https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 08:19:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2877883 Sat, 23 Mar 2019 13:56:36 +0000 Grace 2877883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ari123: This was a parent of young kids giving you flack for not having a second?!?!? I was totally picturing some old geezer who think the woman’s job is in the home. Wow. I have the so-called million dollar family (1 boy, 1 girl) and I still get asked if we’ll have more. I give a visible shudder and say “ugh, no”. But I would totally use Anagram’s brother’s response in your place. That literally made me laugh out loud. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2877846 Sat, 23 Mar 2019 07:44:52 +0000 Ari123 2877846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your responses! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2877845 Sat, 23 Mar 2019 07:38:00 +0000 Ari123 2877845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: they were parents of kids in his swim class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862653 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 13:49:40 +0000 Mrsbells 2862653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ari123: we have 3 kids, but with out first she was 4 before we had another and we had constant comments about what was taking so long etc. My response really depended on the person but generally we felt we didnt need to explain our timing or choices and would try to firmly shut them down with comments like we will when we are ready or we are happy with our family size at this time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862477 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 13:48:27 +0000 PurplePeony 2862477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve had plenty of people ask whether we are going to have a second child, but it’s pretty common where we are to have one and I’ve never had anyone be aggressive about it. If they were, I’d probably tell them that if they were willing to give me the half-million dollars we’d need to raise the kid through college and another six hours in the day, I’d think about it. Money isn’t actually one of the biggest reasons we’re one and done, but I feel like pulling out the big numbers kind of stops people in their tracks and gives you a chance to escape! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862429 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 10:52:42 +0000 snowjewelz 2862429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's RUDE :shocked: </p> <p>I have two girls and get asked a lot of we're gonna try for a boy next :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862402 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 09:10:46 +0000 youboots 2862402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So DD is almost 4 and currently an only- we plan on a second but are past that window of when people may assume we should have another child if you will.</p> <p>Honestly- unless people are aggressive I think people see it as small talk. I’ll just usually say she’s enough for us right now and leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862395 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 08:32:35 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2862395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My response depends on who's bringing it up and the demeanor/tone of the conversation. A few times I've used "I got it right the first time" to people like you described who are unnecessarily aggressive about it and I just don't care about pissing them off. Most of the time, especially if my daughter is within earshot, I say "as we teach our daughter, everyone's families are different and this is the one that's right for us." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862391 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 08:25:33 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2862391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: brilliant!</p> <p>I take these comments, usually good-natured and part of a positive obeservation such as LO is well-behaved or handsome, as small talk. My response is the truth and the reason I have always truly just wanted one- there’s a lot of effort that goes into raising children and my hands are full. Now, sure if I was less neurotic having a second probably would be NBD, but that’s not what I want for myself as a parent or my child and typically those that ask about additional children parent very differently than I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862386 Mon, 17 Dec 2018 08:04:10 +0000 looch 2862386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never engage people that want to talk about how many children I have (one, for the record). Parents aren't rated by the number of children that they have and I always want to say that just because people have more children doesn't mean they are better parents or have won some parenting race. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862366 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 21:29:20 +0000 Chuckles 2862366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I love this response! For awhile we thought we'd stop at one, and that's similar to what I used to tell people, even if it wasn't the whole story. I'd say something like, we got an amazing kid on the first try. We don't need to keep going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862363 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 21:00:03 +0000 irene 2862363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ari123: WOW. That's unbelievable!!!</p> <p>Hmm. Yes we have quite a few "requests" that I should have more kids by acquaintances but they are not evil. They are just curious. In which I said, Well, if you have MY SON (who is extremely high energy, stubborn, always do the opposite of what he was told, just about everything is a fight. He is a great kid, just very difficult), you will know why I don't want a second one. My cat passed away last year, and I can't even contemplate having another cat because I am not capable of take care of another being! And if they follow up I'd usually said, well, that's because your children are very well behaved. Let's exchange kids for a week and we'll talk. Either that, or I am too old now I can not give birth to another :grin: </p> <p>(And no, that is not the full reason why we only have one child, that's just what I told people I barely know when they asked).</p> <p>It never truly bothered me until yesterday we were at a breakfast with santa event where we sat with a nice couple, who also have one (8 yo) kid . I said, so you guys only have one child? She said yes, you too right? I said yes. And wow, suddenly I had that rush and I said thank you for having just one child! Everyone else just always wonder what is wrong with us why do we only have one child. There I know I probably have a lot of repressed feeling about being judged inside of me.</p> <p>But then again, like @Lindsay05: said, unless you have one boy and one girl, people are always dissatisfied with your family composition. You have one kid they ask you why don't you have another; you have 3 kids they ask you if the 3rd kid was an accident; You have 2 boys you get asked do you want to try for a girl....blah blah. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862332 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 12:51:27 +0000 808love 2862332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am super happy we have only one 99.5 percent of the time. I usually just say, I just got tired!! :)That always stops them and we change the subject. But the truth is one is wonderful, it's fun and I have a million reasons why it is the best choice for me. But I don't want people to feel defensive or weird about their choice, like I think I'm better off than them....so I just say I'm tired. I think some probably think I'm a slacker, lazy, selfish or can't handle but then I tell myself, I know the truth. And I would be tired if I had another one. I just feel like stopping the conversation rather than being an advocate for ONE and done. If there was someone who didn't have kids asking then I might launch into the benefits or my personal story but they never do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862327 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 11:01:14 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2862327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My situation is a little bit different. If it was a mother who would stop me and ask if I had other kids I would say no but then I would ask her about her experience with having more than one because we were actually considering having another. But if it had been some guy just spouting off rude comments I probably would’ve just gotten really mad and stormed off. Sorry this is happening to you. Next time just say I’m happy with my family the way it is. Not everyone needs more than one child and not everyone needs a sibling. We did end up having another and I’m so glad we did. But I wouldn’t expect anyone else to have more than one just because that’s what we chose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862325 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 10:32:36 +0000 Anagram 2862325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest brother has 1 kiddo, and he always tells people “when you raise a kid perfectly the first time, you don’t have to keep doing it”, or something to that effect. I think that’s a funny/pointed line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862309 Sun, 16 Dec 2018 02:48:33 +0000 Amorini 2862309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are a family of three. And we love what we have and are so grateful. I don’t think there’s a day that goes by when I don’t feel lucky for what we have. I guess one of my ways of dealing with this is being pretty upfront and putting it out there that DS fills our lives and hearts. We all have big personalities so really a family of three souls is plenty around here. Plus we have the dogs so we are really a family of five and have the SUV with the third row to prove it.</p> <p>I’m with a few others that these conversations are super aggressive and intrusive-sounding. Sorry, I have to ask, but are you in the Bible Belt and/or a super conservative community? I ask because some of that rote thinking about family number/composition/type is just so prevalent and never questioned, and more so in those types of communities.</p> <p>Dealing with IF, you just realize all the family ideas and ideals about numbers of kids and timelines are really just not in your or anyone’s hands. Most people take it for granted.</p> <p>We live in the small-town Deep South after many years in big cities...big cities who are, by the way, full of three-person families. Here down the rabbit hole in small-town USA, we don’t know many small families of three like us. The couple of times I’ve encountered comments I’m pretty matter-of-fact. I also want DS to know our family is not missing a thing and we are whole as we are. I think if I ever was pushed like you were some of my claws would come out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862305 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 23:06:21 +0000 Lindsay05 2862305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People are never happy with what you currently have. We have 3 girls. You can imagine the comments we get frequently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862303 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 22:32:23 +0000 ElbieKay 2862303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ari123: damn that first guy was aggressive! I’d like to think I would have found a direct way to tell him to drop it, but I am not always quick enough in the moment. “GFAM brigade” is a hilarious term! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862301 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 22:01:34 +0000 wrkbrk 2862301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ari123: Wait, are these people you know or strangers?? That’s so aggressive and unacceptable!</p> <p>People do mention it to me here and there in a teasing way (like, “are you suuuure? No more babiessss?”) which annoys me to no end. I just tell them we have all we can handle with two serious careers. That shuts them up pretty fast! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862294 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 20:22:48 +0000 ALV91711 2862294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS2 is 5.5 and DS2 is 3 months. We got this a lot. For a couple years we weren’t sure if we were going to have another and then once we decided it took almost two years to get this guy. </p> <p>I hated when people made these comments. Lots of the time I’d try to say we are happy with one or say it might not be in the cards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862289 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 19:29:39 +0000 MamaBear87 2862289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am pregnant with our second and last. We have a daughter and this baby is a boy. I seriously want to punch people when they say "oh now it's perfect. One of each!" As if if we had had 2 girls that wouldn't have been good enough. I am so happy to be having a healthy baby, I did not care what sex it was.<br /> All that long winded to say I think you get comments like this no matter what. As @2littlepumpkins: said, people should just keep their mouths shut but they don't </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862287 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 19:23:23 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2862287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think most people mean well when they do this, like, as in, you're a great family/parents/etc, you should have another! But they really ought to shut up. I think you should do what you're doing, basically, when they are rude call them out on it, and when they're more just curious/small talk, play it by ear. I wish there were a way to stop people's comments on your children. As a parent of 3 it's also not fun hearing how you should not have 3, especially when you're already pregnant/have 3, as though you're supposed to regret your own child. So weird. I wish I had a better answer for you, people just need to shut up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862285 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 19:08:19 +0000 Kitkat 2862285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. I have two boys, but I am an only child and can remember my mom getting these questions growing up. I know it hurt because they tried to have more kids and couldn’t, but I think she just gave vague “it’s just not in the cards” answers. My youngest is only 5 months old, but we are for sure done. I’ve already gotten “don’t you want to try for a girl???” multiple times. So far a flat NOPE has been enough to shut them up, but the guy you’re describing was incredibly rude and I think you said and did the right thing. It’s absolutely no one’s business and men in particular should keep their opinions to themselves 🙄.</p> <p>Also, I loved being an only child, so you’re not depriving your son of anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/parents-of-only-children-how-do-you-deal-with-people-telling-you-to-have-more-children#post-2862282 Sat, 15 Dec 2018 18:45:06 +0000 Ari123 2862282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Twice this year we have been out and about with our son and two separate men have asked me inquisition style why we do not “give him a brother or a sister”. I call them the GFAM brigade. (Go Forth and Multiply).<br /> The first time, I was so shocked that I actually explained to the man that due to medical issues, I cannot carry another pregnancy (I was on bed rest for 5 months with DS and still have recurring pain resulting from complications in my pregnancy, this is almost 3 years later). The man said well anything is worth going through to give your child a sibling, and he has 3 kids, at which point I said “ Let me guess, you’ve been pregnant how many times?” He walked up to my son and told him his parents were denying him siblings to play with at which point I took my son and left.</p> <p>Yesterday another member of the GFAM gang, after asking if I had more kids told me to have more. I gave him a very dirty look and he ended up apologizing.</p> <p>Parents of only children, how do you deal with the GFAMs of this world? </p>