https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 16:51:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910507 Thu, 20 Feb 2020 09:02:16 +0000 erinbaderin 2910507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I mentioned to my son that next time, he is allowed to say “thank you, but I am full”, and that also if he wants to go home he is always always allowed to ask the other parent to call me, and he said airily “oh, next time I’m not going.” 😂 I guess that’s one way to solve the problem! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910506 Thu, 20 Feb 2020 08:46:44 +0000 Silva 2910506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my daughter (will be 7 in APril) has a new friend this year in first grade. I'm not crazy about the friendship- the friend does a lot of "you're not my friend if..." stuff, and has taught her all of the swear words. But whatever. She has to learn how to manage this kind of thing, we've been talking about it, trying to help her work through how to set boundaries, in contact with the school- trying to stay in the wings, but let her take the lead. Its not easy.<br /> I do like the mom and dad, they are very nice. But we for sure have different styles. I am trying to use it as an opportunity to talk to my kid about how to advocate for herself, ask for help, and how important it is to communicate with me. She has been to one play date at their house, and as far as I can tell it went fine.<br /> If something had happened like in your situation I think I'd use it as a way to open up a conversation about how families are all different, how to keep himself safe, set boundaries, etc. They are still little, so I think it's good to to say, well, let's have this friend come to our house next time. You can also role play out situations with friends- we've done that a lot this year.<br /> I also think its fine to say "hey, my son doesn't typically play that type of video game and it was a little much for him last time. I'd prefer if they didn't play video games or watch anything rated higher than a G while he is there- he just hasn't been exposed to that stuff yet." As for meals- I really struggle with that kind of thing too, because we are so laid back about food intentionally, you could come up with a phrase for your kid to say, like "thank you for dinner, but I am full. in my family we do not have to clear our plates." and if it happens again mention something to the mom about your different rule?</p> <p>It's really hard. I have to constantly check myself, but I do think around age 7 (and I realize your kiddo is a bit younger) our kids need to start practicing some of this "out in the world" stuff by themselves. In ways where they feel safe and supported, of course- I don't mean just kick him out of the next- but more try to shift your thinking to this is all stuff he is going to have to learn how to do, and he will make mistakes and it will be really hard sometimes. But learning how to set boundaries now sets them up to be more prepared for the harder boundaries that are coming. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910471 Wed, 19 Feb 2020 13:02:31 +0000 hellobeeboston 2910471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think moving forward you can say something to the other childs parent about no video games. My son is a little older 7.5, but each time he has gone to a playdate, if video games are on the table as an option, the parent has asked me first if it's OK... I'm good with it, and as they're getting older, its bound to happen... When I've had kids to my house, I also ask first, but I try to think of other ideas to get them playing, not video games, if they insist I have only allowed 20 minutes, then on to something else... totally agree with the other poster about empowering your son to decide what he wants to do... but it's a learning lesson. Playdates are a whole new world to navigate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910383 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 18:39:17 +0000 erinbaderin 2910383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: This really resonated with me, you’re right - when he said he didn’t want to stay for dinner I did miss a chance to tell him he always has the right to ask to call and talk to me and tell me what he needs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910382 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 18:38:15 +0000 erinbaderin 2910382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everybody, for all the advice and helpful suggestions! I kind of agree about staying, but I am kind of an introvert and frankly, the idea of making small talk with a stranger for 90 minutes is my idea of hell. In retrospect, and next time, I will call after the agreed upon time and check with him, I won’t do dinner, and if he goes back there I’ll say that the zombie games kind of freaked him out (not actually true, he was fine, I just don’t think he’s old enough) and ask if she could keep them off for the visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910377 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 16:52:19 +0000 hummusgirl 2910377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In addition to what others said, I’d look at this as an opportunity to start teaching him about advocating for himself. If he doesn’t want to play certain games, practice with him what he can say to the other kid. If he doesn’t want to stay for dinner, how can he ask the mom to borrow the phone and call you guys? </p> <p>I think it’s a missed opportunity to put this all on your shoulders and not use it as a way to help him navigate through the world. A 6-year-old on a friendly play date is a perfect chance to start learning/practicing these skills. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910373 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 16:32:47 +0000 graceandjoy 2910373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like a drop off play date should be preceded by one where the parent is there too, so you can be comfortable with what they might do together. For example, my 5 yr old had a play date with a classmate for the first time ever and I went with her. I got a good idea of what’s at her house, what they do, got to know the mom, etc and I would be comfortable dropping off next time if she is comfortable without me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910366 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 13:19:58 +0000 agold 2910366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry this happened. I wouldn't send my kid over there for an unattended play date since its clear you have different parenting styles. I think 6 years old is still very young for them to be alone and not have a parent there in case they need or want you. In general, though, I will not let me kids do sleep overs or play dates unless its a very very few select people. Honestly, I don't want unattended play dates at my own house. I know this may be harder for me as my kids get older, and of course my thoughts my adjust. But I'm so cautious about any influences on my kids, to say the least. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910351 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 10:02:30 +0000 gotkimchi 2910351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Next time can’t u call and ask to talk to your son? That way you know for sure how he’s doing and if he wants to stay or not. As far as the shooting games I would say to the other mom he was a little freaked out by that maybe skip those next rime </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910344 Mon, 17 Feb 2020 09:10:34 +0000 ALV91711 2910344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DS is 6 and he’s only ever gone to play at the neighbours by himself or a birthday party. At the neighbours is nice because he can just come home if he wants. </p> <p>I think for next time I’d just have a set time and stick with it. If he’s invited for dinner last minute decline. If things go good and he has fun you can make the next time longer. I kind of think it is weird that she’s make him eat everything, encourage yes, but how does she know how much he typically eats and he’s old enough to know when he’s done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910336 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 22:12:48 +0000 Mama Bird 2910336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is coming to a play date with him an option? My oldest is 7 and if he's with people I know well, he goes off alone, but if I'm just getting to know the parents I stay and chat. Actually I'm mostly not even chatting with the parents, I always end up watching the kids so they can relax :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910334 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 21:31:19 +0000 Madison43 2910334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kid is super outgoing and with the exception of a few that she’s known forever, I don’t think she would be comfortable telling most parents that she wanted to come home if they asked, particularly if front of a friend. I’d just pick a timeframe and stick to it - if you pick him up and he’s reluctant to leave/tells you he wishes he could have stayed longer - great! Next time you know he’s ready for another 30 mins, etc ...we usually stick to 2 hours. Good luck - these are tough waters to navigate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910332 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 21:20:47 +0000 Grace 2910332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually say I’m picking her up in 2 hrs and stick to it - mostly to make sure she’s not imposing on the other kid’s family. Also, instead of texting mom next time, ask to talk to your kid. Then you won’t have to worry about the mom not passing on the message. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910330 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 21:11:17 +0000 bhbee 2910330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with just limiting the time clearly, with all parties on board beforehand. You can ease into something longer if you want, or not! </p> <p>I’m dreading the day video games come up with my son - my 8 year old girl has never really seen them except for an uncle playing switch at the holidays but I know it comes sooner for boys. He also talks about killing and such like above (at 5, things like LEGO ninjas killing each other) and I know to them it doesn’t hold real meaning, but still bothers me. I’m guessing the only thing to be done is discuss with your son (was he scared or bothered? Or just you were? Every kid is so different) and limit the interactions to shorter time periods and let the rest go, but I’m no expert! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910328 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 20:53:53 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2910328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My older son is 5 and so far hasn’t had play dates alone beyond a couple home birthday parties. He’s also a sensitive monkey so I could totally see us in this situation! I see the video games thing as kinda like how my kid is coming home from school talking about shooting guns and killing because the other kids are talking about it. We’ve had a few discussions about guns, and whatnot and I realize I can’t control what the other kids are saying and doing so I let it go. If he’s at someone else’s house, it is what it is even if I don’t like it unfortunately...within reason of course for safety. You could maybe ask what their plans are and say something if you prefer them not to do certain things.</p> <p>As for the staying and not asking, I would put that on your hubby. Until he gets more used to being somewhere else, I would treat it like what happens at a party and what I explain to my son: you’re going to so and sos party and going to have cake and play games and I’ll come get you. Prepping him beforehand is what we always do so he knows what’s up. In this case, your hubby and the other mom sprung this on him before he started the play date so he probably thought that was ok (I know there was no malicious intent!) In future I would say oh well we will pick him up at 5 or whatever and just keep it to the known time, then chat with him after to see what he thought and could stay longer next time, which you can prep him with.</p> <p>And you didn’t ruin him! You could invite now and leave it be for a bit. Or just tell him that next time it can only be for playing and not staying after. Hopefully that would make him feel comfortable again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910327 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 20:50:41 +0000 Elizabear 2910327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would feel that same way in that situation! If they extend an invite, I would suggest your house this time. Our turn to host! And then beyond that I would suggest meeting at neutral places like a park for a playdate. I would be feeling badly and checking in on my kid like crazy but I don't think kids read into it as much as we do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/playdates-at-others-homes#post-2910325 Sun, 16 Feb 2020 20:10:26 +0000 erinbaderin 2910325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My six year old son had his first play date at somebody else’s house yesterday, and now I need some advice. He’s a bit of a homebody and a mama’s boy. First he wanted me to stay, then he said he would stay for 10 minutes. We talked him into staying for 30 minutes, then I said I would text the other mom and ask her to ask him if he wanted to stay. He was ok with that. </p> <p>So my husband dropped him off at 4pm and said that he’d seemed totally fine and comfortable, and the mom had asked if he could stay for dinner. As per my husband, B (my son) seemed ok with that. I texted at 5 and the other mom said they were having a great time. She sent me a pic of them playing Fortnite, which I wasn’t thrilled about but whatever, and asked if he could stay until 7:30. That’s after his bedtime so I said we’d come at 7. When we picked him up he seemed like he’d had fun, but also said that the other mom said he had to eat all his dinner, and that they’d played zombie video games, and that she never asked if he wanted to go home and really he hadn’t wanted to stay for dinner but we didn’t come back for him. </p> <p>So a few questions! First, I feel a bit like I failed him, by not specifically asking her to ask if he wanted to leave, and I shouldn’t have just let it go when just husband said he’d seemed fine - I should have followed through. So what could I do next time? How can I make it clear to another parent that I don’t just want her to assume he’s ok, I want to actually ask him?</p> <p>And secondly, I’m really not ok with my six year old playing zombie shooting video games. Honestly, I’d rather he not be playing games/watching tv at all on a playdate, but I know I can’t micromanage to that extent. But the mom is very friendly, and has mentioned several times how much fun her son had and how we should do it again. How can I say “ok, but no shooting games”?</p> <p>Sorry this is so long, it’s really causing me stress. He’s a sensitive little guy and I feel like this has maybe put him off playing at other people’s houses for a while (which I guess solves my second problem? 🤔) I have no problem being the house kids congregate at - part of the reason we bought a house with a pool! - but I know we can’t always have everybody come to us. </p>