https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 14:28:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918464 Fri, 21 Aug 2020 09:12:30 +0000 erinbaderin 2918464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lots of great comments and ideas and suggestions for how to handle this, thank you! I really appreciate all the thoughtful contributions - I'm sorry that so many of us deal with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918405 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 21:36:24 +0000 jhd 2918405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nwm: I was going to recommend kidseatincolor also! I have a really hard time when people comment on our kids‘ sizes or eating habits and she has some great scripts as you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918402 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 20:44:11 +0000 nwm 2918402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my mom is probably better about this than most, but has this very frustrating tendency to feel like, because she is most critical about her own weight, she can make whatever comments she wants about other people who she views as skinnier, including me. e.g., when i waited a while and finally told her i was having my third (he was a surprise and we didn't share right away), she told me she was relieved because she was surprised to see me letting myself get so fat. meanwhile every time i've lost weight i always hear from her about how i need to eat more. i cannot win with her.</p> <p>anyway, i just needed to vent about that. she isn't too bad about saying this stuff around my kids. but i follow kidseatincolor on instagram and wanted to recommend her as she is very passionate about not discussing weight (high or low or in between) with kids and has some good scripts/comebacks for dealing with people who are making those comments around your kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918401 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 20:14:06 +0000 periwinklebee 2918401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom's also like this. She'd comment on weight endlessly. I also remember the first time she let me get made over, for elementary school graduation, she said something to the extent of "oh, you look so much nicer with makeup, I feel so bad that I haven't let you wear it sooner." 😩</p> <p>She always comments on how beautiful my daughter is, nothing on weight yet since she's a baby... It's probably a fight I'm going to have to fight soon...</p> <p>Don't get me started on how my MIL insists on watching sumo wrestling with my son when we zoom her, screaming the whole time "he so fat, he so fat" - this had led to my toddler endlessly trying to tackle his baby sister while screaming "he so fat, he so fat" 😂 I'm envisioning him returning to daycare and shouting at all the other kids "he so fat, he so fat" lol... DH tried to lay down the law on this again tonight, ugh... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918399 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 19:17:41 +0000 Silva 2918399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every time she makes a comment, I'd make a kid friendly response, if you can.<br /> I had this issue with my mom. I sent her many, many articles, and then we had it out once where I was fairly clear and explicit. She occasionally makes comments but its way less than before. And we try to counter it with as much as we can at home.<br /> If you haven't found Ellyn Satter, I always recommend her website. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918398 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 18:40:30 +0000 Nutella 2918398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: posting commiserations on this topic, the part you mentioned about being<br /> chastised for not noticing/celebrating your dad’s weight loss is something that precisely happened to me regularly and I would always feel really odd about it! </p> <p>I grew up with lots of negative attention on my body from parents and wider family (charming - immigrant family mentality) especially through adolescence which was horrible and life-altering (without even being dramatic), and it was only after second kid that the comments dropped...it was also a bad thing when I lost weight of course so I could not win.</p> <p>My two boys are of the beanpole build and even that brings on lots of passive aggressive comments about me not feeding them enough, and since the whole topic is so emotionally charged I basically clam up for fear of unleashing my wrath!</p> <p>So I don’t really have advice as I’m still navigating it, but wanted to chime in to say it sounds completely relatable and I feel your pain! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918396 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 16:03:40 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2918396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charm55: this is mine too! I have so so many feelings on this.</p> <p>@erinbaderin I grew up with a mom who wasn't thin and constantly talked about weight and I grew up a big girl and my mom constantly tried to fix me. Her intentions were good - she didn't want me to be bullied - but she instilled early on in me that my body was not the "right" body. My 7 year old is growing up in a bigger body - she is the product of two large adults so this is not a surprise, despite the fact that she's a crazy healthy eater and is in constant motion. My mother, with all her good intentions, started talking a few years ago about how my daughter has a belly and "what are you doing about that?" And I point blank asked her if she thought I should put my then 5 year old on a diet. She started backpedalling because obviously no one wants to be the person who puts a 5 year old on a diet and that gave me an opening to tell her that my rules is that we talk about all bodies in a neutral way. All bodies are good bodies, all bodies can do strong things, big things, little things, etc. and if I ever hear that weight and body size is being discussed with my child, we will stop spending time with my mother. I haven't heard a comment since and my mother is a very defensive person typically so whatever I said she took seriously for a change. </p> <p>The other thing I make sure I do is I drill this into my kid's head constantly because it's going to come in her sphere soon enough with other kids and I want her to question the people who tell her that her body is not "right" rather than internalize it. </p> <p>FWIW, I think your thinking is right on this. Telling your mom that we don't talk about weight in our house, all bodies are good bodies, we eat everything, we take care of ourselves, and please don't talk this way in our house and around our kids. Since you don't have a close relationship, she probably won't hear the feedback on how she affected your body image, so start with "our kids our rules" and see how that goes. If it doesn't work, I do think it's worth telling her how you feel about this. I am very permissive generally with my mother and her very dominant personality and I let a lot of things go, but this is a hill I will die on because I'll be damned if my kid grows up feeling inferior because she doesn't conform to some model standard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918395 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 15:44:43 +0000 winter_wonder 2918395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've told my mom that we don't comment on weight/appearance in our family. I just told her that we want DD focusing on other things and not to be preoccupied with how she/others look.</p> <p>For the most part my mom has respected this. It's hard though. I find my Grandma thinks she is giving my daughter a compliment by commenting on her "slender figure." But she's 4 and shouldn't be focused on appearance.</p> <p>This thread is super interesting. Lots of generational differences in how bodies and appearance are discussed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918390 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 12:49:17 +0000 charm55 2918390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man - this is my hill! My extended family in general has always hyper sensitive about weight and I got comments growing up (mostly positive) because I was naturally slimmer while my sisters got somewhat-subtle negative ones. That messed us all up in terms of body image, even myself who received the positive comments. I think of all the years I wasted worrying about my weight and it makes me so sad. My girls have different body types and I am so so so so conscious of how they see themselves. </p> <p>I am pretty much a very lax mom - I don’t ask very much of my family in terms of my kids... give them ring pops, let them stay up late, plop an ipad in front of them.., but do not comment on bodies (good or bad!) in front of my kids. I don’t even want to hear about Susan down the street who lost 25lbs. I think because it’s the one and pretty much only thing I have asked of them, they have done a very good job of switching mindsets and respecting that. And because I am uncharacteristically forward and direct when I talk to them about this, they know it’s important to me. </p> <p>I’ve been doing a lot of work myself undoing messages and beliefs I’ve held for so long about weight and body image. It’s a journey for sure. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918386 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 11:48:11 +0000 ShootingStar 2918386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are similar about food. My mom spent my childhood yoyo-ing between being on fad diets and being overweight. Both my parents will often eat a normal sized lunch and call themselves full for the day 🙄. They have made me extremely self conscious about eating around them. And I know they think we're crazy in that we have to eat 3 meals, especially because of the kids.</p> <p>Luckily my mom doesn't make remarks about her body, but she is currently on a diet. Again. And refusing to so much as eat a cupcake at my daughter's 4th birthday. I hope the kids don't notice it as much as I do and that it will have less of an impact on them than it did on me.</p> <p>If my parents were to comment on either of my kids my party line (which I say to the kids regularly) is "We don't comment on other people's bodies." And I'd tell my mom we need to set a good example for the kids so they learn not to do that.</p> <p>At least with my parents that kind of thing wouldn't cause a big uproad. I occasionally need to correct them on things they do and they kind of eye roll at me, but they accept it. Like my son was crying over something once and my dad tried to snap him out of it by sort of joking and calling him a cry baby. Which of course didn't help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918385 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 11:42:05 +0000 bhbee 2918385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so with you so following for other ideas!</p> <p>I will admit I often let it go and try to model it right at home - we don't see my mom a ton. On the side, I have said to her that she needs to be careful because my oldest already has an obsessive personality and we don't want to feed into that. I also keep wondering what happens if my older two are tall and slim and my youngest (who just turned 2 so who knows) isn't? I'm certainly not built tall and slim. I have a ton of baggage about it, yay! Anyway, my conversations with her have changed exactly nothing, so . . .</p> <p>Probably the right answer is to say that "right" sentence you wrote out loud in front of everyone but it just doesn't feel worth it all the time. I think if you do the right thing at home, and that's a way more frequent exposure, it'll probably be ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918384 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 11:39:18 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2918384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow my mom is the same. Not so much the fad diets, but she weighs 106 (tells everyone!) and eats like a bird. She constantly calls herself fat and says things to the kids like grandma can’t get her fat butt in there, etc. I have a very specific memory of liking a new outfit at age 10 and her walking by and poking me saying “suck in your gut”. To this day I think about my weight and looks... a lot. </p> <p>I haven’t said anything to my mom yet. But I think the next time she refers to herself or anyone as “fat” in front of my kids I’ll correct her.<br /> My husband knows that my insecurities have been caused by her comments when I was younger so he won’t stand for it. My dad was the same. I remember him seeing a picture of the spice girls and calling them fat. Or I bought him a large sweater and him accusing me of thinking he’s fat. No wonder I have body image issues. 😳</p> <p>She moved close to us which we love (we are very close) so I think it’s going to come up more often. It’s a tricky situation for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-children-and-weight#post-2918383 Wed, 19 Aug 2020 10:23:17 +0000 erinbaderin 2918383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, my mom, a relatively thin woman, was always concerned about her weight. I have specific memories of her squeezing her belly and saying “ugh, I’m so fat, I need to go on a diet!” She and my dad frequently did things like the cabbage soup diet, etc. She’s still like this - they go on diets, she talks about being fat, I’ve been chastised for not noticing that my dad dropped 10 pounds and congratulating him. </p> <p>This, obviously, has affected me - I think a lot more than I would like to about my weight and the food I eat. </p> <p>I don’t want it to affect my boys, either in their own body images or in the way they think about weight and other people. But when we visit, my mom is still like this. “Oh, Nana will sit with you if she can get her big fat legs under the table!” etc. And then last weekend she was looking at my 6 year old and saying “oh, you can see all his bones! He’s so nice and slim! He’s not skinny, he’s just slim. How much does he weigh?” I was so uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing, but I’d like to be prepared better next time. That being said, my mom and I don’t have a super close relationship and she doesn’t respond well to perceived criticism, so I have to tread lightly. </p> <p>Has anybody been through this? Is it better to just try to change the subject when she raises it and continue to demonstrate healthy attitudes at home? Should I just say “We don’t weigh ourselves, we just try to eat the foods that make our bodies feel good and spend a lot of time outside” or some other kid-friendly message? Should I blow up and tell her she messed up my body image and I won’t let her do it to my kids? </p>