https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 15:46:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-2812310 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 13:54:07 +0000 WAbee219 2812310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read the other responses, but going to offer my personal experience. I would have hated this. I would have them either wait if they insist on staying with you. If they are adamant about being there immediately after baby arrives, I would let them know they would need to stay at a hotel or elsewhere. I think my boob was out 80% of the time the first couple weeks and it would have irritated me to have to censor myself or consider other people's feelings during that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-2812280 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 13:04:21 +0000 Mrsbells 2812280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: It really all depends on your relationship with them. It is nice to have help in the early days but I am the sort of person that just needs my space and I would rather they come a few weeks later when I have established a good routine </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-2812120 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 07:26:15 +0000 PurplePumps 2812120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: My neighbor across the street actually has a house that he used to rent that is vacant (he built 2 separate 1 and 2 bedroom homes on his property, and was renting one out, had some bad experiences with tenant and decided not to rent it anymore) and it crossed my mind to ask him if he'd rent it to us for 2 week or something for his parents. I presented the idea to my husband yesterday and he thought it would be "weird" to have them come visit/stay, but across the street. </p> <p>I filled my husband in on what you all said about visitors, and he agreed that it sounded best to has them to wait and not rush up during the first month.<br /> Thanks everyone for all the great input!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-2812102 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 05:53:47 +0000 Amorini 2812102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: It sounds like you have made up your mind and that’s great! I definitely asked HB the same question back when DS was born (will be two Octobers ago!). I ended up having non-stop visitors for the first 8 weeks and did really well with it emotionally and physically. I was surprised because I’m an independent person who likes my space and was pretty adamant about no visitors until everything went off script and I had an emergency C-section. I’m also good at roughing out hard situations on my own so I don’t know why it all worked out well to have guests....except that baby needs and C-section needs changed the situation AND — not a small detail — guests stayed in our guesthouse. </p> <p>I am also not much of a hostess—baby or not. DH is the household cook and visitors (in waves, it was my parents, ILs, best friend, then my mom again) truly took care of themselves, pitched in, supported or at least stood by and held LO when I needed to sleep.</p> <p>Sounds like you have your family close if you should need/want that extra company right after. Wishing you the best!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born/page/2#post-2812100 Tue, 27 Mar 2018 05:20:10 +0000 ElbieKay 2812100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told our parents -- both are a local 45-min drive -- no visitors for at least two weeks. I am so glad we made that decision, for several reasons:</p> <p>1. I always feel a little on edge around both my parents and my MIL (for different reasons in each case). Postpartum time is hard and adding stress in any form is unacceptable to me.</p> <p>2. I'm glad we took the space for our family of three to bond.</p> <p>3. I wanted my husband and I to find our groove as parents without navigating through lots of unwelcome and unsolicited advice.</p> <p>4. I did not want any pressure to be available to entertain, especially while I was sleep-deprived and healing. And I wanted the freedom to roam around our two-bedroom apartment in any state of dress.</p> <p>We are now expecting twins this summer. I am planning to impose the same policy. My mother has already balked. (I am also planning to hire a night nurse for the first month or so, and then once my husband goes back to work I will probably hire some daytime help too.) I may have them take my 4yo every once in awhile if we need a break but that is assuming they will take him out of the house, not stay here.</p> <p>@periwinklebee: holy shit if I had that experience I will have basically told my husband to get his mom out of my face at least until the postpartum hormones are settled. I.e., several months. I have no patience for that kind of drama! And yeah, I don't care who I breastfeed in front of. If it makes them uncomfortable, they can leave. I refuse to sequester myself that often over the occasional nipple flash, and I find nursing covers to be pretty annoying. But that was only after I got comfortable with manipulating my clothes and the baby. During the first few weeks I needed time and space to adjust. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2812047 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 19:25:38 +0000 lamariniere 2812047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like many others have said, I would have them wait. My ILs lived overseas from us and came to visit when LO1 was 10 days old. They are extremely helpful people but it was NOT a good idea. I was a wreck and didn’t have the patience or energy to be “on” for them. Not to mention I was struggling to BF and my MIL kept giving advice with good intentions, but it just wasn’t helpful. They visited for a week and only stayed with us for a few days and even cooked and did errands, but it was torture. I was so relieved when they left. When LO2 was born, I made them wait a month before visiting and it was so much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811985 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 15:42:24 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2811985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: yeah I think your idea sounds better especially after reading your response! I have two fall babies with birthdays right near your EDD and with one we had people over just for the day for thanksgiving and that was easier than traveling, so that's a plus to waiting as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811969 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 14:39:40 +0000 merriment 2811969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It really depends. My MIL came two days after my first was born and stayed for two weeks. It was amazing. But she never made me feel like she needed to be entertained or waited on. She ordered food, helped us navigate things like the baby's first bath, and was calm, helpful presence and cheerleader. I can't imagine having done it without here. Right after she left, my parents came for two weeks and it was also great. So really, it does depend strongly on the person and your relationship with them...but if it works out, it can be so intensely special. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811960 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 14:02:27 +0000 psw27 2811960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, as others have said, it depends on your relationship and if they are do-ers or need-ers. And also, even if they are do-ers they will still potentially drive you crazy. My MIL is a lovely human being who was so so helpful and cooked and cleaned and loved on the baby and got me food but she still irritated me. Not because she was irritating, but because I was tired and hormonal and irrational. I think she loves me anyway but I felt kind of bad after she left that I didn't feel grateful enough or show it enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811951 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 13:46:52 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2811951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: I think that sounds like a good plan! My in-laws are local and were able to come up for short periods of time. My parents are the ones that came to stay. My mom and brother were there when we got home from the hospital and it was helpful to have them but there was a different comfort level since it was my own Mother. My Dad and another brother came the next week while DH was out of town for work and having extra hands so I could take a shower was wonderful.</p> <p>Enjoy the time with DH as you settle into being a new little family unit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811923 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 12:30:56 +0000 SweetiePie 2811923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t read all responses but my two cents...it depends on 1) how you feel about them and 2) if they are generally helpful. Like “real” helpful, not fake helpful as in they only want to just hold the baby for a bit then be done and do their own thing. </p> <p>1) if they annoy you IN THE SLIGHTEST I do not recommend they visit that soon. I legit love my mom and she’s my friend - but even she annoyed me a bit when she visited in the first week home. I was eager for her to leave. I much rather would have preferred for her to be here right now, 5 weeks pp. </p> <p>2) if they are genuinely helpful - like will take charge and seamlessly help wherever help is needed - feedings (if any bottle feeding), changing diapers, holding baby after feeding (day or night) so you can go right back to sleep, dishes if they need to be done, cooking, tidying, grocery shopping - if they will volunteer or just “do”, and the way they do that doesn’t annoy you, have them come. </p> <p>If either of these things aren’t true (they annoy you at all, or they will treat it like a vacation where they occasionally hold a baby), then wait. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811920 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 12:22:20 +0000 alphagam84 2811920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No way! You will be bleeding, leaking breast milk, and there's a good chance you will be leaking pee for a few weeks (oh the joys of giving birth). I wouldn't want anyone other than my husband in the house for all of that. And you should take the time to just bond as a family of three while he has the time off. When we had our daughter my husband took two weeks off and then my parents came up to help the first week he was back at work. I knew they would be helpful and not stress me out. My mom cooked and cleaned and my dad walked the dog, etc. and they both watched the baby so I could get more sleep. My IL's would not be that helpful and would just stress me out so no way would I have them stay with us at all with a new baby. I think your idea of having the IL's come at Thanksgiving when baby is 7-8 weeks old is a much better plan. You'll have a routine and rhythm developed with the baby and ready for guests. Although the amount of time they're staying seems long, perhaps they could stay in a hotel? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811914 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:42:24 +0000 NorthStar 2811914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: I think that is a good plan, especially since your parents really are not that far away (if needed). It would not be fun to put yourself in a situation where they did come and it made those weeks even more miserable. I also think that since your husband said that it might be nice to wait for them to come, take advantage of that. Most times the hubby's don't get it and think that it would be great for their parents to come. Realistically, he isn't the one that is most impacted. You will be. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811913 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:41:44 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2811913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We spent a ton of time in the public spaces of our home me and I would not have wanted to change where I nursed and slept to accommodate guests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811912 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:39:31 +0000 LuLu Mom 2811912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say yes, I had c-sections with both and if they are helpful people who don't need to be entertained then I'd be all for it - maybe a month after. My MIL and mom both took a week of too be with me after DH went back to work so I had an extra set of hands. I was in some discomfort and had low iron with my first, so I was extra tired. They cooked, cleaned up, and did laundry it was amazing :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811911 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:38:45 +0000 gingerbebe 2811911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FWIW, my mom stayed with us the first 3 weeks after DS1 was born and I legit hated it. I couldn't WAIT for her to leave. My ILs being here right after DS2 was born, but at a hotel while DH was around to help was very pleasant and it made me feel alive and human to go out to eat lunch somewhere while someone held him so I could enjoy my meal. It made the slog of the next few weeks easier to deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811909 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:36:06 +0000 PurplePumps 2811909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, I think I'm gonna go with no for the first few weeks/month and suggest they come mid to late Nov. My husband will be off for 3 weeks, so there will be extra hands, and my parents can come and go and stay overnights if needed, or leave to give us space. And I'm definitely more at ease around my own parents than his in terms of not worrying about entertaining them or anything in general. Since my husband did suggest it to me, I'm gonna have him talk to them and maybe tell them the same thing, that we just want to take some time for us at the very beginning. If they really want to be around to help, then it would be more helpful to have them there after he has to go back to work... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811906 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:32:45 +0000 gingerbebe 2811906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the best times for people to come are either a few days after the baby is born (first 2 weeks), or about 6-8 weeks after the baby is born. At 2 weeks PP, the baby "wakes up" more and can be fussier, you're probably feeling sleep deprivation, the hormones are crashing - its not a good look. </p> <p>With DS1, we had the visit at 6 weeks PP and it was helpful because I was a destroyed shell of a human being and so, so sleep deprived. If you have family members willing to be really inconvenienced and help at night or help with a screaming unhappy baby so you can sleep, this would be the timeframe I suggest you get the help come in.</p> <p>If you have relatives who want a pleasant happy baby visit with no real work involved, right after birth is the way to go. We had my ILs come 4 days after DS2 was born and it was perfect as far as timing goes. I gave birth on Sunday, I was discharged Tuesday, and they came Thursday. I was able to recover in the hospital in peace without visitors, then got home and had 2 days to adjust to being at home, and my house was clean enough from pre-baby cleaning where I could manage having guests around. Baby was still in the zonked out newborn stage so we could tote them around in a carseat, I was still on post-birth high/adrenaline, sleep deprivation hadn't kicked in yet, and it really was just easy.</p> <p>The thing that helped the most was that my ILs stayed at a hotel a mile away from our house. We would meet them for breakfast out somewhere, then DH would take DS1 and the ILs out for the morning, which gave me a few hours to rest and hang out with the baby. Then we'd meet for lunch out again, DS1 would go down for nap and the grandparents could get a break as well, and then they would come back in the late afternoon and play with the kids while I made dinner. I just made something simple for dinner at home, like spaghetti and a bag salad. The grandparents would help DH bathe and feed the kids and then DH would take them back to the hotel and we'd have the evening to relax or deal with a clusterfeeding baby. It was really nice. They really enjoyed their visit and we got help with our oldest during the day so I could get a few hours of peace with the baby each day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811891 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:10:27 +0000 periwinklebee 2811891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>p.s. I'll also say that I care a lot less about how others perceive the state of my house than I did pre-baby, and it's in worse shape now at 9 weeks after my LOs birth than it was immediately after :silly: We had family visit over the weekend, and I know it's not in great shape, but I just don't have the energy after 2 months of non-existent sleep to care. I also don't really care at this point if people happen to get a look at my nipple, babies eat all the time (this also hasn't changed for us yet since birth) and i'm not going to make him be under the cover all day, so oh well... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811888 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:03:09 +0000 MrsSCB 2811888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family came to town a few days before my son was born and left three weeks after. It was fine, but they were also staying at an Airbnb. I would NOT have wanted anyone staying at our place, unless I had a very large home and they were in a separated area, haha. I also would not have wanted my ILs to be there at that time. I get along well with them, but I also need my space, especially in a vulnerable time. My ILs did come when my son was about 9 or 10 weeks old and that was totally fine. But they also stayed in a hotel, not with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811887 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 11:03:05 +0000 Anagram 2811887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and my inlaws came both times we had kids and it was really helpful to me. But as PPs said, it totally depends on their personalities and your relationship with them. I did not "entertain" at all whatsoever. When my mom comes, she's very good at running errands for us, cleaning, organizing, etc. She cooks some, but we also ordered out a fair amount and she did a fair amount of baby holding, which is actually great in those early days when you even feel scared to leave the infant alone for 10 minutes while you shower. If the baby was up all night, then I'd just wake up and pass the baby to my mom after a feeding and go sleep for 2-3 hours. My husband and I also snuck out for a movie in the theater and I got my nails done.</p> <p>When my in-laws came, my MIL is really into cooking, and she cooked all 3 meals a day. I didn't lift a finger and only did baby-feeding stuff.</p> <p>In all, I had about a month of grandparent help and it was really nice. Nice enough for us to do it again when we had kiddo 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811886 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:59:51 +0000 periwinklebee 2811886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they will be helpful, yes. If they need entertaining or the relationship is difficult, no. </p> <p>MIL insisted on being there right away - we could not have stopped her. She does not respect boundaries, and I put my husband in charge of enforcing boundaries firmly. This did lead to some fighting - there was an epic scene when we were waiting in the hospital lobby for the valet to bring the car. She had repeatedly taken pictures of the baby with flash, which we had told her was not okay, and she was furious about it. My DH and MIL were fighting, meanwhile I had barely slept since the baby was born and just started sobbing. And the people working in the hospital transport department were cracking up, it was such a stereotypical scene. We know to expect this sort of thing, though, so it didn't ruin anything. My parents came two weeks after the birth, which I thought was perfect. We had other relatives come later, which was good since they were more the type requiring entertaining. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811882 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:39:32 +0000 Alba4 2811882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends! If your inlaws don’t expect to be entertained and are coming to help you and your family, then yes! Otherwise, hells no.</p> <p>My first was tongue tied so we were finger feeding in hopes that he would gain weight and take to my breast, and it was super helpful to have my mil- they stayed a week. My fil mowed the lawn and helped around the house with various projects. I asked that they only use the bathroom downstairs since I felt like it was super messy those first couple of weeks. </p> <p>I was very anxious about them staying ahead of time, but in hindsight it was helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811880 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:36:16 +0000 Pollywog 2811880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hosting guests? Not a chance. Having people stay in my home that cook for us/go grocery shopping/do dishes/do laundry? Absolutely welcome. My standard for having someone in my house was whether I'd be able to nurse in front of them and if they'd truly help. If so, they are welcome. If not, they can stay for a few hours before getting assigned chores.</p> <p>FWIW, we are expecting #2 next month. My parents will come down to meet the baby and help while I'm in the hospital. My husband seemed genuinely sad when I mentioned they'd probably get a hotel because they're such a huge help. Similarly, he knows his parents are limited to a few hours because they're not as big of a help. My parents come down at birth then do a longer visit 3-5 weeks out. It works really well for us because I've had a chance to heal a bit </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811875 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:22:52 +0000 snowjewelz 2811875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: You don't want to rough up that area. I did use TP but more to dab after squirt cleaning with the squirt bottle </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811874 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:22:12 +0000 snowjewelz 2811874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePumps: Based on your response I'd say wait too. My good friend is super extroverted and she would probably say come whenever, whoever! With my first, I just know that I am so stickler about my house, and I get stressed out with guests, etc. And during those early newborn days my boob was out all day long from feeding and also airing it for the pain, and I was also just so emotional. I was totally okay with planned visitors but it would have been too much for me to have overnight guests even if it was family. The only person that I was okay with having around 24/7 was my mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811873 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:12:54 +0000 PurplePumps 2811873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Mermaid: What is this about not being able to use toilet paper??? O_o </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811870 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 10:01:41 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2811870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Would totally let my inlaws come and stay as long as I don’t have to share a bathroom with them (blood is just everywhere post partum and you can’t use toilet paper and it’s awful) but would definitely not let my parents stay bc my in laws help and are a value add and will go entertain themselves as needed. My Dad wants me to entertain him, is awkward about nursing, doesn’t do the dishes, doesn’t offer to help, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811867 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 09:51:23 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2811867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends. Are they helpful? My mom and my MIL are workers. They come in and they cook, they clean, they take care of me, and make sure I get plenty of rest. All I had to do is feed the baby and recover. It’s amazing. I had help for the first 6 weeks with both of my babies. By the time I was on my own I felt very prepared and recovered from birth. It’s a wonderful gift they give me. I’m also very close to my mom and MIL and comfortable breastfeeding around them and letting them see and blood of milk stained clothes, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/out-of-town-visitors-right-after-baby-is-born#post-2811866 Mon, 26 Mar 2018 09:51:17 +0000 PurplePumps 2811866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for all the insight! I think I'm leaning more toward having them visit later now, maybe around 6-8 weeks for Thanksgiving, which they had mentioned at first too would be better? </p> <p>I think they would be staying around 7-10 days. I don't think they would expect to be entertained if we just had a baby (or at least I would hope not!), but I do know his mother gets stir crazy and restless sometimes if she doesn't get out of the house. (They also would not be renting a car, so we would have to give them access to one of ours, which I guess isn't too big a deal).</p> <p>I also think they would be helpful in tidying up and cooking, they usually are, but it also stressed me out a little in the past to have them "so" helpful cause I feel like my guests should relax, and I have a certain way of doing things.</p> <p>In terms of helping cook, I would hate to sound ungrateful, but I think there's a huge cultural difference in the types of food we eat/like to eat. (They're white, I'm Asian). So their version of home cooking is just not the same as if it were my own mother helping and cooking cause that's the type of food I'd probably be craving.</p> <p>I also do plan to breast feed, so I would definitely not feel comfortable with them hanging out around my in laws! </p>