https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 22:52:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232723 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 15:01:16 +0000 JessicaMcB 232723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I know there's a great community of support here, but if you're looking for a bigger and more diverse support group to supplement, I found FF's loss group to be infinitely helpful during my m/c.</p> <p>With my m/c we only told my oldest SIL about the pregnancy. When we m/c'ed we chose not to disclose it to anyone else in the family. At 18 weeks into this pregnancy (I got pregnant in my miscarriage cycle) I found out my MIL "knew" all along and was glad we hadn't told anyone as there is a history of painful late miscarriages in DH's family and she thought we wouldn't have gotten very good support because it was an earlier loss.</p> <p>Do whatever you need to do to heal- what I found the best for me was writing a letter to my lost LO. If telling everyone about the loss will help you, then do it. Big hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232318 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 11:41:14 +0000 edelweiss 232318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i am so sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232252 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 11:18:50 +0000 Crisark 232252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232228 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 11:11:29 +0000 WALLAROO 232228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice here. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232144 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 10:43:36 +0000 Adira 232144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232090 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 10:20:44 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 232090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-232012 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 09:34:21 +0000 Chastenet 232012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. It does get better with time, I promise, although you will never forget.<br /> With my loss it helped me to talk about it. I was surprised just how many people "came out" with their own miscarriage stories when I opened up about mine. It's something people don't generally talk about and when it happens to you, you feel so alone. It really helped me to know that so many other women had gone through it. Now, when people ask how long it took us to conceive, I usually include the fact that we had a miscarriage before our sticky baby. I think it's important for people to realize how common it is and that it's not something to be ashamed of.<br /> Anyway, that was my take on things, you need to do what feels right for you. If you aren't comfortable talking about it, by all means, don't let your MIL pressure you into it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231914 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 08:55:50 +0000 Mrsbells 231914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you have to go through this. All I can say is youshould only tell the people that you want to tell. Its just that simple, dont let anyone get into your head and tell you what to do or how to feel. Your MIL doesnt get to decide who you share such personal infor with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231855 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 08:09:14 +0000 mrsjyw 231855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so very sorry. I wouldn't tell anyone that I didn't feel comfortable telling about the experience. Maybe with time if it were to help, but no way at the insistence of any family or friends. Esp MIL and I'd def make sure DH had a talk wither about.</p> <p>Thinking of you during this trying time... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231798 Tue, 24 Jul 2012 06:29:14 +0000 heffalump 231798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So so sorry!</p> <p>When I miscarried I wouldn't talk about it at first to anyone and didn't want anybody to know, for fear that they'd make me talk about it. I just wanted to sit at home and cry for at least a month. Our families (parents and siblings) were the only ones who knew I was pregnant, and DH had the job of telling them that I miscarried. </p> <p>As for other people, as time went on, I felt more comfortable telling people. After a few months I told some close friends. And now that it's been a couple of years I don't mind sharing my story with pretty much anyone.</p> <p>I would make your DH deal with your MIL. This is something that's already hard enough on you, you don't want to do something that's going to make it even harder. You should be able to do whatever is comfortable for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231729 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:44:03 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 231729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so, so sorry! I hope you seek out the support you need! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231719 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 22:29:55 +0000 lovehoneybee 231719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. </p> <p>We hadn't told anyone except my mom and one SIL, and those were the only people we told we lost the pregnancy. </p> <p>After we got pregnant again, we told more of the family (DH's siblings, and his parents) not only about the new pregnancy, but about how our struggles getting pregnant, and about miscarrying. </p> <p>I think it's a very private, painful thing, and if you aren't comfortable telling people about it, you shouldn't, but they may be a source of comfort to you now. I regret not telling my BsIL/SsIL sooner, because as it turns out both of my SsIL had miscarriages themselves, and I think would have been really supportive of me when I really needed it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231657 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 21:30:21 +0000 Jumpingjacks 231657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry this has happened to you.<br /> I think if you don't want to tell the siblings, don't. It's ok to tell your MIL you're still working through it and you'll let her know if and when you want it share it more broadly. It doesn't mean you can't tell them later -- tomorrow, in a month, a year or never. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231654 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 21:22:13 +0000 78h2o 231654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry to hear this... it is such an awful thing to go through. </p> <p>My miscarriage was sort of drawn out, with a couple weeks in limbo. I told friends/my parents during this time... I basically said, "I have bad news... I'm pregnant but it's not looking good...chances are slim that it's going to stick"... I found it really helpful to have them to lean on during that time and to talk to about it afterwards. I was glad that I hadn't told them initially... I found it easier to break the bad news that way... I think it would have been harder to tell them if they had been all excited for me first. I actually hadn't told anyone except for my sister before I starting spotting and I was super glad about that... but like I said, I did find it helpful to tell people once I started going through a rough time. </p> <p>Everyone is different though... do what feels right for you. Your IL needs to mind her own business.</p> <p>Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231631 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 20:26:18 +0000 photojane 231631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm so sorry. do what makes you comfortable. you deserve to do whatever you want right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231617 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 20:08:48 +0000 AprilK 231617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry to hear of your loss. No one should have to go through this.</p> <p>Also, I kind of want to come smack your MIL for insisting on anything at a time that is so personal and should be completely up to you. geez.</p> <p>I miscarried at 6 weeks six months before getting pregnant with my son (who is currently 18 months). We hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy, as we found out I was pregnant just weeks before Christmas and were going to tell only family when we saw them at the holidays. I will say, having no one to rely on when the shiz hit the fan was really horrible. I ended up seeing a therapist b.c I felt like I had no one to talk to other than Hubs, and I think he got worn out with all the talking that was going on. I agree with Running Elley - I told a few more people earlier with the second pregnancy so that I could have that time of being happy without jumping straight to calling my Mom sobbing and spilling the entire unhappy story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231600 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 19:30:26 +0000 Andrea 231600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. :-( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231596 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 19:22:21 +0000 Trailmix 231596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231594 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 19:19:06 +0000 dagret 231594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231556 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:30:11 +0000 Rubies 231556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231552 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:27:52 +0000 baby98765 231552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm very sorry for your loss. My sibling and partner had a miscarriage and I didn't know they were pregnant until I was told about the miscarriage. It was my mother that told me. While it is 100% your decision to do what is comfortable for you, I am glad I was able to offer some support to them during that time. I am close with my siblings though so that also would be a factor in telling or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231546 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:24:35 +0000 chopsuey 231546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry.. :( </p> <p>One of our friends emailed us letting us know that she had miscarried.. felt really weird about it because they never told us in the first place that they were pregnant!</p> <p>I would do what makes you comfortable and probably wouldn't tell your husband's siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231536 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:08:28 +0000 SleepyMonkey 231536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh no, i'm so sorry. agree with other posters...don't let someone force you into an uncomfortable situation. stick to what you and husband think is best for you both. sending virtual hugs your way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231530 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:02:13 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 231530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this.... I agree with everyone else that this is so deeply personal and the decision to tell people should only be up to you and your husband. We are here to listen and offer support whenever you need it - thank you for sharing this with us... big big hug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231523 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:56:32 +0000 Smurfette 231523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. I think that it is up to you and your husband. It is a very personal thing, and I can see not telling and telling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231514 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:47:23 +0000 singingbee 231514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry about your loss. When we miscarried at 20 wks, we told people because everyone was waiting for an announcement of boy or girl. Instead we had to say we lost the baby. </p> <p>I think it depends on how you feel. I needed to talk about it and so it was helpful to talk to others, however, I loved the times that I went places and nobody knew what I was going through. If you don't feel comfortable telling, don't do it. Do what you feel comfortable with and want to do. </p> <p>Hugs and prayers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231512 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:42:00 +0000 erwoo 231512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for your loss. :( I think it's up to you and your DH to tell his siblings. It's a very personal thing and I feel no one should tell anyone but you and your DH. Hang in there... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231502 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:17:25 +0000 ladybee 231502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like everyone else said you need to tell who you are comfortable with. I'm a teacher and my building knew with some of our family and friends. I really needed the support but that's just me.</p> <p>I'm so sorry this is happening to you. HB was a great support for me. It was like a breakup for me. People are concerned and caring for a few weeks but we're working on 3 months out and some days are bad days still. HB has been where I can still find support. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231481 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 16:50:10 +0000 LAGS 231481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss :( It's a really devastating and for some incredibly private experience... its your 'news' to share and it should only be shared with whom and when you're comfortable. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for keeping it private.</p> <p>I miscarried around 11 weeks and we hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy. For us it seemed natural to tell our parents what had happened. They're the only ones we really told directly. My Mom informed my brother and grandmother, which I approved first. It was easier to have her break the initial news and then was just nice to have their support.</p> <p>Other than them, I've only told a few close friends. Now that I'm over a year out if asked, or discussing miscarriage I would feel comfortable telling people, but initially absolutely not. </p> <p>It doesn't have to be a forever secret from your siblings/sibling-in-laws... but sometimes its just a little too overwhelming to inform the whole world at once.</p> <p>Best of luck and again, so sorry for your loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/not-sticky-telling-people#post-231475 Mon, 23 Jul 2012 16:44:48 +0000 Running Elley 231475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my first MC I was a little over 7 weeks. The only person that we’d told was my sister. It was really hard but we did tell our parents, siblings and close friends after we miscarried. It was horrible to have to tell it after the fact but I’m so glad that we did. The fact that they know made it so much easier because they didn’t make any insensitive comments about when we were going to have babies, etc. because they knew what we’d gone through. The support that they gave us was really amazing.</p> <p>Because of that experience we told them immediately with this pregnancy because, even if something happened and we lost the baby, we wanted to have the opportunity to celebrate the baby with our family instead of jumping straight into grief.</p> <p>I’m so so sorry that you’re having to go through this. It is truly heartbreaking. It really is a completely personal decision and no one should pressure you into telling people who you aren't ready to tell. </p>