https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 24 Jun 2026 09:56:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436455 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 15:39:15 +0000 regberadaisy 2436455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436446 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 15:35:05 +0000 regberadaisy 2436446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: thanks for your input. We actually talked about it shortly after I posted. He hadn't realized he was doing it and said some part of it is probably a knee jerk reaction for him. When he was growing up religion played a bigger role in their life. And as an adult he has chosen not to believe. He agreed with me that it wasn't fair for DD to get flack for not showing respect during prayer when "we" haven't taught her she's supposed to.</p> <p>@coopsmama: @mrsjazz: that's exactly what we plan on doing. It's just a learning curve for all of us. She's at this age where she is understanding so much more than we give her credit for and I'm playing catch up each day. If that makes sense! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436097 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 12:32:45 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2436097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: it sounds like your husband may feel some conflict about belief or non belief and that is why he hasnt had a convo with your daughter and gets flooded with negativity when the prayer issue comes up. And then gets mad at your daughter needlessly. I get it. Telling your child that "they pray but we don't" feels like shutting a door possibly permanently. I hate that I don't believe anymore and wish I could because it would cause less division between myself and my believing family members and I would love to have something to believe in that I could share with my children but organized religion feels too repressive and shaming for me. Still I mourn not being able to share that common cultural bond (my family is culturally christian but no one goes to church, and my ILs are church goers) and I'm in a bit of denial that I am in fact raising an agnostic child so right now we are in a bit of a holding pattern until our kids specifically ask. I'm hoping I'll have more clarity or conviction in one direction or another by that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436085 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 12:23:16 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2436085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Link to the book:<br /> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002SVQD6Y?ie=UTF8&#038;redirectFromSS=1&#038;pc_redir=T1&#038;noEncodingTag=1&#038;fp=1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002SVQD6Y?ie=UTF8&#038;redirectFromSS=1&#038;pc_redir=T1&#038;noEncodingTag=1&#038;fp=1</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436077 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 12:19:15 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2436077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We go to church but I am slowly moving away from Christianity into a more general spirituality. I actually was not raised in the Church, I joined at a vulnerable part of my life. I still have some faith but am moving further away from it daily. My main issue is explaining death to my child without having heaven as an explanation. I don't know what I'm going to do but I did look into some books on Amazon that are intended to gently explain death. One of them, called lifetimes I think, explains that all life is limited term and that everything on earth only has a limited lifetime...even inanimate objects. It isn't fair or wrong, it just is. This is what I try to tell myself when the idea gets too hard to manage and I think this is what I will try to explain to my kids when the subject comes up. </p> <p>My church doesn't have Sunday school so right now we are still going but I'm not willing to do church preschool for the same reasons. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436066 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 12:10:06 +0000 coopsmama 2436066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjazz: Yes! That's exactly how I feel it should be handled. I actually am religious and do pray but was thinking of if someone had some sort of religious ritual they were used to doing at mealtime that was different from ours and how I'd handle it with my kids. I would just want to use it as an opportunity to teach respect for others. I think that conversation can never begin too young. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436057 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 12:02:53 +0000 mrsjazz 2436057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: @regberadaisy: We have a "when in Rome" policy. We are not at all religious and at home we do not pray at mealtime. However both of our families are and we bow our heads, hold hands, and say Amen out of respect for their households. It's not confusing for LO, it's just what is done at her grandparents' homes. As she gets older she will probably ask questions. She did ask why her nana goes to church and we don't and I just said because nana beleves something different from mommy and daddy. I think it's actually easier to deal with at this age.</p> <p>ETA: at our home we just wait if they pray. LO either joins in or doesn't...we leave it up to her. She doesn't start eating though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436046 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 11:47:48 +0000 coopsmama 2436046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: If you're planning on teaching your children about all religions, why haven't you just told your LO that your IL's like to pray at meals and describe, in the most basic terms, what that means so that she can be respectful when they are there? I don't get why that just couldn't be a conversation, even at her age - it would be a great opportunity to teach her to respect others even if you don't necessarily believe the same things. It just seems like you're irritated by something that should be a non-issue? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2436036 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 11:40:59 +0000 Mommy Finger 2436036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a very good question and one that I struggle with. DH and I both grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school for most of our lives. Therefore, we never had to do CCD since it was a part of our schooling. However, neither of us are involved in the church. I'm very grateful for the religious education that I had growing up as it allowed me to make my own decisions on how I view religion. I don't know what I want to do with our children. I feel like DH wants them to have Catholic schooling in some degree since that's what he grew up with but I'm not so sure that's the right answer. Ultimately, I think we need to have a family discussion about what this means. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435762 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 08:31:58 +0000 Anagram 2435762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to add: I like to do some of the main, fun holidays in each religion. My mom gifted the girls a Little People nativity, and I put it out at Christmas. And I try to remember holidays like Diwali--but for both of our holidays, we sort of celebrate them "lite". Christmas "lite", Diwali "lite". For Christmas, it's not as big of a deal in our house as it is in other houses where both parents celebrate Christmas, and same with all the Hindu/Sri Lankan high holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435760 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 08:29:34 +0000 Anagram 2435760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband grew up Hindu and I would describe him as very very mildly religious. Like, he never goes to the temple and forgets almost all the main holidays, but there are certain ceremonies that if his parents remind him, he likes to do for our LO. I grew up in a very conservative Christian (southern Baptist, evangelical) environment. While I have 0 interest in exposing my LOs to that type of Christianity, I think it's good for them to know the main bible stories. I think of myself as agnostic with Buddhist leanings (haha), but I think biblical references are common in US culture and literature, so I want them to know all of that stuff.</p> <p>As of now, our kiddos have been to church 1-2 times when visiting my mom (I'll be honest, one of those visits freaked my husband out because they were doing a full-court press trying to get people to come down and "be saved" and he thought it was like brainwashing...little does he know, every sunday is like that, and it's considered perfectly normal). And they've been to a temple 1-2 times when my in-laws are visiting.</p> <p>At home, we have a couple of kids books with simple bible stories, and we have a couple of kid's books about hindu mythology and stories--LO1 knows who Jesus and Ganesha are, but at this point they are no different than say, Snow White or Knufflebunny or whoever else we read stories about. We're leaving it at that for now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435737 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 08:00:31 +0000 lamariniere 2435737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are both atheists, but I was brought up loosely religious until I became an atheist in high school. We live in a very Catholic country. </p> <p>My husband really could do completely without teaching our kids religion since he doesn't know much about it. I grew up in the Bible Belt and went to faith based daycare through 1st grade and I have a pretty good memory of bible stories and things like that. While I do not make a point of trying to expose my two LOs to religion, when it does come up around the holidays or we see women wearing hijabs or orthodox dressed Jewish people, I explain what I know in a factual way when my older LO brings it up (he's 5, so very inquisitive). I also tell him that DH and I don't believe in any of it, but we have to be respectful if other people do. Eventually, I hope my LOs are respectful and tolerant and non judgemental of other religions and that is what we try to model. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435718 Mon, 25 Jan 2016 07:33:06 +0000 farawayyama 2435718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up evangelical and was in seminary to be a career missionary when I realised I no longer believed. DH was raised in a Mormon household and was homeschooled, meaning his friends tended to be mormon too. He stopped practicing in his late teens and now identifies as athiest.</p> <p>We have different opinions on how to approach religion. Currently we have no religious kids texts, bar a couple of nativities. I want her to be biblically literate from a cultural perspective, so am looking at childrens bible storybooks. We're also trying to teach her about other religions as well, and I'm hoping to get her storybooks of other faiths.</p> <p>I sometimes attend church with my in laws. It's a chance for her to see them and experience church. With recent changes in mormon church policy I may stop. They are very hard line anti-gay policies and involve the children of LGBT families. From a selfish perspective, I wouldn't want her to become mormon because I would be shut out of her wedding.</p> <p>We're also uncomfortable with how anti-gay a lot if evangelical churches are. I also don't want her being taught at a young age that she is destined for and deserves hell and the only way to prevent it is becoming a Christian. </p> <p>At the same time, it's important she's respectful of her grandparent's faiths. I guess we navigate it as we go along... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435441 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 19:27:32 +0000 cat620 2435441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I'm very similar to you where I also grew up in Evangelical churches. My husband grew up Catholic. Both our families are very religious and put pressure on us to raise our children in church, but we aren't interested in that. </p> <p>I also agree with you about Sunday School. I encountered something similar recently while DH and I toured various preschools for our toddler. We want to send him to preschool in the fall, and a lot of our friends recommended a preschool run by a local church. I know some churches don't incorporate religion in their preschools, but I wasn't sure about this one, so we went on a tour. Boy was that one Christian preschool! I think they care way more about teaching the children about Jesus than teaching them letters and numbers. They have Bible story time every day, they sing Christian songs, they do Bible based arts and crafts and they do prayer time before eating. The director even said her primary focus is to make sure the children know about God and heaven and that Jesus saved them. I felt like she cares about the kids, and they probably have fun there, but it is definitely indoctrinating them. I knew that wasn't a good fit for us.</p> <p>So all that to say: if you want to expose your kids to Christianity, you might not need to worry about Sunday School and just send them to a Christian preschool instead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435422 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 19:06:05 +0000 regberadaisy 2435422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neither DH or I are religious and we do not plan to send our kids to "Sunday school" etc. We have been talking about it more lately since our oldest is getting older and asking questions. We plan to teach her about all religions, just like we would about any other subject. If they choose to be of any particular faith we would support in the best way we know how.</p> <p>My ILs like to pray at meals. We do not. But when they come over they insist on praying before eating. I find it rather annoying and honestly confusing for my daughter right now. There has been a few times while we are respectfully waiting while they pray, DH gives DD1 flack for eating while doing so. We have never ever prayed at meals. We have never talked about why people pray at meals. I do not think its right for her to "get in trouble" for doing what she knows to do at every meal just because my in laws are here for dinner. That's something we need to talk about. I think out of respect she should wait IF we have talked to Her about it. We haven't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435279 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 16:20:05 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2435279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what we try to do is have faith without fellowship. Meaning introduce our faith through reading a Children's Bible and celebrate holidays with the understanding of their religious origins, but not belong to a Church. We'll see how this goes since I don't have a strong background in my faith and while DH does in comparison to me he really dislikes organized religion. I believe at some point though to walk in your faith you need to be around those that share in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435265 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 16:00:16 +0000 MoonMoon 2435265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're non-religious too, and neither DH or I are interested in raising him in any particular religion. I want him to choose for himself one day, and we don't imply that any approach is better or worse than the other (though admittedly we'd be weirded out if he becomes super religious one day!). So we teach respect and inclusion and celebrate different holidays but just explain them as secularly as possible and on a need to know basis. I have no idea what it will be like when he goes to school, though, he's only 2.5. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435263 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 15:56:35 +0000 auggiefrog 2435263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks ladies. You have all given me something to think about. </p> <p>@Silva: I love this idea of creating experiences for your child. It sort of gives them the sense of religion with the traditions, without imposing religion on them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435219 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 14:42:52 +0000 Eko 2435219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in a similar situation. I grew up Catholic and DH grew up Mormon. We are not religious but fully support if LO is. We definitely won't send him to Sunday school. Our approach is that we think that since our families are religious he will get a lot of exposure to religion. If our parents are watching him on a Sunday and want to bring him to church that's fine. Also, there are so many religious people and holidays that it could be a good teaching experience from an education standpoint. We intend to educate not persuade. If religion clicks for DS and he wants to be a part of it I fully support it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435204 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 14:21:47 +0000 sarac 2435204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: I think you will find that the average uu Sunday school teacher would love a child who questioned things and politely disagreed and was generally into finding their own answers. That was certainly my lifelong experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435152 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 13:26:37 +0000 ElbieKay 2435152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: The high holidays are the most confusing to me. How do you celebrate those without being a member of a synagogue? And how meaningful can Yom Kippur really be in that context?</p> <p>I can definitely handle Passover, Hanukkah and maybe even the occasional Shabbat with no problem. But the two most important holidays really throw me for a loop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435150 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 13:24:51 +0000 runnerd 2435150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I began identifying as atheist/agnostic over a year ago, but grew up in very evangelical churches, then moved on to more liberal ones as an adult. I have thought about this a lot, and I will not send my child to Sunday School under any circumstances before they are of a good age of reasoning. As sweet as many Sunday School teachers may be, their totally good-intentioned goal is to indoctrinate your child. They most certainly don't want to teach children to question the stories or teachers, not in my experience.</p> <p>I have considered going to the nearby UU church for some religious education when they are of an age that it makes sense to consider. ETA: we plan to present the different Christian holidays in a secular way (non-religious aspects will be celebrated), and to present the religious part as stories, but mention some people believe they really happened... Etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435137 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 13:10:59 +0000 LCTBQE 2435137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I grew up with many Jewish families who were totally secular, but wanted to retain their culture, and I have a few Jewish friends now who are married to atheists of WASP background. They celebrate the high holidays, and fun holidays like Purim, often (but not always) have Shabbat dinners with traditional food and challah, and I think get a lot of fulfillment out of keeping up the traditions. It seems like having a big community of similarly secular people to celebrate with is what helps keep that culture alive for them. Sounds so obvious now that I'm typing it out, but wanted to share :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435132 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 13:04:40 +0000 Silva 2435132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to a united church of Christ until I was about 12, but it never was an important part of my identity or understanding of the world. My husband doesn't have a religious background.<br /> However, we would like for our daughter to have a sense of reverence, particularly for the natural world and humanity. And we do celebrate what I would call secular versions of the major Christian holidays.<br /> We tell her the story of Christmas as a story. We have a small nativity scene and she played with it, and we acted out the story. We didn't get into the whole "son of God thing," just told it as Joseph and Mary had a baby.<br /> We say a non-religious blessing before dinner (we thank the earth for food, etc.).<br /> We also celebrate the changing of the seasons, through a special meal and a natural table where bring elements of the outdoors inside.<br /> On Christmas Eve we made lanterns, and carried them out to a bonfire in the dark where we sang more songs. It felt magical and perhaps even spiritual, but had nothing to do with church.</p> <p>It is a joy of parenting to be able to create these experiences for my daughter. And you can do whatever feels right to you and your husband! I doubt we will ever go to church, but I think we create spirituality and reverence in other ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435081 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 12:02:13 +0000 ElbieKay 2435081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a different twist on a similar challenge. My husband is of Christian heritage but atheist/agnostic in terms of faith. (My MIL is very into her church but we are not interested in engaging with that branch of Christianity because it is pretty intense/hard core.) I have a Jewish background and went to Hebrew school as a kid, but it's more of a cultural identity than a faith to me. I would like my son to understand what it means to be Jewish, since it is a minority religion/culture. But I don't know how to do that without including the religious side. I don't even really know who I can discuss this with since most people do either both or neither. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-and-religion-in-a-non-religious-home#post-2435033 Sun, 24 Jan 2016 10:08:54 +0000 auggiefrog 2435033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know I'm a few years away from this, but it's been on my mind a lot lately, and I want to see if there are any others out there who have delt with this, or are dealing with this.<br /> I grew up in a semi- religious home. My Mom was Catholic and my Dad was Lutheren, so church was never really a family thing. But I was baptized Catholic, would often go to either the Catholic or Lutheran services, and attended CCD and followed Catholic traditions up until high school when I dropped out of Confirmation classes.<br /> My husbands family took them to Baptist church ( it sounded like it was the nearest one) for religious education, but it sounded like they never attended regular services, and he stopped going sometime in middle school. </p> <p>So, even though we both have some sort of religious background, and we both respect different religions, neither of us are religious. My plan for my children is to let them make their own choices when it comes to God and religion. My husband mentioned the idea of sending them to Sunday school, but I am opposed to this unless we actually are doing the whole church thing. As in, going regularly with our children. </p> <p>So, for those of you with a similar background, or in a similar situation, how do you teach your children about religion? I'm in the U.S., so it's a very Christian based society. I don't want Christmas to become just that time of year when everyone gets presents, or Easter to become solely about the Easter bunny, but teaching them about religion just seams like a daunting task.<br /> Also, how do you deal with being non-religious in a more religious society? </p>