https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 07:22:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819643 Tue, 01 May 2018 13:58:58 +0000 gingerbebe 2819643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: Oh wow, now you've opened the Pandora's box! I have a history of depression, anxiety, PPA/PPD, some mild OCD, and struggled with bullying, abuse, and eating disorders most of my life. I am also introverted, but something I never really recognized about myself until much later in life. To say that I work EXTREMELY hard to fix myself, to not repeat my parents' mistakes, and to provide DS1 with the tools to cope better in his life is an understatement.</p> <p>DS1 is easily overstimulated and sensitive and his brain is always whirring. He loves to talk and sing (another outlet he uses to release his big feelings) in addition to trying to exert control in weird places and throwing typical toddler tantrums. He needs a LOT of rest (whether he realizes it or not) and needs to be forced to sleep. We have to make his room a sensory deprivation cell with white noise and blackout shades and limited access to toys or what not or he'll just keep going and going and going (and then act like a nightmare). He needs routine, he needs order, he needs for us to really set up clear boundaries and rules because he has so many feelings and complex thoughts and outside-the-box thinking. He needs us and his homelife to be an anchor of security from which he can feel free to explore himself.</p> <p>Eating is one area I'm working hard on with him, not only because he's underweight but also because I took to binge eating, snacking, hiding food, etc. as a way to cope with my stress from a very young age. Snack became my comfort and how I dealt with a lot of nervous energy. It led to weight problems later (on top of the bullying and abuse that came from being a child who was 5'8" by the time she was 8) that caused me to struggle with eating disorders for most of high school. So I try to give my son a lot of creative non-food outlets to express his feelings (we push a lot of outdoor play, a lot of singing and music, taking long baths/showers, other sensory engagement). We find water calms him, digging for treasures in the sand, methodical games that engage his memory, and cooking/mixing things up. </p> <p>I'm also very protective of him in the classroom. Between a system that seems to favor extroverted kids (when your's is introverted) and having a super tall child, I don't want all these weird expectations placed on him. I always make a point (since he was 1!) to mention his age because people always assume he's 2-3 years older than he is. I tell all his teachers he is a social introvert and we picked a small school with small classes purposely because we knew it would work best for him.</p> <p>Anyways, solidarity mama. This parenting thing is so complex and involved. Its so not just about the food! :grin: It all just boils down to: is this situation conducive to my child's success? If not, what can I change to help my child succeed in this scenario? You're doing a great job at all of this by being so observant and concerned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819638 Tue, 01 May 2018 13:36:30 +0000 lindseykaye 2819638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So so many thanks - I feel a lot less alone in this knowing other parents also have kids who share these behaviors, or once were there themselves! </p> <p>@looch: Thank you again for mentioning a feeding therapist. I didn't even know that existed, so if we end up going that route I may be reaching back out for more advice &lt;3 </p> <p>@NorthStar: @gingerbebe: I am also wanting to address this now and get us on a healthy track so that she can have the right tools for later on in life. I have a long history of anxiety, mild OCD, and disorderd eating. It took me years into adulthood to have the right tools to manage it. There are patterns of anxiety that I see in her sometimes and I have tried mightily not to pass on my own habits to her but I know so much is genetic and is also unknown to me that I'm doing it. So, if I can help her have a better relationship with food than I did I will try my hardest. Including changing our behavior and attitude, and seeking out some additional help if it looks like that will serve her best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819629 Tue, 01 May 2018 13:04:48 +0000 gingerbebe 2819629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: You know your kid best mama! I can definitely see why its so frustrating. It could be that its a personality/control thing too. Our oldest kid actually eats a good variety of things, but he doesn't eat a lot of volume. He's very tall, so he's technically underweight according to his pediatrician, and that's stressful for me in a totally different way than our younger kid with the picky eating issues. </p> <p>I mention DS1 because he is a bit more high strung in his personality and I can already tell he has some anxiety issues (he takes after me). He sorta deals with his anxiety or just big feelings in general by trying to exert control in really weird or random ways. He needs a specific color of something, or he doesn't want his apple cut in a certain way, or whatever. I have similar things where I'm particular about the kind of pens I use (I'm anal about my office supplies in general), or I like my food cut/arranged a certain way, etc. If I feel overwhelmed, I start manifesting more of these type of behaviors and I can see that my older kid is doing the same. </p> <p>Since little kids have so few options and choices, it seems like they gravitate to the areas where there are the most variables and try to manifest control there. Consequently, we have the biggest issues with clothing and food with DS1. In all other areas, we try to provide limited options like between 2 pairs of shoes or coats. But with clothes and food, obviously variety is both desired and necessary, so he has a fit about weird things. We've moved to keeping all his clothes in our room and give him 2 options in the morning for clothes, but with food, a wide variety of option is GOOD so we deal with more of his control issues there. In recent months, we've seen him reject certain foods he used to love out of nowhere just because (he swore off all soups recently after having it like twice a week his whole life, WTF!) or he's decided he doesn't like cheese at all on burgers (bc his Daddy doesn't eat cheese), but pizza is okay and string cheese is okay (but only in the plastic sleeve, half open). </p> <p>So yeah, I'd just trust your gut if you don't think its health-related and see what happens. You can see why I've implemented this party tray method between my 2 kids and their different needs. Trying to figure out what to feed my kids with a husband with all these dietary issues was giving me so much stress and I just had to give myself a break. They wont starve themselves, we can only offer a healthy meal that wont make them sick and let them figure it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819626 Tue, 01 May 2018 13:01:32 +0000 MrsBucky 2819626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: good luck! I think your instincts are probably on point. Other issues can be present, and signs should be looked for, but for most kids it’s not those things- it’s control and testing. The biggest shift for me was letting go of control and trying hard not to notice how well he does or doesn’t eat at any given meal, which was hard for me. But he knows when I’m invested in how much he eats and it makes him eat worse, 100% of the time. Give it a go, and if after consistently letting her choose whether or not to eat without comment, if she still isn’t eating, it’s worth seeing if there might be something else at play. But the fact that she eats a wide variety of textures, is rejecting previously enjoyed foods, and that you are letting her choose her own meals and then she rejects them all seem to point to control and testing behavior moreso than physical issues or allergies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819625 Tue, 01 May 2018 12:58:55 +0000 looch 2819625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: Yep, that's my son. Will eat certain kinds of cheese, not all cheese. He also eats peanut butter, which surprises experts, because that's a rather complicated thing to eat (not the texture, but the stickiness is the problem).</p> <p>One thing that was helpful was to identify the food groups, and put the foods that the child eats in those categories. The categories are: puree, crunchy, beverages, complex (like soup with vegetables and pieces of chicken) and soft. The goal is to have at least 10 items in each category. Maybe try that, and see where your child falls.</p> <p>I would look for a feeding therapist. Someone that knows how to diagnose motor issues and can help a child explain what the issue is. Another route is an SLP that works on feeding. We didn't do any kind of allergy testing, it was clear that my son didn't have food intolerances. Ultimately, it could be nothing or it could be something. My view was that I wasn't equipped to make that determination, so I sought professional help. The longer one waits on this kind of stuff, the harder it becomes to change the behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819623 Tue, 01 May 2018 12:56:28 +0000 NorthStar 2819623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: This is very much our daughter. She will be 6 in June and won't eat meat, as well as many meals we make. I have no idea if it's a texture, emotion, or what. But, we have been in the camp of not pushing it on her and she will decide if and when she wants to try something. Our biggest fear is her having food issues that could continue when she gets older and really don't want her to have negative associations with food. So, she basically eats pasta, most fruits and veggies, yogurt, cheese, various snacks. Her limitations are mostly meat (but occasionally eats bacon, pepperoni or deli turkey) and meals/dishes that are mixed together. In talking with my MIL, DH was very much like this and his foods could NOT touch eat other. lol. she is very much the same. </p> <p>Like your situation, though, she goes back and forth in things she eats. She doesn't like pizza with sauce (we make our own), but sometimes will have crust with olives, sometimes crust with cheese and olives and sometimes just crust. I guess we just try not to fight it and are happy that she is at least eating something? I think that because she eats so many fruits and veggies that we coddle her some, which I realize we shouldn't do.</p> <p>We do try to require her to have at least one protein in each meal (mainly for lunch and dinner) and that is typically cheese of some kind or yogurt (on top of her normal milk consumption). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819619 Tue, 01 May 2018 12:47:05 +0000 lindseykaye 2819619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: @looch: I really appreciate your perspectives here, and it's why I considered taking her to the doctor as an option. I may still go this route, but I hestiate to put her through allergy testing because I know it can be a bit of a process and she doesn't show other signs. My resistance comes from the fact that it's not any one food group she avoids but just specific versions. </p> <p>Take cheese - she loves provalone, shredded mozzarella, and the white/orange twist string cheese. But will not go near cheddar (sticks or shred), plain mozzarella string cheese, or babybels - all of these she previously ate. She used to eat pizza and even liked pepperoni, but then decided she doesn't like the sauce. Except, she will only eat spaghetti with red sauce on it (same brand as we would make homemade pizza). A couple months ago she helped me make cheese-only pizza (mini naan bread with mozzarella) and ate right up so it's now one of her 3-4 dinner options. Previously she would say she doesn't like melted cheese, but eats this fine.</p> <p>She eats a variety of textures - sliced or whole apples, soft macaroni or spaghetti, peanut butter on crackers or sometimes bread, or straight from a spoon, plenty of crunchy snacks like tortilla chips or popcorn. I guess she eats a bigger variety than a lot of kids - it just all feels like snacks to us and not 'food'. I think our expectations are maybe just misplaced.<br /> I'm going to check out the book you recommended @MrsBucky: because I saw it mentioned on other older threads too. If some of our own behavioral changes (as the parents) don't make a difference we'll consider some more medical evaluation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819610 Tue, 01 May 2018 12:25:50 +0000 looch 2819610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What you are describing is my son exactly, to the age when the food started dwindling. </p> <p>That's not picky, that's problem eating, at least that's how I read it. My son did a lot of the same things, he'd cook, but he'd never consider putting the food in his mouth. He didn't care that others were eating different food. </p> <p>Ultimately, my son was diagnosed with a tongue tie (side to side, not the traditional one that they diagnose at birth) and once he had it revised, we began food therapy. He's now eating many more foods than before, but he only accepts them in a controlled way. Basically, the issue was that he wasn't able to bite and then sweep food to his molars to chew, so he was swallowing food whole. As a result, he only ate things that he could manage with his limited motor ability. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819583 Tue, 01 May 2018 11:27:05 +0000 gingerbebe 2819583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would first rule out any physical issues. Food intolerances, sensitivities, etc. For example, soy is in everything these days, or dairy, or even acid reflux causing heartburn.</p> <p>My husband clearly remembers making a connection between eating cheese with bellyaches around age 4 or 5. He grew up in the Midwest so cheese, Velveeta, etc was in a LOT of dinners. He then made the connection with milk too and stopped drinking much of that. Ice cream never bothered him (and as an adult, he finds cream to be tolerable but not milk still). He also realized sometime in elementary school that he had an intolerance for mushrooms (again, cream of mushroom soup in casseroles), which made him sick. He just refused to eat those things or anything with those things in it and his family was like dude, what the heck. He also didn't get diagnosed with acid reflux until he was an adult, but he told me he had always had horrible stomachaches and heartburn as a kid (both our babies had reflux too!) Luckily, his parents had a bad reaction to spice, onions, too many acidic foods (they likely have undiagnosed reflux), so naturally took that out of their diets over time. </p> <p>So DH remembers eating a lot of Cheerios or cereal for breakfast, PBJs for lunch, a lot of fast food comprised of fries, chicken nuggets, and plain hamburgers, and a LOT of packaged processed food like chips, cookies (especially Oreos, which are vegan and dairy free, go figure). Lots of vegetables and fruit aggravate his reflux as an adult (eating too much lettuce in one sitting, cucumbers, melons of all kinds) and looking back, he didn't think he ate much of those things either. Even eating raw bananas gives him stomach aches now, so he limits those a lot and I wonder if he refused those too because our in-laws have always marveled at how much fruit our oldest kid eats.</p> <p>Our youngest is only 2, but we've noticed he's gotten selectively pickier since 18 months old and that he has a very sensitive gag reflex. He seems to be gravitating towards the fruits and veggies that DH can eat and not get sick from - apples, carrots, potatoes, for instance - and likes starches like noodles and rice, pancakes, etc. He is starting to eat more meat and eggs, he CAN tolerate dairy and cheese, but again, both my kids had reflux as a child and I wonder if DS2 still has reflux based on his dad (DH routinely refluxes and pukes up food still as an adult). He also loves bananas, so its like my kid put himself on a BRAT diet and I have to wonder if its some physical issue he's trying to manage.</p> <p>In terms of solutions, I've got 2 kids and they like different things, so I usually just make an entree for dinner that's relatively simple - like rice pilaf and cut up pieces of meat, or spaghetti and sauce, or a quesadilla for example - and then I load up a chip and dip tray with many different options that they can use to augment their meals. So last night, I set out rice pilaf and pork tenderloin and green beans on a plate (that was the main family entree). Then in the party tray, I put string cheese, turkey pepperoni, cut up apple, clementine segments, some carrot sticks, cucumber, and some all-natural pork rinds. Then we let the kids pick and choose what they're going to eat and let them cobble together what they want. If they don't like the entree, we just say well eat what you want and let it be. </p> <p>I will say the psychology of choice has been a huge difference maker for both kids. A month ago neither kid ate cuts of meat or hardboiled eggs, but now they do because 1) they saw me eat it and 2) I put it on their party tray as an option to choose. DS2 is still eating a lot more selectively than DS1, who has branched out enough to try asparagus! broccoli! and kale chips! but he HAS at least put a broccoli floret or kale chip in his mouth before decided its a no go, and that's enough for me right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819573 Tue, 01 May 2018 10:49:17 +0000 MrsBucky 2819573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you read Ellyn Satter’s How to get your kid to eat but not too much? How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/0915950839/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_lVi6Ab51EDNBV" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/dp/0915950839/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_lVi6Ab51EDNBV</a></p> <p>If there is not concern over failure to thrive or anything like that, I think her approach is worth trying and committing to for 3 full weeks. I head about it first from reading articles on alphamom by Amalah, and it really resonated with me as an approach. It worked for all three of her boys, one of whom has sensory issues. It has also worked well so far for our son, as well as in keeping mealtimes more pleasant (even when he chooses not to eat much, which does happen for us sometimes). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819568 Tue, 01 May 2018 10:33:21 +0000 lindseykaye 2819568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: Thank you for the book recommendation and your reminder that kids can be picky for a long time and still turn into adventurous eaters :)</p> <p>@jennlin821: and @DesertDreams88: Thank you so much for your perspective being picky eaters yourselves as children and as adults too. It really does make me feel better that even if this does not pass, and she remains picky, she can still be healthy and it's really not something we need to stress over quite as much as we are. I often have felt like this was "our fault" somehow because of being lax about having her try new things, accommodating her picky-ness, etc. but I'm really thinking we need to put guilt and expectations aside and just accept that these are her preferences.<br /> The chart is really great too - though she is kind of borderline for some of the categories, I think she still falls in line with normal picky eating vs. selective eating disorder for now. She does have over 30 foods she will eat - it's just so many of them are snack foods vs. what you'd consider real, whole food and I hesitate to let her live on cheeze-its, yogurt pretzels, tortilla chips, and the like. Those are still food! And it's okay for her to eat the same meals every day.</p> <p>@bhbee: So far, no growth issues or concern from her doctor. We have her on a multivitamin which hopefully makes up for her complete lack of vegetables and single-option of apples for fruit she will eat. Seems like we just need to be patient, give her more respect with her choices and amounts, and not take it personally or worry about how this will affect her later on. </p> <p>I do think we will start offering some of the family meal (or parts of it) on her plate with dinner, and let her eat her choices for breakfast and lunch. I think we also will reduce the between-meal snacking to see if that helps her focus at meal times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819548 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:26:40 +0000 DesertDreams88 2819548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here is some info that might be helpful for understanding. Food chaining is a great strategy, google could explain better than me.</p> <p>FWIW I only eat breads, dairy, and tomatoes, and that's been since I was a toddler. I am 30 in August. I have grown and EBF 2 healthy babies. I have had 5 to 6 doctors in my life and none of them have been worried. I take multivitamins and other supplements religiously. </p> [attach=5393/18/p8204g.413x600.sed-vs-picky.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819545 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:21:59 +0000 bhbee 2819545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not advice but our nearing 6.5yo sounds similar in the progression ... started off great as a toddler then got worse over time. She has some other mild sensory issues too so I’m guessing it all goes together. But this past year - so 5.5-6.5 basically - we’ve seen a big improvement. I think she has maybe just gotten a little braver? I can’t say I had a big plan it just sort of happened. She still is by no means a great eater but the things she will try have expanded to be more acceptable. I pretty much let her eat her choices for breakfast and lunch as long as they are somewhat healthy (we’re not winning any awards on that for sure!). She takes the same lunch to kinder every single day by her choice! For dinner I usually make kid friendly (ie bland, not my favorite, I love spice and heat and flavor) since my husband rarely is home to eat with us during the week. It used to be she would eat very little for dinner and I just had to assume she made it up elsewhere. I think unless your lo has growth issues don’t worry too much, easier said than done!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819544 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:17:37 +0000 jennlin821 2819544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Commiserating....sort of.<br /> I am a picky eater - I have been my whole life. </p> <p>So I am here to say that pickiness is ok! You kid will survive!<br /> For my entire elementary school career:<br /> -I did not eat breakfast<br /> -For lunch I took a plain poppy seed roll, fruit snacks &amp; a juice box.<br /> -Dinner was most often a pb sandwhich (no jelly)</p> <p>Once in jr high school, I expanded a bit (salad, tacos, burgers), and after college when I learned to cook, I learned to cook things that I liked and to try new things. However, to this day I do not eat cheese or most dairy. This means I do not put milk in my cereal! I was 25 or so when I finally started to like onions and peppers. </p> <p>I never liked anything my parents made me try.(My omnivorous parents who eat everything!) I often went hungry, or chose not to eat because there was nothing I liked. It was a natural state for me. </p> <p>My husband eats everything, and so far my DD does too. We are trying to stick with the 'parents decide what for dinner, and the child decides how much.' This is what my parents did about 75% of the time. If dinner was Fish, zucchini, rice, and salad - I ate the rice and salad. If it was easy to accommodate, sometime my parents would (throw a burger on the grill along with the fish). </p> <p>So here are my take-aways:<br /> 1) A picky child is not the end of the world. They will grow up healthy!<br /> 2) Try not to battle over the food. If she doesn't want to eat, she doesn't have to. </p> <p>a final note - Once I started cooking on my own in my 20's, and my foods expanded, I realized that I have IBS and several food allergies and food intolerances. I think that my body knew to stay away from these items, so I did.<br /> I put this last because I don't want to scare anyone or make anyone think that pickiness means allergy.<br /> I also figured out I have trouble with textures, so my mouth can't even get to the taste, just the texture makes me nauseous. So it is possible to like something individually and hate it when its in a dish. </p> <p>I know this is sort of long and rambling, but I hope it helps anyone with picky kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819543 Tue, 01 May 2018 09:17:27 +0000 Shantuck 2819543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is just shy of 6 and we deal with this, too. I can probably count on one hand the meals he will eat without protest. We have had some successes in the last year finding new meals that he will eat. For example, we recently added cheese quesadillas, chicken tacos, cheese tortellini, and frozen mango slices to his repertoire. I try to make sure a meal or two from his list is on our schedule each week but I only make him a substitute meal if we're eating something that is really skewed to grown up taste buds.</p> <p>For us, it seems like it gets better and worse in phases. My mom always reminds me of my sister who used to subsist on pb&amp;j and hot dogs and has become one of the most adventurous eaters I know in her adult life.</p> <p>I did buy an interesting book on this topic that I had shipped to me from Australia called Feeding Fussy Kids and it has some interesting ideas to help with meal time. If I can get around to reading it, I'll try to report back with some ideas. Here is the book: <a href="https://shop.abc.net.au/feeding-fussy-kids" rel="nofollow">https://shop.abc.net.au/feeding-fussy-kids</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/older-pickyrestrictive-eater-55yr#post-2819538 Tue, 01 May 2018 08:56:19 +0000 lindseykaye 2819538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all - I searched the archives but haven't seen much about older picky eaters and am hoping there might be some advice (or commisseration!) out there on the boards.</p> <p>My daughter is about 5.5 yrs old and has a long history of picky eating. When we started out with solids, she ate an awesome variety of foods. But after about 18 months they dwindled one-by-one. We had a pretty okay pattern for a while with a decent selection but have recently been truly struggling with getting her to eat anything at all.</p> <p>We've brought this up with her pediatrician every year at her well visits and her advice has always been to provide the nutritious food she will eat and try not to fight about it since it seems not to be a sensory issue but more of a control point. We offer her new foods often, she helps in the kitchen (but then won't eat it), and regularly declares foods she's eaten for years off-limits. She won't even eat the unhealthy foods that most kids would love to be offered! </p> <p>Last night she had one bite of macaroni and cheese, which she picked from her dinner options, spit it back out into her bowl and said she was too tired for dinner and just wanted to go to bed. The night before she declared she doesn't like chicken nuggets anymore after eating one off her plate and leaving the rest. Then this morning she resisted breakfast and barely ate any of her waffle and milk before school. </p> <p>We were hoping starting school would help her see other kids eating different foods and entice her to try things - no dice. Do I take her to the doctor? Do we just switch gears entirely and give her what we are making ourselves and she can eat it or not? I'm honestly afraid she will just choose to not eat anything rather than try something new or even eat her stapes at this point. Or continue trying to get nutrition into her however we can by offering the things we know she has liked before and not worrying about it if she decides not to eat. </p> <p>Thanks for listening and any advice you might have! </p>