https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 21:37:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694432 Thu, 09 Feb 2017 10:45:14 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2694432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought of a funny example from my personal life. When DH and I were just dating, we went to dinner with his parents. He ordered fish. It didn't occur to me to even think about it, but his mom was like "But you don't like seafood!" I could tell it pained her a little to know that he had changed in a way that she had previously "known." And for a few years, any time we were out to dinner (like on family vacations) and he ordered seafood, she would comment "but you don't like seafood!" and then for a few years she would say "oh yes, I forgot, you like seafood now." And literally after seven or eight years of this she stopped commenting altogether. A silly example but at the same time, imagine how a parent could become so convinced that they "know" their kid that they don't ever go to a place that serves seafood because they just "know" they won't eat it...and then multiply this by a million little decisions you make on behalf of your kid all the time... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694411 Thu, 09 Feb 2017 10:31:59 +0000 caterw 2694411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think parents do know their kids best, but also need to be able to take constructive criticism/ advice from the experts (teachers, doctors, etc). I know their taste and day-to-day schedule inside and out. I know when my kids are sick, sleepy, or hungry even if it's not apparent to anyone else besides possibly their dad. However, I listen to her pediatrician when I'm having trouble with stuff and I plan to do the same with teachers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694266 Thu, 09 Feb 2017 00:33:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2694266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: I think that like all (most??) people, my kids are multidimensional, and in some ways I know them best, but there are some situations I don't know them best in. I do think that many parents limit their kids by assuming how their kid will react or that their kid won't do well in a certain situation. I think that's one of the pros to my kid being in preschool right now. And of course they act differently in different situations like school. I might know best how to handle them at home but that's not the only important thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694263 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 23:49:39 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2694263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I can see how what I said might have confused you. Yes, an expert might tell me that people with low tone are less athletic. I don't think an expert would tell me, though, to treat my child as unathletic in everyday life. They would tell me to expose him to athletics in case he finds something that works for him. But in real life, what seems to happen is the parent hears "my kid isn't good as x" and then uses that all the time. For example, a friend of mine simply won't go on walks because her kid "isn't good in the stroller, too stubborn." But sometimes I wonder, maybe it would be good to practice stroller time to see if he got used to it, rather than just lean into this narrative of "my kid cannot do strollers, just don't ask"? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694261 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 23:46:28 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2694261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I'm actually saying the opposite! I'll give you an example. These are two people I know, who are siblings. Their mother told me this story. When X was around 6, X started the gifted program at school. X is now an attorney with two kids, a stable marriage, etc. When Y was six, X's teacher told the mom that Y would be great for gifted. But the mom said, no, she's not mature enough. At 30, Y is divorced after an 8 month marriage, her parents paid for a house she lost in the divorce...etc. At what point is X actually super mature and Y is actually immature vs. at what point was X pushed to progress and Y was held back by a parent always saying "Y is not ready! Y can't handle that! I know my kid, I know she can't do this!" I dunno the answer, but I think it is interesting to ask this question. If you rely on intuition and making choices for your kid, how often do you really make the right one?</p> <p>I personally can't stand when people say "my kid is just like her dad" or "he's just like me," yet I do it all the time, because I have an introvert (like DH) and an extrovert (like me). But when I get them in different social situations, they act differently. I think the labels hurt them. In order for me not to label them, I have to understand that I don't have innate knowledge of them. </p> <p> @youboots: What I think Babies taught me was that children have such basic needs...what we do in Western society is such overkill. But just love, warmth, empathy, all that stuff is universal. No matter what kind of kid it is. I honestly believe that if kids had that covered, they would grow up to become more balanced individuals. Ie, they wouldn't exaggerate any particular traits (extroversion, aggressiveness, social anxiety) to protect them from all the unkindness they face from adults. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694250 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 22:52:03 +0000 JennyD 2694250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see your point. </p> <p>I'm often the first one to be able to figure out what LO is talking about or decide if she's tired or sick. And I often feel like she's a lot like me. And that's the trouble - I often graft my own feelings and desires on her. And it often backfires. Whether or not that's because she's so much like me or because she's nothing like me 😂😂😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694094 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 16:34:35 +0000 Greentea 2694094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We know them, but it is impossible to know any person completely, we all continuously grow and change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694091 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 16:30:43 +0000 youboots 2694091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a parenting expert but I am an expert on my child. That said- I am not a physician or psychologist. I do agree that children have basic needs that need to be met and are in some ways very similar. It's amazing how the norm is so diverse within cultures and countries. Volunteering in Costa Rica and silly enough the documentary Babies taught me so much about the human experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2694082 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 16:19:55 +0000 codeitall 2694082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another interesting aspect is I find myself looking at DS being shy and thinking 'he's just like me!'. But you know what? Maybe he isn't shy for the same reasons I was. I think that clouds my judgement sometimes.</p> <p>That's also true for family members and so I think that is why I really like to see how he interacts with other adults and what they think.</p> <p>Maybe as a parent I just know how to read my child's cues better than others! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693759 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 12:17:34 +0000 gingerbebe 2693759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a balance. It's my job as a parent to observe each individual child, respond to their needs, personalities, and desires, and help them integrate into a larger framework of family and community and society. In essence, I am the gatekeeper and go-between for my kid - I help introduce the world to him and introduce him to the world. That requires enormous skill that yes not everyone has in equal amounts, so research and advice and community is necessary to broaden that knowledge base. Essentially I'm obligated to keep an open mind and filter things that best work for my kid and our family. But at the end of the day, I'm responsible. It's my kid, it's my job to know him and develop him and train him and protect him, so you bet I know him best. I think the problem comes when parents don't want to keep working on their parenting skills and want to parent from a position of ignorance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693749 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 12:07:27 +0000 ShootingStar 2693749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely know my kid best. I see the parts of him that teachers don't - like how my loud, energetic kid with a million friends is actually painfully shy in new situations. </p> <p>I have to say, I don' totally understand the original post. It seems like you're actually arguing is that parents should be open to ideas and trust their instincts about their kids, rather than listen to outside experts (AKA that you know your child best). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693744 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 12:01:23 +0000 lioneyes 2693744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so interesting. I think I know DS best, but I am often surprised by the behavior other people get out of him. For ex, he has an ear infection and the shortest temper currently. My dad took him out today and he was in a terrible mood when they left, crying and whining. I was so worried the whole time they were gone (I probably would have given up and come home 10 minutes in) but they went to the park for over 2 hours and had an awesome time. So I def need to let go and let other people in, because he might surprise me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693708 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 11:23:46 +0000 808love 2693708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know my kid best. HOwever, as I would leave treatment up to doctor after noticing a rash, I would defer to a trained educator's judgement if my child needed to progress in an educational setting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693701 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 11:18:15 +0000 Grace 2693701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely know my kid best. But, I do not know children best. People who have more experience than me knows what kids are like, what can be expected of them, etc, etc, etc. and that's why I defer to daycare teachers often. But every kid is different and I understand the nuances of what makes my kid different best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693698 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 11:17:35 +0000 808love 2693698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I like that chart! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693674 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 10:59:49 +0000 Anagram 2693674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hmm..."best" is such a subjective word. I mean, probably parents do know their children "best", compared to teachers or other relatives, or friends. But as PPs have said, that doesn't mean they know everything.</p> <p>Adults would probably say, we know ourselves "best", but of course we have behaviors that we don't notice about ourselves that others notice about us. It's the basic Johari window concept of "self".</p> <p>This article has some good information <a href="http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/models/johari_window.htm" rel="nofollow">http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/models/johari_window.htm</a></p> <p>But I think as parents, we can see our child's public self and blind self, and maybe if we are very empathetic we can see a little of their undiscovered self. But we won't see their private self. Plus, parents tend to be myopic about their own children--we frequently can't rationally compare our children to other children. Some parents may inflate their children's abilities, for example. And other parents may play down their child's abilities or not even notice them. There's a lot of interpersonal psychology going on, and of course...kids change. Adults frequently want to box children into a certain type, but people are forever changing or adapting so that's not really a useful model to try.</p> <p>One small example: if you ask me, I would say my oldest is fairly outgoing. Not over the top..she has her shy moments, but if it were a scale of 1-10 with 5 being the average, I would say she's a 6-7. But in her old daycare, the teachers frequently commented about how quiet and reserved she was. She's pretty talkative at home, at the playground, and on play dates, so that worried me a little. At the same time, I don't think my oldest is particularly loud, like she doesn't randomly scream like so many kids do, but she is very verbal. </p> <p>But now at Preschool this year (new school, new teachers, new classmates), her teacher let me know that she is overly talkative and sometimes needs reminders to lower her volume. The teacher commented that she has such a loud voice to be the smallest kid in the room. So there's a pretty big disparity between what her old teachers experienced, what I experience at home, at what her new teacher experiences in terms of LO1s personality.</p> <p>It's interesting.</p> <p>[attach=2976/17/ol2cfp.482x253.Johari-window.JPG] </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693579 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:38:39 +0000 looch 2693579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know my child the best, yes, BUT I always concede the point that I don't always know what he needs and how to solve problems or address issues. That's why I surround myself with experts and seek second/third/fourth opinions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693578 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:38:27 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2693578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I think of that phrase, I tend to think that it means parents know their kids quirks and personality traits better so they are more intuitive in some of their wants, needs, etc. more than that it means the parent always knows the best course of action for a child or that they always know the best way to handle a situation. For example, when our little ones were babies, I was much more likely to be able to guess whether they need to eat, diaper change, sleep, etc. because I was around them more, heard and saw the way they responded to situations, etc. Now, I'm more likely to be able to head off an emotional breakdown because I can see warning signs that someone else might not see. I can guess what presents they might like the best because I hear them chatter far more than anyone else. That said, when one of my kids seemed to be really struggling emotionally, you can bet I got advice and help from people who I fully expected to know "better than" me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693574 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:32:13 +0000 bhbee 2693574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I know things best like they're acting weird and about to get really sick - but the dr can't see the symptoms yet. It's like something you would read about in that blink book, you have seen them enough to just sense when things are off. I do feel like I know best about things like bedtime too, I get a lot of flack from family about their early bedtimes (7:15 not that early to me!) but as the one who deals with them every day I know what the consequences are. </p> <p>but in terms of dealing with their behavior - no way am I the only authority. lots of other good ideas out there! and kids definitely behave differently for others than for you so the same things won't work for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693561 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:20:09 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2693561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for the subject verb disagreement! Phone writing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693558 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:17:38 +0000 Foodnerd81 2693558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes and no. I do think I know my kid best, hands down. BUT that doesn't mean I know how to deal with my kid best. She's not the first very stubborn 3 year old her teachers have dealt with so they have some strategies that work better than me. But an example where I think I know better- my kid is really smart. But she is immature, especially compared to kids in her class who are almost a year older than her. Her teacher mentioned thinking about holding her back for kindergarten because of the maturity factor. But because she is immature, I don't think they realize how smart she is, and my gut says she would be really bored and more prone to act or if she was the oldest by a year. </p> <p>But she's 3.5 so who knows how that will turn out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-know-their-children-best#post-2693548 Wed, 08 Feb 2017 09:01:25 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2693548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you believe that parents know their children best?</p> <p>Personally I do not believe this. I believe that in general most kids need similar stuff. I believe that good people skills (parenting, teaching, communication) is taught/learned and not necessarily innate to people.</p> <p>I get irritated whenever I hear parents say "well my kid is XYZ so she/he needs XYZ.". I always want to ask them, how do you know that your kid is definitively XYZ? And if you do know definitively, should you adapt lifestyle to fit XYZ, or instead keep an open mind about your kid and how they will develop or change over time?</p> <p>My youngest LO is low toned and most everything I read says "low tone kids aren't great athletes." I feel like if I lean into this definition I am limiting his ability to enjoy the pure physical experience of athletics (regardless of whether he excels at athletics or not).</p> <p>Honestly, knowing my children is a liability because I am liable to limit them due to my preconceptions of their abilities/needs/etc.</p> <p>I'm always amazed at what fantastic behavior other people can get out of my kids.</p> <p>What do you think? </p>