https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:08:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-688590 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 18:10:27 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 688590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ms.janedoe: I see how that would come off as I am using her. I am not. Never once have I asked her to buy us a thing. Infact I have told her to stop because I want to be able to buy stuff too without worrying that she already got it. But I keep thinking, if she really wants to, why stop her? Even if it means I have to hear her "MY baby" stuff all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687799 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 15:11:02 +0000 yourekindapretty 687799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>this would really bother me too. my sister keeps telling me what to do with/for my baby, down to giving me her HONEST opinion on the names we've chosen for her (ie: madison? i HATE that name. its so nasty, why would you pick that?).<br /> several times i had to say "this is not YOUR child, so your opinion really doesnt matter" and one time she retorted back with "you cant use that excuse every time".</p> <p>um - yes i can. LOL</p> <p>hang i there - i realized that having a baby isn't just about you and your so - the whole effin village thinks it's "THEIR" baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687795 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 15:10:52 +0000 Raindrop 687795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow that's terrible! The same thing happened to me! :) When I was pregnant my mom was all over me about caring for DS (she wanted a boy, so she got the gender she wanted too) and giving me stuff and lecturing me. It did not get better after he was born!</p> <p>For me, after a few months I really had to have an honest talk with my mother. A heart to heart. I had to tell her that it's okay to do things her way and for her to get whatever she wanted for the baby BUT she has to realize that it's okay for us to do things our way too and we have to respect each other's choices. I had to point out that we love DS just as much as she did and we will never do anything to try to harm him in any way, BUT they way we choose to parent might be different than hers and she needs to be okay with that.</p> <p>I think that's when she realized that she was lecturing too much. She actually has been pretty good at not over lecturing me, which is what I asked. I don't mind her telling me her way I just didn't like her telling me over and over again along with why our way was bad sort of thing.</p> <p>I should also note that DH and me are in a position where we could potentially restrict interactions between the baby and my mother which we would never do for a number of reasons I mention this because we try really hard to make sure our parents get to hang out with DS and I think my mother knows that we do try our best to give her a lot of time with the baby so that helped our cause also. :)</p> <p>Good luck! In your heart you know what's best for you and your family and how to communicate with your mother. Just do your best! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687759 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 15:06:06 +0000 Boheme 687759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and my MIL both do that... I let my mom get away with it but not my MIL. Double standard, I know :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687733 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 15:02:54 +0000 2PeasinaPod 687733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I swear we have the same mother! Every single one of those comments is something my mom has said to me about "her baby." I just let it go b/c it's honestly not worth getting into it with her over something like this. It's not like LO is going to think my mom is actually his mom. And funny enough, the other day when she watched him, it was clear that he knew who his mama was after I left! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687701 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:57:07 +0000 loveisstrange 687701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom calls C her baby. It doesnt bug me. In the end, she knows she's her grandkid and that she's MY baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687679 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:52:56 +0000 Turd Ferguson 687679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would freakin' drive me nuts and I would say something, but that's me. Not gonna lie, if you're seriously going to just...sorry in advance for poor word choice..."use" her to keep having her buy you stuff, I'm guessing "her baby" terminology will go along with it. </p> <p>Since it sounds like she really can't be reasoned with (since you kind of tried to breach the subject with her before), I guess it's either you really want free stuff, grandma basically gets her way (I learned that with our wedding. If someone offers money for something, they will tyyyypically get a say in how it's done!) or you lay boundaries NOW that you and DH are comfortable with, and you buy the rest of your own stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687645 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:47:30 +0000 littlebittyhouse 687645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my mom always calls my LO her baby. i got defensive because i WOH and i said 'actually he is my baby' and that went over like a ton of bricks.</p> <p>now i just let it go as irritating as it is. at the end of the day he knows who his mama is and really, he is MY BABY. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687635 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:45:27 +0000 MamaJ 687635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL always calls DS her baby. It drives me nuts too. She did admit that she needs to stop saying it but she still does. I never say anything though. I am right there with you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687630 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:44:22 +0000 avivoca 687630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ooh, that would burn me up. My mother is veering dangerously into that territory. She's gone so far as to say she hopes LO is a boy because she hates our girl name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-687624 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:42:01 +0000 MrsLilybugg 687624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see how you feel - if once in a while my family called my baby "my baby" it's one thing, and I'd know it was just said lovingly :) But ALLLL the time would bug me too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-686253 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 09:23:59 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 686253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: She wont be here until the end of August (fingers crossed it doesn't go into September) but yes, first grandchild and what isn't helping is that it is a girl, which is what she literally begged me for. To the point that I was worried how it would impact her feelings toward the baby if she her actually a boy. </p> <p>My sisters joke about who is going to be the favorite aunt all the time but they acknowledge the fact that they are the aunts and that she is MY baby. I don't think you have anything to worry about on that front. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-686225 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 09:18:07 +0000 Foodnerd81 686225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wait-- your baby isn't even born yet and she is doing all this?? I'm guessing this is the first grandchild? I'd just let it go, I guess. It does sound really annoying, but she's just excited and it isn't actually hurting anyone. I don't think you would be out of line to mention, say, that not ALL her clothes need to say grandma, but she probably will cool off once the baby is here anything. </p> <p>My sisters and I always just about being our nephew's favorite aunt-- I really hope we aren't annoying my sister with that! But we do always always know that mom will always be first no matter how much he loves me. (Don't tell my sister, but I'm pretty sure she is the favorite. For now.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-686217 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 09:15:12 +0000 Dandelion 686217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would really bother me, and when I was pregnant, I DID say something to MIL whenever I heard her say that. No way...not her girl, my girl. Her grandkid. I get dibs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-686214 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 09:12:50 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 686214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I just realized how long and rambly that was. Sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/no-mom-she-is-my-baby-not-yours-driving-me-nuts#post-686209 Wed, 03 Apr 2013 09:12:25 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 686209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lately she has been driving me nuts with this. It started out slowly but now she makes a point to tell me what she bought for HER baby and what she is doing her HER little girl... sometimes she is even nice and says "OUR" and yes, it is always in caps to emphasize the point.... always. She buys clothes that say "I love my grandma" or "My grandma is my favorite" which it totally fine if it were one or two... but it is almost everything she buys. Seriously. </p> <p>I even pointed out, jokingly, that she wasn't in the room when the baby was made and she said "No but I made you and so she is MY baby and besides, it means more for me for you to have a baby, especially a little girl, since I raised you. Babies are just more important to grandparents than they are to parents." Huh? How does that even begin to make sense?!?! She is constantly telling me how I should raise her baby and what her baby needs and that I am not allowed to buy anything for her baby. She even has gone so far as to say she will make sure her baby loves her the most, especially more than her Bubbie (DH'd mom). </p> <p>It is seriously driving me nuts. I have been just rolling my eyes and ignoring it because at least she is excited and I know she will spoil this girl rotten. She hardly got excited for my wedding so to see her get so into our baby is, well, exciting. And, selfishly, I know if I say something and upset her she will slow down on buying baby stuff... which has been super helpful so far... So I keep my mouth shut.</p> <p>I was going to say something once but Mr. Hedgie stopped me and reminded me that if I upset her about this and make her any less excited her level of help and involvement may decrease and we don't want that. Which is true. I am not ashamed to admit I am totally okay with letting her to continue to buy stuff and spend crazy amounts of money on "HER" baby. I mean, in the end isn't that really helping out her real "baby" (me)? </p> <p>Am I being a bad person? What would you do? Could you bite your tongue? Am I setting myself up for frustrations and issues down the road once MY little hoglet is born? </p>