https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 13:21:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132484 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 19:21:27 +0000 MamaG 132484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I took the liberty of flexing my "new mommy" muscle. I expressed my desires fairly early in my pregnancy to my husband. We have 1 guest room and that meant only one person staying with us at a time. Which meant only one mom visiting at a time. I also said that I wanted two weeks post birth for us to bond as a new family of three. </p> <p>I was able to express all my desires to my mom without any issues and she was extremely helpful during her stay. It worked out that my MIL didn't end up coming until just before I went back to work.</p> <p>As far as I'm concerned this is a time in your life where you have every right to be selfish. Grandparents have a lot of time to bond with babies, and it doesn't have to all come on day one.</p> <p>Newborns are precious, but the better bonding with grandparents, IMO, is when they are a little older (3+ months). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132478 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 19:14:33 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 132478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LAGS: my husband is the same way... Very easy going and open ended with his family. I would however say that the dog will be a burden that you shouldn't have to worry about.</p> <p>Also remember that postpartum you will be emotional and will probably want your own bathroom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132444 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:25:52 +0000 T.H.O.U. 132444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If anythin I would absolutely put my got down about the dog coming. It was hard enough coming home to our own dog let alone having a new crying funny smelling baby around a dog that isn't in it's own home. I think that is a recipe for a mess. </p> <p>I would also talk to both inlaws and your parents about limiting visits. </p> <p>I had to put my foot down and didn't allow my mil in te delivery room. She really hinted she wanted to be but we didn't let her (or my mom) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132338 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:36:58 +0000 LAGS 132338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, thank you everyone for weighing in!! I was worried nobody would make it to the end of that one :)</p> <p>I feel conflicted because a big part of me wants our parents here. We don't see them often and I hate the thought of our child/their first grand-baby not having some quality time together. I'm just frustrated that we're essentially being told who's coming and when, and am obviously struggling with laying down the law out of guilt (because they all have the best of intentions). I'm comfortable with a week, but then think I'll need some breathing room.</p> <p>My parents have been amazing through all of this and they've already offered to stay at a hotel, but I don't want them to. They've also made it clear they wont be offended with any boundaries we set which is a huge weight lifted.</p> <p>The real issue is with DH's family. I love them and I know they'll help clean and cook etc. My MIL was a midwife too, so she'll be a great support, but its this whole "here are our vague plans, see you then" thing really gets under my skin. </p> <p>Our house is only a 3 bed, 1 bath (the one bath thing scares me), or in other words, not at all big enough to accommodate all these people! </p> <p>My SIL is finishing up her Pharm.D and has her placement blocks starting. To save her commuting/finding temp. accommodations we agreed she could stay with us if/when she was placed nearby, but we had no idea the timing would be so bad. To her credit, she's a sweetheart and would pull her weight... but I think its clear we need to ask her to figure something out until we have our heads above water.</p> <p>I had been putting off writing this post in fear of sounding like a jerk... but I'm so glad I did. I feel better already just knowing I'm not being unreasonable. Now its time to get on the same page with DH. He's so laid back I don't think he'd care if both our families announced they were moving in... He looked at me like I had two heads when I reacted the way I did to the dog coming along...</p> <p>Thank you again for everyone's input and helping me realize we need to step up and regain some control here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132300 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 16:17:24 +0000 Honeybee 132300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others, we didn't ask when people could come stay, we told them. From early on, we told both our families we needed the first two weeks to ourselves, so we could bond as a family. After that, we asked my parents tocome for two weeks, and then my in-laws to come for two weeks. Our families were a little resistant at first, but they got over it... and so will yours. :) If you want some private time, tell them what their visitation schedule will be, don't ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132250 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:32:34 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 132250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and then together y'all could talk to the family. I can understand why the people want to come... But bringing the dog? That seems ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132249 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:31:33 +0000 lemondrop 132249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone is thinking that they are going to "help" you guys, but if you aren't communicating what you want and need, they are just going to do whatever they want and think is "best". </p> <p>You TWO need to talk over a plan of what you want. I understand not wanting to ruffle feathers or withhold the baby from anyone, but ruffled feathers will happen sooner or later anyway- may as well get it over with now while there is a cute baby to use as an excuse. </p> <p>My IL's stayed with us for part of our first two weeks- we had a couple days at home on our own before they came into town (good thing too, because I was basically topless the first couple days sorting out breastfeeding). As much help as they were, it was a relief to have a week before my husband went back to work of just the 3 of us. </p> <p>Good luck! Remember, you are the head of your own family now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132243 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:28:23 +0000 winniebee 132243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You poor thing! </p> <p>I have to echo others' suggestions to try to set some boundaries. I would feel very overwhelmed with two moms staying with us the week (or two) post birth....maybe ask them to just stay for a few days? Or come a few days after you have settled?</p> <p>As for SIL....why is she staying with you? For the baby or for other reasons?? Can you try to find her other accommodations? I agree you do need some time alone as a family. </p> <p>Hugs!</p> <p>I know it's hard to have these conversations but you will be so thankful that you did! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132237 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:24:51 +0000 Chillybear 132237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also come up with a list of things they can "help out" with whether it be laundry, food shopping, taking care of pets, or running the vacuum. </p> <p>I would hate for it to be well I'll get the baby while you finish folding that stack of baby clothes </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132234 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:23:22 +0000 LuLu Mom 132234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would honestly share your concerns with yoru DH and explain that that many people staying in your house so soon after giving birth is too overwelming. I would say that hotels rooms are needed for extended family (SIL, uncle) and have the mom/parents come every other week. I think you will be too stressed with that many people, at least I know I would! </p> <p>It's your time as a family to get to know each other, and that many people can take away from that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132231 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:18:53 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 132231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One word: boundaries.<br /> if you don't set them now, they will never learn.</p> <p>Your DH and baby on the way are your priority right now....not making everyone else feel happy. You deserve alone time and bonding time with just the three of you.</p> <p>If you don't put your foot down and fight for that time, you will really regret it. Your firstborn will never be a newborn again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132228 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:17:18 +0000 regberadaisy 132228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wooo....first off. Breathe.</p> <p>Breathe again.</p> <p>I would be kinda miffed by the dog too!!! Is the dog staying with you guys too? We're concerned enough with how OUR dog will acclimate to baby. I wouldn't want to worry about someone else's dogs. EVEN my ILs.<br /> Your husband needs to step up and tell her she won't be in delivery if YOU do not want her in there. End of story.</p> <p>That being said, my mom will be arriving next Saturday, 2 days before my due date, to stay for 3 months. I *know* she will be a great help. One week later my ILs will be arriving to spend a week with us. So we will be 5 adults, a baby and a dog in 1200 SF! But. I/we were totally fine and up for this. We appreciate all the help my mom will give us and my ILs I appreciate that they want to be there ASAP to meet their new grandbaby! I honestly don't know how much "help" they will be??? But we are both fine with it and not stressed out by it at all.<br /> Is the SIL living with you bc she has no where to go OR she is coming strictly to help out? Is she the type that will be helpful?</p> <p>All those other visitors, if you feel it will be too much then tell your DH to tell them NO.</p> <p>I'm sure as new parents we will have more than enough to deal with in the weeks following their birth. The last thing you need is more stress which is exactly what this situation is creating for you.</p> <p>*HUGS* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132227 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:16:56 +0000 SugarplumsMom 132227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you have to worry about this at a time when you should be happy and excite for your baby to arrive. I honestly think they've all just gotten caught up with the baby arriving that they haven't had time to truly think about what's best for you as a family. They mean well, but maybe they're just reacting impulsively? </p> <p>Regardless, I think you need to #1 tell your SIL she needs to find alternate accommodations. It's ridiculous for her to impose on you like that RIGHT after just giving birth!</p> <p>As for the uncles and other random relatives that want to visit, let them know right away that you will call them as soon as you're settled in. </p> <p>Once that mess is out of the way, it's time to deal with the Moms. Let them know you want some time to yourselves at first and as much as you want to see them, if they can give you a few days to bond, that would be absolutely wonderful.</p> <p>Just remember that it's your baby, and your new family that comes first. Don't let others take this special time away from you. Only agree to the visits if it's fine with you - this isn't the time to feel guilty! You need to do what's best for you and your new family. Be strong and decisive. The moms should understand.</p> <p>Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132226 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:14:12 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 132226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honey, you need to put your foot down. If you don't set boundaries now, it's never going to happen. We had the entire family wanting to descend on us too and we finally decided that we needed some breathing room and bonding time, especially since I was a very nervous and self-conscious first time mom.</p> <p>We knew we'd end up doing more entertaining than getting help, so it ended up being a smart move for us even if feathers were a bit ruffled. We also put our foot down about parents bringing the dogs. We had enough chaos in our then small house without adding dogs to the mix. The dogs would stay at the kennel or the family members would be staying home.</p> <p>It was easier to negotiate with my family than his because I could be straightforward with my parents and it's up to hubs to set boundaries with his parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132221 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:09:53 +0000 MamaMoose 132221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh... and definitely tell the SIL to find somewhere else to go!! 6 weeks is too much even without a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132219 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:08:56 +0000 MamaMoose 132219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm already dreading these conversations. My in laws are REALLY pushy about this kind of stuff and never think to ASK if they can come visit us, they just announce that they are coming. I can only imagine this will be 10 times worse when a baby is in the picture. My husband also has a very difficult time saying no to his parents so I either have to deal with it, or be made to look like the bad guy! So I definitely feel for you.</p> <p>Listen, what it comes down to is this is YOUR new baby. It is never too late for you to change your mind and say that you're not comfortable with all the company. Just gently explain to your families that while you appreciate their willingness to help you think you're just going to need some space for a little while... and you'll let them know when you're ready for visitors. It will probably be awkward, but you have to stand up for what's best for your new little family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132210 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:03:01 +0000 yoursilverlining 132210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You do NOT come across as ungrateful! If I were in your shoes, I would first tell SIL sorry, but she has to find another place to live. To move in with you a week after your EDD for 6 weeks is too much to ask of you/your husband/anyone!! You guys need time alone with your new baby! </p> <p>As for the moms….do they have to stay an entire week, each? If they live close or reasonably close, could you maybe tell them the plans have changed and they can stay 2-3 days, and then you will reevaluate then how much longer they should stay? They could stay 2-3 days, go home for a couple of days, then return for 2-3 days, etc.…at least that way you would get a break.</p> <p>I love my mother and MIL dearly, but I don’t want either of them essentially moving in with us, even for a week, after baby arrives. That’s too much stress on you and your husband, and your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132205 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:01:15 +0000 heffalump 132205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's a lot! If I were you I'd sit down with DH to talk about it. Say that you're happy to have family visit, but only if they stay somewhere else or in a hotel. You have the right to have your alone time with your new family, and it's something that you can never get back again if people are constantly there. Yes it will be nice to have them visit and help out, but you seem like you'll still want your alone time. </p> <p>We live near our family so it wasn't an issue for us. One of our parents would come over nightly, bring groceries/dinner, do laundry, etc. It was so nice to have their help, but it was also nice to have some quiet time when they left every day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132203 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:00:25 +0000 chopsuey 132203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. Omg I would have the biggest headache if I were you!<br /> Also, How big is your house that you can accommodate all these people?! When I had my LO, my mom was the only one who stayed with us. We had some local family members and friends drop by for a couple of hours, but I felt pretty overwhelmed with just one extra body in the house! My mom was such an incredible help and support to us..<br /> Dh's parents actually didn't visit and see the baby until she was around 2 months old. In all honesty, newborns are boring. They eat sleep poop around the clock.<br /> It's definitely nice to have help, but I don't know how I'd feel about having so many people up in my face right after give birth..<br /> If flights haven't been booked, I would lay down the law and make a schedule of visits. Send it to everyone and tell them when they're allowed to visit.<br /> You're gonna be high on hormones and will definitely want some alone time and quiet with just your Dh and baby..</p> <p>Good luck! Hope everything works out.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/overwhelmed-with-familys-plans-for-los-arrival#post-132198 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:52:06 +0000 LAGS 132198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry this is going to be long winded and pretty rambley - I'm in need of a little vent and maybe some advice.</p> <p>DH and I have always agreed that we want our families to spend some time with us after our LO arrives. Having said that, now that we're starting to make our plans and get an idea of what things will look like after birth, I'm totally overwhelmed. I'm worried we're not going to have anytime for just the three of us to feel like a family.</p> <p>Our Moms will be arriving as close as they can to LO's delivery and will be staying with us for a week or two (my Mom a week, but DH seems to think 2 for his). Our Dads will also be staying with us during this time, but for shorter stays worked around their work schedules. On the one hand I'm so happy that everyone will be able to share in this experience with us, I know how lucky I am. </p> <p>That said, and I feel guilty to admit it, there's a part of me that is frustrated with everyone and how everything is coming together. I thought there would be more attention given to our needs and expectations. DH's family (even though I love them dearly) have been oblivious to our expectations and have been planning everything according to their wants and needs.</p> <p>DH's Mom wont lay off with her subtle hints about wanting to be present during the delivery. They'll also be bringing their dog along with them, which is minor, but kind of irritates me because they didn't run this by us first. Then, just when relief is in sight with our initial family visit ending, and what is probably the main root of my anxiety, my SIL will basically be moving in with us for 6 weeks starting a week or so after my EDD (am I crazy for accepting this?!). At that point in time with our Mom's here, we don't even have a room for her to stay in and yet there hasn't been one offer to find other accommodations for even part of this time. With all the visits combined I can't help but feel disappointed. DH will be taking three weeks off and depending on timing, we'll have house guests with us for all three of those weeks.</p> <p>I probably come across as ungrateful, and maybe its just my crazy end of pregnancy hormones, but its just all too much. This isn't even taking into consideration the fact that we both have siblings who will at one point or another be staying with us, family drop-ins and DH's heavy drinking, bachelor Uncle who has announced that we're to call him when we're home from the hospital so he can come stay with us and "help" (hah, ya right). Oh and apparently we've been told that DH's parents will be returning to spend Memorial Day weekend with us... I'm just starting to feel like its never ending.</p> <p>How did/will you manage your family visits? Has anyone else had family stay for an extended period of time after their LO arrived? Did it work out for you? Or do you have any suggestions on how we can still maintain some bonding time for the three of us despite having everyone around?</p> <p>I just feel like things are spinning out of control and there's no real concern for the transition on our new family unit, or how we wanted to spend our first weeks as a family together.</p> <p>Thank you to anyone who has stayed with me this far :) </p>