https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 15:33:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1378163 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 10:20:19 +0000 Ellie 1378163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I come from a family that does 2 middle names so if I felt pressured to use a certain family name, I'd make it the 2nd and less-used middle name. (My sister hates her 2nd middle name and never uses it).<br /> As it turned out we chose a middle name (1st) that was shared by many women in both of our family trees - both of us had grandmothers who had it as their middle name. We thought it was a good way to carry on both traditions. I had done up our family trees on ancestry.com beforehand so that we could pick names from there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1378151 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 10:17:57 +0000 psw27 1378151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a TS attitude about it but I also come from a pretty easy going family and have pretty easy going in-laws. I can see some of my DH's step-brothers making dumb comments but I could care less, they will probably meet LO in like 5 years... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1378073 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 09:49:10 +0000 lemondrop 1378073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, we are doing family middle names from deceased only- no chance if favoritism this way, even though it isn't really a concern of ours. We are taking turns with family middle names.</p> <p>First names are ones that WE like, but the first letter is a nod to the other side of family that didn't get the middle family name.</p> <p>For C, my husband chose his middle name after a great uncle who helped him with school, but the first letter of his first name is the first letter of my maiden name. </p> <p>For #2, his middle name is after my grandfather, but his first name starts with the same letter as my husbands other great uncle (the brother of C's middle name.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1378018 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 09:29:07 +0000 lioneyes 1378018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i am sure my MIL will be offended when we name our kid after my grandmothers. but her default setting is offended/crying, so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1378001 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 09:23:10 +0000 pui 1378001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My plan is to use names from both sides of the family eventually, but of course our first child is going to have to have one or the other. I'm not really worried that it will start drama, but I know my dad will be disappointed if I don't choose his name first. However, it is DH's kid too and I think it makes sense for our first born (if it is a boy) to have a name he has that has been passed on. If we have another boy he have will share my dad's name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377857 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 07:13:02 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1377857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: it would be maternal (her mom). I think if we used another name on dh's side and not one from mine she might be jealous, although i dont think she would make a big deal about it and i doubt there would be conflict in my family over it. I guess it just depends on individual family dynamics. We are very fortunate that our families on both sides are pretty easygoing. But i do think there might be hurt feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377820 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 02:02:23 +0000 indi 1377820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonysquire: We've told both families that all living relatives' names are off the table since that's a lot of pressure on a kid (really, it's because my brother has my dad's first as a middle and hates him, so that's awkward - but dead people can't piss you off anymore once they're gone, lol). But, I mean, his would you like to be named after uncle Dave and then he's arrested when you're 14 for something heinous or embarrassing? :-/ </p> <p>As for the suggestions we're getting of family names in honor of those that've passed on, we say we have to like it w/o family meaning and also feel a tie to that person. Makes our folks quit trying to shoehorn their names into our kiddo's name. ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377810 Mon, 27 Jan 2014 01:17:31 +0000 jedeve 1377810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: your maternal or paternal grandmother? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377728 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 23:21:03 +0000 anonysquire 1377728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We might have to deal with this soon. We are using my deceased Grandpas name for our middle name if baby is a boy. I know my alive Grandpa will be upset because he can be really mean sometimes. He told me now I only have one Grandpa after he died and it just was kind of hurtful. Anyways so we might deal with a little drama. No big deal. But I won't ever name a child after ANYONE on my DHs side. They have had zero impact on my life and that is the reason I would choose a family name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377712 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 22:59:33 +0000 MrsB2012 1377712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We gave our daughter my grandmas name as her middle name. My middle name, my moms, my grandma, and my great grandma all have the same middle name. I don't like it and I don't even know that lady, so we went with my grandmas name. I like it, and it was really important to me that we use her name. DH's dad asked why we didn't also use his moms name. DH just said we weren't doing 2 middle names and this name sounded better. I think FIL was a little sad but whatever I don't think it really bothers him now. It's not like you can use every single name in the family for one kid haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377690 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 22:44:39 +0000 Mae 1377690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not too worried about it. I've mentioned to my mom how I wish I liked any of the names from my side of the family and she totally agreed we have a dearth of material. Our LO's middle name is going to be a family name for my husband's family, although we didn't pick it as an honor name. I put it on the list not even knowing it was my DH's great grandma's name and we just happened to love it. If we have a boy next he will have my DH's middle name. I do sort of wish that we could use a name from my side--- but not enough to use a name I don't love. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377672 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 22:33:14 +0000 wonderstruck 1377672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My FIL used his name for our son's middle name right up until the delivery room, despite having been told every. single. time. that we were using my father's name, NOT HIS. And what's more, he already has a grandson with his name as the middle name! So frustrating.</p> <p>I didn't bother with apologies or working to not offend anyone, we simply told them the name and that we loved it, and corrected every single time the wrong name was used (it would've gone beyond just correcting if it had continued to happen after he was born.) When pressed I did end up just basically saying that we didn't want our son to have the same middle name as his cousin, but that regardless this was the family name we thought sounded best with the first name. Plus in our case he was going to share a last name with LO, so his offense about the middle name coming from my family was pretty ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377666 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 22:27:11 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1377666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have thought about using my grandmothers middle name next time (assuming we have a girl) because we used dh's grandfathers name this time. But I like both of the names. I can see my mom being very jealous about this though...so I guess it comes down to how tough your skin is when it comes to dealing with conflict, should they get offended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1377654 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 22:18:37 +0000 jedeve 1377654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We named LO after DH's maternal grandfather and my father, who was named after his dad. I was worried my mom and my FIL would be upset their sides of the family weren't represented but there is only so much you can do. I mean, LO has FIL's last name and is named after my Mom's husband - that should be enough right??</p> <p>The only one who said anything was my sister, asking why we didn't use his middle name (my dad's name) as his first. </p> <p>That, and when my FIL texted my parents before I had a chance to call and tell them the name (because yeah, that happened) he said that LO was named after his great grandfathers. My mom told me "oh your dad thinks he is named after him but I keep reminding him he is not." Uhhh WTF?! Of course he is named after my dad. </p> <p>DH is under strict orders not to tell ILs the name (because my SIL also posted his name and picture on Facebook before I had told people!!) until I have told my family!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272658 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:43:04 +0000 mrsbookworm 1272658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom keeps hinting that she'd like a girl named after her. My sister already has a son named after my dad and she's done having kids. However, my dad's name is great but I don't really like my mom's name! I just keep avoiding the subject... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272546 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 20:02:59 +0000 fussygal 1272546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a bit of worry before we knew what the baby was. If it was a boy we were going to use my dad's middle name since he passed away a few years ago and I'm his only child so at least some part of his name would be passed down. DH really wanted to use his dad's first name as LOs first name but I don't like re-using family first names. I accidentally said that I didn't like it I front of his family (I meant using the first name, not the actual name) and I'm super paranoid that I hurt his dad's feelings. In the end, we found out we're having a girl so it didn't even matter! Although we are using a family middle name for her :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272526 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:55:02 +0000 bpcmarj 1272526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD's middle name was inspired by my Dad and paternal grandmother. I think my Mom is a upset about it still, but I have been toying with a way to use a name from her side if we have another girl. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272461 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:32:24 +0000 Mae 1272461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worried about this a little bit when I was still thinking about using a family name, particularly because my mom feels the same way as your dad (sensitive about the fact that we "like dad's family more"). I just mentioned to her once that I would consider a family name but only if I really loved the name and it was one that I'd pick anyways. She seemed super understanding of that and made a comment how we don't have a ton of good options with nice names in our family, which I agreed with. I think putting it out there that it wasn't just an honor thing, but an honor + actually liking the name thing made it more okay. Maybe you could mention to your dad how you wish his side had more names that were your style or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272439 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:21:41 +0000 HellOnHeels 1272439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: very true! I would definitely like to use DH's dad's name (if we have a boy at some point) who passed away when he was a teen so nobody can poo-poo that... Although, I really don't know how DH feels about it! This is all me thinking to myself. Guess I should consult him of all people. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272433 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 19:14:18 +0000 Corduroy 1272433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have my mom's maiden as my middle name and my nephew took his mom's maiden. I gave my LO a family name from my mom's side rather than my maiden. I was worried my dad and his family might be offended so I came up with an 'excuse.' LO was due near family member's birthday so I said I felt there was an extra connection. In reality, nobody in my dad's family ever asked. </p> <p>Oddly enough, DH's family asks all the time but back off people, you got the last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272400 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:56:14 +0000 NurseMommy 1272400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've worried about it but we were "lucky" this time around. My dad had just passed away three months prior to her birth so we used his first name as her middle name. It also happens to be my middle name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272330 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:19:19 +0000 Dandelion 1272330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't worry about it. LO to be is going to be named after family, but we chose those names because we liked how they sounded together and with our last names. We weren't trying to be fair, we just like what we like.</p> <p>You can't please anyone, unless you want to give your kid 3 middle names! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/offending-family-members-when-choosing#post-1272320 Tue, 10 Dec 2013 18:10:03 +0000 HellOnHeels 1272320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you and your DH were thinking about using family names, were you afraid to offend others? How did you deal with it? Did you just say "TS it's mine and DH's child and we'll choose the names as we see fit?" or try to make everyone happy. </p> <p>I would really like to use family names for future LO's middle names, but I'm afraid that I will offend my Dad if I don't use any from his side. He's VERY touchy about how I'm closer with a lot more of my mum's side of the family, even though I'm very close with his parents, my paternal grandparents. He gets jealous. It's weird. </p>