https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 23:30:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2837019 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 20:51:21 +0000 Reese 2837019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did the mom respond? We aren't at this stage yet but I can totally see how this would be normal and I think you handled it really well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836943 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 14:37:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2836943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, kids will do it, and then they usually forgive and forget. I'd probably just reassure the other child that your LO didn't mean it and will calm down soon, and then play with him so he's not sitting there all alone.</p> <p>For what it's worth, DS and one of his closest friends got in a screaming fight over a broken beach bucket when they were 3.5. With another friend, they got in a fight over a book and the friend bit DS. With another one... they pretty much fought over everything. There were a lot of play dates that ended with someone being carried home, bawling on the way out. They're still friends, and more mature - play dates now cause a giant mess, and I'm always worried they'll smash something with a basketball, but thankfully no fights. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836924 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 14:08:00 +0000 looch 2836924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: maybe a natural consequence is not setting up play dates at all. I noticed that when my son wants a play date, he is motivated to behave nicely, whereas when he's participating in one I set up because I want to hang with the mom, he doesn't care. My son's older though, and now, he will refuse to have a play date if he doesn't "set it up" as he says. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836916 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 13:53:22 +0000 Mrsbells 2836916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: i think at the age of 4 he is old enough to begin to understand that if he invites someone over to play he does need to play nice. You can talk to him about how we can express our frustration differently and being polite to guests.<br /> When DD was 4 she definitely had disagreements during playdates but there wasn't ever a point where one person would storm off of declare they aren't friends anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836860 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 11:52:38 +0000 Snowybreeze 2836860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: My daughter (5 years old) just started having playdates this year, so it's new to us. We had to learn to let go as we've always been around when she's playing with other kids. We've let her go with her BFF's nanny, to the park, to her friend's house and most recently, to the nanny's house. The girls wanted to play in our house too, so we took a day off so we can make that happen. I bought a big hatchimal from Toys R us sales and my daughter asked everyday to open it. I thought I'll let them have "Christmas in July" and open the toy during the playdate. Of course I didn't think it through at that time, just that the girls would be super excited and happy. The toy once hatched, comes with twin pets...so BFF wanted to keep one, but daughter said it's hers. BFF kept running off to another room while daughter kept following her asking for it back. When BFF's nanny arrived, BFF wanted to jet out. I gently sat her down, and said let's talk before you go. I asked my daughter if she could think again whether she would like to give away one of the toy, and i asked her to think about what sharing means to her. To ease her in, I also gave her some examples that if BFF ends up keeping it, they can always reunite the twin pets when they have playdates again. I think that helped as that meant she would be able to see BFF again and that to her was more important than keeping both toy pets. I told her it was up to her, and that she gets to decide. After hearing me out, she was completely fine to give one away and BFF was happy again and they gave each other hugs. IF daughter decided not to share, I think BFF's nanny would be able to comfort her and at their age, things are forgotten pretty quickly. I know the situation is a bit different from yours, but I think playdates should be a shared responsibility- meaning both sides of the family should talk to the kids. Afterall, the kids are likely more comfortable and willing to listen to their own moms. With my kids, and many kids their age, you think they're not listening but they do, but it just takes them time to process.<br /> "You're not my friend anymore" I think yes, it's hurtful to hear, but these little people have a lot of emotions they can't control or know how to control well yet. Heck, even us grown ups sometimes have difficulties controlling our emotions. I read somewhere that kids don't develop good emotional intelligence till 10-11 years of age. So, I highly doubt your son meant it, he was probably just frustrated and did not know how to release that frustration. He's only 4. My son is 3, and I cannot imagine him being fully capable to understand his feelings even at 4. They are good with re-thinking about it after though. They deserve that time lag to re-think! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836819 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 10:49:08 +0000 erinbaderin 2836819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Oh, we absolutely did have a conversation about that - at the time, as the boy was leaving, I reassured him that B was just feeling grumpy and didn’t mean it, and then talked to B about how he was never allowed to tell somebody they weren’t his friend because it is not ok to hurt somebody’s feelings. He said “well, I still am his friend really” and I pointed out that the other boy didn’t know that, and he had gone home thinking B didn’t like him any more, which was why we wrote the letter and texted it instead of waiting. I’d be happy to hear about what you would go with as a consequence, though, because I’m not sure what a natural consequence in this situation would be! I can’t send the other kid home because that punishes him, and I really am hesitant to punish my kids in front of their friends - something I always appreciated about my parents is that we never got in trouble in front of other people. I’m not sure “no more play dates for a week” would work because I’m the one setting them up, I’m not sure if he really cares too much one way or the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836811 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 10:27:33 +0000 Truth Bombs 2836811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like I'm the dissenter, but this would be a pretty big deal at our house. We have playdates all the time because I'm good friends with most of the moms of my daughter's friends so we hang out a lot. There are certainly times where they have to be reminded to share nicely, take turns, etc... but I've never heard any of them say something like "you're not my friend any more" or refuse to continue to play together. I would be having a really long discussion with my child about how hurtful that is (if someone said that to my kid I would be devastated for her). I would probably center the discussion around having my child think about how she would feel if one of her friends said that to her. I would also agree in advance with your child what the consequence will be if it happens again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836790 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 09:46:19 +0000 looch 2836790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally normal, and I do think it's one of those things that will happen from time to time, no matter how well behaved or old your children are. I do think it's best to kind of handle the situation the same every time though, which is why I prefer to talk to my son and discipline him about it after the friend has gone home, or we are back at our house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836786 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 09:32:04 +0000 Shantuck 2836786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son just turned 6 and we still have similar problems on our playdates (including one we hosted on Saturday). The boys were playing with water balloons in the backyard and my son ended up in tears demanding that his friend go home immediately. For us, usually redirecting their attention has worked. We went inside to pop popcorn and watch a movie and in 10 minutes, all was forgotten. I did have one occasion where my son shut himself in his room and refused to play with his friend and I had to bring the other little boy home early because the playdate did not seem salvageable. I apologized to the other mom and just explained that my son was a little overtired and assured her that her son was well-behaved. I think it is fairly typical at this age so I wouldn't sweat it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836764 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 09:02:13 +0000 cake2017 2836764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’d talk with my LO about whatever the issue is and share that we can’t treat guests/ our friends like that. The note is a good idea. It happens!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/play-date-tiffs#post-2836763 Mon, 30 Jul 2018 08:58:29 +0000 erinbaderin 2836763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you handle play date fights? B had a friend over yesterday and there were a few times where he got upset at his friend and stormed off, said he wasn’t his friend any more, etc. I wasn’t sure what to do - generally he needs some alone time to calm down but when he’s got a friend over and he’s only going to stay for another half hour it seems weird to leave him alone to play in the basement. The poor little boy left telling his mom that “B said he isn’t my friend anymore and I can’t come back again!” We later wrote a note of apology and I texted a photo of it to his mom, but...ugh. </p> <p>He’s 4, if that helps. </p>