https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 04:24:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812481 Wed, 28 Mar 2018 09:08:37 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@themrsgoff: that sounds so brutal, especially the night terrors :(. I don’t think I can stomach full on cry it out but I can do a little bit if she seems to be responding well. Last night I tried to let her fuss to sleep and she was not having it! And then, she woke up at 745, 815, 10, 1145, up from 245-320, and up for the day st 6. She does have a bit of a cold but naps yesterday went great with putting herself to sleep so I was not expecting it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812435 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 21:21:04 +0000 themrsgoff 2812435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DS (17 mos now) really struggled with sleep. He was doing great and sleeping 7-8 hour stretches routinely from 4-6 months and then 6 months hit and he totally forgot how to sleep. I'm talking 3-8 wakeups a night, coupled with night terrors (where he's not asleep, not awake, and you literally can't bring him out of it. Scary.). I tried every sleeptraining technique out there, but nothing worked. I'm here to tell you that every kid is different, and I gave a good college try to every. single. technique but he was legitimately terrified to be by himself at night. After a couple months of fighting it, I found we all got to sleep much faster (for however long or short that next stretch was) if I just nursed him so that's what we did.</p> <p>Separation anxiety exacerbated by teething. I think part of the reason was he completely went off solids for several months when he was teething, so he actually really did need those night feeds from a caloric standpoint.</p> <p>For several months (like til the week before he turned one) our nights looked like this: bed at 8, dream feed at 10 when I went to bed, first wakeup at 12:30 (this one was a often a night terror, so not technically a wakeup and usually took 15-45 minutes for him to come out of it), wakeup at 2:30, wakeup at 5:00, wake up at 7, and a couple nights a week it was not uncommon to have several other wakeups sprinkled in there.</p> <p>To say I felt like a madwoman was an understatement. I truly don't know how I made it through that year, but when he was ready to sleep through (and had started eating solids well again) it was like this magic switch flipped and OVERNIGHT he figured it out. </p> <p>So no good advice, sorry, just wanted to share that sleep training didn't work for us, and nursing was how we got through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812243 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 11:41:55 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: thanks! And this 3yo thing... I feel you. Literally the other night my husband was like we need to see the doctor and check his brain or something, he’s out of his mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812239 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 11:31:52 +0000 gingerbebe 2812239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: Great job! Just remember that there's no "easy" - its all hard. Whether you decide to sleeptrain and deal with crying and screaming and fussing, or whether you decide to nurse at night and rock and do whatever - its all equally hard. Its just a matter of choosing the hard that works best for you and your family! Same goes for toddlers, as I'm learning with our 3.5 year old (Jesus help me survive this phase, he's so annoying). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812238 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 11:21:58 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: everything you wrote makes so much sense. Especially the underestimating part. I am super motivated now to make small changes and I can see a path! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812225 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 11:07:27 +0000 Grace 2812225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: My kids both have nursed a ton overnight but because I don’t have to work right now, I’ve let them. Having said that, I agree with you, that your first step is to try to remove the nursing to sleep business. I think it’s great when it works, but it’s causing you grief, so it might be time to stop. If I were you, I’d work at bedtime first. Do what you have to do to get back to sleep ASAP in the middle of the night, at least for now. Nurse out in the living room, before pajamas etc. Then, get baby ready for bed, go to the nursery and do the bedtime routine (I read a book, sleepsack, white noise, sing twinkle twinkle twice while rocking). Then put baby in bed (I turn the mobile on too) and walk out, This is just an experiment. See what happens. If you can handle it, let Baby cry for 3 min. 3 min never hurt anyone. Baby might just surprise you and go to sleep. I was always amazed when my kids just went to sleep, but it shows how I underestimates them. Even if you have tried in the past, try again. They might have been too young or it was a bad night. Then if it works, you know your kid can do it and you can make a plan for what to do the nights they don’t want to go to sleep (I did checks). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812219 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 10:49:41 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I just tried the pacifier again st nap and she fell asleep! Guess I had spoken too soon about her being over it... this could be a game changer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812212 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 10:14:56 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah... last night I think I decided I was imagining a problem thats different than the true issue. She just needs to learn how to go to sleep without nursing... the last two days she ate plenty during the day and still had those frequent wakes for the whole second half of the night. Actually last night was a little crazy, she drank a 2 oz bottle before her bath and since I didnt have any more expressed milk ready (didnt think she would finish it!), she nursed one side after bath. I didnt try putting her down without nursing because I really wanted to see if the dream feed would make a difference. She was asleep by 715 and woke up at 8, but my husband rocked her back to sleep. Then she had a dream feed at 10. Still woke up at 12 and started her whole shenanigans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812060 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 19:46:45 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: so funny I was just reading that article after your first post. I have the book on my kindle but never used it to any success I can think of. It might work with this one though! My son was a tough one :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812057 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 19:41:41 +0000 Iced Tea 2812057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This summarizes the Gentle Removal Method. <a href="http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2010/04/change-your-babys-sleep-association-for.html?m=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2010/04/change-your-babys-sleep-association-for.html?m=1</a><br /> I still recommend the book, as it has a lot of great ideas and (if you get the ebook) gives you something to read during all that nursing. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812053 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 19:38:42 +0000 Iced Tea 2812053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: I thought the book The No Cry Sleep Solution had a variety of good ideas. My favorite was the Pantley Gentle Removal Method, it really helped to reduce that suck to sleep association, and night weaning followed soon after. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812041 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 19:07:09 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: going back at the end of April 😭 :crying: :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812021 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 18:00:01 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: feel you on the asshole 3yo thing. I plan to wake him up from nap everyday... but I just can’t bring myself to do it. He’ll be so cranky and he’s so sweet when he’s asleep. Lol!</p> <p>We would have a ways to go before we could put him in a room with a doorknob cover. I would love to get there, believe me!! I think I might try skipping nap for a few days in a row at some point and see if an early bedtime plus super tired makes it easier to transition him to falling asleep on his own. . Our house is tiny so we can’t have crazy loud 3 yo monster and we are both so tired we haven’t wanted to deal with it. </p> <p>I would love to get some of this stuff figured out with my daughter like this month. I go back to work in 4 weeks and my husband’s going to manage bedtime on his own. I literally can’t imagine it considering we’ve always done divide and conquer and totally forgot to trade off more! Starting dream feed tonight, and I’ll go from<br /> There! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812018 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:49:01 +0000 DesertDreams88 2812018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO got drastically better at bottles the more we used them, and I THINK we switched to a faster flow nipple too.</p> <p>According to your profile you are on leave. When do you return to work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812015 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:42:15 +0000 gingerbebe 2812015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: She may be hating the bottle because the flow isn't fast enough and she's hungry, so definitely give that a try!</p> <p>My DS1 is 3.5 and he's definitely been an asshole with regards to bedtimes lately - some days he's up playing in his room until 10-11pm and I have to go yell at him to knock if off, but he is also a jerk when he doesn't get a nap. I might try giving him a nap around 2 or 3pm, but cap it at 1 hour max and shoot for an 830pm bedtime. Our son is in daycare so I can't really control his napping situation at the moment, so I feel you.</p> <p>Do you think you can try to put your son in his room with a doorknob cover so he can't get out and try to get him to sleep on his own? We put some books and a few quiet toys in DS1's room and sort of leave him alone (to a point). If he wants to stay up singing in his bed and strumming his toy guitar, that's okay, but he can't yell and be loud. </p> <p>However you slice the situation with your daughter, I would highly encourage you to get it done now because there's that really bad separation anxiety developmental regression that comes right around 7 months old (for both my kids it was at 7 months anyway) and it was like a month of crappy naps, needing to be nursed to be put down, etc. If you do the work now, even if you have to regress a bit on night nursing and nursing to sleep during that regression, you can bounce back to the good habits you're putting into place now. If you don't bite the bullet now, then that regression is going to hit and then you're going to be in the same place you are now but the kid is louder and more annoying at 7-8 months old with more ingrained habits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812013 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:34:28 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: meant to add at the end of my last post, yes everything is a mess and I haven’t known what to tackle first! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812012 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:30:07 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I think you are right about the pumping. And thanks for reminding me about the faster flow nipple, I’ve been meaning to try that. Now she doesn’t scream at the bottle right off the bat anymore, but she will do really great when she initially latches on and look like she’s chugging for a good few minutes and then only like half an oz is gone! And then she’ll play with the bottle for a while before actually latching on again. So it all takes a while. </p> <p>I totally agree she can go longer between feeds or overnight, I mean I’ve seen her do it when she was younger and smaller. Just need to gather the motivation to make it happen! First step, bedtime. </p> <p>The deal with our older son is he was sleeping in his own bed until I was in the hospital delivering his sister and he basically regressed ever since. And neither of us has had the motivation to get him back in his bed since. My husband works a very physical job that he has to be at by 6 or 7 and we basically all go to sleep together at 9ish. My 3 yo is also on the verge of giving up his nap and it makes him stay up till 9 or 10 but he becomes a little monster on the days he skips and I just can’t deal with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812009 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:17:00 +0000 gingerbebe 2812009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: I don't think you have to pump for a long time - just a few minutes to get past that initial letdown gush and then throw her on there. You probably have a great supply so she's likely used to a pretty heavy flow anyway, but getting the initial gush out of the way might help her deal with nursing better. DS2 had the best luck with MAM bottles - the nipples are flatter. I would experiment between the slow flow and the medium flow given her age and your supply - she may want a faster flow than you think.</p> <p>Is your 3 year old still bedsharing? Is your husband able to deal with him for bedtime - or alternatively handle the dreamfeed bottle? Or is it just you for everything? </p> <p>I think if you can do everything you can to make sure she is full before attempting to put her down for a nap or bed, it will make CIO easier. Then you know its an issue of her having an association with nursing or waking out of habit rather than hunger at night. </p> <p>Neither of my children took to pacis. MAM worked best again, and really only when they were already sleepy and I was holding it in their mouths while shushing or rocking them. And even then, only until they were sleep trained. I think at your daughter's age, its not unreasonable to expect her to go 4 hours between feedings overnight. So you may want to try giving her a paci and/or refuse to nurse before a certain hour like PPs have said and see how it goes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812007 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:06:05 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: that’s when I have been pumping and I usually get a lot too! She went a bottle strike recently and I first got her to take a bottle again when she was asleep... maybe it would be a good idea to give her a bedtime bottle and somehow put her to sleep without nursing, and then do whatever she doesn’t drink as a dreamfeed (Maybe just divide it to two small bottles in case she does want to drink it at bedtime) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812004 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 17:01:05 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2812004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsbubbletea: I pumped right after the first feed of the morning and got quite a bit! Also dream feeds didn't work for my kids at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2812002 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 16:59:06 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2812002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I always read your and other unapologetic sleep-training mom posts with fascination and wish it was for me! At least that’s how I felt with my son. He was the type that ramped up with crying and I didn’t have any tolerance for those types of cries as I learned how to parent him. But my daughter is different, often she needs to cry to let off steam before bed/naps, and I have inadvertently let her cry to sleep and even back to sleep during nap time many times as I manage my challenging 3yo. </p> <p>I don’t have anxiety or ppd but I am definitely a cranky mess, and my husband is not into putting up with it! Plus the whole health and weight loss and just taking care of myself... not happening when my reserves are so low. </p> <p>So now that I unloaded on you a little bit (#resident-hellobee-therapist). A few logistics questions. I’ve been afraid to pump beforw feeds because I really don’t want to make the problem worse! She also is just getting the hang of bottles and she just barely will take 2 oz. I think it would be still a good start to do a bottle dreamfeed and see how it works. The one time I did it, she woke up at like 11 to nurse anyways. I am also so freaking DONE after getting monster 3yo to bed, the last thing I want to do is stay up longer and give her a bottle. But it may really pay off! She also doesn’t take a pacifier and I haven’t found a reliable way to get her intentionally to sleep without nursing, it’s usually me shifting her around in all kinds of positions and shushing and patting like a lunatic. I just haven’t had the energy for all that during the night!<br /> I guess step one would be the dreamfeed and step two would be trying to achieve EASY. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811995 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 16:38:39 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2811995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: I think that would be a great place for me to start. She’s struggled with bottles so far, but I can get to take 1.5-2.5 oz, but it takes forever. I should have been doing that from the start, it would have helped a lot of our issues and I’ll be back at work and gone for bedtime in 4 weeks! </p> <p>@winniebee: the 4 m regression sucks. It really was no joke for both my kids! They each slept through the night by 6 and 8 weeks and it all flew out the window... for my older son it took basically till I really weaned him from nursing at 2.5 ! I am trying not to make the same mistakes I made with him and they are so different... but here I am! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811935 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 13:11:11 +0000 winniebee 2811935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>G hit the 4 month regression hard. He would nurse before bed, sometimes fall asleep, sometimes not, but could put himself to sleep. He started waking at midnight or earlier and then every 2-3 hours and sometimes wouldn't go back to sleep! I waited until after 6 months, then made a "no feeding before 2 am" rule -- and once he was fed, I would leave him. It took just a few nights of crying (and then one really bad night around night 5), but he mostly gave up waking before 2 am, and didn't have the crazy awake periods at night anymore. Naps got better too. About a month later (7.5 months) he started sleeping through many nights. I always offer to feed before naps and bed but then he goes in the crib no matter what when we are done. So, he knows he can expect a full belly before sleep, but he doesn't need the suck to sleep to go to sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811931 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 13:06:02 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2811931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I pumped for a bedtime bottle. I knew then that</p> <p>1) they were nice and full<br /> 2) they weren't relying on nursing to fall asleep </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811917 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 12:01:47 +0000 gingerbebe 2811917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're going to get a lot of varying advice, but I really think a lot of this is a matter of priorities. </p> <p>For me personally, I legitimately cannot function as a human being without solid sleep. I turn into an anxiety riddled, depressed, screaming banshee of a woman. (I had PPA/PPD with both kids too). So EBF or directly nursing was simply not worth it to me in the grand scheme of things. And for those same reasons, I cannot bedshare with my children beyond the itty newborn stage when they are clusterfeeding the first 6-8 weeks of life. I am also an unapologetic sleep-training mom and both my kids (who had reflux and colic) were sleeping 10-12 hours a night by 4 months old, with 4-5 feedings a day between 730am-10pm.</p> <p>If I were you, and again, this is me based on my priorities, I would either pump a few minutes before nursing your baby during the day to reduce the force of the letdown and then space out your feedings to every 3-4 hours so that she is legitimately hungry at meal times, or I would pump and bottle feed on a 3-4 hour schedule during the day to eliminate the letdown problems. At least until you're shifting calories back to daytime hours. And until that happens, I would try to use a paci or rock them at night when they wake up until the calories are shifted. This probably means less sleep for you temporarily, since sitting up and holding a paci to a baby's face sucks, but its at least something your husband can help you with as well.</p> <p>I would get the baby around 10pm and Dreamfeed them before they wake up naturally to push that first wake-up another few hours. We did this with a bottle at our house because DH could handle it and because on the breast, they were just zonked out and barely took anything. With a bottle they would take a decent size top off feeding. </p> <p>So if she's giving you a 4-6 hour stretch after a 7pm bedtime, this Dreamfeed would hopefully shift that first wakeup to 2am-4am. If she wants to do a good big nursing session then, fine. The goal then would be to have that be the only MOTN feeding and get her to the AM. When my kids woke up in the 5-6am hour after a 2-3 hours stretch, I would snuggle them and hold a paci to their mouth and try to keep them snoozing until closer to 7am before I would feed them again. (Obviously if they don't snooze and keep fussing, then I feed them because I assume they are really hungry, but if they will deal with a paci, then I feel like they're fine). </p> <p>Between pumping, nursing, bottle feeding, and formula supplementation, both my kids got majority (like 80% breastmilk) until 10 months for DS1 and 12 months with DS2. I feel like that was pretty great considering my needs and priorities. </p> <p>As to sleeptraining, during the day I would always try to follow eat play sleep and break the feeding/sleeping cycle.<br /> I always fed my kids after they woke up from a nap, then had play time, then put them to sleep. They need their own space and you have to be willing to let them fuss a bit. DS1 required full on CIO with no checks, DS2 did fine with some light checks, but I always allowed him to fuss 10 minutes before getting him. At 5 months, I would probably allow up to 20 minutes of fussing before checking. I don't feed during a nap unless they are in a bad regression where they need to be held and I know they are running a really bad sleep deficit. But those periods are few and far between and they don't last long enough to create bad habits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811903 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:24:06 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2811903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: at this point with my son I was full on bedsharing to keep my sanity and some sleep, but my daughter doesnt sleep well with me. She wants to be nursing constantly and I can't find a comfortable position (especially since my son has been in our bed again since we came home from the hospital). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811897 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:17:56 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2811897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also love some super tangible and specific suggestions on how to stop nursing to sleep. I know, rocking, swaying, etc, but it's really a struggle for me. Treat me like I have never put a baby to sleep before or tell me detailed methods that helped you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811894 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:15:04 +0000 periwinklebee 2811894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following. I think my LO is getting most of his calories during the day, but he'll still often wake up every two hours at night, snack for like a minute, fall asleep for five minutes, fuss, snack for another minute, then settle back down but repeat with the next sleep cycle. I think it's a nursing to sleep association but I have been trying to break it for awhile with no luck. He's only two months, so probably I just need to try again when he's a older but I'm SO TIRED. I wish I had insight to share, if my LO were a bit older I think I would just sleep train... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/nursing-advice-needed#post-2811890 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:08:43 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2811890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need advice! My 5m DD seems to have shifted to getting more of her calories at night. On a typical night, she's down at 7. Her first wake up is somewhere around 11-1. After her first wake up, she will pretty much be up every 2 hours. I am pretty sure she has a nursing to sleep association, and thats something else I need to conquer. The problem is I think she's become accustomed to taking a large amount of her calories at night. During the day, she'll nurse for a short amount of time for the most part and fuss at the breast. It almost seems like the letdown is too extreme for her, especially if she takes a few lighter feedings in a row and the milk builds up, because she will sputter and let the milk spray everywhere and lose interest. Yesterday I really focused on nursing a lot during the day and she definitely ate better. But it didnt make a difference last night. I am so sleepy! And, I am thinking about doing some sleep training with her (a big deal for me since I have always been pretty turned off by it for me personally) but I need to make sure she eats better during the day first. I know that a lot of times you see spacing feeds out as a way of making sure the babies are truly hungry but so far I don't think that would work for her because of her behavior with too much milk. </p>