https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Jul 2026 12:18:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2056342 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 18:14:02 +0000 jedeve 2056342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can I be the annoying Christian to jump in? :silly: </p> <p>I find this interesting. Although we plan on teaching kids about our faith and raising them in it, I would never assume that they need to understand the stories of our religion in order to practice morality! I would also never think that a family down the street who was atheist was more likely to be immoral or poorly behaved. </p> <p>For us, yes our morality is tied up with our faith. But in the sense that we plan on teaching kids to treat others/the earth with kindness and respect because we believe all human life has value, not because "the bible says you have too." It always makes me sad when that's the experience so many people! </p> <p>I do think it's fair to point out that some of this is probably related to income and culture. Like the prison population. African Americans are (unfairly) over represented in our prison system and also have strong cultural ties to Protestant religions. Whereas atheists are more likely to be wealthier and white, groups who are less likely to be imprisoned. But the point being that if you are raised atheist that doesn't mean it's an inevitable slide down to sex, drugs, and rock and roll is fair. :happy: </p> <p> I was also raised in a very liberal catholic household (also a very religious one granted. And I think the media tends to focus on evangelical Christianity. So maybe my perception is off, but I don't know any religious people who think you need religion to be good! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2056184 Thu, 05 Feb 2015 16:21:43 +0000 mrsjazz 2056184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I'm threadjacking, but since this is my own thread so what? :silly: </p> <p>I just read about this YA novel that is set in Portland and talks about diversity and thought you might be interested:<br /> <a href="http://www.diversityinya.com/2015/02/home-is-a-complicated-place/" rel="nofollow">http://www.diversityinya.com/2015/02/home-is-a-complicated-place/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053897 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 12:30:11 +0000 sarac 2053897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: That's really great. I really wish that my city better reflected the overall world, instead of just being this bastion of overwhelming whiteness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053657 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 10:25:59 +0000 .twist. 2053657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read this article a few weeks ago. It's not something that I've put a lot of thought/worry into, but I enjoyed the read any way. </p> <p>@Mrs. Tiger: Seriously? That's terrible. I would say my religion was science and I hope the doctor doing the surgery was a well educated/practised wo/man because that is what's going to save my child, not some Imaginary Creator. Good grief! </p> <p>@MoreCoffee: I was also raised Catholic, attended k-12 Catholic schools, went to church in the early years. I started questioning things in middle school and considered myself an atheist somewhere in high school. I always believed you could be a good person without the influence of God. The only thing that ever really stuck with me from being Catholic was "treat others as you wish to be treated" and I kinda though, well, why the hell do I need a bible for that? Isn't that just common sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053654 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 10:25:15 +0000 MoreCoffee 2053654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: @Astro Bee: Our family left the church before I was confirmed so my memories are more of the positive, Sunday school variety. My dad had a pretty big crisis of faith and became an atheist; he's very vocal about it. I'm still not sure if I believe in a higher power or not as obviously I was exposed to conflicting extremes! I just try to cultivate the same environment of empathy, warmth, and tradition I remember - no Jesus required. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053621 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 10:08:54 +0000 Astro Bee 2053621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Morecoffee: @Lawbee11: I was also raised Catholic, and went to Catholic school K-12. My parents are religious, but I had doubts as early as Confirmation (grade 9-ish), and have considered myself an atheist since college. I regularly get the whole, "you have to believe in something" from my mom, and she admittd to being upset when our school board switched to being non-denominational, because kids need to learn to be good people, and if they're not learning it at home.... This kind of thinking makes me crazy! Not only does it imply that my general beliefs are worthless, because I don't believe in a god, but also that you can't teach someone to be moral without having the axe of not getting into heaven over your head. </p> <p>We had a secular wedding and don't plan to baptize our kids. DH's parents are non-religious, and he wasn't baptized, so I'm sure they won't care either way. I do expect some dissension from my mom and DH's grandmother, also really religious. I almost want to send this article to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053592 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 09:55:14 +0000 lawbee11 2053592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MoreCoffee: I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school K-12. I didn't become an atheist until I was in college. I think my mentality growing up was that I would try to be a good person, but if I screwed up it was ok because I could just go to confession, say a few Hail Marys, and God would forgive me. I think I hold myself more accountable for my actions now that I don't have confession to fall back on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053577 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 09:45:19 +0000 MoreCoffee 2053577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wonder how many parents who identify as "secular" were actually raised with religion (or not far removed from it)?</p> <p>I no longer believe in Catholic dogma, had a secular wedding, and chose not to baptize our child...but I'm sentimental about aspects of my Christian upbringing and feel the fellowship, traditions, and sense of community have greatly informed my present-day moral compass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053575 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 09:44:16 +0000 stiletto_mom 2053575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will also be a secular family. But raising kids with morals and values, I call it "character education". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053559 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 09:35:18 +0000 yoursilverlining 2053559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for sharing. We live in New England, which is pretty MYOB and hands-off about religion and were both raised in largely non-religious families so we don’t encounter much resistance to the idea of raising LO godless. We do have deeply religious family members, but luckily, they are not that close and largely take a MYOB approach with us. </p> <p>That said, I’m always still shocked with I hear other fairly non-religious people say they plan to send their kids to Sunday school to learn morals, or ask if we are worried about teaching morals, since we won’t be leaning on the Bible. Sorry, but if you have to use the threats (and promises) in the Bible to make someone a good person; it’s too late, they are not a good person. You don’t need to be told to be a decent human being, and it’s not tough at all to raise loving, thoughtful, inclusive and compassionate children without any reason more than “because this is the way that decent people treat each other”. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053540 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 09:24:08 +0000 loveisstrange 2053540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live in a liberal bastion in a very red, religious state.... And I honestly have never worried about this. I wasn't raised religious, so that's probably why.</p> <p>@sarac: My city has gotten a very, very bad rap on the racial front recently, but it's actually very racially diverse (at least our area is). Its something I honestly do appreciate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053422 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 08:22:14 +0000 lamariniere 2053422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: agree. I didn't know us non-religious people were worried about this! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053403 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 08:03:45 +0000 MrsBananaGrabber 2053403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: Agree 100%. While I agree that non-religious families can raise perfectly balanced, moral, upstanding children, I certainly don't think that it is BECAUSE they are atheists. You are completely right. Non-religious individuals overall are slightly better educated and have slightly higher incomes on average, which leads to a more stable and informed household. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053394 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 07:49:36 +0000 travellingbee 2053394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: I had lots of invitations to churches, Sunday schools, church singles groups etc. when I lived in your same suburb years ago. It was an assumption. Very religious up there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053393 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 07:43:52 +0000 Ra 2053393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I posted this on FB last week. Keep in mind that I am a preacher's daughter and the vast majority of both my and DH's family are religious. Surprisingly, I didn't get a single negative response! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053386 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 07:26:51 +0000 looch 2053386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: same with Italian Americans...you are either Catholic or you are, a wildebeest, as you so nicely put it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053329 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 00:48:33 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 2053329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting, thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053319 Wed, 04 Feb 2015 00:24:59 +0000 sarac 2053319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: Oh, how fun! I love Portland, very much, especially North Portland. But I do wish it reflected the greater world much more than it does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053280 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 23:48:29 +0000 littlejoy 2053280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I live in your neighborhood! :) I appreciate that our neighborhood is more diverse than some in this city, but it's such a far cry from what I wish my kiddo would grow up with. I totally agree about Portland being so progressive, but having some serious issues with diversity, and an embarrassing history in regards to racial issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053248 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:58:59 +0000 lawbee11 2053248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Ha, wow! It's funny because even though a lot of our friends are atheists, we live in the suburbs which are notoriously more religious. Our neighbors had us over for dinner soon after we moved in and they had bible verse wall decals, wanted us to lead the prayer before the meal, etc. It was pretty awkward! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053245 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:57:30 +0000 sarac 2053245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Oh jesus, I could go on. I live in a historically black neighborhood where the existing population was forced out to build a hospital and convention center in the 60s. And so, so much else. It's a nasty historical blight on our city. For a place that's so liberal and supposedly progressive, we have a nasty history of horrifying racial politics. Portland is a wonderful place for a lot of reasons, but the overwhelming whiteness really sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053235 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:48:57 +0000 mrsjazz 2053235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: I feel like in the Black community when you say you are not religious you are met with gasps and people think you are some kind of wildebeest. My husband was riding the bus and a lady started talking to him because of our LO. He mentioned that we had been in the neighborhood for 2 years and she said, "So you found a good church, then?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053226 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:38:20 +0000 lawbee11 2053226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I enjoyed reading this article, so thanks for sharing. Though truthfully this isn't something I've ever worried about as the most caring, empathetic people I've encountered have been atheist/agnostic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053210 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:22:16 +0000 mrsjazz 2053210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: Oh Portland. If it was more diverse I would move my family there in a heartbeat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053209 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:21:32 +0000 mrsjazz 2053209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: I don't think this is appalling at all but you and I have different takes on this article. I read the article as yes, you may be secular, but you can also still raise moral children and your children may be less racist, more likely to support women's equality and gay rights, and care about global warming. Emphasis on may. </p> <p>Also, I just want to be clear we aren't just talking about atheists, we are talking about atheists, agnostics, and the religiously unaffiliated. I'm not an atheist, I'm just not a fan of religion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053206 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:13:31 +0000 sarac 2053206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hah, I had no idea people worried about this. Where I live (Portland, Oregon), religious people are the rarer ones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053203 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 22:05:52 +0000 Skadi 2053203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: That makes it more appalling. Atheists can no more take credit for successful secular societies than they can unsuccessful societies (the state atheism of Maoist China, the Soviet Union and North Korea come to mind). I guess you can make a very basic point that functioning secular societies prove that atheism won't necessarily jettison a country into ruin, but he seems to be going to great lengths to overstate its effects. Most of the things he attributes to atheism are only corollary and are better explained by wealth, education, or IQ. Twice as many atheists have PhD.s compared to the average American, and atheists are a fair bit more wealthy. <a href="http://www.pewforum.org/2012/10/09/nones-on-the-rise-demographics/" rel="nofollow">http://www.pewforum.org/2012/10/09/nones-on-the-rise-demographics/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053194 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 21:52:45 +0000 littlejoy 2053194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Thank you for sharing this!! My MIL literally started crying and asked where LO would get her moral compass (since we don't do church). </p> <p>@Mrs. Tiger: Same for my surgery (at a religious institution). She said it was for speed in last rights if something went wrong during the procedure. It was jarring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053191 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 21:50:47 +0000 artsyfartsy 2053191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: @mrsjazz: Lol same here. Actually I'm pretty sure we would be shunned by a few family members... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-kids-will-be-just-fine-for-secular-parents#post-2053189 Tue, 03 Feb 2015 21:47:57 +0000 mrsjazz 2053189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Skadi: He's not a journalist, this is an Op-Ed by a professor of sociology and secular studies. His info is at the bottom of the article. </p>