https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 12:43:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2830221 Fri, 22 Jun 2018 12:19:36 +0000 Mommy Finger 2830221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that there are obviously other deep rooted issues here b/c just looking at this on it's face, I don't see the problem. I think it's awesome that your child will have 2 baby books. My sister in law makes a photo book for the entire family each year and we get it for Christmas. It's honestly my favorite gift each year. My littles love to curl up and read it like a book so that we can reminisce about all the fun with had as a whole family this past year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829860 Thu, 21 Jun 2018 05:26:42 +0000 Modern Daisy 2829860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Haha someone made us a wedding album with pics of mostly them in it! Reminds me of your situation. I just said thank you and let’s it go, it’s on our bookshelf next to the real wedding album. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829843 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 22:44:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2829843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would let it go. Theirs can be "a" book and yours can be "the" book. :happy: If it comes up, I wouldn't hesitate to say something along the lines of "I love making their baby photo books!" or whatever. If they want to press the issue then they'll have to be the ones to be pushy, rather than you making the issue front and center. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829772 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 16:51:10 +0000 Hypatia 2829772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I think you are so annoyed and frustrated because there are deeper issues at work. </p> <p>I say that because I'm in the same boat. I feel you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829632 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:51:17 +0000 misolee 2829632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s great they love and care for their grandkids to take time and effort to make these books. To put into perspective, lots of grandparents don’t care so it’s extra special for a child to receive this. Also, the pictures are different from your book so it’s double the memories to look over. My dad loves taking pictures. He prints out whatever he wants and gives it to us. He doesn’t expect us to frame it and display it front and center but it’s a small thing he takes time out to do for his grandkids. I’m not a fan of most of the photos but my kids love looking at the pictures grandpa took. </p> <p>Edited to add: my first has a sorta finished book. My second I started like two pages. And I didn’t even buy one for my 3rd 😬 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829614 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:42:55 +0000 catlady 2829614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough, but I would let it go.</p> <p>I actually had a similar situation when my first was born, where my dad took a photo of him holding my baby and made christmas cards of just the two of them and sent them to all his friends and to our extended family. He didn't send one to us and I found out about it at the family christmas party because my aunt had it on her fridge. It really bothered me at the time, but I didn't say anything since it had already been done.</p> <p>He never did it again, even after my 2nd child was born. I don't know if the novelty wore off or what. </p> <p>The funny thing is, I probably would have let him do it again if he wanted because as my kids grew, I realized that I didn't want that to be my "hill to die on", so to speak. There were more pressing things that I wanted to make important, mostly safety related (for ex. he used to leave my kids car seat straps super loose and we had to really drill it in that they needed to be tight). </p> <p>And not to be flippant, but my 2nd kid is 18 months old and I still haven't put together his photo book, so I would actually kind of love it if someone did it for me at this point. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829606 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:35:52 +0000 BadgerMom 2829606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I totally understand why you're annoyed, but I think I would try to just let it play out. If it comes up, I would probably mention that you'll be making one for the girls like you did for DS and then let them do what they want. I'm not sure how old your parents are, but I think you may really love the scrapbook they made once they are gone. And at that point you may find a new appreciation for the pictures that were their favorites. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829602 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:32:12 +0000 Mrsbells 2829602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I don't see a big deal about this. They can make a scrapbook and it doesn't stop you from making yours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829569 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 09:43:52 +0000 Anagram 2829569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: well, I would love it if my mom did this for me, because I never have time to do these things and I have almost no printed pictures of my kids because I suck. BUT--I don't have the same dynamic with my mom. My mom is prettttty hands off, unless I specifically ask for something, and that's kind of how I was raised, so a scrap book from her would be kind of an amazing gift for me. As someone else posted, if your parents regularly boundary stomp, then your feelings are going to be different because the situation is colored by all your previous issues with them.</p> <p>So, I personally would graciously accept the scrap books. But I also see why you'd want to tell them in advance that you plan on making your own.</p> <p>I bought a scrap book once. It's still empty. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829565 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 09:34:06 +0000 lamariniere 2829565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: totally agree. A lot of people seem to enjoy scrap-booking, so why not?!</p> <p>I would just accept it graciously, file it away somewhere, or put it on your bookshelf, and make your own the way you want it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829516 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 08:26:25 +0000 snowjewelz 2829516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally get where you're coming from! But like others I'd just let it go, let them make their albums and you make your own! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829513 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 08:22:06 +0000 periwinklebee 2829513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like this is probably part of a broader manifestation of the relationship, and I assume just ignoring them on this point - while it might be the most reasonable thing to do for this particular instance - may just empower them to be overbearing in more extreme ways (i.e. @bhbee: christening example...). My MIL is similar, there's a non-stop firehose of very strongly worded unsolicited advice and complaints about how we do things. I think because I didn't grow up around her I can just completely ignore it, whereas it drives my husband crazy because he's been dealing with it his whole life. Their equilibrium is to have a huge fight, then she gets better for awhile, then becomes increasingly intrusive until it blows up again. I don't think it's a good equilibrium and I really don't want to model that to LO - as I would be so sad if someday we had that dynamic - but I also don't know a better solution, as when DH lets things go it leads her to become increasingly overbearing. I know I'm not being helpful - basically just sympathizing - and would love to hear others' approaches. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829512 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 08:20:20 +0000 Becky 2829512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it’s probably something they wanted to do in all of their excitement. I think it’s really nice that they made albums for your sister and MIL too, and imagine they’d be looking forward to getting scrapbooks about your twins. I get the overbearing thing though, like you just want to shake them and say “Let me be the parent!” I find it very hard to navigate because in your situation for example they are doing something you clearly weren’t going to do (making an old school scrapbook for a lot of people) and that no one would expect you to do, which kind of overshadows you. My MIL has an incredible capacity to manage children and can take them on a big adventure or tackle a project while they play nicely. I used to struggle a lot with it because it made me feel less than, but now I just remind myself that just because I can’t or don’t want to do this doesn’t mean she shouldn’t. A good example is my kid’s closet. It was getting chaotic and I just couldn’t get it organized with working and the kids literally flinging everything out of it when I tried. I came home one day and she had put all the clothes away and organized most of it. At first I was mad but then I was like ok, she has this magic ability and that’s great. It also took me a long time to get over her doing things like taking the kids to see Santa before I did without asking me but I finally realized how ridiculous it was for me to be upset. It comes down to if the kids love it, it flies. That being said I still feel likeMIL is overbearing when we’re both with the kids and she’s just way more hands on and interactive and I’m more laid back—it makes it seem like she’s the one who’s a better parent when in reality we have different styles. It’s super offensive to me because she makes a little show of it in public sometimes, but also the kids love her and I get over it in a few days. So maybe you’re like me in that when you’re actually feeling inadequate you say they’re overbearing, and just coming to terms with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829506 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 08:04:23 +0000 bhbee 2829506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I’d be annoyed, this kind of stuff (not exactly the same) happens for us too. But I wouldn’t say anything unless it directly impacts what I can pick out myself (random example if they picked out a baptism outfit without asking and expected you to use it, since you can only use one). So do your own thing, and do whatever you want with the one they give you. I’ve been known to put stuff away and get it out when they visit ... you can always be like oh I didn’t want the kids to ruin it so I put it in this safe place out of reach! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829502 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 07:34:42 +0000 gestalt 2829502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It might annoy me, but i don't think there is anything wrong with letting them make their photo album. I also get annoyed by a LOT of things my parents and my inlaws do. If your mom tells you that she is making one, just say, "That's great - i hope you know that i'm in the middle of doing one for the girls. Would you want a copy of mine too?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829498 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 07:26:06 +0000 erinbaderin 2829498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, this wouldn’t bother me. If they want to make their own who cares, and if they want to spend some extra money making one for you let them - that can be the one that the kids can look at and handle roughly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829496 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 07:04:12 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2829496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL made two scrapbooks for my son’s first year. Her excitement for my LO warms my heart and he loves flipping through pictures of himself. I will eventually make my own that is bookshelf/ coffee table worthy. LO is two, so yeah...eventually. </p> <p>In your case I’d let them do whatever they want and when they mention making a copy for you just tell them you’re going to make your own just like you did for your first. I wouldn’t preemptively tell them not to bother with a book at all or multiple copies, but be prepared with a firm rebuttal if it comes up from them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829495 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 07:00:16 +0000 Adira 2829495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My guess is that this is something they enjoy doing and aren't necessarily doing it because they think you won't or can't. Even if they know you are going to make your own, I bet they would still do this, so I think your best bet is just let them and don't feel bad about doing your own thing in your own time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829494 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 06:51:43 +0000 Grace 2829494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol, my little sister did this to me. All I could think was “I don’t want these pictures, I want mine!” I gave the book to LO to look at whenever she wanted. I don’t think there’s anything to be done, It’s super annoying, but I think saying somrthing will just make me feel petty. Maybe drop a hint about how you love photobooks because they are so slim and how you are looking forward to making baby books for the twins? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/perspective-please#post-2829485 Wed, 20 Jun 2018 05:54:55 +0000 ElbieKay 2829485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are super responsible and engaged, but they can be tone deaf and overbearing. Having grown up with this dynamic, I probably tend to overstate my frustration with it :wink:</p> <p>When my son was a baby, they proudly announced that they were making FOUR copies of a scrapbook-style baby book for him. The copies were for my family, my parents, my MIL, and my single-but-wants-kids younger sister. The four books were already more than half done and presented as holiday gifts that would be completed the following March after his first birthday. They also commented that as a working mom they figured I would not have time to make a baby book.</p> <p>This felt like a huge boundary stomp for a variety of reasons, but they were already 3/4 of the way through their project so I did not say anything.</p> <p>A year or so later I finally made the photo book I had always planned on. Note that they barely seemed interested in that album, and in hindsight I wondered if they were offended that I "replaced" theirs when in reality they had just scooped me. I wanted an album with my favorite pictures, not their choices.</p> <p>I am expecting twin girls in a month, and I kind of want to tell them pre-emptively not to do this again. It really bugged me the first time. I don't care if they want to make their own album but I don't need them to make one for me.</p> <p>In general my parents' overbearing nature makes me feel like the only way to get along with them is to keep my mouth shut. I expect to have a more open relationship where I have a voice. I am not afraid to make waves but then I feel guilty. It is very annoying and frustrating.</p> <p>What do you think I should do? </p>