help me to have people keep reiterating that I should indeed feel like shit about it. </p> <p>@SweetiePie: thanks so much for your reply! I actually had sort of a similar experience when my son was 2 weeks old. We were finally cleared to head back to our home state so I stopped by my office for a couple hours to tie up loose ends and go over my maternity leave plans with my boss. I wanted to take less time than 12 weeks because we had just spent a fortune on the adoption and much of my leave was unpaid, and I was also freaked out about putting some of my projects on hold for months so unexpectedly. My boss encouraged me to take the full time I could and, in hindsight, I'm SO glad that he did. Like you, I think I may have been struggling a bit to bond at first. Our adoption was sort of a whirlwind - we got the call that he was born, raced to meet him, and then had a very uncertain and tumultuous first week taking care of him as his birthparents wavered back and forth on their decision. The circumstances made us really afraid to attach and I think that made it difficult to bond those first few weeks. It was sort of a crazy transition into parenthood and I think I craved the normalcy of work. Anyways, I'm rambling a bit but your reply really struck a chord, thank you!</p> <p>@hummusgirl: Men totally don't get the same feedback. My male coworker told me that my husband was a "trooper" for taking 3 weeks off after the baby was born. I don't think anyone would say the same about a mom who took 3 weeks (as evidenced by the Marissa Mayer backlash). </p> <p>@Eko: Thanks for your reply! Agreed about it being difficult to transition. I'm really looking forward to establishing our "new normal" and hopefully being at peace with the decision. </p> <p>@erinbaderin: Congrats on your new baby, that is exciting! Conflicted is exactly how I felt before starting my leave (and how I now feel about returning). I also crave the adult interaction and am looking forward to having someone to talk to everyday besides my husband. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485858 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 21:05:24 +0000 jape14 2485858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't feel guilty! I was excited to go back to work right around 12 weeks, even though I did miss my son while I was at work. (I can't remember but I don't think I cried, though I was definitely really excited to get home to him every day.) I went back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving, and when I was home for Christmas, two of my cousins said something like "isn't being back at work and away from him so hard?!" and I totally felt like shit. At that point I'd been back to work for about 2-3 weeks and was enjoying the adult time and using my brain for my job and not just to figure out sleeping schedules. I definitely miss my son when I'm at work more now (he's 18mo) than when I went back, but I still don't feel guilty and neither should you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485849 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 20:51:00 +0000 mrsjyw 2485849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Congrats on your son! </p> <p>I felt exactly the same as you after my first son! I was ready to back to work and had an easy transition. I had a flex schedule which allowed me to work from home and nurse him etc while my mom was his primary caretaker. I never cried and although some office days I'd miss him, it really was not a hard transition! Hugs mama! You're a great mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485827 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 20:10:10 +0000 erinbaderin 2485827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first day of mat leave for my second is tomorrow, and I'm already feeling conflicted. I'm excited to have the new baby but the idea of not going to my job for a year (I'm in Canada) has me feeling really torn. I think it's totally normal! Mat leave with my first turned me into a bit of a crazy person starved for adult conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485817 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 20:03:43 +0000 Eko 2485817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I looked forward going back to work! I was having a hard time being home all the time with a crying baby I couldn't talk to. I was going crazy. Literally. Going back to work and having LO in daycare is easily one of the best choices I've made as a mom. I did question myself the first couple days, but I never cried. It's just hard to have another life transition. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485815 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 20:01:25 +0000 hummusgirl 2485815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally feel you on this one. I only felt guilty that I didn't feel guiltier about going back to work! I'm not really a "natural" when it comes to the day-to-day childcare stuff, so I actually feel better outsourcing it to people who are really good at it. I'm a better parent for it and have a good relationship with my kid.</p> <p>ETA: Does anyone *ever* say these things to men?? I doubt it. And everyone knows dads can be super involved, great parents while working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485813 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:58:48 +0000 SweetiePie 2485813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, congratulations! What an amazing journey you've been on!</p> <p>Secondly - don't feel guilt. Not for a second!<br /> Parenthood has so many emotions and they vary so much from person to person. It's a little different, but after I had my son I had a very hard time bonding. Not only did I look forward to returning to work, I tried to go back sooner! Long story short I ended up being a SAHM in the end, but at 3 weeks PP I was craving the interaction of work. I went in to visit my office and almost begged them to take me back sooner. I'm glad they didn't in the end, but at the time I wanted to do that so much more than being home. </p> <p>I think two things should be said:<br /> 1) if you don't cry, there's nothing wrong with that! It doesn't mean you love your son any less than the mom who does cry. I can't stress that enough!<br /> 2) while you don't feel like you'd cry now, you might be more upset when the time comes. And that's ok too! I know some moms who didn't get really sad until a week or two in. Just don't be surprised if that happens. </p> <p>Wvery parent processes stages and feelings differently. I hated the infant stage - but it doesn't mean I hated my infant or that I'm a bad mom. It just means I'm not a baby person. Not crying when you go back doesn't mean you don't miss or love your son. It just means that you need that balance between working and parenting, and I bet if anything it makes you a better mom in the end :-)</p> <p>Lots of hugs. And welcome :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485809 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:51:38 +0000 yoursilverlining 2485809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People suck - many working moms get the same "helpful" (shitty) feedback. You shouldn't feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. It's ok to have your own life and interests apart from your child - it doesn't make you any less devoted of a mother. </p> <p>I didn't cry and wasn't upset when I returned to work and LO to daycare. It wasn't that hard, she was spending all day with people who cared so much about her having great days. I didn't have anything to feel guilty about and neither do you! </p> <p>There's such a pressure to have mom guilt and it's ok if you don't. Many women don't. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485808 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:51:38 +0000 catomd00 2485808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh momma, your feelings are completely okay and definitely within the realm of normal as far as I'm concerned. I felt very much the same! I started WFH while on maternity leave because I was bored! I was a little sad the day I returned but I didn't cry. It was really nice to be back at the job I love and eating a hot meal without interruption! My daughter is two now and some days working is harder than others,<br /> Sometimes it's a nice break to work and sometimes I miss her like crazy! But, I have zero regrets. I'm definitely not as career oriented now, as in I'm not willing to take on extra responsibilities that would advance my career since it would require me to work more, but I'm okay with that balance. You can be a great mom and a great employee. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485807 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:51:23 +0000 Blueberry 2485807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn't wait either! I went back to work when my son was 14 weeks. However, 8 months in, I started to really miss him. I missed the first time he crawled and sat up and other little things. So I left work and have stayed home ever since. He's 2.5 now and we have a daughter that is almost 1. No regrets!! :)<br /> Don't feel guilty at all! You do your thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485803 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:49:32 +0000 YouGotMe 2485803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live in Canada, we get 1 year mat leave, I returned to work when my LO was 9 months old because I missed it so much. I love what I do. It gives me a balance in my life that I need. I didn't cry. I did miss LO but it was time. </p> <p>It also helps for me that my LO is a five minute walk across campus if I need to get her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/new-momfeeling-guilty#post-2485799 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 19:42:23 +0000 samsmama 2485799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi guys! I am new to Hellobee and hoping for insight on something I am really, really struggling with. After waiting years for a baby, my husband and I just adopted our infant son in December. We are so in love with him and so happy to finally be parents. I have been on maternity leave for the past few months and will be returning to work next week when he is 12 weeks old.</p> <p>At the time of his adoption, everything happened extremely quickly. We basically dropped everything to travel out of state when we got the call that he had been born. As someone who is very type A, it was hard for me to just leave work one seemingly normal day and then not return for several months. Prior to my son's birth, I was extremely career oriented and really devoted a lot of time and mental space to my job, so it felt super weird at first to completely disconnect. My company prevents access to email during leave, so that was ultimately a huge blessing as it allowed me to focus solely on bonding with my son. I have LOVED being on maternity leave and have surprised myself by thinking very little about work until now. </p> <p>Here's where the guilt comes in..... although I will miss my baby and will so miss having long, lazy days with him, part of me is really excited to return to work now that it is only about a week away. However, whenever I tell anyone I'm about to go back, they are super sympathetic and go on and on about how much I'll cry, how hard it will be, etc. I agree and nod my head, while secretly feeling like a liar and a crappy mom because I don't think I'll cry. I feel SO guilty that I am not dreading going back and that I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. Is something wrong with me or did anyone else feel this way? I should add that his dad and grandma will provide child care during the week, so I know he will be taken care of by people who love him. Sorry for the rambling post, I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that I'm not the only mom who didn't mourn the end of her maternity leave. </p>