https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 09:05:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1790335 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 19:09:20 +0000 Costello 1790335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: Condos are covered under the Fair Housing Act. You may want to check with your local fair housing office to get their opinion. Again, I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1790301 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 18:38:56 +0000 merbaby14 1790301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Costello: yes, he did - it was the general noise level rule. To quote him: The rules and regulations of the condominium, section A-23, states that “residents shall not cause or permit an unusual or objectionable noise… to emanate from their unit”. </p> <p>Don't think it's quite fair to apply to children though...and sounds like from why you're saying that might be illegal? Unless condos are exempt from the Fair Housing Act. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1790039 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 15:48:26 +0000 loveisstrange 1790039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: That is sort of what i think too...</p> <p>That sucks, though. Super infuriating! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1790035 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 15:47:31 +0000 makemake 1790035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The property manager probably just sent the letter to placate whichever neighbor made the official complaint. It's just to notify you that the complaint was made, not to tell you you're in trouble or anything. </p> <p>I'd be jarred too, but try not to let it get to you. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1790006 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 15:37:51 +0000 Costello 1790006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: Did your property manager cite a specific rule you are in violation of?</p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I have found building wide notices to be very effective. Plus, it puts everyone on notice regarding the policy/consequences. If I have third party verification a specific tenant violated a specific rule, I will address that with only the party involved. However, it is usually one person's word against another's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789987 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 15:27:43 +0000 namaste 1789987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand complaints when it comes to apartment buildings. This building is the most quiet (condos) but we still had toddlers running above us from midday well into the late night. I never once complained to the management company about children. Adults who are loud are one thing but kids are sort of a risk you take when you share walls and I am a very light sleeper. Sorry your management is hounding you about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789867 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:33:22 +0000 psw27 1789867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Being annoyed by a crying baby is one thing, and being lame and complaining even though you had previously talked with her about it is not cool but not a whole lot you can do about it other than try to keep him quieter and let her move out if she hates it so much....</p> <p>.....but being told you are subject to a fine for a crying baby?!?! -- that is something I have a serious problem with and wonder about the legality of. I could see fines for loud parties but an infant? That seems ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789845 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:27:20 +0000 mrbee 1789845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wonder if the neighbor filed a complaint because they don't believe in sleep training? Some people feel really strongly about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789832 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:25:29 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1789832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Costello: does your first course of action to send a general notice advising everyone of a particular rule typically work? From an employer - employee perspective general notices are frowned upon because often times the guilty party is oblivious to their bad behavior and the innocent party feels unjustly micromanaged. Certainly being threatened with a fine is a big no-no!</p> <p>@merbaby14: I didn't mean moving the baby in with you, but f swapping the two rooms. One apartment I lived had two bedrooms of the same size. The only difference was one had an attached bath. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789829 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:24:47 +0000 Anagram 1789829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: Can you make nice by buying a sound machine and leaving it on her doorstop with a note saying sorry? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789774 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:03:11 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1789774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Quite honestly - I've come to terms with the fact that living in an apartment means that it is not going to be a quiet living situation. There are kids on every side of us - side, top, bottom - and I hear them all the time. One kid who lives below us is a crier, and cries several mornings at 6am - it is incredibly irritating and I do worry about it waking up J - but that is just how it is with living in an apartment. Unless you have the blessing of an incredibly sound-insulated building, I think people need to be realistic.<br /> Of course courtesy comes into play - there are several things I don't do during certain hours that I would if I lived in a house (Jillian at 5am or 10pm... lol), because I want to be courteous of our neighbors. And I think you did well by discussing it with them directly... and sure what they did sucked, but I do get it. </p> <p>It sounds like you're out of the throes of sleep training and crying, so I would just ignore it at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789769 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 14:01:46 +0000 merbaby14 1789769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I compeltely agree with you that should have probably been the appropriate response from the PM bc that's how I feel. You're right, he does cry more often than not but it's only been a week and so I guess i'm just hopeful that with 2/3 days, we may be on a roll/turning a corner (totally wishful thinking and hopefully i didn't jinx it!)</p> <p>@MRSJAZZ - complaint is only from 1 neighbor and i'm not sure if she complained to the manager prior to sleep training. All he said was that there were a "series of complaints" from her so for all i know right now, she could have been complaining when he was waking 5x a night and we were immediately tending to him as well.</p> <p>@MRSLEMON-LIME: She also suggested moving him to a different room but we don't have any other rooms besides the living room and our bedroom. The living room is not an option for many reasons (not to mention it's all hard wood so would probably be REALLY loud) and moving him back into our bedroom would defeat the purpose of us helping him become an independent sleeper which we've made so much progress on already. </p> <p>As for going to the PM, you're right, it's totally reasonable for any tenants to go to the PM rather than confront a neighbor directly. I guess I just figured that since we had already spoken with her directly that we had an open dialogue going and she still thru us under the bus. I didn't mention that in the PM's email he referenced that we could be subject to a fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789762 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:58:45 +0000 alphagam84 1789762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be annoyed if I was your neighbor. She didn't sign up to have a baby and didn't sign on to "stick it out" during sleep training or to have her sleep interrupted. I'd recommend putting the baby in another room if possible until the baby isn't crying a lot-maybe you're past that now and it won't be an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789757 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:56:28 +0000 Costello 1789757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I should have added I am surprised the property manager reached out in writing in this matter. Each property is run in their own way. He/she could have sent out a general notice to all residents of the building regarding a noise policy and being respectful to your neighbors. In most cases, before I take any formal action on a complaint, I will speak with the party being complained about. Without divulging a complaint has been made, often that tenant will express concerns about things going on in their apartment and we can work out some kind of solution. However, I am on the property every weekday. So, I have the luxury of working closely with tenants. This is not the case everywhere. On the surface, Fair Housing prevents people from being discriminated against in housing based on race, color, national origin, religion, sex, familial status (except on designated elderly properties) and disability. It includes everything from how apartments are assigned to how rules are written and enforced on properties. We are not even permitted to answer questions about how quiet the property is or if it is in a safe neighborhood because the answers could be perceived as a Fair Housing violation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789755 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:55:55 +0000 Anagram 1789755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: Can you just do some soundproofing in your LOs room? When we were house hunting, we looked at a condo that had a bedroom with 1 wall covered in foam with a heavy curtain then covering the foam (the entire length and width of the wall). So it looked very nice, actually--even though I assume they did it for soundproofing reasons. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789635 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:18:05 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1789635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Costello: can you explain more about the protected class status of children/ families? Besides a letter, what are the other ways a property manager would reach out to residents if there was a complaint? I don't ever recall a PM calling me on the phone or stopping by my place to discuss issues always mail or notices left in the door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789587 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:02:27 +0000 Mae 1789587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The fact that you mention 2 of the last 3 days your son didn't cry before or after bed time makes me think that is rare-- and that your son probably cries before and/or after bed time more often than not. Normal/understandable (to parents)? I'm sure it is! But if she doesn't have kids I can see why she'd be upset at hearing a crying baby more days than not. Which doesn't make her right and you wrong... but I can see why both sides are upset. Realistically your property manager probably should have told her: sometimes you get stuck in an apartment next to a crying kid, and that sucks, but there is nothing we can really do about it-- sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789563 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:53:33 +0000 Costello 1789563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Families are a protected class under the Fair Housing Act and not only are children expected to be children (making noise, playing, crying, etc.), rules can not be created or enforced to punish parents for these expected behaviors. I am really surprised your property manager reached out to you in writing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789427 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:13:24 +0000 mrsjazz 1789427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like the letter from the property manager, however I can see why your neighbor went to him. Are the complaints only coming from one neighbor or more than one? Has your neighbor complained other times (not during the sleep training phase)? Sometimes neighbors don't want to deal directly with each other and I understand that. I don't think she went behind your back--she has a reasonable expectation of the noise level and perhaps a couple of days of sleep training was not part of that.</p> <p>That letter would piss me off, but I wouldn't sweat it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789304 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:43:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1789304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aside from this issue being about your baby boy, which makes this emotional, this is a classic case of one neighbor annoying another neighbor. When I lived in apartments I would go to the property manager with issues instead of confronting my neighbor. The property manager's letter was judgmental saying you all don't comfort your child, but there are some things you could do. Would switching rooms be something you are willing to do? Or you can tell the property manager that the neighbor has banged on his wall (a baby's wall!) and you would like them to find you another apartment to move in because your neighbor is hostile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789284 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:39:18 +0000 birdofafeather 1789284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merbaby14: gosh, that would be SO tough! i would be crushed if i read that something thought i wasn't comforting my child, especially because STing is ROUGH on parents! you're doing what's best for your LO and i hope that it gets better. but remember, your baby is a baby! they cry and that's normal! don't feel like you have to shush him immediately to be a good neighbor. i'm sorry you're doing through this. hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789280 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:38:32 +0000 theotherstark 1789280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is ridiculous. When people live in apartment buildings, there is a reasonable expectation of noise, ie children crying, etc.</p> <p>ETA: It particularly seems unreasonable since, as you said, your husband explained the situation (and that it is hopefully temporary), and that you little one has been sleeping through the night since that time. Maybe just outline that in your response to your landlord. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789275 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:37:16 +0000 MrsBrewer 1789275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's a tough situation, because I can see both sides of it to be honest. If I were in your neighbor's position I can honestly say that I would be a little irritated with the crying, but then coming from your position, I get it! You are trying to get your child on a sleeping schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789260 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:33:42 +0000 Adira 1789260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, that's rough! It sucks that there's not much sound proofing between apartments. And I mean, what are you supposed to do when you're trying to sleep train your child?? Just not do it because you have neighbors? I get it's annoying for them but... ugh, I just don't know. It's a crappy situation to be sure. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/our-neighbor-went-behind-our-backs#post-1789253 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:31:23 +0000 merbaby14 1789253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live in an apt building and unfortunately our LO's room is right next to our neighbors bedroom so she can hear a lot thru the wall. Understandably, LO's crying is cramping on her which we already feel so bad about but there's nothing we can do. </p> <p>After we caught her banging on the wall the morning of day 3 of sleep training, my husband went over to talk to her an explain what we were doing and why and to bear with us as it should only be a few days worth of long crying. Btw, LO starting STTN that night and ever since. </p> <p>We just got an email today from the property manager that he has received multiple complaints about the noise level and how we are not making efforts to comfort LO as well as other things that flat out are not true but that's besides the point. </p> <p>I'm just feeling so hurt by this and now super defensive of DS. I completely sympathize with what she has to deal with and already feel bad enough about it but what does she expect me to do? Oh, and btw, 2 out of the last 3 days, he went down AND up without any noise. Hopefully she noticed that! Uggh! </p>