https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 23:30:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343947 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:38:27 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 343947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would feel the same way and be totally hurt! Hugs! Some people are just critical though (in every situation), and I've found ignoring them is the best thing you can do for yourself. Sorry you have to deal with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343933 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:28:28 +0000 Mrs. Blue 343933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone's given you good advice already, so I just want to say that I'm so sorry you got such a sucky reaction! I'm glad everyone else was excited, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343849 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:39:53 +0000 Jumpingjacks 343849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Sorry you have to deal with this. With regard to how he reacts to your out of hospital natural birth -- I'd say, don't tell him. We're doing an out of hospital natural birth and my perspective is that this is none of anyone else's business, so I don't discuss it with anyone who I don't think will be supportive. That includes my father and his wife. And if it does come up, be clear that it's not a discussion topic, it's your decision - period. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343566 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 17:43:56 +0000 mamimami 343566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not overreacting. But it's best to let your spouse deal with his family of origin. He reacted the way he did after a lifetime of knowing this man. It's hard to accept our family members the way they are but to save yourself the heartache, just try and tell yourself that's how he is and he's not going to change. Ignore him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343423 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 16:03:39 +0000 hummusgirl 343423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have every right to be upset, but honestly I think your DH has the right idea. In my experience with people like this, it's better to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised when they exceed them than to be constantly disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343407 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:50:12 +0000 Turd Ferguson 343407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this makes me mad just reading it. Sorry, lady. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343329 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:20:08 +0000 HabesBabe 343329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would totally be bummed... but it sounds like your FIL has a track record, so it would've been expected. Still hurts, but it would help me get over it quicker knowing that it was coming.</p> <p>Push his negative comments aside and be happy! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343323 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:16:58 +0000 heffalump 343323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's pretty awful :( I actually do get really bad migraines and I also had a friend tell me that he didn't think I should get pregnant because of that and because DH has crohns he didn't think we should bring a baby into this world in case we pass on our illnesses on to our LO. Ummm..... so our parents shouldn't have brought us into this world? Thanks, but I'm happy they had us and I hope no matter what happens LO's happy she's here too. People are stupid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343306 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:08:31 +0000 oliviaoblivia 343306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you got that response from your FIL. You are absolutely not over-reacting. I agree with the PPs that you should focus on the good things and people in your life and ignore his negativity.</p> <p>We told my MIL really early on in my pregnancy. DH was away with her visiting his sister when I found out. So she knew when I was 4ish weeks pregnant. Despite seeing me about half a dozen times and speaking on the phone occassionally, she didn't acknowledge or congratulate me until I was almost 20 weeks. And even then it was to say "now you'll start asking me all sorts of questions about DH's birth" with a snarl. It has taken every ounce of strength that I have to ignore her, but it really is better for my health and the baby that she doesn't get to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343089 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:51:01 +0000 birdofafeather 343089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm so sorry. that really sucks. i know it's hard, but don't let your FIL pull you down. this is an exciting time and you have so many others that are so excited for you! it sounds like he is always like this, so that's why your DH is not phased. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343086 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:50:31 +0000 shinystraps 343086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :( If it makes you feel any less alone, my in-laws have yet to respond to our postcard announcing our pregnancy. But if I'm being completely honest... there are so many good people in our lives that it doesn't make sense to focus on the bad. I know it's hard - but the sooner you focus on the ones who ARE excited, the better it will be. Easier said than done though, right? :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343082 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:48:12 +0000 wheres_c 343082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arden: you have every right to be upset but don't let him get you down. You're correct, for the rest of your pregnancy, people will have their opinions on everything.<br /> My MIL didn't like that I was wearing heels, now she doesn't like that I'm wearing flip flops. They didn't like the first baby name I liked, and they keep trying to talk me out of a natural birth.</p> <p>You just have to try your hardest to tune them out and surround yourself with happy, positive people otherwise you'll be miserable. You can always vent here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-343040 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:39:13 +0000 mrsjyw 343040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're overreacting at all. It would def bother me. While not as extreme or hurtful, my FIL's reaction wasn't all that happy or excited either... it was more "well now you guys have work to do and no more fun time..."</p> <p>He is starting to get more excited now though... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342826 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:29:21 +0000 Grace 342826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: That is hurtful. I don't think you are overreacting at all. It may be better once the baby is here though - if anything can melt a grumpy old man's heart, it's a tiny baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342808 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:24:58 +0000 travelgirl1 342808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be annoyed too. Try not to let him get you down though, it sounds like everyone else was super excited! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342788 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:17:32 +0000 pinkcupcake 342788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: That's really hurtful :( I know I'd be very hurt by a comment like that. Hopefully you guys can ignore him as much as possible and find happiness in knowing that everyone else in your life is thrilled and happy for you :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342787 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:17:04 +0000 Smurfette 342787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry!! Don't let him ruin your happiness!! Why people think they can just say whatever they want too, is beyond me!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342750 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:01:05 +0000 mrbee 342750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some people are just grinches! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342734 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:54:23 +0000 tororojo 342734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm...sounds like FIL is just a d-bag. I'm sorry they're not excited like they should be! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342697 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:37:47 +0000 autumnlove 342697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry! My FIL told us he was SAD when he found out we were expecting...he said he really wanted us to enjoy a year or two of marriage before babies. He kept talking about being sad and it really bummed me out. Luckily, he apologized later and got excited about the baby!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342684 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:32:43 +0000 Mrs. J 342684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@arden: That just sucks. It's like when people say "just kidding" or "no offense" as a way to say whatever they want. </p> <p>He may come around, and if he doesn't, you've got a whole support network with the rest of your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342677 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:30:29 +0000 Arden 342677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. J: Well, the phone call ended with DH being pretty upset with them, and then FIL texts saying 'BTW, I did say congrats." Oh, so that is supposed to make up for all the bs you also said?</p> <p>The thing is, DH isn't that phased by it. He's so used to it, he's just like, "forget it". But I can't. It makes me sad that he is used to this. My poor DH was so excited to tell the world, and his own father isn't excited about his FIRST grandchild. That has to hurt him even more than it hurts me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342667 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:27:37 +0000 Mrs. J 342667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How terrible! It must be so stressful and discouraging to hear that someone isn't excited for you. Like the previous posters, I would just soak up all of the positive energy surrounding your announcement. BTW, have you ever talked to your DH about his dad? Would you ever consider talking to your FIL about the way he talks to you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342666 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:27:33 +0000 rachiecakes 342666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be pissed.<br /> Yes, you have every right to be hurt. But don't let them take away your most joyous moment. It's terrible that some people are like that.<br /> One of my close friends had a similar reaction from her IL's. When they announced their pregnancy to them all they did was warn her about all the terrible things that would probably happen to her/the baby, questioned aloud if they were ready for that, etc. Just awful. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342663 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:26:39 +0000 Arden 342663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm just bracing myself for the storm that's coming down on me when we tell them we're having a natural, out of hospital birth... but you know what? I may have to tell him that he lost the right to have an opinion. </p> <p>I just know he's going to say awful things about the name we pick for our LO, whatever it is, even though we are not telling until the baby is born. </p> <p>I think this is the real thing. I feel like crying because I just know that this won't be the end of it. I'm going to hear it for every parenting decision, every anything, forever. He'll be critical to the end. And it just makes me sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342656 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:22:25 +0000 BabyLove 342656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be livid, honestly. You're two adults, making a decisions to begin a family. He, nor anyone else has a right to say it might not be a wise choice. Ugh! I think I'd just stay away from him as much as possible really. Who needs the negative vibes? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342655 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:22:24 +0000 Arden 342655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: I know right, how whack is that? This coming from a guy whose entire family is super unhealthy. Most of them are clinically obese, they have heart and blood pressure issues and other problems...<br /> Maybe he thinks I'm unhealthy because I'm a normal weight... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342648 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:20:04 +0000 gracecat 342648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're definitely not overreacting! What a Debbie Downer, I'm just sorry he was able to get to you and bring you down. I hope you will be able to put it behind you quickly and get excited again. Surround yourself with positive energy ASAP! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342645 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:18:40 +0000 DillonLion 342645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I would be super offended/upset if someone said they didn't think I was healthy enough to be pregnant :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/pity-party-for-one-everyone-invited#post-342635 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:17:24 +0000 Adira 342635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, you have every right to feel the way you do! Your FIL is being a jerk! Why isn't he excited??? Try not to let it bother you if you can - you have three other supportive and loving family members. Try to just ignore him if you can - he's obviously a debbie-downer. :( </p>