https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 10:08:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2736614 Tue, 16 May 2017 13:12:36 +0000 gingerbebe 2736614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: Here's what we've done to help DS1's whining. I warn you its exhausting and time-consuming, but DH and I have both been consistent about it since DS1 about 2 and now at 32 months, he's so much better.</p> <p>1. Assuming he's not tired/sleepy/hungry/sick (in which case, I just triage that situation), when DS1 whines or freaks out, we stop what we're doing, get down on his eye level (bend down, kneel, pick him up, whatever, as long as we are eye to eye) and in a clear, calm voice say "LOOK AT DADDY/MOMMY. LOOK AT ME." That is enough to get them to momentarily stop screaming and look at you because its hard for them to do both at the same time. Then when we have his attention, we ask in a low soothing tone "what do you need?" If he's being illogical, we ask if he needs a hug. He will either say yes, or it will force him to express better what he wants from us. Being nonsensical usually means he needs some kind of comfort, so we sit on the couch holding him until he can pull it together and then tell us what he wants in a less crazed tone.</p> <p>2. If he's screaming for something over and over again, like milk or whatever, we go through the above exercise, get him to more calmly express what he wants and then say "okay, Mommy is going to go get you some milk okay?" With eye contact. Then ask for a response of some kind - "But what do you say?" He then says "milk please." That not only reinforces the manners, but it is a confirmation to himself that I am going to go get him some milk. If in the 10 feet to the fridge, he starts screeching for milk again, I stop, turn around and hold my hand up (as if to motion "stop"). I just stand there and freeze with my hand up and say in a low quiet tone "NO SIR. We don't scream at Mommy. We are a nice boy. We are going to WAIT nicely for Mommy to get you some milk, okay?" (Wait for eye contact and response like "okay.") Then I repeat the transaction: "Would you like some milk?" - "Yes." "Okay, Mommy will get you some milk, but what do you say?" -"Please." "Okay, can you wait nicely on your chair and Mommy will bring you your milk?" -"Okay." "THANK YOU, WHAT A GOOD BOY!"</p> <p>3. Lavish praise for obedience, even if its right after disobedience. If my son is disobedient (standing up in his dinner chair) and we sternly correct him and he finally sits, then we go totally bright and animated and say "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SITTING! WHO IS SUCH A BIG BOY? IS SAM SUCH A NICE BOY WHO CAN SIT IN HIS CHAIR??" DH and I have gone so far as to yell "yayyyy!!" and clap at the table for things like that and DS1 thinks its great and claps and cheers for himself too.</p> <p>The even funnier thing is that now DS1 uses these tools on our 1 year old when he's having a fit about something. He goes up in the baby's face and says 'BABY! WOOK AT MEEEE! WOOK AT MEEE! NO FUSS BABY! DONT CRY OKAY? OKAY BABY? NEED HUG? BABY WANT HUG?" He also does the hand up thing and says "Wait!" when he wants us to stop what we're doing and listen to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2736291 Mon, 15 May 2017 18:32:44 +0000 maddyz 2736291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>guys i also am pulling my hair out with my two year old. His current goto is to pull things out of other peoples strollers (we are at the park almost all day most days) and throws it on the ground. It's hard to ignore because people aren't super happy about what he's doing. But if i dont react he often shrugs and puts it back...</p> <p>it's so so so so hard, but I have found that I need to consistently over react to what I like and WAY under react to bad behavior.</p> <p>I have been "letting" him knock over his little brother and he's almost stopped doing it because i dont react and he actually does feel bad about what he's done if i am not in the way of his reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2736024 Mon, 15 May 2017 10:52:31 +0000 littlejoy 2736024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have one of those attention seekers. And she was fully verbal by 2. It's A LOT! :) </p> <p>What's worked for us was just a very simple, "Hey, can you ask that again without whining? We can understand you when you whine." (when she was newly two, I think we might have even used some examples for her to learn how to ask something nicely (and not repeating herself 8,000 times)). </p> <p>If she gets frustrated, we just stay calm and remind her that when she can take a breath and ask calmly (politely), we're more than happy to help her and listen. </p> <p>BUT, LO is 3.5, and I think this just comes with the territory of 2-4 ... maybe even 6? </p> <p>I've learned my reaction is EVERYTHING. Kids like attention (good or bad), so if they're getting a strong negative reaction, they'll keep on doing it, because they're still getting a reaction. I've had to *really* focus on not showing my frustration via sighing, yelling or snapping back at her. Otherwise, she just feeds off of it. </p> <p>Janet Lansbury isn't for everyone, but her weekly podcast is such a big help for me. Just a little reminder each week about gentle parenting. I like her term "unruffled" - approaching parenting is a calm, confident way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735970 Mon, 15 May 2017 09:38:37 +0000 ElbieKay 2735970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: Consistency is tough but it really pays off with my son. Around two is when I started cracking down more and raising my expectations for his behavior. We had a few rough moments when he was really mad that I stood my ground. Nowadays it is clear that I mean it, and most of the time he obeys.</p> <p>Of course, sometimes I say things halfheartedly and he can tell that he will get away with ignoring me. And he does. It's usually when I am tired and it's also a low stakes issue. Eh, no one is perfect :-P</p> <p>But if it's an important issue, consistency pays dividends eventually. Half-assed reinforcement is confusing to them, and as a result it feels arbitrary and unfair. In my experience that results in even worse behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735966 Mon, 15 May 2017 09:29:10 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2735966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: The fact that she'll walk into a room and start crying to get a reaction from you tells me she knows exactly what she's doing. She's realizing that whining is getting her attention which is exactly what she's looking for.</p> <p>It will be really hard, but explain to her that you won't respond to whining any longer. You can tell her once that she needs to ask in a tone that is not whining. If she continues, you need to ignore her. It will be like listening to nails on a chalkboard, but when she realizes that her whining won't get her attention, she'll start to slowly shift behavior. Right now, you're reacting to the whining...whether it's yelling or punishing, you're reacting. So she's getting exactly what she wants. Take the reaction away, and it will likely escalate for a bit, but if you calmly tell her that you won't acknowledge her until she asks in a normal voice, she'll start to get it when you follow through each time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735953 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:59:49 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2735953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: you're right, she does know what is going on. Compared to her sister, she seems like such a baby so I tend to treat her a little more "precious" than need be sometimes.<br /> I'm not super consistent because I also feel like a jerk threading her or doling out consequences all day but that's probably what's best for her. It's so hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735932 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:32:39 +0000 ElbieKay 2735932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Newly minted two is rough. I think you need to give her credit for knowing what is going on. Explain to her what whining is. Tell her you will not respond when she whines. Identify it when she's doing it. Take things away when she won't stop whining. And expect it to take a long time to sink in, and to be exhausting, but that it will be worth the clamp down. And be consistent! You can't cave when you're tired or whatever because then she will know that you're not serious.</p> <p>The only way I can get my 3yo to behave is to take away whatever toy is currently distracting him from doing what I need him to do. I forget when that started, it may have been 2 or 2.5. I feel like a jerk parenting by threat all the time, but he doesn't respond to any other form of limit.</p> <p>Sorry your child is driving you crazy!</p> <p>ETA: Complement this by giving her separate, unrelated positive attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735921 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:21:38 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2735921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She will also just walk into a room crying just to see what we will do to make it stop. Seriously guys, I feel like she is beyond the realm of "normal" 2 year old whining. At least in my experience with littles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735911 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:16:38 +0000 Ajsmommy 2735911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We ask DD to ask again without whining. It takes a few times sometimes but she eventually does it and we then thank her and do or get whatever it is that she's asking for. I find the thanking her and then immediately doing whatever it is drives the point home that when she asks in a nice/normal voice she'll get what she wants faster.. cutting out the "say it in a nice voice please", "no whining", "I'm not going to get you more milk until you say it nicely, please". </p> <p>Another tactic that I plan to use if needed, haven't yet, but I read to say that you can't understand them when they whine.. basically just another way of getting them to say it again nicely. </p> <p>I hate whining!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735905 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:11:24 +0000 tlynne 2735905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any suggestions...just commiseration. I have a nearly-two who also whines constantly (but doesn't speak well)....then shrieks and freaks out when he doesn't get his way immediately (he completely loses his mind over the word 'wait'). I've just chalked it up to his age and am hoping this phase will pass quickly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735900 Mon, 15 May 2017 08:00:21 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2735900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 2.5 year old is very persistent in his requests. For example, "mommy I want some milk" "Ok buddy, hang on". "I want milk!" "Mommy I want milk" "Mommy milk" "where is my milk" "I want milk" etc etc etc. over and over and over until I can get around to getting him milk. Even though I told him yes, he just keeps asking and asking and asking. </p> <p>We have had to talk to him about being patient and waiting. Letting him know, Mommy said yes, but you have to wait. etc. If we do have to tell him no for something we do a lot of validation of his feelings like "Yea cookies are yummy, mommy would love a cookie too" Why do you like cookies. Aren't the sprinkle cookies so pretty. We will get one next time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-stop-the-whining#post-2735897 Mon, 15 May 2017 07:46:49 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2735897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Guys, I have HAD it with DD2. I've only been with her for an hour this morning and am already cursing to myself in my head. All she does is freaking whine. I'm not talking about because she's hungry or tired or whatever, I mean ever word out of her mouth is in a whiny voice and if you're unable to respond immediately for whatever reason (mouth is full, I was already talking, etc.) the already slightly whiny tone turns into the highest pitch whine she is able to achieve and repeats herself over and over until she gets a response that she feels is satisfactory. </p> <p>It is so frequent and so severe that I feel it is beyond the point of repeating back to her what she said in a better tone/wording. She is an attention seeker. She doesn't care they type of attention and will do anything to be the center of a attention, I know that plays a part but I can't let my whole life around her need to be the focus of everything. I don't know what to do. I have a very short temper with her lately because sometimes I just want her to stop effing whining!! </p> <p>Anyone have advice or resources to refer me to?<br /> (BTW, she is a very verbal, full-sentence speaking, newly 2 year old). </p>