https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 23 Jun 2026 20:24:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404852 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 17:54:48 +0000 Kemma 2404852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: time outs are still part of my parenting "toolbox" but I rarely use them and when I do it's mainly as a means of giving everybody a bit of space to regroup. Miss A seems to respond quite well to being given the choice of complying with a request or having a few minutes in bed to think about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404851 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 17:50:59 +0000 Kemma 2404851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rockies11: I think that's a really key point - working with your kids rather than battling against them makes life so much easier! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404780 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 16:50:02 +0000 Rockies11 2404780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have read the books, articles, and listen to her podcasts, along with other gentle parenting authors. For me it took a long time to really understand gentle parenting methods, to deal with my own 'stuffs' so I could remain in control and calm, and to apply them properly. A lot of re-reading and thinking and experimenting and now I think I am pretty darn good at it and it works pretty darn well. I really enjoy it because I feel like the kids and I are on the same team - it's not an adversarial situation where I am trying to control and stop bad behaviour and unwanted feelings. It is really hard though! And most of the extended family thinks we're nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404705 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 15:30:12 +0000 hilsy85 2404705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The biggest take away for me from her books was basically to temper my expectations. She talks about "expecting the unreasonable"--basically you should expect your toddler to disobey, and do the opposite of what you ask, because that's normal toddler behavior. And also, she helped us realize that 99% of the time, they are not tantruming about what you think they are--they are not actually freaking out because their cracker broke, but probably because they are overtired, hungry, feel out of control, angry about something unrelated, etc. It makes it easier to be sympathetic when I can say, "Ok, you're not really just this upset over a cracker. Maybe it's because we've been rushing around this morning and you haven't had a chance to decompress at all" or something like that. </p> <p>Also, we used time outs a lot before reading her book, and have since stopped, and I have found that I no longer need time outs, and I actually think time outs were contributing to our issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404696 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 15:22:31 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2404696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've followed her blog for over 3 years now (I found it while pregnant with my first child) and got this book for Christmas. I teach young children (2.5-5 right now) and have found her approach works wonderfully with pretty much every child I come in contact with, including my son. What she says makes a lot of sense, but it's definitely not intuitive &amp; I often realize I could do it "better" if I reflect on a situation after the fact. Like, I think "Okay, THAT didn't work, what the heck Janet?!" Then I re-read an article of hers or really think about what my son/the kid/I myself did and I'll see it more clearly. I think to parent/interact with children this way takes a lot of effort and self-reflection, but it leaves me feeling happier &amp; I see it working with children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404410 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 12:09:15 +0000 QueensBee 2404410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd love to follow this thread! </p> <p>I've read her books and check her blog/FB page regularly to stay in the zone. I've found that her methods work extremely well with LO, who is 2.5. I don't see results immediately, but when we stick with it, he definitely responds positively. </p> <p>Now that we have #2 arriving any day, I'm really curious and eager to try elements of her RIE method from the newborn stage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404369 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:50:47 +0000 winniebee 2404369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was in total bribe / distraction camp until I read this book. </p> <p>And agree sometimes it's like JL thinks you've got all the time in the world to deal with issues when that's not the reality of the situation! It's hard sometimes, especially when you are in a pinch for time OR if you are juggling 2 kids with competing needs. I really try to implement her strategies, but I'm not perfect, so try my best to think "WWJLD" and go with it. There are still times I raise my voice or bribe on occasion. Oops. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404358 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:44:50 +0000 Applesandbananas 2404358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: thanks for the suggestion! I feel like I might be misinterpreting/getting it all wrong, so I will definitely check that out! I'm really interested the gentle parenting style she has, but I'm also not wanting to be overly permissive. It sounds like a hard balance to strike!</p> <p>ETA I don't really find her overly permissive, but as I envision how I could implement her strategies, I feel like I would lean towards being overly permissive. I like her mentality of treating children like people but it's hard to think "oh I wouldn't try to distract an adult in this situation", because realistically, I would reason with an adult and that's harder to do with a toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404345 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:39:26 +0000 Jess1483 2404345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: I've found the comment section of her articles the most helpful because people get her all wrong and she replies and clarifies. </p> <p>I had resisted because I thought the style was too far in the permissive parenting realm, but I finally read a bit more and realized it's actually a lot of what I already do and she's totally not permissive at all (I should read more before I judge...) so I intend to read more in the coming months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404344 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:38:39 +0000 LBee 2404344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: I think I'm a very good employer :silly: -- in all seriousness, though, I actually think I'm more empathetic. I would take things really personally and would get really frazzled with tantrums. Once I realized that it was simply him expressing himself, I could really disassociate myself and think to myself how much it really sucks to be feeling all these feelings and not be able to articulate them. It also helped me realized that I needed to cut down on my explanations to him, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404337 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:35:48 +0000 Applesandbananas 2404337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: that makes sense! I'm only a few chapters in but already I feel a little lost with when to apply which concepts, but I think once I've gotten through the book and start to implement the strategies, it'll make more sense.</p> <p>@LBee: I like the CEO concept too, but I'm definitely not good at taking the emotion out. I know this is my biggest area to work on! Do you feel as though you're able to strike the right balance between being empathetic and taking emotion out of it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404321 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:25:41 +0000 LBee 2404321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: It really blew my mind (I'm aware I sound like an idiot). I would distract DS constantly. I never tried to identify why he was crying and thus, never learned what was actually triggering him. For instance, he would randomly (so we thought) start screaming after we fed him a few bites of yogurt every morning. We would end up distracting him with goldfish or something else and end up starting our day feeling so frazzled. We recently realized after just letting it play out and him using a combo of the words he knows and signs that he wanted to feed himself. Dude, knock yourself out! We bring him down in PJs now and he makes a mess, but he's SO happy and our mornings are so much nicer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404317 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:23:18 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2404317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: We fell into the distraction trap really bad with our daughter (first child). As new parents, it was easy to just distract her and move on. We had bigger issues at age 3 or so when we would tell her no and distractions didn't work anymore. Now, with DS (child #2) we are trying to more often let him get his frustrations out without jumping to show him something shiny to get him to stop crying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404310 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:18:59 +0000 LBee 2404310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really like the book in terms of acknowledging my child is a human being (for lack of a better way to put it). </p> <p>Examples: </p> <p>1. Not just sneak attack wiping his face -- I did this all the time. He would scream, I thought it was the lesser of evils. The book said to ask before you do things and it has changed our dynamic. I'll say, "do you want me to wipe your face," and often he will reply, "no." I'll then say, "okay, I'm going to give you another minute in your chair. After that you can wipe your face or I'll do it for you." Usually he realizes that it's going to happen whether he likes it or not, and he is much more happy if he wipes his own face. Sometimes I do it for him. My husband actually commented last night that we haven't had a face wiping battle (on of our biggest with him) in a long time. </p> <p>2. Letting him feel his feelings. I used to try distraction when he would cry. She makes the point that toddlers are still people and how would you feel if you were crying and your husband was like, "look something shiny!" So, I let him feel his feelings and I'll say things like, "you obviously have some big emotions, it's okay to be upset. Let's sit together until you can calm down." </p> <p>I'm far from perfect, but those two things were life changing. We're new to the tantrum gig, but just treating him like I'm a CEO and not getting so emotional / taking it so personally, really makes a difference. </p> <p>I just sent my husband this article last night that I think summarizes what we are doing:<br /> <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/11/tantrums-and-meltdowns-my-secret-for-staying-calm-when-my-kids-arent/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/11/tantrums-and-meltdowns-my-secret-for-staying-calm-when-my-kids-arent/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404308 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:18:14 +0000 Jess1483 2404308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm just starting to read more from her. I think what she'd say is that you don't use a natural consequence there (getting ready in the morning), you just make it happen. So if LO is doddling, you say "we need to stop playing and get your clothes on." If they object, you accept their feelings "I told you to put your clothes on and you don't want to. You're upset." Then "would you like to pick your shirt or should I?" And if they refuse to choose you say "okay, then I'll do it for you." All super calm and in control.</p> <p>ETA: <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/12/when-your-toddler-is-stalling-more-problems-with-gentle-discipline/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/12/when-your-toddler-is-stalling-more-problems-with-gentle-discipline/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404301 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:15:00 +0000 JoJoGirl 2404301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404297 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:11:42 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2404297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm interested to follow this as well. She sounds a lot like the "positive parenting" philosophy that I read. I love the ideas and they really resonate with me. But actual practice/application is incredibly difficult.<br /> My 3.5 year old doesn't understand that the natural consequence for the situation you mentioned, @Applesandbananas:, is that mommy is late to work/school, and that jeopardizes my pay, my job, my credibility/reputation, etc. It has no consequence for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404292 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:08:53 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2404292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read the book but am curious also as a WOHM. For morning time, if she's playing around and not getting dressed, her consequence is we pick out her clothes and put them on for her. Similarly, if she's just throwing an absolute fit, we will just put her in the car in her carseat and then brush hair or put on shoes once she's calmed down and we are at daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404265 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 10:52:56 +0000 littlebug 2404265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ha, Hubs got me this book for Christmas. I just started reading it last night and a lot of it is resonating with me. Look forward to hearing others' responses and discussing it as I make my way through it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-bad-kids-janet-lansbury#post-2404261 Wed, 30 Dec 2015 10:49:49 +0000 Applesandbananas 2404261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've seen this book mentioned a lot on HB, so I listened to a few of her podcasts and ended up downloading the book from audible. I couldn't find a thread specific to this book, so I wanted to create one. If there's one out there that I've overlooked, please let me know :)</p> <p>I am really intrigued by her approach and I think it makes sense, but I'm curious how applicable it is in real life. She talks a lot about avoiding bribes and gimmicks, as well as time outs. This makes up a decent portion of my parenting arsenal, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed as I think about implementing her strategies. </p> <p>I WOH FT, so we are on a tight schedule; I feel as though many of her strategies work best in situations where you have more time! Our biggest battle is the whole getting out of the house in the morning routine: getting dressed, getting into the car, buckling up, etc. She mentions natural consequences but I'm not sure what the natural consequences would be in that situation!</p> <p>I'd love to hear what others think and what your experiences have been. </p>