https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 07:45:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087913 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 23:53:56 +0000 Freckles 2087913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>N is just a month older than E, and she is also very shy and anxious in social situations. She even goes to daycare everyday and has been since a year old! i used to get sad when i saw other kids run off and play while she would cling by my side with her lovey and cry if we left her sight. She has really come out of her shell in the last few months, and i think it's because we have made an effort to see the same group of friends frequently. Friends have commented on how surprised they are by how talkative she is - she's always been talkative and outgoing, but not in public. We try to do at least one social activity every weekend. She still needs time to warm up, and it'll range from 15 minutes to sometimes 3 hours! :bummed: </p> <p>I think it's good that you're not making a big deal out of it. Increasing the frequency of social interactions will help too - how about inviting people over for small gatherings? This could help her get acquainted with friends better and not be overwhelmed. I know N is more clingy in crazier environments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087912 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 23:53:54 +0000 HLK208 2087912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BoogieBea: you have a point about being the crutch. I do wonder how she would do without me. Man, the way you described your son acting is how E acts...just completely odd behavior from her when she's anxious. It's so sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087904 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 23:38:20 +0000 BoogieBea 2087904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son has always been painfully shy as well. There are a handful of occasions where he has actually bitten me because he didn't know how to deal with his anxiety in group settings. He gets anxious even at his own friend's birthday parties. He's definitely better in a smaller setting but in a large crowd, he's usually always by our side. We've taken him completely out of a soccer class we signed up for when he was younger because it gave him so much anxiety. He's 5 now and has gotten a lot better. I think school and extended periods of time away from us helped. I was super nervous when he started school at age 3 especially because he was one of the youngest in class due to the age cutoff. But surprisingly, after a week of tears, he did great the rest of the year. I think us being around him in social settings actually hinder him because he's so used to using us as a crutch. So she may actually do better than you think when she starts preschool.<br /> Right now, we're trying to work on building close relationships with people in his classes via playdates or doing after school activities/camps together. We're also just trying to expose him to as many experiences as he is comfortable with. Equipping him with as many skills as he is able to pick up. Hopefully, all of this combined will help boost his confidence. He actually requested to take soccer again recently - all on his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087641 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 20:40:58 +0000 HLK208 2087641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: oh! That's good to hear! Yes, she's always been shy but it's been more intense for a few months. She's always taken awhile to warm up. Or sometimes she'll be okay for the first 5-10 minutes but then she'll freeze up until we leave. </p> <p>Maybe I should pull her aside and talk to her, just the two of us, when those bad moments happen? Or until the phase passes? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087496 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 18:32:08 +0000 sandy 2087496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: has she always been super shy or is it a recent thing? I've taken Clara out to classes and play groups and she has so many little friends we see all the time and she is just not a super social kid. She loves to play by herself. All her little friends play together and she'll participate every once and awhile but she just likes to play alone and run around singing to herself. It's just her personality. Also, she did go through a phase around 2.5 where she would cling to me out in public. We'd go places we'd been to so many times and she would be stuck to my side even though she used to run around a play. It lasted a few months and then she was ok again. So it could be a phase or it could be her personality...but no matter what it's nothing you did and I think you're doing the right thing by not making a huge deal of it but still exposing her to play group situations. </p> <p>She's such a sweetheart and so silly - she'll come out of her shell in time and gain confidence. I'm sure starting school will help too :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087447 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 18:04:01 +0000 BelugaBean 2087447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: I've definitely had many times where I feel like it's my fault and something to be ashamed of. I've also found that sometimes who we're with determines how I feel about it too. If I'm around people who are constantly telling me to let her cry a bit or telling her to just go play, it can make it harder vs people who talk to her when she wants me to hold her or just let me do my thing.</p> <p>I think her going to school was more for me. I know she clings to one of her teachers but those few hours where I can be myself are helpful. </p> <p>Focusing on the good definitely helps too. She's sensitive so she's such a sweetheart and so shy. She seems to be more in tune with others' feelings because she spends so much time listening and watching. </p> <p>You can always send me a message if you're having any frustrations or whatever about it though. I'm still figuring it out but I do know it isn't easy and you often feel so alone because kids that are this shy seem so rare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087438 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 17:54:14 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2087438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: you shouldn't feel embarrassed! All of our kids are different with their own unique personalities and temperaments! That's what makes them, them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087429 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 17:47:14 +0000 autumnlove 2087429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO 1 is really shy around new people and she needs a lot of warm up time. I try to give her advance notice about our plans and that seems to help a bit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087426 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 17:44:03 +0000 Rockies11 2087426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: mine is a lot younger than yours (20 months) and is very shy. She is outgoing around the house, but very quiet and clingy in social situations. The only thing that helps for us is repetition and time - so daycare it took a crazy long time for her to get used to but now is comfortable (until she changes rooms, then back to square one) and I am about to go on a long mat leave so I am planning the same playgroup, one class, and the same two friends playdates throughout! Even now with daycare, she's still socially shy with other toddlers, and spends a lot of time clinging to the daycare providers, lol. I don't think it's anything I did (or you did) I think it's fully a personality trait. My DH has a lot of social anxiety, which was much, much worse when he was a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087423 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 17:42:30 +0000 LuLu Mom 2087423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: I think what helps them is S can see her mom through the window, so she knows she's still there but it allows her to usually interact with the other kids. They do library time and music time, but they do it together so it doesn't really help the "independence" they are trying to help her grow. </p> <p>I know her parents really struggle with this, they frequently compare S to other kids who are her age or younger and see how social they are. I think they get down on themselves but every kid is different. There are 3 of us who have girls all within a year of each other, and the other 2 girls are extremely social/outgoing/the very opposite end of the spectrum so I think they want S to run and jump in and play and join but she's just not ready yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087400 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 17:30:38 +0000 HLK208 2087400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@meredithNYC: thanks, I'll be looking for some mommy &amp; me play groups to join! </p> <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: you're right. I almost feel embarrassed about it...like it's something I've done :bummed: </p> <p>@xInfinity: that's a good idea...I feel limited to where I can take her so maybe our house is the best option for now.</p> <p>@Mamaof2: she does okay depending who it is. She's fine around DS's friends and a few other kids we know. Other kids, she just tenses up. We toured a preschool today and she was really, really scared. Even with DH and I holding her.</p> <p>@BelugaBean: oh wow...I kind of wish we started preschool early. Thanks for chiming in - I don't hear from parents of super shy kids this often.</p> <p>@LuLu Mom: That's interesting that they suggested that alone time. I just don't want her to fear that I'm leaving her to be scared alone :( I'm going to try our church daycare and see if that helps </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087320 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 16:28:03 +0000 BelugaBean 2087320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I think I missed that blog post somehow but I think it had a lot of helpful tips. I've definitely started prepping my LO, even for the smallest playdate. And I recently started telling her she needed to ask questions on her own while assuring I would be with her. She constantly asks if someone wants something or to do something and I tell her she needs to ask them herself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2087290 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 16:16:13 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2087290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is/was painfully shy. She's definitely opened up a lot over the years, but it still takes her time to warm up in new environments. I wrote a post about what worked for us - <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2014/10/30/raising-an-introverted-child-in-an-extroverted-world/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2014/10/30/raising-an-introverted-child-in-an-extroverted-world/</a></p> <p>Daycare/preschool really helped her feel more comfortable around others, but she is still naturally shy. She still needs be to stay 10 minutes with her every morning at drop off, and every once in awhile she'll still cry. I've accepted that this is who she is, and just really try to validate her feelings while encouraging her to get out of her comfort zone. I also do a lot of prepwork with her. Walking her through what to expect, who will be there, etc. really helps us too. That way she knows what to anticipate and it's no longer overwhelming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086952 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 14:30:49 +0000 LuLu Mom 2086952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about doing more play dates with 1 on 1? And then as she gets more comfortable start inviting maybe 2-3 kids and just get her used to social interaction. I think it's something you should really work on before preschool, so she can thrive there and learn. </p> <p>Our daughter has a cousin/friend who just turned 3 and sounds very similar to your daughter. I know they struggle with ways to get her to interact, she even has her hands in her mouth as a "nervous habit" their doctor has encouraged her SAHM to find activities where she has to be "alone." They signed her up for gymnastics, and her mom is in the viewing room, so she can see her through the glass (knows she's there) but is not by her. This has been HUGE in her development. Took a week or two but it really helped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086883 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 13:56:10 +0000 BelugaBean 2086883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is very shy and socially anxious. She's currently 2.5 years old for reference. She can usually play just fine if she's around the right people but in groups, she wants me playing beside her. She actually enjoys going to school twice a week and it's a much needed break for me since she's so clingy. I have noticed in pictures though that she's still super shy there.</p> <p>Her doctor told me she should get better as she gets older and able to communicate better. She currently has school twice a week and we go on play dates a few times a week too. She's just a shy kid who doesn't want me to go too far. It's definitely hard and I understand the worry because I still feel it every time. Rarely she will play at a play date with the other kids without me and it's amazing but doesn't happen often. </p> <p>I honestly just trying make her feel comfortable by staying beside her if she really needs me but I also sneak away when she's occupied to try to encourage her to see that she can do it on her own. But, yeah, she's still super shy a lot of the time, even with kids she's known for almost two years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086853 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 13:42:51 +0000 Mamaof2 2086853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: how does she do 1:1? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086832 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 13:35:38 +0000 xInfinity 2086832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe you could kind of ease her into it? Start out with quieter activities and smaller groups and work your way up. Have some playdates with 1 or 2 friends at your own house so the location isn't new and then once she's comfortable with that you can go to mommy and me groups or activities with more people and noisier atmosphere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086820 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 13:27:23 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2086820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: :heart: :heart: </p> <p>Sweet girl. My only advice would be to gently expose her to more group situations as often as you can, and maybe the kind of thing where it's the same place every time (like a gym class) so she can get used to the new place and the new people and hopefully, eventually open up and feel comfrtable! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086809 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 13:23:52 +0000 meredithNYC 2086809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw, I feel so sad for her. Being shy is tough!</p> <p>My toddler is kind of the opposite, but I think in your case the best thing would be to try and get her enrolled in either a class that meets at least weekly or maybe a mommy and me playgroup? Sounds like the more opportunities she has to socialize, the more comfortable she will become.</p> <p>Also, I wonder whether there might be some good children's books that address the issue? Might be worth checking at your library. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/painfully-shy-toddler#post-2086696 Thu, 26 Feb 2015 12:42:35 +0000 HLK208 2086696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>E is 3 months shy of turning 3 years old and she's having a really hard time socializing. I SAH with her and she only has a few friends which we see every few months. Every time she's around them, she clings to me, she won't play or talk...it makes me so sad because she's so fun, playful and talkative at home. She even shakes and gets visably nervous (looking down, not making eye contact, not smiling, etc). </p> <p>We went to a play area yesterday with a few friends and she stayed by me the whole time. She wouldn't play. She wouldn't say hi to her friends. The place was loud and kind of crazy but still, I'm worried at this point because socializing is PAINFULLY scary to her. I tried not to push her - I want her to trust that I won't make her do something that's extremely intimidating to her.</p> <p>Any advice? We go to the park, play groups, other areas where kids play and she clings to me there too. I'm not sure how to encourage socializing. She starts preschool in the fall and I know it won't go well if she's going to keep clinging to me. </p>