https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 21 Jun 2026 16:23:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners/page/2#post-2817316 Thu, 19 Apr 2018 14:20:36 +0000 babycanuck 2817316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here!</p> <p>We have a variety of reasons, and those reasons are ours.</p> <p>There is a ton of pressure from other people, and I basically tell them my uterus isn't their business and they leave me alone. :silly: </p> <p>- Hyperemesis<br /> - Wanting to give LO everything I can - kids are expensive, and situations will never be perfect, and we will always find the means, but still.<br /> - He has lots of friends who are family and family who will always be there.<br /> - You can have siblings who are assholes and you don't talk to (SO's brother) or siblings you may have grown up with in strained relationships but are great with now (me + my sister)<br /> - We are making sure that LO understands as he grows as an only child that you don't just get things. You still need to earn things, you won't be a bratty child and all gimme gimme gimme. I know this can happen with siblings or not, but I'm also trying to train SO at the same time not to spoil. He had a tougher childhood and sometimes feels he needs to give LO everything and then some for toys, etc.<br /> - Age &amp; genetic factors for me, my own personal choices.</p> <p>I have days where I wonder what if, however, no matter WHAT I do, I always wonder what if for the other side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners/page/2#post-2816981 Wed, 18 Apr 2018 05:01:21 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2816981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One and happily done after years going back and forth. At 5.5 yo, the biggest perk for us is having neighborhood kids over unannounced (even during meal times) and it's fine. Surprise play dates are a welcomed distraction. I can imagine that extra kids coming over would be a lot tougher with more than 1 in the house.</p> <p>The one negative on my mind these days is when we get older, and health issues arise, then she would have to manage things on her own. But if we cover all our bases, it shouldn't be so much of a problem for her :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners/page/2#post-2816929 Tue, 17 Apr 2018 16:51:36 +0000 Elizabear 2816929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You all have made me feel so happy and not al"one" ! This past weekend I happily gave away clothes my daughter grew out of w/o any pangs of guilt! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2816310 Sat, 14 Apr 2018 09:25:14 +0000 BabyTsMom 2816310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me! We’re a happy family of three and it’s not going to change. I get pressured on the daily to have more, so that can be annoying. But in reality, I had a really hard time getting pregnant, I had horrible PPA, and now I’m too old. Haha. But honestly I don’t think I have the patience nor the desire to parent more than one child and I don’t know why so many people find that strange. I guess that is part of living in the suburbs .... I don’t think people would question it if we were in an urban city. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815904 Thu, 12 Apr 2018 12:29:17 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2815904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That's pretty awesome! Usually it goes the other way. :silly: But you sound like you have a good appreciation and good relationship and everyone is happy so I don't know if that falls under spoiled or just lucky! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815895 Thu, 12 Apr 2018 12:16:52 +0000 cat620 2815895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm an only child, so I can list some of the pros and cons from my own experience. </p> <p>Pros - I am an introvert, so I didn't mind spending a lot of time to myself. I think it fostered creativity and independence, since I would learn how to entertain and do things for myself. It was easier to do things like travel, and I was fortunate to spend a couple summers in Europe and go on other trips I may not have been able to go on had there been a sibling. My home was a peaceful place growing up, since there were no sibling fights or arguments. I got all the attention and didn't have to share my toys with anyone. </p> <p>Cons - I don't have a sibling who shared my life experience with me and can understand me in a way a friend won't. If I talk about an event from my childhood, nobody else was there with me except for the adults in my home. It's a different perspective. I have made good friends in my life, but a lot of them move away or we lose contact for other reasons, and then before I know it, we haven't spoken in years. I feel like with a sibling, we would have frequent contact throughout our lives and it would be nice to have that with someone besides a parent or extended family member. Another thing to note - I married someone with 2 brothers, but they aren't at a place in their lives where they are having children. Our kids are growing up with no cousins, which makes me a little sad. My BILs aren't involved in our kids' lives either, so I feel like they are missing out on having extended family relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815828 Thu, 12 Apr 2018 08:15:40 +0000 looch 2815828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I am the oldest of three and I joke around that I am the most spoiled adult I know, and it's actually true. My parents do a ton for me and it's not uncommon for me to do crazy things, like order something online, but then decide I don't like it, not want to pay for return shipping, so I call my dad to go to my house, pick up said item and drop it off to me at the mall so I can return it.</p> <p>Trust me, I know spoiled kids happen in all configurations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815735 Wed, 11 Apr 2018 18:14:41 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2815735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Just lurking here out of curiosity (we already have more than one) but that can totally easily happen even with 2+. It has more to do with the parents dropping what they're doing and trying to get things for the kid/s asap, or at least that's my take on it.... since we have still struggled with this kind of thing and we have more than one. (Eta, I'm sure you already knew all of that..just putting it out there.. I am sorry to anyone who has been told their kid would be spoiled because they are an only child!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815732 Wed, 11 Apr 2018 18:05:13 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2815732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: of course! I even meant after the fact once you're back home. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815702 Wed, 11 Apr 2018 14:52:28 +0000 Dahlia 2815702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: I'll think about it. I'm pretty concerned about online privacy, though (hence the decision to say South America instead of the particular country). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815694 Wed, 11 Apr 2018 14:26:02 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2815694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: oh my gosh, S Am. would also be so amazing! 😍 Enjoy... and if you felt like sharing, I'd LOVE to read about your experiences! 😆 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815551 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 21:37:43 +0000 Dahlia 2815551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: I think it's a combo of the kid's personality and ours. My DD is a pretty chill toddler, and I much prefer hanging out with someone I can actually talk to. </p> <p>We're going to South America - it'll only be for a few months, but I'm so excited! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815527 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 18:50:53 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2815527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: yeah, it is funny how different people's experiences are! Don't get me wrong, when she's "good", she's amazing &amp; I'm a walking 😍 hearty-eyed emoji, but we are probably too much alike &amp; both very strong willed, so we both get frustrated easily by each other at times &amp; really butt heads.<br /> What country are you moving to? We are probably narrowed down to a Scandinavian country or New Zealand. 😊 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815509 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 16:22:44 +0000 Calibee 2815509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a different perspective: I am an only child and loved it! I asked my mom, and she confirmed that I never asked for a sibling when I was young or seemed lonely. I thought it was awesome. We traveled a lot, I spent tons of time with my parents, and I think I was well equipped to interact with adults in a professional environment earlier on because I was used to interacting with adults/being the youngest person in the room. </p> <p>On the downside, being the only child with aging parents who have ever-increasing medical needs is tough. But there is no guarantee that a sibling would be willing to help me out anyway. However, this aspect is *really* hard to handle sometimes , especially because I also have two very small children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815503 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 15:19:06 +0000 wrkbrk 2815503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Excellent point about dividing and conquering errands - I forgot until you mentioned it, but this was one of DW's main objections to having another kid. Since we work so much during the week as it is, she didnt want to spend all of our weekends apart doing kid activities that conflicted with other kid activities!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815449 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 12:21:11 +0000 irene 2815449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am one and done! I only briefly glanced at the comments above.... DS is 6 now, and thank GOD I very seldomly (or never) get the "when is DS going to get a brother/sister" comment. I must look too old for reproduction lol</p> <p>While I would very much like DS to have a sibling, I just don't think physically I can handle it. DH also didn't want any children to begin with, so it is sort of a "compromise" to be one and done.</p> <p>Pros:<br /> The challenges of them growing up. I don't know how people do it, but how do you have a 3 year old AND a newborn together? I barely survived DS's baby stage. </p> <p>Two different sets of schedules + possible strains on your marriage: Say one has to go to ballet class and one has to go to soccer practice, you and your partner basically has to divide and conquer all the time. Life becomes a bunch of chores that you are bound to run separately with your partner. It feels like that will eventually take a toll on the relationship, and you'd need extra efforts on making sure you nourish your marriage. For now, DH and I would go to DS's baseball practice together amongst a lot of other things. </p> <p>Then the 2+ sets of "involvements" at school! The volunteering, mystery readers, 100 day shirt, the "all about me" posters, the volunteering at class parties...etc. will be doubled or tripled.</p> <p>And then it also comes down to my abilities. Maybe I am not as capable as a lot of other moms with 2+ kids, but I feel like I can't juggle with my job, my child, my husband, cooking, my pet, and THEN a 2nd child. My cat passed away last year. While I really wanted to get another cat, I consciously couldn't allow myself do that because I wasn't even able to take good care of my cat since the birth of DS. Let alone a 2nd human being. </p> <p>DH has 2 brothers and he is never close to them. They never visit each other or talk to each other unless something really comes up. The legendary sibling companionship isn't a certain fact.</p> <p>And the 2+ sets of $$$ expenses....</p> <p>Cons:<br /> Siblings. I am a single child myself. I am pretty much fine without one, but it feels like it will forever be an invisible hole there. </p> <p>I always heard from my friends with 2+ kids that when it is easy, having 2 kids will be like having 0.5 kids because both of them entertain and play with each other. DS often make us (me) play with him on Uno, Scrabbles...etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815437 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 11:33:35 +0000 Dahlia 2815437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: It's so funny to me how people's experiences are so different. I hated pregnancy and the newborn stage and I LOVE toddlerhood. DD is going to be 3 in July, and I could hang out with her and her friends all day. </p> <p>Also, we are going to live abroad with DD in the fall and I'm so excited! I hope you'll get to do it someday too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815383 Tue, 10 Apr 2018 07:02:00 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2815383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me! My daughter will be 5 in a couple of months, and like everyone else, I get the "when is she getting a sibling" all the time. DH could definitely have another, but I'm 37, and I took a long time to come around to having kids anyway (and then we had 2 years of TTC issues), and really haven't had any desire to have another. </p> <p>Pits for us is that we don't have much of a village so I too worry about her growing up lonely. We live in a super transient area, so people move in and out all the time, and people with young kids tend to be the ones who move out most frequently because it's a high COL area, and most people are from somewhere else, so they want to be closer to their families elsewhere. We lost 3 sets of friends that way in just the last year. We get a lot of pressure to move closer to our families, about 5 hours away, but we love where we live and don't really see that happening barring any major life changes. We do miss being close to our parents, though, because kiddo has a great relationship with them, and it's a bummer to only have that a few times a year. I'm hoping we can build more of a community once she starts kindergarten and we hopefully sell our condo and move to a more suburban area with more settled families. </p> <p>Pros: we love to travel, and want to have resources to do that once she gets a little older. Now that she's getting older, we have more time to ourselves to be adults. We didn't manage life very well when she was a baby, and really lost ourselves and our marriage in that, so coming back to that has been really important and impactful. We're also pretty invested in our careers, and like having the flexibility to pursue those interests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815333 Mon, 09 Apr 2018 19:30:30 +0000 Amorini 2815333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: Nice!</p> <p>@GoGoSnoGirl: Fun future plans!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815301 Mon, 09 Apr 2018 17:58:02 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2815301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I still feel pangs of wanting a second (or maybe just to be pregnant!), but most days I also think to myself "THIS is why we will only have one!". The reasons are everything from being able to snuggle my toddler without a baby interrupting, only have 1 kid to chase/help/carry/take shopping, not dividing my time/attention, getting back to sleeping through the night, being able to fit in one row on nearly any flight, &amp; having crappy insurance premiums/coverage now that I'm SAH... Also, I am madly in love with my DD, but she &amp; I really have a lot of clashes. I just don't have the mental energy (or physical energy) to deal with 2, despite having an enjoyable pregnancy &amp; newborn stage. Toddlerhood is where the wheels came off for me. I had a very demanding professional life before LO &amp; now SAH, so the change to my life as I knew it was day &amp; night. I'd like to get back to work once she goes to school &amp; I just don't want to restart that clock. We also think we may go live abroad during her childhood &amp; we picture that as an adventure for the 3 of us. Another child could derail that plan for us as the logistics &amp; cost of living both in the time before doing that &amp; actually doing it would be limiting, we believe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815135 Mon, 09 Apr 2018 08:05:59 +0000 808love 2815135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815085 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 16:39:38 +0000 wrkbrk 2815085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elizabear: Totally agree! He’s in a great daycare now and he adores it. He made two little friends whose parents have also become our close friends and we are so thankful for that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815084 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 16:37:02 +0000 Elizabear 2815084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I'm so glad you chimed in! Both our families are two hours or more away. It is a completely different experience when you have to do it all on your own most of the time. I'd say I'm fully recovered but with PPA for about a year, I never left my daughter with anyone but my husband. Now that's she's almost 3 we don't want to leave her much because she's so enjoyable (most of the time...) </p> <p>Your two bedroom house sounds awesome! We bought a 4 bedroom house 2 years ago today when we thought we'd have more and our daughter sleeps with us now - go figure! But we're happy! </p> <p>We both work and I will say as an early childhood education (kindergarten teacher) I see HUGE advantages to kids being in school/group care from an early age as both a mom (my daughter LOVES school) and my students. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815082 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 16:20:32 +0000 wrkbrk 2815082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elizabear: Us! DS is almost 2.5 and we’ve always known he was it. The resistance IRL is real. As someone else said, people want to jump right in with a counter to our reasons - like it affects anyone else??</p> <p>Pros: Our marriage is just recovering from our son. We both work in demanding careers full time. We have no local family or help. We have (and always foresee having) four or so pets. We built our dream house for our son and us - our two bedrooms are the same size! Ha! We want to be able to travel, have money for extras, and get him the best education we can afford.</p> <p>Cons: I have two sisters and we are not at all close so I could not care less about the sibling argument. To me that’s total chance if they’ll get along. That said I LOVED the little baby phase and I really am sad to never have that again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815077 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 14:20:06 +0000 arosebyany 2815077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Elizabear: 😂😂😂😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815072 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 13:03:52 +0000 Elizabear 2815072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arosebyany: Me too! I actually told someone the truth once that I think newborns are awful people and that wasn't well received. ha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815070 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 12:55:12 +0000 arosebyany 2815070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: this! Ds was such a terrible newborn i tell people all the time I have newborn ptsd. Like litterally I get around newborns and cringe lol no desire for another. Ds hitting the toddler phase has been life changing lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815063 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 08:19:06 +0000 Jennibenni 2815063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to chime in and say that I have three siblings and my lifelong best friend who I grew up with is an only child, and we were both always so envious of the other. So don’t worry that your kid will be upset not to have siblings because the grass is always greener and having them means you sometimes wish you didn’t. 😜 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815055 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 07:02:49 +0000 looch 2815055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have one child, he is 7. And yes, he is super spoiled with attention and things, but I honestly didn't do it on purpose. He is just used to getting what he wants when he wants it because there aren't other kids to go before him in line. It's not an issue at all in school, but at home it is a different story that we are trying to address.</p> <p>I don't worry at all about him being alone in the future, he will have his family and friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/one-and-doners#post-2815051 Sun, 08 Apr 2018 05:49:21 +0000 Elizabear 2815051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: I also don't care for "one and done" even though I used it! I like "one and only" :) </p>