https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 06:25:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/3#post-2620896 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 17:22:34 +0000 wrkbrk 2620896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@junebugsmama: thank you for your reply! I have thought of a floor bed and I want to do that eventually but now I'm afraid he would kill himself climbing his bookshelves :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/3#post-2620888 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 17:05:07 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2620888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: definitely not universal! My son sleeps great in our room but I decided to slowly get him used to sleeping in his own bed/room to see if distance helps him wean more naturally. Have you thought Of trying a floor bed in his room? Just an idea if the crib transfer is difficult. I am firmly in the sleep is developmental/wait it out camp, especially since I know crying amps my son up so I would be in for a long crying period and it's just not for me. I don't judge those of you who have, I know so many wonderful parents (in "real life") who felt it was the choice for their families. I think if you are feeling these hesitations and guilt about the idea of sleep training, definitely work on slower transitions out of your room and into crib. I think it's way too much for one little guy. Good luck and i hope you get more sleep soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/3#post-2620810 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 15:33:31 +0000 MrsRcCar 2620810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: he cried a few times. Myself or DH would comfort him and he would go back to sleep. We moved him when we moved into our new place. So new routine all around. There was so nights he still slept with us but it was far fewer. When we travel we all sleep in the same room. Not same bed anymore because E my youngest became a wild sleeper. N (my oldest) is a better co sleeper. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620764 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:39:52 +0000 wrkbrk 2620764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsRcCar: So what happened with your LO who slept in your room til 15 months? (This would be my goal too - we move when LO will be 15 months and I think starting over in a new house might be a good time to introduce new sleeping routines). Did he cry overnight several times/wake up? Or just to nurse and right back down? Curious because everyoneeeeeeeee IRL is telling me babies cant sleep with parents in the room bc they will be woken up by the noise and distractions etc etc and I know this cannot be universal...... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620754 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:31:11 +0000 MrsRcCar 2620754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't sleep train. We slowly moved the boys out of our room. We are firmly a co-sleeping family, however after 6 months with my oldest we started putting him to bed in his room because I woke up to pump at night which woke him up. We did put up a bed in his room so I could sleep in there over night if he woke and wouldn't go back down. Our youngest on the other hand slept in our room in his own bed starting around 6 months. He didn't move into his room until 15/16 months. Our youngest nursed at night until 15 months. I couldn't stomach CIO plus DH couldn't either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620718 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 13:38:18 +0000 wrkbrk 2620718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: Tx!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620671 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:56:21 +0000 avivoca 2620671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: H wasn't sleeping in our room full-time either, so that may have something to do with it. We live in a small house and her room is catercorner from ours, so I could actually see the crib from the bed if I needed to. She just co-slept part of the night (when we would fall asleep nursing) but she started the night out in her crib in her room. I just needed her to go to sleep on her own because rocking/nursing wasn't working anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620667 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:50:45 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2620667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: Yeah, for all my stressing and planning and worrying, so far T has taken care of all the big things himself if we just give him time. Bottle weaning, switching to WCM from formula, night weaning (mostly), falling asleep on his own (this morning for his nap DW was rocking him and he actually pointed to his crib, said "eh" which is the noise he makes when he wants something, and waved bye bye to her), and sleeping through the night. I know they're not all like this, but I'm starting to learn with him that I don't really have to worry about this stuff, that it will just happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620654 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:28:15 +0000 mrsrain 2620654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really recommend reading this: <a href="http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/upshot/putting-your-baby-to-sleep-some-advice-and-good-news.html?_r=0&#038;referer=https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2Fi469fsj4SF" rel="nofollow">http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/08/02/upshot/putting-your-baby-to-sleep-some-advice-and-good-news.html?_r=0&#038;referer=https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2Fi469fsj4SF</a></p> <p>Sleep training is hard, but was so worthwhile for us! We prefer the graduated-extinction method and it worked in just a few days for both my LOs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620634 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:00:36 +0000 wrkbrk 2620634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Yes, I agree. I wouldnt feel comfortable letting him wail for more than 20-30 min tops. So I think if it seems like he's not settling down after a few attempts after that window maybe we wait.</p> <p>Actually right now I am giving him one more chance (lol) to sleep in the pnp in our room without getting into the bed. Decided I would give it 4 nights. I comfort him when he wakes up and cries but wont pull him into bed. If he can get this down, then we work on falling asleep on his own ... it certainly is a process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620627 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 11:57:49 +0000 wrkbrk 2620627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Peasinapod: This is really good advice. I tend to think oh all babies respond to this. Or, this works (blanket statement) so I need to suck it up. But it may not work for MY baby so I need to stay flexible!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620626 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 11:57:16 +0000 wrkbrk 2620626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Not bad at all. I would be pleased if ours turned out this way!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620516 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 08:35:46 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2620516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: yes, we went in, and still do for the most part, every time he really cried. At this point, he will sometimes cry for a moment or two and then settle himself. So I give him a sec before I go in. And just moving him to his room cut wake ups down so much. He was never sleeping in our bed (not allowed) so we didn't have that hurdle. But still, I think you can take it one step at a time. He might surprise you and figure it out on his own. T is just about 13 months now and sleeps through the night 75% of the time (12 hours straight). When he doesn't it's one wakeup with maybe 10 min of rocking. In figure I can handle that, and maybe he still needs that security. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620503 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 07:50:35 +0000 Peasinapod 2620503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my case it took my daughter until just before a year to become a good sleeper. Now at 2 she's amazing . I think some kids just develop the ability to sleep later.</p> <p>I tried to sleep train around 7 months and it didn't work . She cried hysterically, checking on her made it worse, and she didn't fall asleep just kept hysterically crying. I gave up at that point. Tried again at 11 months and it was so much different . Maybe 15-20 min crying / whining and then asleep. </p> <p>So my only advice would be is if it doesn't seem to be working baby might not be ready yet. I'm not anti cio but I wish I had recognized earlier she wasn't ready the first time. Maybe she was ready faster than when I tried the second time but my first experience traumatized me. Baby number 2 I'll probably test it out a few times seeing when she's ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620485 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:43:51 +0000 MrsADS 2620485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk yeah I think roughly. I mean we still have our issues - like about half the time he starts crying around 11pm and my husband will have to go pick him up and rock him for like 10 minutes. And occasionally he will wake in the MOTN (like last night at 2am) and I will nurse him back to sleep. And sometimes he sleeps all the way through. </p> <p>It's not perfect but honestly I felt like hours of crying is not appropriate for a little baby and a sign he wasn't ready. I read that all babies/young children eventually sleep through the night and it takes either tears or time, you pick. I think some babies are *ready* and with a little crying they get it and it's better for everyone. We just decided that we'd rather just deal with the rocking and sleep deprivation than subject him (and us) to hours and hours of crying. But everyone has to make the decision that is best for our family. For what it's worth DH and I both work full time and I do not handle the sleep deprivation well so I was desperate. But it just wasn't for us. You definitely need to be on the same page as your spouse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620484 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:32:35 +0000 wrkbrk 2620484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FannyMae: awww man it sounds like they are both determined little things. The irony is he was a great sleeper until maybe 2 months ago. I thought we lucked out with a super chill baby! Argh!!!! DW definitely blames me for getting him accustomed to only sleeping with us such that it now needs to be undone ... :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620482 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:30:23 +0000 wrkbrk 2620482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: yep I'm thinking DS will be more like this!! So your LO did basically learn to connect his sleep cycles on his own with no cio by a year? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620481 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:29:22 +0000 wrkbrk 2620481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: @maddyz: these stories don't sound too bad! I'm worried it won't be like this for DS though. Last night I refused to get him in the bed and he stood in his PnP for 10-30 minutes at a time wailing. Basically at every hour on the hour....I shushed him and layed him down and covered him up each time but he wanted to be in the big bed so he protested. Sigh. What have I done :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620480 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:27:22 +0000 wrkbrk 2620480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cam: yes like Mrs turtle said! This is definitely an option. I think I associated crib with sleep training necessarily. But we can break them up! Just might take longer for him to understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620479 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:26:25 +0000 wrkbrk 2620479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: yes I keep saying we need a plan or it won't work at all. She's like meh, put him in his room and he will figure it out. I'm like are you crazy?! That's NOT a plan!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620478 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:25:46 +0000 wrkbrk 2620478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: got it. So you went in and cuddled him every time he cried! I guess that's an option too! I wonder how much longer it will take him to connect sleep cycles if I do that!? Sounds better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620446 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 22:30:21 +0000 Dahlia 2620446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I'd make her do it if it won't bother her as much. I made DH do the middle of the night training for the same reason, and I slept in the guest room with 5 types of white noise on so I didn't have to hear it :) </p> <p>It also helped us to write a plan out of what we were going to do in all scenarios. That way when it was 10pm or 3am and we were tired and frustrated we could refer back to it and be on the same page. I also wrote some mantras on there like "She's not hurt or scared, just frustrated she can't put herself to sleep" "She will still love us in the morning" "A rested baby is a happy baby". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620431 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 21:53:26 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2620431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, we might have collected 6-8 of his preferred plugs to spread around his crib to make it easy for him to find at night. Just maybe... I'm so dreading the idea of pacifier weaning! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620422 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 21:21:22 +0000 maddyz 2620422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The other thing that I found is that nap sleep, going to sleep the first time at night and middle of the night wakings can all be treated differently and they understand. Lo figured out how to connect night time sleep while still being nursed/rocked to sleep the first time each night and also napping in the stroller. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620421 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 21:20:33 +0000 cam 2620421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if I was in your shoes I would focus on getting him into the crib first before sleep training. I'd still rock him to sleep if he needs and go in when he cries to rub his back or be held or whatever for the short term. It just seems like a lot to do both things at once. If he doesn't replace the paci himself you could try a wubbanub (my DS sleeps with 2 plus a lovie blankie). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620418 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 21:17:19 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2620418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I may be wrong, but to me sleep training usually means some version of cry it out, or limited checks, and teaching the baby to put himself to sleep without relying on "crutches" like rocking, etc. Rocking helps build attachment, which is the biggest concern with our babies and their rough starts, so it's something we are willing to continue to do for however long they need it. So what we did with T was move him to his own room but keep the bedtime routine the same. Books, sleep sack, plug, rocking and singing until he's asleep. He just sleeps in his crib in his room. When he wakes at night, we rock and sing, sometimes with a sippy cup. Like @maddyz: we are slower to respond now that he's in his room, and he often will put himself back down on his own. Sometimes he even asks (by pointing and getting antsy) to go to his crib at bedtime and then he puts himself to sleep. So he's kind of sleep training himself. I realize not all babies will do this and I believe I might sleep train myself if we weren't foster parents, but this is working for us at the moment. So I think you could try moving him to his crib in his room without also doing formal sleep training. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620417 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 21:16:24 +0000 MrsADS 2620417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have anything helpful to add, since I'm not a CIO person, but I do think some babies are more ready for it and it works pretty well for them. Like I see a lot of ppl writing here about 20 minutes of crying the first day, then 10, then 5, etc. We tried sleep lady shuffle and 1 night of cio and both times he cried on and off for 2 hours and never did fall asleep on his own so we gave it up. Now at 12 months I nurse him to sleep and he usually wakes up once, which I can deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620407 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 20:54:09 +0000 FannyMae 2620407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: right here with you :( E is being a horrid little baby right now, has a cold and was awake basically all night! on a normal day she only does one big nap during the day (maybe 2.5-3 hrs) and then stays awake til bedtime at about 7-7.30 with big sister. She will wake at around 11 (when I'm just snuggling into bed), at about 3ish, 6ish and up for the day at 8. She CANNOT settle unless she gets boob. Won't take a dummy, won't self-settle, wont cuddle a comforter and doze off. no she wants THE BOOBY NOW. </p> <p>I've tried gentle CIO, she gets hysterical very fast, stands in the crib crying, falls over and knocks herself (cue more tears). I've tried pat pat patting her and sneaking slowly out of the room, rocking her (nope, too close to booby give it now). hubby has limited success with settling her, with lots of shusshing and standing/rocking (i think its more her passing out from exhaustion). my first was so good at going to bed - put her down and doze off on her own, this one is breaking my brain!</p> <p>big sympathy for you right now :/ maybe if he gets into his own room/cot it will be the start of the process? its gotta be part of their development now too, realising that they're not RIGHT THERE in our arms being snuggled and wanting that warmth and comfort, but desperately needing that sleep and recharge at night while they develop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620396 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 20:40:20 +0000 maddyz 2620396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't sleep train but when we might weened at 10 months he learned how to cover his sleep cycle. Waiting before responding was huge. Sometimes he would need rocking to sleep and sometimes not. Just putting him to sleep in his room cut down on half his night wakings because we were slow to respond and he figured it out.</p> <p>Lately we have added a lovey which I will also with for a few nights so it smells like me and that's actually really helped. It's one of those little square blankets. I wish we had tried it sooner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/please-help-me-with-sleep-training-induced-guilt/page/2#post-2620389 Mon, 12 Sep 2016 20:33:44 +0000 avivoca 2620389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sleep-trained my daughter at 9 months. It was hard, but it was time. She cried for maybe 20 minutes, but it was the longest 20 minutes of my life. It got better as the days went on, and it truly was the best thing for her and for me. She still woke up at night and I still brought her back to our bed to nurse, but my main concern was getting her to fall asleep on her own. She didn't STTN until she was 13 months old and I night weaned. </p>