Hellobee Boards Topic: Newborn and toddler without outside help

Hellobee Boards Topic: Newborn and toddler without outside help https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 05:30:52 +0000 Mamasig on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372085 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 10:59:07 +0000 Mamasig 2372085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My 1st two are 20 months apart. I was fortunate to have my mom help. I could have done it alone but it would have been harder and I think my older one would have had a worse adjustment period. At 2.5 or older I think it would have been much easier. He was more independent. I also think it has to do with the temperament and personality of your kids. Both of my kids are on the easier side. oliviaoblivia on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372016 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:52:24 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2372016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My two are 23 months apart. DH was back at work by the second week. I had a c-section. It honestly wasn't that bad. Beforehand I made sure that our kitchen was stocked with easy snack and lunch options. I had tons of activities ready to go for my oldest. Yes, she got more screen time than I'm comfortable with, but we were well acclimated to being four fairly quickly. I'll be having our third in a month and a half and am not all that worried about it. My girls will be 12 months and three years. Greentea on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372015 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:50:10 +0000 Greentea 2372015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Oxana: It sure is! I have never had one ounce of help. Never even been apart. My family live in nyc and europe. My mom did 3 under 3 with no help! And supposedly her husband wasn't super hands on. I believe people are capable of a great deal and we make it work, even if the circumstances aren't luxurious. ps, I am doing 3 years apart, I think that it will be a good spacing. Also, we have a city townhouse with no yard, I think a yard would be a luxury, if you have one! MrsSRS on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372013 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:46:30 +0000 MrsSRS 2372013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Oxana: It will work because no matter how hard it is the impossible bit will be short lived. Definitely lots of meal prep. Buy snacks in bulk, either prepackaged or portion them out so that's easy for toddler and postpartum hungry mama. Lots of individual toys for LO will help since you don't do screens. There are lots of good ideas online for simple busy bags you can store in gallon size ziplocs. Buy a bunch of new books at a used book store and wrap them like gifts. anonysquire on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372011 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:46:02 +0000 anonysquire 2372011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My babies are 12 months apart and I never had outside help. Actually I lied, just last week at 20 months and 8 months I had a babysitter for the first time (grandmas birthday party). My mom has watched my oldest maybe 3 times before I had my son and has watched my son once. And my husband didn't take time off after I had my 2nd. Honestly it's not hard. Just lower your expectations of what you will get done during he day, in terms of housework and cooking and have fun. My kids are up and down, sometimes the older is harder sometimes the younger. Oxana on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372005 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:33:49 +0000 Oxana 2372005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thanks for the responses so far! This has given me a lot to think about. We're "those people" whose kids will probably grow up to be weirdos because we don't believe in sending kids to school (so preschool isn't an option) and we don't do screens at all (no iPad, phone, TV, etc.). I think that could make things worse for us. :meh: Reading these stories has made me think we need to talk to my mom again and see if we can get her to stay with us for a while. There were a lot of factors preventing it the first time around, but maybe there's something we can do to make it work. If not...well, we can't afford a regular babysitter, I'm sure. But maybe we could outsource housecleaning a few times a month and do lots of meal prep. Maybe we could find a teen who could entertain the toddler, like @shopaholic suggested. We just moved to a new place, so we'll have to see if we can make those connections between now and then. MrsSRS on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2372004 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:30:29 +0000 MrsSRS 2372004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have a 2.5yo and a 5mo and DH only took 48 hours off. He works 6 days a week from 6-6. However, I do have local family who came to play with DS for a couple hours every afternoon and drop off dinner for the first few weeks, and we do use screen time so I understand my situation is different. But by six weeks I was on my own again and by eight weeks I was back to working part time (my kids come to work with me). It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe you'll be lucky and your second child will be a good sleeper! One thing I did that really helped was to make sacred DS's afternoon nap. H still naps for 2 or 3 hours every afternoon, so I would turn off the phones, lock the front door, put a sign on the door bell, ignore the chores, and lay down. Even if the baby was awake I could rest. Doing this every single day made sure that I got enough rest to stay sane. travellingbee on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371994 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 08:08:06 +0000 travellingbee 2371994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It sounds very hard and not at all ideal, but women have done it without help before and will again. You'd survive, I imagine :) Id set up routines ahead of time to get your toddler used to independent play etc. BelugaBean on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371982 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 07:56:38 +0000 BelugaBean 2371982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our second LO is now a little over a month old and LO1 is almost 3.5. My mother in law was here for a week (including when I was in the hospital) and DH stayed home for about a week but that was it. LO1 is in preschool 3 hours a day,3 days a week but has been sick a lot lately. Everyone told me I was crazy but it's been okay. LO1 gets a lot of iPad time and quick meals and sometimes one of them has to cry if the other has a more pressing need (LO1 needs help in the bathroom, LO2 is spitting up or hungry, etc). This is on top of exclusively pumping due to palate issues but I try to condense that with something else (I eat while I pump, read LO1 a book, feed LO2, etc). Overall it's been okay plus DH is off on Fridays. We've been pushing through, even though some days I'm exhausted. We did also get meals from friends through last week and I've dropped LO1 off with a friend from a moms group a couple of times in order to do a doctors appointment or something. shopaholic on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371952 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 04:43:47 +0000 shopaholic 2371952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would have to agree with @hellobeeboston: the toddler has been more of the work. I have a 2.5 y.o and an 11 week old. The first 4 weeks I was lucky to have DH home. He/We did so many activities with the toddler, her transition was great - she got SO much attention, especially since the newborn was still so sleepy. The transition after DH went back to work has/is still a work in progress. A lot of my friends say this is when they needed their toddler to go to preschool, at least part time. Would that be an option for you? I can see where it would be very beneficial, but we're opting not to start her until after her 3rd birthday because of flu season and travels. We don't get a lot of family help and I pretty much solo-parent from wake-up till 9pm most days. It's exhausting, but much better that DD is much more independent these days. If I had a younger than 2 y/o., I think things would be much harder. Another couple of options I've considered if I really needed some help/a break: 1) Mommy Friends - Drop off DD with a friend I trust with her toddler friend for a couple of hours. 2) Find a neighborhood teen (paid) to babysit/play with toddler while I clean house or run errands. hellobeeboston on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371947 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 04:27:11 +0000 hellobeeboston 2371947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have a 3 yo and 8 week old and I have been saying how hard this would have been if big brother wasn't in daycare full time while I am home on maternity leave. The baby the second time is easy. It's the toddler that's tough. Oh yeah, not really sleep in but I'm used to it. DH only got a few days off then had to work, his family is semi close so they can help when he travels for work for 5 days at a time. Like Erin said above, with the two crying at the same time it's so stressful, the times I've been alone and had that situation were tough, and I admit to letting my older one play on the iPad way more since the baby. Especially when nursing. BUT, so many mamas do it, and I'm sure many will chime in. At 8 weeks it's getting easier since the baby is a little more predictable. I think it would help if your older one did preschool for a few hours, that would help give you some time with just the baby and to get some things done. Truth Bombs on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371944 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 04:00:05 +0000 Truth Bombs 2371944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mine are three years apart so my older LO is relatively independent and honestly I still wouldn't have been able to do it. My husband actually got extremely sick when the baby was 4 days old and had to go to a hotel for two days to protect us from catching his illness. I had my father booked on a flight down that day to come rescue us. Even something as simple as the toddler's nap time can become really challenging if the baby is hungry/wet/fussy at the same time and you're solo. My husband is back home now and my dad is still here (day 9) and there is plenty for all three of us to do to take care of the kids. I think my older LO would really have gotten a raw deal if I didn't have help. erinpye on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371943 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 03:55:20 +0000 erinpye 2371943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mine are 1 day shy of 22 months apart. My newborn, starting at about 6 weeks old, screamed for hours each day and didn't sleep well/ much. My toddler was still very little and melted down while her sister screamed, and has never been big on sleep either. My husband went back to work after less than a week, and we had no outside help as my family lives far away, and my husband's family all works full time. I'd like to tell you it's doable, but I was so sleep-deprived, so lonely, and heard so much screaming every single day, that I fell into a pretty bad PPD. Do I think it's doable for lots of people? Absolutely! For me personally, due to our circumstances, I wouldn't be able to do it again. But, now that they are 3.5 and 1.5 years old, it's AMAZING. The hard times passed and it's wonderful they are close in age. My advice would be to have a network of help in place: family, friends, a postpartum doula, whatever it may be. Oxana on "Newborn and toddler without outside help" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/newborn-and-toddler-without-outside-help#post-2371940 Sun, 29 Nov 2015 03:14:42 +0000 Oxana 2371940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We're still TTC for our second baby, so this is all very hypothetical right now, but it's been on my mind lately. LO was born during a blizzard that shut everything down for a week, so I was fortunate to have DH home to help me for the first week. DH was only working part time while waiting to be bumped up to a higher position, so while money was really tight, it was great having him only working 20 hours a week so he could help with the baby. We didn't have any outside help, but we managed. I'm having a hard time envisioning how we're going to take care of a newborn and 2.5 year old with DH working full time (he gets no paternity leave) and no help from our parents. I do stay home full time, so I'm thankful I don't have to worry about going back to work, but we can't afford a nanny, daycare, etc. because of my choice to stay home. Plus, I have a health condition that prevents me from giving birth vaginally, so I'll be recovering from a c-section. I remember those early days where neither of us were getting any sleep and we walked around like zombies...I can't imagine adding a toddler to that mix (particularly since we don't do TV). Is it realistic to expect to be able to do it all myself? I'm sure DH will help some when he's home, but he can't be up all hours of the night with work the next day. Have you been there? Would you do it again or do you regret not trying to find a different solution?