https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 08:31:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832748 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 08:29:50 +0000 Sams Mom 2832748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbeach: That sounds a lot harder than just cutting them out, cause then you have to see them and ignore them. I totally get why you do it though. </p> <p>I think my biggest problem with this is my MIL. Yes, she has said some terrible things to me after falling into my FIL's psychosis... but overall she is the person that made my husband who he is. Her POS husband cut her mom out of their lives more than once, he's caused her only child to walk out of their lives... Yet she stays... I want her to have a part of our son's life, but I can't have FIL influence him. </p> <p>ughhhhhh, people suck </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832746 Mon, 09 Jul 2018 08:25:22 +0000 Sams Mom 2832746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littleblessings: your in laws sound like total asshats; good riddance to bad trash. Although I didn't get pregnant, I have been through some of what you have been through, and for your husband to have not cared and loved you and your baby is amazing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832725 Sun, 08 Jul 2018 21:42:12 +0000 yellowbeach 2832725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't talk to my FIL (DH's choice that I initially struggled with when we first met). I learned early in our relationship that my DH lost one of his older brothers when DH was 5 and brother was 11 - he hung himself and DH found him. :sad: </p> <p>Flash forward to when we are engaged and the family secrets start to come out, and everyone in DHs family blame my FIL for his suicide. Apparently he was verbally abusive to him, and when CPS investigated, he was charged with child abuse and had his medical license suspended (why not revoked, don't even get me started). </p> <p>So, we have no contact with him except that DHs other 2 older brothers do still talk to him, and unless we want to miss out on a family Thanksgiving and Christmas with his brothers and the baby cousins, we go and ignore his presence. It's awkward, but there's no doubt in my mind we are doing the right thing. Following your thread because I hadn't yet given much thought to how I'll one day answer that question. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832660 Sun, 08 Jul 2018 09:20:14 +0000 littleblessings 2832660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: I got with my SO (not married yet) when I was raped and impregnated by my old abuser. My SO and I had always liked each other but I was a vegetarian and he hunted so I never dated him until then. I was broken and ashamed when my SO said he didn’t care that I was pregnant, he just wanted to be with me. We have been together for 6 1/2 years now. He was in the room with that first baby, even calls himself daddy. We went on to have 2 more children together. Expecting another little in October and his parents are still not accepting. I was a high school graduate and went off to college. He graduated high school with my persuasion. He wanted to drop out. In laws can be just so unfair </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832634 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 22:18:20 +0000 Sams Mom 2832634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littleblessings: my FIL tried to run me off right before my husband proposed (even though we had dated for 2 years). Told everyone that would listen that I was an uneducated (I didn't go to an ivy league like my husband) ungrateful white trash money grubbing whore... </p> <p>When my husband didn't cave to him, they went on acting like nothing had ever happened and everything should be peachy again. Got pregnant with our son, in laws tried to cater to me, once he was born I was merely a vessel for their son's perfectly cloned super genius perfect self and thank God he got none of my sub par genetics... It went downhill from there </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832633 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 22:14:34 +0000 Sams Mom 2832633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for sharing their experiences. </p> <p>It's good to hear from people that have been on my son's side of this and that you understood your parents decisions. </p> <p>My FIL cut my MIL's mom off when my husband was 5-12 and then again at 17. So I hate doing something that is so characteristically him, yet we're doing it because he is a mean, vile, manipulative, oxygen thief... And my grandmother in law come to find out called him on all his crap. (I made contact with her when my son was almost 1, and she's nothing like my FIL described her as)</p> <p>I know it's the best thing for my husband and my son (I've hated him from the start, but will/have tolerated him for my husband's sake). I will never keep my husband from his dad if he wanted anything to do with him, but told my husband it would be a long long time before I considered exposing our son to him, and he agrees on that. </p> <p>I just don't want my son to resent me for keeping him from family. That probably comes from FIL telling us we're shit parents and our son will grow to hate us, and he'll cut us from his life just like we did to FIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832580 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 00:13:29 +0000 littleblessings 2832580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are currently in no contact with my in laws. Kids have asked a few times about it. I just kind of shrugged off their questions. I don’t have the heart to tell them that their grandma and grandpa hate their mommy and think they are all mistakes. My in laws are horrible people </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832451 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 08:10:14 +0000 Jennibenni 2832451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my mom apparently had no contact with her mom for five years when I was little and I really have no recollection of it. I think it was when I was about 3-8 but I don’t really remember asking questions or wondering too much, it was just the way it was. They don’t have a great relationship so it’s not like we saw them a ton before or after so it wasn’t a drastic change I guess? But as I got older I could observe for myself the differences in my two grandmothers and the way they treated my parents and us kids. I certainly couldn’t blame my mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832450 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 07:57:11 +0000 Mama Bird 2832450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have that exact situation, but I've got a complicated relationship with my parents' family. I have a hard time being around them, but I think they can't harm my kids as long as I limit their contact and keep a close eye on them. I don't want to deprive them of a relationship with the kids - that seems like way too much punishment for being kind-of-sorry human beings.</p> <p>So the kids love hanging out with them, and every now and then ask why we're not going to visit them when we have free time. I just shrug and say my parents are busy and we'll see them later.</p> <p>I don't know, but I suspect that even if you're completely no-contact rather than little contact, the "they're busy" excuse could buy you some time until the kids are old enough to understand more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832434 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 19:05:07 +0000 lamariniere 2832434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@themrsgoff: similar situation here. </p> <p>I can speak for the other side. Growing up, we had very little contact with my maternal grandparents. We would maybe see them once or twice a year for holidays or summer break, but they were basically not involved in our lives other than that. As a teen we maybe say them every other year, and I never had phone contact with my grandparents. Later I found out it was a choice made by my mom, and much later (after she died) I found out more details about the horrific abuses she had suffered as a child. I totally understood then why my mom wanted very little to do with her family and I’m sure the few visits we did have were out of a feeling of guilt for us kids to know our grandparents. As a kid, I honestly never wondered about it. That’s just how it was. You can’t miss what you don’t know, at least, I didn’t. It also helped that we lived far enough away (5 hour drive) that it seemed to be a reasonable excuse to me as a child for not going often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832419 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 17:48:46 +0000 Alexandra603 2832419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following. While we don't have the same situation my husband's sister is estranged (drug addictions, among other issues). We haven't brought it up at all with our kids yet (they are young - 4 &amp; 2) but I would like to be able to talk about it and not have it be "that person who is never named and we pretend doesn't exist." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832398 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 13:24:57 +0000 themrsgoff 2832398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Firstly, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. What a tough situation.</p> <p>While we have great relationships with our parents, growing up, my parents cut off all contact with my father's mom, brother and stepdad when I was six years old. I have had questions through the years and they have always answered age-appropriately and honestly. For instance, they would tell us that they didn't feel that we would be safe with grandma and grandpa as a young child. As a teenager, they explained the graphic "whys" of that which include atrocities I don't care to put on these boards. Suffice it to say, we never begrudged our parents or felt like they were hiding things from us and as an adult, I feel they absolutely made the right decision for their safety as well as the safety of their children. Just be honest and provide more information as you feel is necessary and appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832373 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 11:53:36 +0000 oscarthegoon 2832373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: I guess we should also discuss the subject of mental illness with our kids. Maybe explain that sometimes a person’s brain doesn’t work exactly as it should and that can make them act in ways that hurt other people, and sometimes medicine and therapy can help them, but sometimes it can’t. Sometimes mental illness just makes a person feel sad, and sometimes it can make them say and do mean and harmful things to other people. </p> <p>What a terrible situation for your family. I’m glad you separated from them to protect your son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832370 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 11:41:40 +0000 Sams Mom 2832370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oscarthegoon: yea, my FIL (narcissistic personality disorder/cluster B) is the main problem, but MIL is totally an enabler and won't leave him when she should. He's emotionally abusive, and actually tried to kill her last fall (one of the catalysts to going no contact); but she won't leave even with support. </p> <p>My son was only 18 months old when we went NC, and we don't have my cousin yet so her questions won't so much be where did they go but why. I want to keep it age appropriate, but I'm conflicted in how to address it. I don't want my son to be influenced by this terrible person in any way, but I also don't want to demonize him the way my FIL did my MIL's mom to my husband. Not that he's not a terrible person, but I want my son to be able to formulate his own opinions when he's old enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832351 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 11:13:42 +0000 oscarthegoon 2832351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My children have never met my mother. My 8 year old knows that “grandma” is actually grandpa’s wife and my step-mother, not my biological mother. I generally let my kids ask questions and try to answer them honestly but age appropriately for complicated issues like this, and don’t try to preemptively over explain and offer a ton of information. Your situation sounds a little trickier since your kids know the grandparents, whereas my mother is an abstract to my children. But I have told my son that my mother did some very mean things and wasn’t sorry for hurting me and my brother and my dad (basically she cheated on my dad while he was in the hospital having emergency surgery, was self-righteous about it, and was angry at me that I didn’t support her in these actions) and that I decided it was healthier for me not to deal with her since she was being so mean, and that it is a sad situation, but I felt that it was the right thing to do to protect myself. However, I tell him IT WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND HIM. No matter what, we will always talk and see each other. I have no plans to reunite with her, it has been 16 years now, and I have no desire to open that can of worms back up at this point, and she has made it easy to continue the status quo by never reaching out to me in any meaningful, sympathetic way. We are also pretty distant with my dad and stepmom, and with my in-laws, due to various issues, and I just tell my kids that the grandparents are busy and we will see them soon. :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-contact-with-in-laws-or-parents#post-2832342 Thu, 05 Jul 2018 10:48:40 +0000 Sams Mom 2832342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went no contact with my in laws last fall after a slew of problems. If you went no contact with 1 or more grandparent, how did you explain it to your children when they asked about grandma or grandpa? Has anyone made contact again after going no contact?</p> <p>So my son isn't quite old enough to start asking questions, but I'm sure that time is coming sooner than later; and if we take guardianship of then adopt my 8 year old cousin she might have questions too. </p>