Hellobee Boards Topic: One and done: how do you explain to other people?

Hellobee Boards Topic: One and done: how do you explain to other people? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 13:54:20 +0000 alohaorchid on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1558288 Thu, 10 Apr 2014 08:43:08 +0000 alohaorchid 1558288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have any kids but if we are able to have them, we only want one. We both have no desire for more than one and we are already hearing about how horrible and unfair it it. People can't ever seem to keep their mouths shut when it comes to other people's family life! kml636 on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557937 Thu, 10 Apr 2014 06:41:52 +0000 kml636 1557937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ People are so rude. If it were me I would just say something vague and hopefully throw them off... SugarplumsMom on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557929 Thu, 10 Apr 2014 06:34:58 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1557929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ One of my best friend's absentmindedly responded, "but you can't have just one. You need at least two." This was about a year ago when DD was just starting to walk. I changed the subject. But she seemed to serious. It hasn't been brought up again since, but next time we have more than a few minutes to talk, I'll ask her why she thinks this way. Eta: We're on the fence. Boogs on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557780 Thu, 10 Apr 2014 00:13:41 +0000 Boogs 1557780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: At one point I started telling people that because of my complicated delivery my chances of death during another childbirth would be dangerously higher. It was sad that it took a lie like that to shut people up and even still that wouldn't work for everyone. Some people are just annoyingly thoughtless I think. JennyD on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557673 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 22:01:46 +0000 JennyD 1557673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I always say "uh, I don't think so" in a way that suggests that my first was an "accident" and that it think she's a pain. So generally people think I'm an awful parent and they generally don't press me. I couldn't care less if strangers think I'm an awful mother. I know I'm not. As for people we know, they've stopped asking. DillonLion on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557641 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:46:48 +0000 DillonLion 1557641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: nicely put! Mrs. Pen on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557639 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:45:55 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1557639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @DillonLion: and that 's what I think most of us base our decision on if financial stability is at play. Yes, while my education/career is important to me, I know that we will have a lot more to offer LO if he is the only child we have. As happy as I am to have grown up in a large family, there are things that would have been nice to have that can't happen from a large, one-income family. And that's ok, I'm not mad/bitter over it - but it's okay to want things a little differently for my LO. DillonLion on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557619 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:38:22 +0000 DillonLion 1557619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: i do have a laundry list of reasons!! Honestly the financial aspects have more to do with LO (college, leaving her an inheritance, teaching her to be smart with money, etc) over being able to spend more on myself. Mrs. Pen on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557614 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:36:04 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1557614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Twine: lol!!! I love it. @DillonLion: I dunno... I really don't think there are that many selfish reasons to not wanting more. Even financially - that's not selfish. Sure it may be because you want to reap some rewards yourself of your income, but I don't think that's selfish. You earn it, you earn the right to enjoy it. I've heard many of your reasons and I don't think you're selfish :) I mean, one of my main reasons is so that I can focus on my education and then career - so that could be perceived as selfish because it's "about me". But I don't see it as selfish. It's just what's best for me and my family. But I don't feel the need to have to justify or explain myself to others! DillonLion on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people/page/2#post-1557598 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:20:18 +0000 DillonLion 1557598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Twine: haha nice come back DillonLion on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557597 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 21:19:45 +0000 DillonLion 1557597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yeah, i mean im an only child because my mother's health didnt allow for more children. I would never heckle somebody for more kids because you never know their story. They might desperately want more and cant, so that is incredibly painful to have yo be bothered by others like that. I only want one for totally selfish and financial reasons. No one has given me a hard time about it, but i would definitely have an earful for them if they did. Mrs. Twine on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557568 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 20:43:53 +0000 Mrs. Twine 1557568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If I wasn't too wussy to actually say it I would say, "We're planning to spend all that extra time on teaching him manners and boundaries. *Apparently* those are hard lessons for people to learn." I don't know why people say things like that. Applesandbananas on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557535 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 20:21:17 +0000 Applesandbananas 1557535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our family is complete. That's my go-to response. If they press, sometimes I'll joke that they can pay tuition/daycare, change diapers, etc. I've really only had a few really press and they were close family so I gave them more detail. But if people (random people at that!) were nasty to me about it, I just give some vague, blanket kids-are-expensive response and bolt lol Mrs. Pen on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557502 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 19:57:09 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1557502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: awwww! I love that!! Anagram on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557472 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 19:29:50 +0000 Anagram 1557472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: I have a brother that just had 1 and he always tells people when you do it perfectly the first time, you don't have to do it again. ;-) Mrs. Tiger on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557463 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 19:25:53 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1557463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ what about, "OMG I thought I had two!? Crap, where did she go..." fussygal on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557455 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 19:20:26 +0000 fussygal 1557455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Ugh, how rude that they would even think it's okay to judge that decision! It's so personal and there are a million reasons to have just one (or more) and each one is none of their business. singingbee on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557428 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 19:03:36 +0000 singingbee 1557428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: ask them for their address so you can send them the bills for baby #2 and then you will have another one. ;) People can be so rude sometimes!!!! gingerbebe on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557326 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 18:10:46 +0000 gingerbebe 1557326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband's standard response to things like that is to give them a big smile and say cheerfully and non-snarkily: "Okay, well thank you for sharing." And then leave it at that. Usually people just shut up at that point because 1) he was being completely polite and 2) they realize they may have overstepped. mediagirl on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557321 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 18:07:01 +0000 mediagirl 1557321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @looch: exactly. I'd just tell them that's a pretty rude and inappropriate question and move on. Then if they continued I'd ask of they would like me to start judging their lives for them. Mae on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557158 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 16:17:49 +0000 Mae 1557158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents had a 7.5 year age gap between my brother and me, and planned to be one and done for a long time. My mom said people hassled her all the time and told her it was sad/irresponsible/selfish to not give my brother a sibling. She said after a few years her standard response was she thought it was more sad/irresponsible/selfish when people had more kids than they had the time, money, or inclination to raise. That generally shut them up. lol. spaniellove on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1557017 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 15:22:38 +0000 spaniellove 1557017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We've been proactive about telling people who say "is this your first" that "it'll be our only; we're done". Generally they don't argue when they know how much we've gone through, but if they did I'd just say I'm an only child and very happy with it so I know from experience. daniellemybelle on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556962 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 15:04:43 +0000 daniellemybelle 1556962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ How about, "It's a good thing J is so great at making friends already, so we're not worried. If he was socially awkward we might have had to suck it up & live in poverty just so he could have one friend." :) jetsa on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556933 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:57:55 +0000 jetsa 1556933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No advice but its so annoying DS is only 6.5 months but we've fielded this question over and over again already. We're undecided but still stop asking us people! Kimberlybee on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556883 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:44:26 +0000 Kimberlybee 1556883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Greentea: LOL, yes say that in a serious tone and it should shut them up quickly! pui on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556873 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:42:31 +0000 pui 1556873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: It's just plain mean to say someone is being selfish because you may only want one kid. There are tons of reasons having only one kid may be the best choice for that couple. kjpugs on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556865 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:41:18 +0000 kjpugs 1556865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Pen: yeah, unless it's like family or a close friend, it's BS. Shut your face, you have no say!!!!!!!!!!! Greentea on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556864 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:40:52 +0000 Greentea 1556864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Kimberlybee: "are YOU going to be the benefactor?" That's a good one! @Mrs. Pen: or "you have such thoughtful advice, are you going to raise them for me too?" Mrs. Pen on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556863 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:40:43 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1556863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @kjpugs: well, one person was a stranger and the other was my hair stylist! I am sure they meant well (having siblings is great!), but neither have a real investment in my life. kjpugs on "One and done: how do you explain to other people?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-done-how-do-you-explain-to-other-people#post-1556857 Wed, 09 Apr 2014 14:38:09 +0000 kjpugs 1556857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Now if it's strangers/aquaintances... NO excuse. They need to zip it. Playing devil's advocate- I feel that sometimes when a couple has a child, if family/close friends had been witholding the much-maligned "pestering" of when will you have kids, I feel like the having a child seems to get rid of that restriction and they feel like they have free reign to say "ok, time for #2 now." Which isn't necessarily okay. But, I think it comes from a place of love and excitement (usually...) because they love your LO and want MOARRR!!!!!!!!!! That being said, I say "usually" because telling you you are being unfair to your kid- comments like that aren't right no matter who says them. I think it's good to try to remember that generally it comes from a place of love.,