https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 16:25:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923357 Mon, 12 Apr 2021 22:19:06 +0000 karenbme 2923357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I’ve never had the deep urge either, but my husband did. Now that we have one, though, I want two so that they can have that lifelong relationship, but realistically you can have that with friends too. My best friend and I have been close for almost 25 years(!!) And I would say I’m closer with her than either of my sisters. I think I’d ultimately be happy with one but would likely feel something missing because it’s what I wanted and pictured for my family once we started down this road. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923301 Fri, 09 Apr 2021 11:20:55 +0000 Chuckles 2923301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I don't think it's that you have some urge that is "missing." I really think it's just how you picture what you want your family to be. For some people, they picture just themselves and a spouse and that feels "right." For me, I would see a photo of myself, DH, and DS, and just feel like someone was missing. But now that we have DD, it doesn't feel like that when I see family photos. But I have a friend who wanted a third kiddo, and that's how she felt - like someone was missing. It's just a personal feeling of when your family is complete - whether it's 0 kids or 5 kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923293 Fri, 09 Apr 2021 09:04:59 +0000 foodiebee 2923293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Chiming in that we're one and done and happy! Of course, our decision was kind of made for us in that we needed IVF and only got one embryo, so we don't have another waiting and don't have much chance to conceive naturally. That said, we're planning to host exchange students when LO is older for a sibling relationship. So that's always an option too! We volunteered with an exchange organization for years pre-covid and had such amazing experiences. I'm excited to offer it to my DS in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923276 Thu, 08 Apr 2021 16:47:16 +0000 minimalistmom 2923276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I think it just has more to do with what is "normal" (not the greatest word) to an individual person, you know? I came from a family with four kids and my husband has a brother, so the idea of a sibling just seems typical (so to speak.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923266 Thu, 08 Apr 2021 13:09:40 +0000 JJ2626 2923266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elizabear: Totally! I need to silence that voice that says I’m doing something “wrong” and be thankful for how happy I am. </p> <p>@periwinklebee: @minimalistmom: thanks! Totally agree that the life changing experience is being a parent vs not being one, and it’s helpful to hear that stays true with multiple kids. That said, I still feel like there must be a reason that most people are so sure they want more than 1 kid. Like they know some secret to the meaning of life?! Ha, I think I’m losing my mind a bit. Truly, I think I’m just not biologically motivated to have children and that urge other people feel but can’t explain is missing, so I’m much more in my head about it than other people. Ok, thanks for the therapy session all! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923140 Thu, 01 Apr 2021 09:43:07 +0000 minimalistmom 2923140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: This! It's just more of the same essentially. It's not like a whole new world of parenting opens up. It's more like "that was cool, let's have another." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923134 Thu, 01 Apr 2021 08:10:47 +0000 periwinklebee 2923134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: one thing that may be relevant is that the transition from zero to one is a waaaaay bigger change than the transition from one to two. Going from not having kids to having them, I don't think you can really anticipate how much life will change, and may be very surprised at how much you like it. Whereas I think you can pretty much anticipate how life will change going from one to two, it's essentially like more of what you already have, if that makes sense. So I'd definitely trust your rational assessment of things, and not worry too much that there are things about having two kids that you can't anticipate... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923108 Tue, 30 Mar 2021 18:32:57 +0000 Elizabear 2923108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: OMG! I used to have that same thought often. Like is something wrong with me for not actively wanting more? I have felt guilt over not giving her a sibling but I also think having a sibling doesn't guarantee what would be ideal in a sibling relationship. My sister is mostly stress in my life. I thing that supportive family can be created though blood or bond. Our life is mostly very, very happy and I feel like I am a good mom most of the time because can provide so much time and financial resources in developing my daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923104 Tue, 30 Mar 2021 16:09:45 +0000 JJ2626 2923104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: @wrkbrk: @SugarplumsMom: @Elizabear: @MrsJBeeG: Thank you all so much! Sorry it took me forever to get back on here. I haven't been on hellobee much but I have been ruminating on baby #2 a lot. It's so helpful to hear from people who are at peace with having 1 kid. It's a hard decision for me, because, truthfully, I didn't even really want 1 kid all that badly. I made a very intellectual decision that having a kid was a life experience I wanted to have. And it turned out to be a million times better than I ever imagined it. So, the argument that well, if you don't want a 2nd kid, don't have one, doesn't work as well because I just know that I'm never going to really actively want one. I'm missing whatever that "urge" is that women have! So I keep going back to seeing that the vast majority of people I know choose to have 2 and thinking they must know something that I don't. But hearing about your decisions and why it works for you, is very helpful. I think we would be really happy as a family of 3, but there is always that feeling of "what if."<br /> @BUNBUN: @ElbieKay: Thanks! I actually am an only child, and I am totally fine with it. My husband has siblings, though, and is very close to them so now I see how great it can be. Before, I was very much like, well, you can't miss what you don't know when it came to a sibling. </p> <p>Thanks to everyone who answered and made me feel like having 1 kid is a totally great life choice! I love hearing everyone's perspective, so keep them coming if you want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2923087 Mon, 29 Mar 2021 06:02:43 +0000 MrsJBeeG 2923087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know @JJ2626 posted this question a bit ago but I’ve been off hellobee for a bit. But after reading it - I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for sharing their thoughts. After years of struggle we welcomed our DD 10 months ago. She’s n amazing little girl - happy, sweet, mellow and sleeps great. In fact we are just returning from a cross country trip (driving as I felt it safer) because a close family member was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and we dropped everything. And honestly she has done great. </p> <p>I am older as is DH ad we’ve decided for a variety of reasons she is our only even though I imagined two kids once we decided to have one. I worry about her not having a sibling but we know it just makes sense. So reading these comments with the notes about making a child’s community their friends and seeing how satisfied everyone is who is one and done helps me feel that our decision is right for us for many of the same reasons. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922973 Sun, 21 Mar 2021 16:10:25 +0000 Elizabear 2922973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are one and done and totally happy! I had very severe PPA so while I always imagined a bigger family I know I can not go back to that. We have a great life. We can afford private school. Our daughter is super social and has a ton of friends. I think we've figured out the secret to a very happy life! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922915 Mon, 15 Mar 2021 15:50:16 +0000 ElbieKay 2922915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not one and done. (In case you want another reason to consider sticking to one child: My second child turned out to be twins :shocked: )</p> <p>I will say that I like having a sister, and that factored into my desire for a second child.</p> <p>But.</p> <p>I do not think that is sufficient criteria for having a second child. Another baby is a tremendous amount of work and commitment. I very much wanted a second baby and am absolutely head over heels in love with my twins. And my oldest is very proud of his sisters and gets along so well with them. However, even despite all that lovey dovey stuff, he definitely gets less attention from us now that they are here. And we are stretched more thinly than I would prefer.</p> <p>My husband is an only child and is 100% fine with that. He would have been fine with having only child as a result. And I think in many ways he misses our simpler life with the one kid.</p> <p>Siblings are not a guaranteed perfect relationship, either. Neither of my parents has a relationship with their only sibling. My sister and I definitely have a unique connection that I value, but we are not BFFs.</p> <p>I don't think you should consider a second child unless YOU want to be a MOM to a second child. Don't do it just for your daughter. She'll be fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922901 Fri, 12 Mar 2021 21:56:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2922901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have more than one but know a lot of people with only one who are happy with one. Why fix what isn't broken? </p> <p>On the other end of that we often think we don't give our kids enough attention... probably because we have a good amount of one and done families in our circle and we just don't have the time some of them do to focus on each kid. </p> <p>Every decision has some kind of cost! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922892 Fri, 12 Mar 2021 12:03:04 +0000 peaches1038 2922892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: @Mrs. Carrot: I agree about missing the baby stage. I always say that I would love to have baby DS again, not start over with another one! I also like thinking that I will miss the last age my son was AND am excited to meet the next age son! (I will miss 5 yo DS and am so excited to ‘meet’ 6 yo DS) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922891 Fri, 12 Mar 2021 11:08:39 +0000 wrkbrk 2922891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Exactly. I agree with everything you said. I like it for SO many reasons and it makes so much sense for us. The only “pang” I have is how damn fast he is growing and knowing that I won’t ever have a baby again. But you know what? That would happen with a second, too. It would just be delayed a few years! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922890 Fri, 12 Mar 2021 10:50:58 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2922890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I resonate with this big time. My career is very important to me, and having one kid has allowed me to have the best of both worlds when it comes to parenting and career (though it's not without challenges, especially now that we've been home together for a year!). I do miss the cuddly baby stage too but I'm excited for all the experiences of having a bigger kid too - more independence, more travel together without huge scheduling worries, ability to share our favorite things with her and vice versa. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922888 Fri, 12 Mar 2021 09:58:44 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2922888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are one and done and happy! My little girl is our world :heart: There's no balancing of time or expenses. No bickering, no worries about huge travel expenses (during the before times). We're lucky enough to live near a few of her classmates, so when/IF things get back to normal, they can play together and we can splurge a little with their activities. Then her friends go home ... no bickering :grin: </p> <p>But what really cemented our decision was my age and health. I have been sick a lot the past few years and I think the stress of a pregnancy would be too much on my body. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922887 Thu, 11 Mar 2021 22:36:48 +0000 wrkbrk 2922887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: Us! Except our roles are reversed - I would have had a second baby but my spouse was firmly decided that she only wanted one child. He is 5 now and an absolute delight - most of the time. 🤣 While I admittedly did feel like I was missing out when alllll of my friends got pregnant with their second (and third!) kids, it was because of my own desire if that makes sense - I 10000000% believe that there is zero disservice done to the child to not “give him” a sibling. I just wanted to slow down time really - I wanted a baby to snuggle again. Now that we’re pretty far past that stage I feel happy and settled and the biggest thing I remind myself is this - we are BARELY able to hold it together with one child and two demanding careers. We don’t have local family help and we are maxed out. One child still makes you a parent. You’re really not missing out on anything at all. ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922843 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 17:25:11 +0000 BUNBUN 2922843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, a bit of a different perspective: I'm an only, and while I think my parents struggled a bit with being one-and-done at times, I can say that from my perspective, I am very happy with their decision to only have one! I am very close with both my parents and have been able to learn and do so much with each of them and with them together as a couple.</p> <p>Funnily enough, DH is an only as well. We are both super close to our parents and totally get that about each other. We both grew up with chosen extended family that enriched our lives in huge ways, often more so than our "blood" family. We chose to be 2 and done, in part because we wanted to experience two children and at least view the sibling experience. Also our children will have no cousins and we moved hundreds of miles away from our family and friends, so they will literally only have each other. It was a gamble for us, and while I adore our DD and the growing relationship between DD and DS, at times I miss our "only DS" days and DH and I both would have been very content with only one if our second pregnancy wasn't to be.</p> <p>All this to say, if you are content, the upsides I have experienced to HAVING and BEING only child are huge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922841 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 16:08:13 +0000 ShootingStar 2922841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having two kids can be really hard. There’s a saying, something like, “one is one and two is ten.” And that describes my kids perfectly. Separately each of my kids are a thousand times easier than when they’re together. And I know people say they’ll have someone to play with if they have a sibling, but I kinda hate when they play together because it always turns into a fight. </p> <p>I really really wanted a second. I was so jealous of my SIL when she had an oops baby and we were waiting so we could space out daycare costs. But sometimes I looks back and go WTF were we thinking?! Things were so much simpler with one!</p> <p>I mean I love my younger child. But she’s a much more difficult personality than my older one. And two can just be a LOT some days. So if you are on the fence and don’t really feel bought into having two, do not do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922839 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 09:54:38 +0000 catgirl 2922839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: I hope you are able to come to a decision that is right for your family. :heart: Being one and done is the best choice for my family. Sometimes I imagine the sister DD could have been, or what it would be like to snuggle and care for another little. I occasionally get baby fever or feel jealous when friends have their second or third. Those feelings are real and valid, I can't force them out of existence. BUT I know the choice we made was, is, and continues to be the best one for our family. I just want you to know that if you decide to be one and done you might still have some of those feelings. (And you might not, also normal). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922837 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 07:15:13 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2922837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: Just to chime in, I'm one and done and happy about it. My daughter is almost 8 and I haven't had any hankering for another. I've gone through the same thought process as you are but honestly, those didn't sound like good reasons for me to become a parent again. I want my daughter to have a community but it doesn't have to be biological. I have a fair amount of friends and role models who have only's and have done an amazing job building friendships so that their kids are growing up with others around and I hope to do the same for my daughter over time. There is also no guarantee- I have a brother two years younger, my mom openly said she had two kids so that we had each other, but we aren't close at all (and now I'm dealing with her guilt over failing at building our relationship). My husband has a brother much younger than him and they're very close. You just never know. And finally, yes, there's some selfishness here but I'm learning slowly that this is OK. I had a tough postpartum period where I lost myself big time. It's only in the last 3-4 years that I've started to regain a sense of self and I do think I might lose it again if I had another child and that would disservice everyone. So I'm one and done and I'm looking forward to having a really full life with my daughter and hopefully a community we'll build (we moved to a new neighborhood right before the pandemic). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922835 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 00:36:52 +0000 JJ2626 2922835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: @peaches1038: @Portboston: @oldschooolmama: thank you!! So helpful to hear positive experiences like this. Sounds like you all have lovely, loving families. Like you all, I really value our time as a family of 3 and the fact that it’s not crazy or chaotic and we really all get quality time together, including my DH and me. I don’t think I’d love shuffling kids around to different things and spending lots of time apart on weekends. We do everything together and I like it. I also forgot to say that I absolutely hated being pregnant (even though it was a normal pregnancy) and just dread doing it again. I have so much anxiety around it.</p> <p>Thanks to all who responded with positive stories and reassurance that it’s fine and normal! I still have to figure it all out but am definitely leaning strongly toward one and only. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922830 Sat, 06 Mar 2021 08:19:45 +0000 oldschooolmama 2922830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is me! My daughter is almost 3 and we are so content with our little triangle family. There are some one and done facebook groups (including one and done of the fence) and <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/oneanddone/" rel="nofollow">https://www.reddit.com/r/oneanddone/</a>. They were so helpful to me when I was deciding. They helped me see that there are so many other wonderful reasons to being one and done. When people ask about a second I joke to people we did it right the first time. She's too perfect. Ha! As you said, our life is easy and fun. </p> <p>I echo everything @peaches1038 said. </p> <p>Now with all that said, I do know two different older woman who regret not having more. One was a single mom who never remarried/ had more children. The other one didn't have more children because they were just starting their careers and were worried about money. She wished she had just bit the bullet and had more knowing in the end it would have all worked out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922814 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 12:42:18 +0000 Chuckles 2922814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Similar to others, this isn't exactly the perspective that you were looking for, but we were almost one and done, for a variety of reasons. And even though we ended up having a second, I see lots of positives to having just one kid. By the time I got pregnant with #2, DS was already 6 years old, so we were in a great groove as a family of 3. DH and I had time for our own hobbies, and we had a little extra money and time to travel. Our DS has some friends and cousins he has known since birth, who he will hopefully have for a lifetime, so I felt like he had some good connections and extended support. He would have been fine if he had continued being an only.<br /> Like others have said, having siblings is no guarantee of a good relationship and connection. My DH has two siblings. We see them 3 times a year when we go visit, but otherwise they aren't in touch. And if we really needed something or he needed support, I don't think they would be people he would go to.<br /> If you and your DH feel like you are content as a family of 3, be confident that it is the best decision for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922812 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 10:51:08 +0000 Mrs. Starfish 2922812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others who have commented, I'm not one-and-done but I had twins and actually went through a lot of the same thinking/agonizing around going for a third. We ultimately decided not to, but we have a lot of frozen embryos left over and so it feels like a decision that periodically flares up every time we get the freezer bill. </p> <p>I will say that in the thick of parenting two at the ages of 2 and 3, I told pretty much EVERYONE in my circle who was child-free that they should seriously consider having just one child (if they want children at all). I really, really meant that. Those years were really hard and I had moments of intense jealousy of my friends with one child. Heck, even strangers - I remember watching a couple with one child at the airport once when I was so exhausted and overwhelmed with my tantruming twins and actually crying a little bit. </p> <p>My best friend in the entire world is my sister, and I love that relationship. But I have also had really serious conversations with her about how amazing it would be for her to be one-and-done. And that's definitely the way she's leaning. </p> <p>For whatever reason, I also have a lot of friends (including my husband) who are only children. And they are really happy, well-adjusted people so I don't think they "missed out" in any way by not having a sibling. </p> <p>Sorry for all the scrambled thoughts. Bottom line: If I were you, I wouldn't feel bad for a second about declining to go for the second. And I'd work to let go of those feelings of guilt! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922811 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 10:38:51 +0000 Portboston 2922811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m one and done and happy. The ONLY reason I wish I had two is when DS wants to play and I’d rather not. So not having a built in playmate is a bummer sometimes and he probably gets a little more screen time than his peers 🤷🏻‍♀️<br /> I didn’t enjoy the newborn year at all, didn’t love being pregnant and my relationship suffered greatly (we ended up divorcing-major differences came out after we had a child and ended up not being a good match). I love that I’m able to focus all my attention on my son and will be able to give him more because I’ll have more resources with only one child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922810 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 10:32:57 +0000 periwinklebee 2922810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have personal experience with this, but just wanted to say that we actually have more friends who are one and done than who have multiple kids, so it is not as if everyone has figured out something you are missing. This got me to wondering how many families are one and done, and I found this with a quick google search: "A recent Pew Research Center study found the number of women who reached the end of their child bearing years with only one child doubled in the last generation, from 11 percent in 1976 to 22 percent in 2015. Census data shows one-child families are the fastest growing family unit in the United States." So you are in great company, and more and more people joining you every year 😊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922809 Fri, 05 Mar 2021 10:23:20 +0000 LemonJack 2922809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m not one and done, but have multiple friends that are. They’re content with their decision! I think ultimately it’s whatever works best for you and your family, and it’s what you want personally, not what you feel like you should want. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-and-happy#post-2922805 Thu, 04 Mar 2021 23:33:09 +0000 peaches1038 2922805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are one and done and also feel content. DS is 5.25 years old and life as a family of 3 is so so enjoyable. We have so much time together and time for DH and I to have hobbies as well. We are able to afford a house in a very high cost of living area, travel, eat out, go to museums etc while still saving money for all of our futures. We fit in one row on an airplane and in one hotel room ;) </p> <p>DS is so smart, kind, caring and curious and we have been able to nurture his true self without other obligations or distractions. He is so special to us and it makes me so happy that he knows how loved and wanted he is in our family every single day. I also love that we have so much time and energy for him. </p> <p>For myself personally, I am able to be the type of mother I want to be: patient, loving, understanding, calm and most of all HAPPY. I have a long history of anxiety and perfectionism and I know that I wouldn’t be able to mother the way I really want to (while working full time at a job I love and never want to give up) with more than 1 child. Our days are relaxed, and full of love and laughter. </p> <p>I have a younger sister and we are best friends so I totally get your feelings about that. I too feel guilty sometimes because I know DS would be an amazing big brother. I just try to remember everything I wrote above and that our family is perfect for us. So many people tell me that I’m such a good mother so I should have more kids and I tell them that I’m such a good mother because I have ONE kid! </p> <p>Also, Siblings don’t automatically equal BFFs (DH can attest to that!) and I also think it’s really odd to have a child to “give” the older kid a sibling. Children are not gifts to bestow onto their siblings. If YOU want another child, you should have one. If you only want another because you think you should or because you think that your child should have a sibling, then it might not be such a great idea. My opinion of course. </p> <p>Anyway, ramble city over here too but all in all, I have the same feelings of guilt and questioning my decision AND I still know this is the right thing for our family. </p>