https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 08:15:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555966 Wed, 25 May 2016 07:45:20 +0000 twodoghouse 2555966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: Thanks! It was fine once we got to dinner with our friends. I did have to go touch them once we came home, but they stayed sleeping. We are trying it again this weekend, in preparation for a couple weeks from now when we actually spend the whole night away from them! :crying: I've loosened up on things like what they're fed or what they do when I'm away, but I still like to keep to their schedule because they sleep terrible when there's any deviation from the usual! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555958 Wed, 25 May 2016 07:24:45 +0000 caterw 2555958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: I have this problem with my ILs too... We have totally different ideas of healthy so they always give DD what I consider too much sugar (they think a healthy snack is cinnamon graham crackers and fruit snacks). My MIL used to have her nap on the couch so she (MIL) could watch adult TV shows and cuddle DD. I had a terrible time sleep training and it would undo all my work when MIL let her do that. I try to have her stay with them as little as possible because they have no concept of respecting my authority as a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555928 Wed, 25 May 2016 06:00:36 +0000 ElbieKay 2555928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: We have always had a non-negotiable "no screen time" policy. My parents let my son play with their phones more than I would like, but he mostly looks at photos of himself which to me is different from watching tv shows.</p> <p>My parents did not really understand why I was so obsessive about my milk supply. My mom did not breastfeed for too long so she absolutely did not get it.</p> <p>My parents take my toddler out for lunch twice a week and he eats too many French fries with them, but I let that one go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555917 Wed, 25 May 2016 02:37:35 +0000 Cherrybee 2555917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't feel I could lay down ANY rules with my inlaws the first time around because I was so grateful that they offered to have E three days a week..... I worried myself sick because they used to put het to sleep on their bed when she was a baby but my gentle suggestions that this wasn't a great idea were met with "dont be ridiculous" "calm down" "we know what we are doing". This time around, i have a much better relationship with them and I've been able to set out my rules clearly. Of course, I'm a lot more relaxed about things myself but that sleeping rule is non negotiable - she's going in the Moses basket! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555915 Wed, 25 May 2016 02:20:24 +0000 turquoisemama 2555915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I'm surprised at all the positive responses...I trust my mom mostly, but she has blown a lot of my rules off so it's hard to be totally trusting when she watches DD. Also she's said things like "Can't you just put her in the front seat so she can see you?" when I talk about DD crying in the car. She did raise three kids, but that was a long time ago and our parenting styles aren't always parallel. I have gotten more laid back about it but it's hard to let go when some things that are important to me are met with eye rolls. My mom and I butt heads about a lot of other stuff to so it's probably just our relationship.</p> <p>MIL on the other hand is so cautious with DD that most of the time I'm like "It's okay, she's fine". She lives across the country so when she is here I don't think she feels super comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555882 Tue, 24 May 2016 22:25:39 +0000 runnerd 2555882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs are the only ones I trust 100% with him. Sure, they don't do things the way I would (they baby him too much, and spend too much time worrying about things I think are stupid to worry about, and they will go to him very quickly if he cries out in the night when they have him without us there), but at the end of the day, when they take care of him it means I am being allowed to have a break, so I keep my mouth shut.</p> <p>I just make sure they know the basics about general naps/bedtime/eating habits, but if they want to make choices with him that cause themselves more work, oh well. :) I'll just keep on enjoying my date night and wine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555880 Tue, 24 May 2016 22:21:10 +0000 runnerd 2555880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555871 Tue, 24 May 2016 21:54:45 +0000 autumnlove 2555871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: aw, hope you enjoyed dinner and the rest of your night after that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555860 Tue, 24 May 2016 21:39:28 +0000 twodoghouse 2555860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a control freak about my kids (nothing else in life, I swear!) so grandmacare wouldn't ever work for me. The one time I let my ILs put my kids to bed recently, I printed out a 3 page document of instructions. And before we even left they have messed up the timing (I said no snacks after 4:30 pm so MIL fed them dinner at 4:45 while I was upstairs curling my hair. Why would you feed them dinner then when the sheet of paper says 5:45!!!!!). Anyway, DH had to drag me out of the house and I cried all the way to dinner. I've put them down for every nap and bedtime, fed them every meal for 2 years. Obviously I'm a bit stuck in my ways. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555819 Tue, 24 May 2016 20:30:03 +0000 Mae 2555819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At first I was like "Oh I don't really give my mom any rules I trust her, I'm so easy going!" </p> <p>then I finished reading and saw "MIL" and realized I don't let my MIL watch our daughter so um... guess that's all ruined haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555813 Tue, 24 May 2016 20:19:18 +0000 avivoca 2555813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At our house, my parents are awesome about adhering to my rules, getting her down for naps and bedtime on time, etc. but she stayed with them this past weekend and they let her nap too late, kept her up too late, and fed her whatever she wanted. So now it's two days later and she wants to stay up super late, won't eat what I feed her, and throws super tantrums when she doesn't get her way. It's getting better (slowly), but we will definitely need to discuss these things for next time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555776 Tue, 24 May 2016 18:57:09 +0000 maddyz 2555776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is amazing when she watches LO1, he eats all the crazy things she feeds him (veggies, fish, whatever). My mom has talked about how much fun it is to be the grandma and get to say yes all the time, for her this means things like letting him stand in the stroller, run around the house without pants and holding him for naps. But they have such lovely times together and I think even a baby can understand that things are different with different people.</p> <p>MIL and FIL dont/wont/can't watch him. Maybe when he's older.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555768 Tue, 24 May 2016 18:33:46 +0000 petitenoisette 2555768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I trust my mom implicitly and have seen her in action caring for my sister's kids for years before she started watching our LO this year and know she is amazing with them. She definitely does some things differently and I think is more resistant to changes than me (like when we transitioned from the bottle claiming she won't drink her milk through straw cup there even though she does just fine at daycare) but that's no big deal to me. Sometimes she tries to tell me how to do things for LO and I'm like seriously? Like that she likes things done a certain way, etc. and it's like she IS my baby after all haha. But that I more just find funny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555702 Tue, 24 May 2016 16:17:25 +0000 Chuckles 2555702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and dad watch LO two full days a week. If it was occasional babysitting, I'd probably let them do whatever, but because they're with him quite a bit, we've had some non-negotiables, more so when he was younger. My parents for the most part have been awesome about listening to what I want. Now that he's almost 3, the main issue we have is that they let him nap super late and then it's hard for him to sleep at night. I've talked to them about it a few times, and I think they're making an effort about it. Mostly it's pick your battles. I know he eats lots of sugar with them and they let him use their ipad a ton. I've mentioned reining that stuff in, but if they don't, I don't make a big deal about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555675 Tue, 24 May 2016 15:44:56 +0000 Alba4 2555675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Now that DS is older, I'm a lot more flexible. Both Grandmas were pretty good at sticking to the schedule, which I appreciated when DS was an infant. Sometimes I worry that the grandmas push the nap too late and try to fit in way too much in the mornings, but I try to let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2555578 Tue, 24 May 2016 14:19:39 +0000 BSB 2555578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty laid back and for the most part she is willing to adapt to the cloth diapers. The babies are safe and taken care of someone they love so it's great. The nanny we had for a short time was great but expensive. We like to use the nanny for short term. </p> <p>She is saving us a ton of money and is really helpful now that DH's asthma is flaring up. </p> <p>But there's things that's starting to bother me. She lives with us for 2-3 weeks every time she comes out so we are so grateful for her. She's been a lifesaver for a few times that I had to go to work and DH was in the hospital. </p> <p>I really wish I could tell her to reduce the amount of screentime. Though, writing this post (I had a more detailed account on how much screen time the babies get) and I think it might be time to say something. I've mentioned to both DH and MIL about what the drs say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362733 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 10:09:21 +0000 LuLu Mom 2362733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom would listen to my rules and discipline as needed, however my MIL would not. This would be a huge issue for us, as MIL doesn't say no...ever. It's borderline ridiculous and because of this we've already said we wouldn't do grandmacare (she offered after she retires next year.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362727 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 10:08:02 +0000 Mamasig 2362727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pretty laid back so I let her do her own thing for the most part. I'm not worried about schedules or what she feeds them. But she does listen to me about certain things. For example, when we stopped giving bottles she followed my lead. She would have given in and let him have a bottle but since I said no, she respected my wishes. We haven't had any problems. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362725 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 10:07:04 +0000 erinbaderin 2362725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents don't babysit that often so I pretty much figure that occasional deviations from schedule won't hurt anybody, and what I don't know won't hurt me, so as long as I come home and he's happy and fed (and asleep, depending on the time) I'm fine with it. That being said the first time I left her to put him to bed I left 3 pages of instructions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362713 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 09:59:55 +0000 BabyTsMom 2362713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't call it a battle, but LO is at the age now wherei believe he can understand that he needs to eat his meal or he won't get snacks later. Getting my mom to do this is not going to happen. So.... I'm just hoping that LO can figure out that Grandma will give him stuff but mom and dad won't? But in general I don't think she'll be giving him junk food, it would be more like giving him a lot more options for the meal.<br /> Other than this new development (LO is 18months), I've been so thankful for my mom and she has pretty much gone with what I asked in terms of naps, safety, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362649 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 09:42:35 +0000 snowjewelz 2362649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why I :heart: my mom... She puts up with my crazy rules/requests being a nervous FTM haha! She has taken care of DD since I went back to work at 3 months and she still regularly watches DD. I totally trust her 1000%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362593 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 09:22:58 +0000 catlady 2362593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had to put my foot down about giving her too much milk when she was an infant (MIL would feed her a whole day's stash of EBM while watching her for 2 hours). Now that she's a toddler, I don't really worry about much. I usually assume she will get terrible naps and tons of cookies, and if I find out otherwise, it's a nice surprise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362516 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 09:00:03 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2362516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sort of don't ask/don't tell at this point with K and my mom. I know she eats more fruit snacks and treats while she's there, but she also plays outside a ton and always lets my mom wash her hair....so I figure it's a good trade off? I've made some suggestions to make my moms job easier, but if she doesn't follow them I'm okay with that, </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362514 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:58:44 +0000 BandDmommy 2362514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my Parents, I trust them so whatever goes. I trust FIL and his GF so no battles. I refuse to let MIL watch kids though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362503 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:52:03 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2362503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL watches DD 2 days a week. My only non-negotiables are safety related - car seat rear-facing until 2, no blankets in the crib until she was a toddler, outlet plugs in the walls, etc.</p> <p>I've decided food and screen time are things I'm not going to be too concerned about when she's there. Overall, she probably eats more vegetables at their house, but also more popsicles, so it all evens out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362478 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:37:21 +0000 looch 2362478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess it depends what the battles are, some are still worth fighting, even if they are with family, you know?</p> <p>My parents took over care for my son when he was 2 when I went back to work, it worked out well because my son was in part time care and it gave them a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362469 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:25:31 +0000 misolee 2362469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We loved grandma care. My mom was awesome and didn't do anything that I wouldn't do. She was prob stricter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362461 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:22:21 +0000 daniellemybelle 2362461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know I had to but honestly nothing specific comes to mind. My mom was awesome at Grandma-care! She tried really hard to adhere to what I wanted her to do and was really communicative.</p> <p>Oh, just thought of something. I really preferred that she nap in the PnP but my mom would usually lay down with her. Now that we've moved I am glad they had that special time ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362459 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:21:52 +0000 Torchwood 2362459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom is like @mrsjyw's thankfully. I'm a little less anxious than the average ftm, because I nannied, but she goes along with whatever I ask. Better than DH does, actually! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/picking-your-battles-with-grandma-care#post-2362456 Thu, 19 Nov 2015 08:19:09 +0000 mrsjyw 2362456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom's been watching our kids since ds1 was 3 months old. We've never had an issue and I'm super grateful for it! :) She's literally our saving grace. When DS1 was a baby and I was an anxious FTM, she listened and went with whatever I asked no matter how little or big the issue! this time around has been easier since DS2 is so easy going as am I this time around! </p>