https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 19:45:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191619 Thu, 28 May 2015 10:09:27 +0000 aegie 2191619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i agree with sunny .. if you go about it like hiring an employee, it may get messy. I would just tell your MIL that she would be the best nanny since she's family and your kid is already comfortable with her. Tell her how much you can afford to pay her to compensate for her since she will be reducing the number of hours she can spend on her sewing. I wouldn't give exact number of hours, but tell her exactly when you need her for nannying. When you need the occassional babysitting, I would just ask when the time arises as you do now. In return for those, I would suggest taking her out for brunch/dinner once in a while to show your appreciation. Or buying her sewing supplies? That's what I do for my MIL, we take her grocery shopping even though her building has a shuttle that goes every week. She buys smaller things then, but when she goes with us she can buy without watching every penny so she buys her meats and more expensive things then. And in return, she babysits for us when the hubs and I both HAVE to be at work and our daughter is sick or when we need a date night. I think paying for babysitting with family can get messy otherwise ... so i prefer to do it "show appreciation" method way. LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191307 Thu, 28 May 2015 02:26:16 +0000 gingerbebe 2191307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We hired my mom to nanny 3 days a week. We hired our CPA firm to handle payroll and do it legit - W-2 income. We do it that way because she needs the income and it helps her accrue towards social security quarters. We pay her $10 an hour, $15 for overtime. She's not watching the clock and neither are we but we tend to round up her hours and there are no conflicts now about the decisions we make for our son. My mom runs some laundry while DS is sleeping and fixes us snacks and meals but we never ask her to and it's strictly based on how much time she has. If DS needs her that is the priority. But because he's sleeptrained and takes reliable naps it works. </p> <p>I would draw up a written agreement (we did) and have both parties sign. It really wasn't as awkward as it sounds - we just said our accountant wanted it. We pay our accountant like $30 bucks a month to collect her hours and direct deposit money into her account. I would be sure she knows what you need help with specifically (like your older child and baby's laundry, etc.). </p> <p>My mom wasn't going to take the money but we said we were going to hire someone anyway so we'd rather have that money go to her and then she accepted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191297 Thu, 28 May 2015 01:33:56 +0000 lamariniere 2191297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely have an open discussion. Having her pitch in a few times a month with no pay is probably no big deal, and I imagine she enjoys helping and spending time with her grandkids. But I think having her as an "employee" merits pay. My MIL watches my nephews once per week and then does occasional evenings or sick days. Honestly, she grumbles about it sometimes behind their backs because they take advantage of her. They pay her for the one set day per week, but just kind of expect her to be at their beck and call whenever they need a babysitter the other times, and she has to drop her part time job or activities whenever they need her. (We live far away from them so we don't use grandmacare). I think she feels obligated because they haven't bothered looking for another sitter. </p> <p>As for housework, I never expect babysitters to do any type of housework other than just picking up toys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191294 Thu, 28 May 2015 01:21:41 +0000 sunny 2191294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it were my family, I think we would be most comfortable with just giving my mom/MIL a set amount of money per month, regardless of how many hours she is helping with (I'd determine the set amount on a rough estimate of how many hours X whatever rate seems fair). </p> <p>I just don't like the idea of a family member being "on the clock" and having to watch the time the way you would with a non-family member employee. </p> <p>I also wouldn't bring up cleaning and errands unless my mom volunteered. In my case, she would probably just tell me that she did the laundry or dishes. :-P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191277 Wed, 27 May 2015 23:53:06 +0000 MrsBeluga 2191277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We pay my mom min wage for 20 hours a week of daycare. We pay her because she is retired and needs the income, and if she wasn't available we would have to pay someone else. Date nights and weekends are free. She is super busy with our 18 month year old, super hands on, so no time for laundry or cooking. Maybe start out two times a week so she can make arrangements with her current job? Also what about hiring someone to come clean 1-2x a month, it's life changing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191217 Wed, 27 May 2015 21:47:42 +0000 cat620 2191217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Peasinapod: @Truth Bombs: I'm worried about it being awkward if we start paying her, but if we could come to an agreement, that would be ideal. I have a hard time finding people I can trust to babysit, and I feel better knowing a family member is watching my kids. Also, since she babysits for us regularly, my son is very comfortable with her and looks forward to seeing his grandma. Around other people, he can be shy and have separation anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191202 Wed, 27 May 2015 21:31:07 +0000 Truth Bombs 2191202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For regular help like that I would just hire a mother's helper. I don't think it's fair to expect your MIL to give so much help without compensation... But I think it creates a weird dynamic to basically be her employer. Plus, I don't think you can pay her for hours during the day but then not pay her for date nights. Much simpler to just hire help and then take advantage of sporadic free grandma babysitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191200 Wed, 27 May 2015 21:27:32 +0000 simplyfelicity 2191200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ask her first if she were able to help and, if she brings up that she would be missing out on compensation, offer to pay. I wouldn't lead with the money as she might be put off. I also would not mention anything about cleaning. Perhaps having her help with kids would enable you to clean. Otherwise, I think you should look for outside help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191197 Wed, 27 May 2015 21:22:34 +0000 Peasinapod 2191197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Without knowing you or your mil I can only go based on my own feelings, but I would feel awkward turning my mil into an employee. I would definitely want to compensate her for her time and missed earning potential, but I wouldn't treat her any differently (ie expecting her to do extra work) than if she were doing it unpaid.</p> <p>But that is just based on my personality, and comfort level with my mil </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191166 Wed, 27 May 2015 20:57:15 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2191166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Take this with a grain of salt, since I'm expecting our first in August (and everyone's family/IL situation is different)...</p> <p>If you already have a good relationship with your MIL, I think you should totally ask her to help out for whatever time you need in the immediate post-partum period (4-6weeks?)!<br /> If you said that you felt bad about taking time away from her PT job, she might surprise you by saying that she'd much rather help you all out, under the circumstances (in which case you could get her a really nice gift later). Otherwise, if she can't go without the income, would you be willing to compensate her equal to her current pay rate? Either way, it sounds like an honest conversation should get you the answers you need! :happy: I wouldn't expect this arrangement (whatever it turns into) to impact your usual date-night arrangement. Good luck!</p> <p>ETA: Maybe if you're worried about getting an honest opinion, you should be extra up-front about your concerns transitioning to a 2-kid household...and your concerns for her? And then hash out the options you have thought of with her (including hiring a caregiver) and see what she says...or maybe she can help brainstorm some other ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191165 Wed, 27 May 2015 20:56:59 +0000 cat620 2191165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: I definitely will! I'm trying to think of everything I need to go over, and see if anyone can share their experiences. I guess my concern is getting into some sort of agreement that either myself or MIL aren't comfortable with. She is very non-confrontational, so I worry she won't be honest with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191159 Wed, 27 May 2015 20:52:30 +0000 youboots 2191159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should have an honest conversation with your MIL and address everything above. Let her be part of the decision making. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/paying-mil-to-babysit#post-2191146 Wed, 27 May 2015 20:37:07 +0000 cat620 2191146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws live about 5 minutes away from us, and my mother in law regularly babysits for us. She watches my toddler son whenever I have doctor's appointments (which is frequently, since I'm pregnant), and for date nights 2 to 3 times per month. </p> <p>She is technically a housewife, but she works part-time sewing for her friend's Etsy shop. She like crafts and sewing, so this job is enjoyable to her. She gets paid about $8 per hour. When I ask her to babysit during the daytime, I often feel like it's taking her away from her part-time job. She has to ask her friend for time off to babysit for me. However, she said she doesn't mind, since it's a couple times a month on average. </p> <p>I would like my MIL to babysit more than she currently does. I'm due at the beginning of August, and I would like to have her come over and help me regularly as I adjust to life with a newborn and a toddler. When my son was born, I only had my husband helping me, and I think it led to me feeling completely overwhelmed and maybe even depressed. I was also recovering from a C-section, which I might need to have again. </p> <p>My family isn't able to help with the new baby, so I was thinking about hiring a nanny or a babysitter, but DH said we should ask his mom to help out. Since she is working now, he thinks we should offer to pay her, so that it won't be like we are taking her away her ability to earn extra money. </p> <p>My questions are: How much should we pay her? How will this change the dynamic we currently have with her babysitting? Will we be expected to pay her every time she babysits, including date nights? If I'm paying her, can I ask her to do more things like helping tidy up the house or running errands for me? Any advice? </p>