https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 12:27:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child/page/2#post-2241175 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 17:40:42 +0000 BandDmommy 2241175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: no basis. I used to actually want no children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child/page/2#post-2240699 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 11:26:27 +0000 Chuckles 2240699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDMommy: so did you decide to only have one child or did the decision to have more than one have nothing to do with growing up as an only? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child/page/2#post-2240696 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 11:24:14 +0000 Chuckles 2240696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JenGirl:, @KJPugs:, @Mrs. Chocolate:, @Wheres_C:, @Blackbird:, and @Mrs. Microscope: I also see a lot of only children mentioning wanting a sibling more as they and their parents get older. It's so interesting to me because my DH's dad passed away when he was fairly young and most of the caregiving when his dad was sick and now supporting his mom has fallen on his two siblings - partly based on willingess/personality and mostly because they are currently in the same city as their mom while we live a 6 hour drive away. I have mentioned this to my DH before - how nice it is/was to have siblings because of this - but he doesn't really seem to get the connection. Or at least it's not enough of an issue to make him want more than one child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240488 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 09:05:56 +0000 kjpugs 2240488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always knew we wanted more than one (I'm the oldest of 3, very close sisters, DH is the oldest of 5, and is not at all close to his siblings, but he blames that on his family/childhood and has mentioned admiring the closeness of some of his friends and their siblings.)</p> <p>One of my best friends is an only child and her parents were somewhat older. Her mother has a debilitating illness and recently her father went through many health issues. She later found out he had not been truthful with her about a diagnosis and had cancer. She kept having to leave work to take care of him- he had his work calls sent to her- she had to handle the sale of their house- and throughout all of it she had no one to lean on. It was so hard to watch from out of state and not be able to help. A few of us in our "group" have children and she told all of us we had to have at least 2 kids. We had already planned to but if we hadn't, that might have hit me hard. It was so difficult to watch her struggle.</p> <p>However I do think that things like cousins make a difference! If my parents hadn't had more kids, I have so many cousins I would have had a much different experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240450 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 08:32:45 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 2240450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JenGirl: interesting you mentioned death of a parent. I can totally see your point with it being easier with one heir but in my case it wasn't that simple and on top of that I dealt with a lot of emotional upheaval I felt losing my father even though we weren't that close and he lived in another country on the time of his death. I felt very aline in the world truthfully when he passed though my mother lives less than 5 minutes away. In all honesty I felt like an orphan momentarily, the isolation and liss without someone else to share it with. Also knowing, as always, once my mom was gone there would be no link to my childhood anymore, that no one else in the world would share those memories with as well as know what it was like to be my parents child. My father's death is what catapulted me back into wanting a larger family again after such a rough time with my son's first year. I do think his death made me see once again all the reasons I hated being an only growing up </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240437 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 08:21:02 +0000 Chuckles 2240437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: that's a good point too. I have several friends friends who I've been close to for almost 30 years now. And we have talked about the importance of bringing friends on trips with us and things like that. The only thing is that we both have small families and there's almost no chance for him to be close to cousins. I hear from some only children that they had great close relationships with extended family.<br /> Wanting a second kid has only a little to do with all this though. Mostly I just really want one :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240431 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 08:06:38 +0000 yoursilverlining 2240431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: I think when you have only 1 there is still the chance for them to have a close sibling-like relationship in their lives. My husband has been best friends with his best friend for 30 years. They talk nearly every day, and if she and her family lived closer, we would be doing things together all the time. They have a closer relationship than many siblings – certainly closer than me and my brother. He also is still close friends with a guy he went to second grade with – they talk weekly. So, they don’t have a sibling blood relationship, but it’s definity a sibling-like relationship. </p> <p>I think you should do whatever feels right for your family, but just wanted to throw that out there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240403 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 06:59:44 +0000 gracecat 2240403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is an only kid and was pretty insistent he wanted us to have at least two. He said he was so lonely growing up. We are now expecting our second! One of my best friends is an only child and was always complaining about how lonely it was, but it was just him and his mom. My friend insists he wants more than 1 but after how hard the first kid was, #2 has yet to make an appearance, hehe. Remains to be seen whether they end up having #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240401 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 06:53:25 +0000 BandDmommy 2240401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: honestly I was never sad I didn't have a sibling. I have an amazing relationship with my parents that would have never been possible with lots of siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240400 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 06:52:02 +0000 BandDmommy 2240400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of people are mentioning death of a parent and I've actually seen it get nasty with lots of siblings and dividing up the parents estate. People are crazy when money is involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240388 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 06:02:26 +0000 JenGirl 2240388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I consider myself an only because I'm my mother's only child and she was my primary caregiver throughout my childhood. I do have a half brother through my dad who is 8 years younger, and two step siblings through my dad that I got as an adult. While I get along with all my siblings, I'm not really close to any of them. </p> <p>My husband has an identical twin who he's very close to and an older brother that he's closeish to.</p> <p>I'm currently pregnant and 95% sure I'm done after this one. I think there were lots of benefits of being an only, both for myself and for my mother. There were occasionally times, as a small kid, that I wanted a sibling, but I also wanted a pony and I managed to survive without either (given the choice, I probably would have chosen the pony). </p> <p>I also find it interesting that some people worry about dealing with the death of a parent as an only child. My mother got uterine cancer when I was 25 and I moved home and cared for her until her death, and then I handled her estate. Personally, I think it was so much simpler and easier because I was an only. We had a good support system of family and friends that helped out while she was sick. And the estate was easier to deal with because there was only one heir (me). I'm currently the executrix of my paternal grandmother's estate because I've already been through the process and she thinks I'll handle it better than my dad or uncle and, I have to say, it's more of a pain in the ass, because we have to talk about how to divide things and be fair and all of that stuff. Estates can get tricky when you've got multiple siblings - my husband's mother and her sisters still don't speak to their oldest sister because of arguments they had over the estate when their mother died. </p> <p>My husband would probably be happy to have another, but we agreed on one before marriage, and he's okay with that. If things change and I decide I want another, I'm sure he'd be on board, but I just don't see that happening. But crazier things have happened, so we'll just see. I'm going to get a Mirena or Skyla after this baby is born so we have a few years to be really sure we're one and done before he gets snipped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240360 Mon, 20 Jul 2015 01:08:08 +0000 Purpledaisy 2240360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an only child and my husband just has a twin brother. We both have small extended families and only 1 living parent between the both of us. We both want at least 3 kids. I want 4. I always thought that having a bigger family just seems like more fun. I never really longed for a sibling growing up but I wish that I had some as an adult. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240348 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 23:45:44 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 2240348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an only, my dh is one out of 3. I'm pregnant with our 3rd. I'd have more truthfully if I were richer and younger but 3 is it most likely </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240323 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 21:28:40 +0000 Chuckles 2240323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banddmommy: and @greentea: I completely agree with you about all of that. There's always a chance that siblings won't be close at all. And its not the only reason I'd like a second child. I guess I feel like if we only have one then there's no possibility for a good sibling relationship.<br /> And that's why I wondered what people from bigger families would say. Because we only know our own experience. So only children might think they would be better off with sibs, but many people from larger families might wish they had fewer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240230 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 16:36:11 +0000 Ginabean3 2240230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am the oldest of 3 and my DH has an older half brother who is 10 years older (so he essentially grew up as an only child). DH would love to have like 5 kids....we are expecting #2 any day now and 3 is my max!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240117 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 11:01:14 +0000 pregnantbee 2240117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is an only child, and I'm one of 2. We both want 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240101 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 10:04:38 +0000 jetsa 2240101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is a only and thought that our son should be an only. I'm the oldest of 4 and wanted 2 kids. We have two kids now and are done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240097 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 09:55:21 +0000 BandDmommy 2240097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: Agree 100% </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240096 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 09:54:33 +0000 BandDmommy 2240096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am the only child of my dad, I have half brother 10 years older. I really enjoyed the relationship with my parents and I have a much closer relationship with my parents than DH (he was one of 3). He is not close to his brothers so I don't buy into having a sibling means you are giving your child a friend. I know tons of siblings that are not close or estranged. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240093 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 09:52:47 +0000 Greentea 2240093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you can be one of ten or one of one and be happy or unhappy. I think the way your parents treat you has the largest effect on your life.</p> <p>I like having one, but I'd be happy with any number. Whether DH and I had siblings or not doesn't play into it. We have had very difficult lives and he is completely estranged from his siblings, his parents are truly terrible. I am mostly estranged from my siblings and last living parent. I think at any number, quality over quantity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240083 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 09:18:10 +0000 looch 2240083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: My son is an only (I am the oldest of 3, husband is the oldest of 4).</p> <p>We are both very orderly and I will tell you that I can not handle chaos at all. Like if you drop me into my son's preschool class, I seriously start to sweat and get all nervous. I love my son, but parenting him has not been an easy road at all and I want to be the best person I can be for everyone in my family. I think part of the scenario for us is that my son was born when I was 35. I just don' have the patience I did had we begun 10 years before.</p> <p>My husband had a lot of responsibility for his siblings. He grew up abroad and they go home for lunch. He was in charge of getting the kids lunch, for example, at home. He is also 12 years older than the youngest and he basically raised her. She adores him and it is wonderful to see them together now as adults, but my husband specifically didn't want our child to have to do all that he did. He loves his family, but he felt it was a large burden to be placed on a child.</p> <p>And one last thing, I asked my son if he wanted a brother or sister and he said no, he liked our family how it is, he's 4.5 years old. So they know, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240069 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 08:38:33 +0000 Chuckles 2240069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I should have added that I'm trying to be sensitive to his personality. I told him that if he doesn't want another kid because he feels like it will be too chaotic, I would understand. But he said that that wasn't it. He's mostly been talking about how stressful newborns are and how he didn't like being the middle child of 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240034 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 07:19:41 +0000 Foodnerd81 2240034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: I can't speak to being an only, but I am the 3rd of 5 kids in my family and I loved being in a big family. But we are only planning to have two kids. While I really appreciate having so many siblings and, as you said, friends for life, I can't imagine raising so many nor the financial impact. So 2 is it for us- our kids will have a sibling but not four of them. </p> <p>I do feel like anecdotally, the only children I know do seem to be more likely to only want one child of their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240017 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 06:11:42 +0000 abmamma 2240017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an only (DH has 1 younger brother that he gets along with well but is not what I would call "close" to) and we are expecting our second in August. I was pretty adamant about wanting two-- I always wanted a sibling growing up and as my parents have gotten older (and each had health problems the last several years) that wish has come back for the reasons many others raised. I think DH would have been ok with 1 but I really wanted another. I think we will be two and through though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240008 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 04:37:19 +0000 Chuckles 2240008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: There's definitely something to be said for there being a match between personality and family size. My DH has two siblings but he's not really close with them. And he likes quiet and order so much that I think it's true that he might have been happier as an only child growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2240004 Sun, 19 Jul 2015 03:13:26 +0000 looch 2240004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: my husband is the oldest of 4 and it absolutely influenced his decision to not want the same for his children. I also know an only child that is a father of 5.</p> <p>I do think it is personality more than anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2239985 Sat, 18 Jul 2015 21:37:37 +0000 Chuckles 2239985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone for all your responses! It's interesting how there are quite a few onlies who also prefer to just have one kid. It's given me a lot to think about. It does seem like most only children end up wanting to have more than one kid though. I wonder about a spin-off thread - if you grew up with many siblings, like more than 4, how would that impact your plans for kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2239975 Sat, 18 Jul 2015 20:52:55 +0000 clover 2239975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am an only and DH has one sibling. DH is pretty serious about being two and through now while I would prefer to consider a third in the future. I got a ton of attention being an only child so I don't think negatively about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2239966 Sat, 18 Jul 2015 20:38:45 +0000 cat620 2239966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm an only child, and while I don't have any problems with being an only, I feel like there are benefits of having a sibling, assuming you get along with them. </p> <p>DH has two brothers, and they are always texting and communicating with each other. DH considers them his best friends, and they have a lot of fun when they are together. It seems like with a sibling, you have a friend for life, and you have someone you can count on to be there for you. I don't have any friends that I have been super close to my entire life. Instead, I have friends I am close to, and then they move away or we grow apart, so every few years it seems like I'm in a different social circle. It would be nice to have someone who is constantly in my life and who is close to my age (unlike a parent or aunt/uncle). </p> <p>With that being said, we have decided we want two children. I have a son and will have another son very soon! I'm excited for the relationship they will have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/number-of-kids-if-you-or-so-is-an-only-child#post-2239962 Sat, 18 Jul 2015 20:34:05 +0000 wheres_c 2239962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm an only and I only ever wanted one.<br /> Having a boy changed that and I wanted to try for a second so that I have a chance for a girl.</p> <p>Recently my dad has become sick and I've suddenly wished that I had a sibling to help.<br /> This has made me Certain I want two. </p>