https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 21:42:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2851721 Tue, 16 Oct 2018 23:13:52 +0000 irene 2851721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs dear, very interesting topic... I am so sorry it happened to you. I would be livid too :-( Just think that this old man probably had a lot of advices to offer her own children and no one listened to him. He is probably having a bad time and in a way he took it out on you. I hope you feel better thinking about that...</p> <p>For me I did have a similar experience but the stranger was not as legitimately wrong as your case (although it felt like she was really out of line at the moment). We were at a restaurant. DS was somewhere between 8-11 months old back then. I brought some solids with us and was feeding DS when we were waiting for our food. It was homemade rice porridge with a bit of mushrooms in it. DS had mushrooms before, he'd turn a little red but then would quickly subside. He was never sick or anything. I didn't give him mushrooms often, but I did space it out and offer maybe once every few weeks. (and he totally outgrew the color change after he turned 1)</p> <p>DH and I was having an argument at the moment. The argument included DH accusing me of not doing the best job as a mother. I think I was sobbing. Apparently DS was eating and he turned a bit red. There was a middle-aged woman sitting by herself on another table. She noticed DS turning a little flushed after he ate, and she came over to alert us that she noticed there was an allergic reaction to my baby and wanted to bring it to my attention. Oh boy. On one hand my DH was saying I was dropping the ball as a mother, I was crying, then this stranger walked up to me to alert me in case I didn't realize my child could be in danger of allergy / food poisoning, as if I were truly useless, incapable and blind. I was LIVID. I didn't say anything to the woman, and she kinda walked away as we completely ignored her. I gave her a dirty stare the whole meal, and she didn't dare to look up.</p> <p>Thinking back, I guess I can see why she was concerned. If DH and I wasn't fighting, I would have thanked her and let her know we have tried this exact food before, this all has happened before multiple times, and reassure her that DS was fine, and we'll keep a close eye on him. It was very bad timing. And although I feel bad, I do still think she overstepped a bit -- if you could see my DS turning red from a table away (it actually was very subtle, so she had to be staring at DS for a long while), do you think I couldn't see it right in front of me? I still felt like I was publicly slapped by a complete stranger after 5 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2850965 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 14:29:26 +0000 Mommy Finger 2850965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not nearly as bad as some of you experienced (seriously, wtf???) but DS1 and I used to play a little game where after we put all of the bags into the car after the grocery store, Target, etc., I would push the cart back to the cart corral with him still in it and pretend to leave him there by pushing the cart in just a little and saying bye! A very quick second later, I would grab him and tell him that I could never leave him and we both would laugh and hug all the way back to the car. He loved it. I loved it. It was our thing. One time at Target, an old man witnessed this exchange and ran up to me to tell me that I shouldn't joke about that as it would really mess my kid up. I gave him a dirty look and moved on with my life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2850943 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 13:01:54 +0000 psw27 2850943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: holy crap. I am SO glad 911 was called. That is beyond. </p> <p>@Calibee: This happened to me too. An older woman told me he needed to be covered and I said, actually he needs the sun. Then she tried to physically move the sunshade to cover him and I said excuse me, please don't touch the stroller and she then SHE acted all offended like I was rude. </p> <p>@thepaperbutterfly: I understand this one too. My son looks totally neurotypical but has some sensory stuff that causes him to act out or melt down in certain situations. I have also gotten to a place where if someone makes a comment or two they now get a very long explanation about how he was born early and my water ruptured expectantly and how sensory processing disorder works and what we are working on in occupational therapy. They typically regret engaging with me. (I only do this to rude people) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2850936 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 12:30:41 +0000 LCTBQE 2850936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: this is the most insane thing I have ever heard of re peanut gallery, wtf!</p> <p>@LadyDi: my mother STILL feels awful about taking me out as a newborn on a crisp fall day and getting parent-shamed by an old man whose opinion was that I should have been wearing a hat, in 1982, so yeah, these things stick with us. just wanted to encourage you to say "fuck 'em" and forget about it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2850888 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 09:49:39 +0000 Mama Bird 2850888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: I think there are ways to say something like that without being confrontational. There's a lot of difference between "watch out, I think your cart is tipping!" and "get your child out of the cart, it's not safe, what are you even thinking?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger/page/2#post-2850843 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 06:25:28 +0000 MrsBucky 2850843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: I’m glad you mentioned that tone matters. Whenever I see egregious unsafe things that people may not be aware of, I always hem and haw over saying something. I never do because I don’t want to Mom shame, but I worry how I’d feel if something bad happened and I hadn’t said anything and they didn’t know. I’ve had my son seriously injured by something that didn’t occur to me was dangerous and though he is fine now, it was really traumatic and it makes me want others to tell me if I don’t realize something. The two examples I can think of are seeing a car seat precariously balances on a shopping cart and watching a mom go down a slide holding her young toddler. In the latter case, the kids leg bent back at a weird angle and because I know someone whose toddlers leg was broken that way, I was sure I was about to watch the kids leg break. I still didn’t say anything to the mom even though I would have been super nice and “hey a lot of people don’t know this, but my friends kid broke her leg so I just thought you might want. A heads up.” And then would have left her alone. But I worried and didn’t. But I still think about it all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850822 Fri, 12 Oct 2018 02:42:41 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2850822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thepaperbutterfly: a friend of mine has that same disease. Before she was diagnosed when we were still in college she just seemed a little different than the rest of us. Her diagnosis explained everything. She’s now on disability and has gone through some very painful surgeries. Has EDS impacted your quality of life? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850818 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 23:40:34 +0000 thepaperbutterfly 2850818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not quite the same, but I've been harassed about my disabilities because I look normal, especially by older people. I used to just cry. Now I stand up for myself and recite my long complicated medical history. It's super common for people with EDS to get harassed for what appears to be fake disabilities. I'll never forget the comment from a young lady riding an electric scooter who was harassed by an elderly woman for allegedly pretending to be disabled. She made up this story about how she broke her hip having wild sex with her husband, and was very loud about it to intentionally make a scene. The actual truth was that her hips were unstable and prone to dislocating if she walked long distances, but that didn't sound as good. The other woman was definitely sorry for saying something XD I wish I had her courage :) I haven't been harassed about my parenting yet, and my daughter is 21 months, but I'm sure it will come in time.</p> <p>Also, it's an interesting thing that women are judged much more harshly regarding their parenting then men are. If your significant other had done the same thing the person that harassed you might just think it was nice that dad was spending time with his baby u_u But that's a whole other can of worms. . . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850814 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 23:15:57 +0000 Calibee 2850814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. People love to share their opinions. </p> <p>I will never forget when I took my VERY jaundiced newborn daughter (like almost had to stay in the hospital it was so bad) out for the first time. I let her be in the sun for a short period of time, per her Dr’s recommendation. Some nosy old lady came up and told me I needed to protect my daughter and take better care of her. </p> <p>I said I AM taking care of her. Not that it’s any of your business, but she’s severely jaundiced. So it’s either the sun or the hospital. Thanks for the unsolicited advice. </p> <p>She literally ran away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850811 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 23:04:23 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2850811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There’s this opinion piece I read in The NY Times awhile back that talks about parent-shaming. It helped me think through this stuff. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-in-the-age-of-fear.html" rel="nofollow">https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-in-the-age-of-fear.html</a></p> <p>This part really stuck with me:</p> <p>“it occurred to me that I had never used the word harassment to describe this situation. But why not? When a person intimidates, insults or demeans a woman on the street for the way she is dressed, or on social media for the way she speaks out, it’s harassment. But when a mother is intimidated, insulted or demeaned because of her parenting choices, we call it concern or, at worst, nosiness. A mother, apparently, cannot be harassed. A mother can only be corrected.” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850800 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 20:43:18 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2850800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: Lol at first I just said "she's ok," or something like that, but then when he kept going and then arguing with me I was just not in the mood that day I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850798 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 20:24:19 +0000 LadyDi 2850798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Thank you for the clip! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850797 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 20:21:29 +0000 LadyDi 2850797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: Thank you for the support :happy:<br /> @Kaohinani: That's ridiculous, I can't believe someone says something like that. Good for you for standing up for him!<br /> @Amorini: I was really flustered when he came back and kept scolding me about it. I am so sorry your DS was locked in a car! I am glad there was a good samaritan nearby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850796 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 20:17:13 +0000 LadyDi 2850796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I park near cart drop offs but a lot of times I'll load my kids in the car and then return the cart and I am always nervous, not because I think someone is going to hop into my car and steal my kids while I am 15 feet away, but because I am worried someone will see me leave them in there and yell at me about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850795 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 20:14:40 +0000 LadyDi 2850795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I am sure he was concerned. However, if he meant well then he should have approached it a different way. He could have, as someone suggested, offered to help me load my groceries. Or approached me and spoken to me respectfully instead of admonishing me in the middle of a parking lot. I probably would have just shrugged him off the same way I do when my MIL tells me LO needs socks in July because his feet feel cold. But what he did was disrespectful and so was his tone. Even my 3 year old asked why the man had a "mad face." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850788 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 19:43:44 +0000 Mama Bird 2850788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: oh, that's so true about the kind people! That really stays with you too. I still remember how when DD was a baby, she would scream bloody murder whenever I came into a store. Of course people stared, and started giving advice. It all felt like a big public shaming, and I'd gladly have stayed home, but the family did need groceries. But one time, instead of giving advice, this lady reached over and started rocking the stroller while I was loading the food into it. So kind of her :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850784 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 19:20:02 +0000 Kaohinani 2850784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: Thank you. It is one of the few times I've spoken up but in said incident, I HAD to because G couldn't for himself. No one messes with my babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850783 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 19:18:03 +0000 pachamama 2850783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People are so fucking annoying. I get if a kid was like relentlessly annoying someone but minding your own ps and qs not even being dangerous? Fuck off. My son was running down a ramp at our park and a lady yelled at him and I was like, he's 2.5, he can run. If not here then where?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850781 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 19:06:01 +0000 Amorini 2850781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I let DS (a tall 22 months at the time) stand in a window frame at an airport and got publically scolded by an airport guy who was running multiple gates. “You might let your child do that at home, but not here!” I was like WTF and I just stared him down and put DS back in my tired arms. We were traveling alone, our flight was delayed 3 hours so there was no more sitting in a stroller and I was tired of chasing and holding him. His feet were on a ledge that was waist-high and I had my hands on him and body against him the whole time. It probably didn’t look right because DS looked more like a 3 year-old, but the airport guy could have made a quiet and respectful request instead of barking at me in front of a very large group of waiting passengers like I was destroying airport property or something.</p> <p>I can’t scroll up to tag but in OP’s specific incident, I think one comment from the elderly gentleman was enough. Whether he was parent shaming or just thinking of his own grandkids, the fact that he came back a SECOND time to persist is what really annoys me about that situation. </p> <p>Yesterday I locked DS in the car and police came, having to ultimately break the window to get him out. Fortunately no one shamed me and the kind Samaritan older woman who stayed with me the whole time to support me and DS was an angel. So that side of the coin balances out the people who just don’t think about their comments! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850773 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 18:42:17 +0000 Sams Mom 2850773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: I'd have thrown down in the produce section over that shit! Way to go asserting yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850764 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 18:29:29 +0000 Kaohinani 2850764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was grocery shopping with my 3.5 year old son (who happens to be extremely intelligent and silly; however, he has a severe lateral lisp and a stutter which has caused a delay in his speech of a 1.5 years). We were speaking about what fruit he would like but DS could not articulate what he would like. An older woman walked by and stated that my son was cute before pausing and asking if he was one of "those special kids that really should be in a special program." I am a [seriously] nonconfrontational person, especially with the elderly; however, she WAS SPEAKING OF MY SON and telling me he needed to be in a program and not with ME (Who THE H#LL does that?!?!?) so I asserted myself and told her, "Yes, my son is special - TO ME! He is absolutely NORMAL but has a speech delay. Maybe YOU need to go into a program or a HOME. Now excuse me as my perfect son and I finish our shopping!" I turned and walked away as my son fussed and I forgot our fruit! I have no clue what her reaction was but, man, it felt GREAT to stand up for my little guy. 👩‍👦💙 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850760 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 18:00:50 +0000 Mrsbells 2850760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: I guess I am in the minority but I dont see this as parent shaming. I know I personally have had some stomach churning moments seeing a child look like they might hurt themselves any minute. I have found a lot of older people think of their grandkids when they see a young child. I think he meant well and your response to him was uncalled for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850757 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 17:48:43 +0000 wrkbrk 2850757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catgirl: Mouth hanging open. My DS will be 3 next month and is still rear facing and will be so until he reaches the car seat weight / height limits. That woman must have truly been insane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850756 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 17:46:58 +0000 wrkbrk 2850756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sams Mom: 22 months?!!!? What is seriously wrong with people?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850754 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 17:36:13 +0000 wrkbrk 2850754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: What the actual f. Logged in just to respond and support you! That is wholly inappropriate. Even if he had a point (here he clearly did not), approaching it as he did helps exactly no one. I’m sorry mama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850734 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 16:13:55 +0000 annem1990 2850734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was told by a lady in our building that I “would ruin his pretty blue eyes without sunglasses. He really should be wearing some.”<br /> First off lady, our stroller has a massive sun shade that was pushed back because we were inside at the time of comment. He was in the shade when outside.<br /> Also, would you like to attempt to keep sunglasses on an 8 month old? I think not. :silly:<br /> She’s a sweet elderly lady, but the comments are so unnecessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850726 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 15:47:04 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2850726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone went off at me for leaving my oldest in a car seat strapped in and walking like 30 feet away quickly to throw something away and running back. He said there are people to worry about around there and I told him he was the one at a kids park with no kid, if there's anyone to worry about it would be him. So maybe he was right, but I try not to live that paranoid, and I may or may not have closed the door so my kid didn't hear and told him to F off. Whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850725 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 15:46:37 +0000 JennyLayneAZ 2850725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LadyDi: I, too, have been shamed in public by an old man. WTF is that? </p> <p>My daughter was maybe 2 or 3 months old and I took her with me to Petsmart to get dog food. I live in the desert and it was June or July so it was hot outside. As I'm crossing from the parking lot to the store an old man stopped his car to let me pass and then yelled out the window (while shaking his head at me) that it was too hot to have a baby outside. It took me a minute to figure out what he said to me so I didn't get to respond to him, but man was I pissed after that. Sorry, I'm not going to keep my kid stuffed up inside and not leave the house for the 10 months of the year that its hot here. He was an ass. Sorry that happened to you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850724 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 15:44:29 +0000 codeitall 2850724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't personally, but I think that you handled it very gracefully. Probably more than I would have.</p> <p>And people are saying how horrible helicopter parenting is at the same time they chastise publically if you aren't! Just boggles the mind.</p> <p>I saw a BBC One snippet about a mom on a redeye getting all sorts of useless advice and she turns around and just calls them out. I'll see if I can find it again.</p> <p>ETA: Here it is! <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BBCOne/videos/183867715841769/" rel="nofollow">https://www.facebook.com/BBCOne/videos/183867715841769/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parent-shamed-by-a-stranger#post-2850723 Thu, 11 Oct 2018 15:37:29 +0000 nana87 2850723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>these stories :shocked: </p> <p>When lo1 was about 21 months she went on a stroller strike, but we used the stroller to commute. going to daycare was usually fine, but on the way home it would just be 20 minutes of her screaming on nyc sidewalks--I got LOTS of looks. Also it was February during that same period of stroller strikes, and she would also fight wearing her coat, much less her hat, mittens, blanket, etc. I once stopped at the grocery store on our way home and a fellow mom of a tiny (appropriately-dressed but lacking her-own-opinions-yet) baby gave me a look when she saw lo's open jacket and red cheeks and said "it's really cold out..." you think???!!! just you wait til your kid has a mind of their own! it didn't help that i was also miscarrying at that moment and felt like a terrible mother who couldn't keep her babies safe in or out of the womb, so I'll never forget that... </p>