https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 12:38:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1778293 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:44:42 +0000 jedeve 1778293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: good point! It is tough to imagine leaving a kid alone at all right now. But it doesn't bother me to see the neighborhood kids who are the same age roaming around unattended. I think it was just something about the lake!</p> <p>@Grace: super rowdy! One boy kind of wandered off because I think it was too much for him. My mom kept talking about how she felt bad for that kid. IMO, having the mom there definitely wouldn't help that situation - they are a little too old for "play nice!" Maybe they were older. I think part of what was weird to me was it was a place they had to drive to, so they couldn't leave on their own if they wanted/needed to. </p> <p>@LuLu Mom: yeah, it was really odd how controlling she was! I mean she told her son to to doggy paddle. They were playing at a lake, not at a swim meet!</p> <p>@looch: I am not a strong swimmer, so maybe that's why it made me nervous. On your other post you talked about parenting for other parent's sake. I kinda feel like this is the same situation. Even if I felt comfortable leaving my kid, I wouldn't feel comfortable assuming responsibility for someone else's. Especially since I wouldn't have as good of a judgement about whether or not I could trust them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777987 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 09:17:28 +0000 LuLu Mom 1777987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm, #1 mom scares me, but #2 does more. Those poor kids don't have a chance to learn/play on their own, which makes for a very sheltered/unimaginative life. </p> <p>I would be upset as a mom if I found out that my 10 year old was left unattended at a lake with a raft. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777679 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:54:49 +0000 looch 1777679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Water makes me very nervous, I was a trained lifeguard/water safety instructor and I don't think I would feel comfortable leaving my son unattended at age 10-11, largely because even strong swimmers get fatigued and can pull someone down with them in an instant!</p> <p>I would like to think I would be okay with dropping off, but I am still not sure about the age, especially if there are children other than my own involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777613 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:28:48 +0000 Grace 1777613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. How did the kids act when they were swimming together? Were they rowdy and being dangerous? Did they look like they could swim well? Maybe their parents knew they could handle it. Also, I've think that junior high and some high school kids look like babies. So little! Is it possible that the 10-12 year olds were older? Maybe they were 13-14. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777597 Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:19:16 +0000 honeybear 1777597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This topic has been on my mind lately, because there have been several news reports recently about people like the South Carolina mom who was arrested for neglect and lost custody of her daughter for leaving the 9 year-old in a nearby park. <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/mcdonalds-fires-debra-harrell-2014-7" rel="nofollow">http://www.businessinsider.com/mcdonalds-fires-debra-harrell-2014-7</a> She apparently lost her job, too. (@Corduroy: I'd say judging from what happened to Harrell, your fears aren't misplaced.) </p> <p>As to kids around ages 10-12 swimming in an unsupervised group, I see kids that age swimming in small groups at a local park without parents present all the time. They arrive on their own and I've seen them coming and going often enough to know that their parents aren't there watching them. I'd be concerned if they appeared to be poor swimmers, but they're basically little Michael Phelpses. </p> <p>I think maybe there is an assumption that the parents of the kids who were dropped off at the park in the original post were unaware that they weren't going to be supervised, but if they did and said it was okay, wouldn't that render this situation not crazy? The parents should know their child's swimming ability and overall maturity and would seem to me to be in the best position to assess whether it's okay for them to swim without an adult present. </p> <p>I think it's critical that adults look out for the children in their community, but it seems to me that as a society we're drawing the line too high in terms of how old children need to be before they have significant amounts of independence. </p> <p>@jedeve: I don't mean to be critical of your reaction. I understand where you're coming from--I've got a small child and I can't imagine letting him out of my sight near water, or virtually anywhere else. Earlier this summer I totally judged (in my head) the parents in my neighborhood who leave their older elementary aged kids alone all day. But I realized that I was essentially projecting my experience parenting a 3 year-old onto 11 year-olds, and the two aren't comparable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777459 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 23:35:21 +0000 Corduroy 1777459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope when my LO is 10-12 I can trust them to go swimming with their friends. I think so much depends on the individual kids. </p> <p>At that age I was a strong swimmer, had CPR &amp; first aid training, and babysat regularly (at 11). If the kids were trustworthy, responsible, and familiar with their surroundings my biggest fear would be other parents giving them a hard time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777276 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:54:24 +0000 jedeve 1777276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: it is a lake at a state park. No lifeguard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777273 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:52:48 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1777273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I was wondering that too?? At my YMCA (indoor pool), if they pass a swim test, they are allowed to be in the pool on their own 9+, but a parent must stay in the building (parent could go work out, and kids play in the pool - plus you can watch the pool from the gym area up on 2nd floor). At 14+ I think it when they're allowed to be in the pool with a parent not in the facility, but have to have passed a swim test I believe. The Y though highly monitors everything, has so many rules and policies that I wouldn't expect a public pool to maintain - but they are good guidelines nonetheless.</p> <p>I'm also surprised that the lifeguard allowed an air mattress(!?!), so many pools/beaches in my area don't even allow fun flotation devices anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777272 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:52:39 +0000 Weagle 1777272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: Our pool allows for drop-offs at age 10. Then again, it's a pool with lifeguards and pretty strict rules. Not an unmanned lake. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777266 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:46:06 +0000 jedeve 1777266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: the weird thing to me was that it was older kids! I mean, if she wanted to teach them how to swim, she should get in the lake with them. If they just want to splash around, then let them!</p> <p>@simplyfelicity: yeah, that's definitely neglect. I would've called too! And at a dog park?? What if their kid got bit? Did the police come?</p> <p>@Espion: haha that's totally the same conclusion I reached. My kid? Meh, they're fine. Someone else's? No way!</p> <p>We grew up in the country and had free range as long as we were in shouting distance. I'd like to give my kids the same freedom, but I'm not sure how I will feel with them roaming the neighborhood by themselves at the same age I was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777208 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:15:31 +0000 Espion 1777208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Oh yeah, I totally hear you. Those are extremely valid points. Probably the biggest point, in my mind, is the "somebody else's kids" part. I wouldn't want to accept that kind of responsibility if something did happen! But for my own kids, I dunno. My parents were pretty hands off. I think wandering into either extreme can potentially damage the parent/child trust relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777207 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:15:17 +0000 simplyfelicity 1777207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The worst I have experienced was at the dog park. These parents would just drop their two young kids off, tell them to go in the gate and they would drive off. They assumed strangers at the dog park would watch their kids and that the dogs wouldn't be aggressive. The oldest must have been 5 years old and the youngest 3. It was absolutely heartbreaking. I definitely called the police. </p> <p>Anyway, I completely agree that somewhere in the middle sounds like a healthy, happy medium. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777203 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:14:15 +0000 hummusgirl 1777203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know the first was sort of neglectful with more potential for real danger, but the second one makes me much sadder for those kids! I hate when parents micromanage play. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777194 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 20:08:48 +0000 jedeve 1777194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Espion: I thought about it a lot, because the kids didn't appear to be in any danger and looked like they were having lots of fun. If it was my kid, I would be fine if they wanted to go play by myself. I think what was weird to me was:</p> <p>1. She had other people's kids. I wonder if their parents knew they were unsupervised<br /> 2. There is no lifeguard at the lake.<br /> 3. She drove them there. It's not like they were at a playground and could just walk home.<br /> 4. They had an activity (the mattress raft) that could potentially be dangerous. I didn't think they were in danger, but they could've floated out to the middle of the lake, or someone could've gotten trapped under it. It's not like they were just fishing - she gave them something to do that made it more dangerous to be there, and then left. </p> <p>At that age, I would bring a book, count the number of kids occasionally let them go explore. But not leave the park completely! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777160 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 19:53:23 +0000 Espion 1777160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. I'm going to say the first mom was okay and the second was over the top. Many European countries have no problem fostering independence in their children. My sister and I were left to fend for ourselves after school since I was 9 or 10 years old, because my parents had multiple jobs. Unfortunately, I'm sure if my mom did that today (leaving 2 kids home alone in the middle of the country) it would be a borderline child neglect case. Not to mention all those times I cooked dinner and operated a kitchen stove and handled sharp knives!<br /> Obviously, every situation is going to be different and certainly kids will have wildly different maturity levels. What do you guys think? How closely are you going to watch your pre-teens/teenagers? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777155 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 19:47:27 +0000 blackbird 1777155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is it legal to drop kids that young off at a pool? They always have signs about supervision required for under 16 year olds... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777109 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 19:25:21 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1777109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not a fan of the mom that basically did a pool side drive. The mom that demanded perfection from the kids was over the top two. Unless kids are in danger or being a nuisance let them be at a pool. If they need help or instruction they will ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777056 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:58:27 +0000 ALV91711 1777056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't believe she just left them! What if something happened? I can't even imagine doing this. </p> <p>But then the other mom sounds a little too much. Somewhere in the middle would be good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777053 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:58:04 +0000 swedishfish 1777053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hopefully the other parents knew they were going to be swimming unsupervised! Scary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777039 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:52:31 +0000 Smurfette 1777039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is scary she just dropped them off! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parenting-extremes-at-the-park-today#post-1777023 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 18:48:02 +0000 jedeve 1777023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and the LOs and I went to a local state park with a pond today. We saw two very different types of parenting!</p> <p>The first was a mom who showed up with about 5 boys between 10-12. She took a bunch of pictures, gave them a blow up mattress (to act as a float) and then told them she would be back in an hour, and drove off!! There was no lifeguard, and the kids were just out there swimming/wrestling. Is it just me that thinks that's crazy? I don't think that age group needs to be constantly supervised, but if I was taking someone else's kid to swim, I definitely wouldn't leave them alone!</p> <p>The other was a mom with about 5 kids between 10-15 who constantly corrected her kids about how they were playing. She told them to use the inner tubes differently, to kick their legs more, curve their arms while swimming, not to dog paddle. </p> <p>I hope I will be somewhere in the middle! </p>